Broken Ties (5 page)

“Mm-hmmm.” She was close enough to press herself against him, but she held back as his labored breathing filled the small space that separated them. He was disturbed by her proximity and, most likely, by her totally uncharacteristic forwardness. Good. It served him right for scaring her half to death with all that yelling.

“Sidra,” he groaned, “go put some clothes on. Now. Please.”

She chuckled triumphantly and stepped back.

His hand shot out like lightning to snag the towel and pull her toward him. The edges of the towel came apart, so that her damp, naked body was pressed to him.

“Think you’re funny, do you?” he growled against her mouth as he caught it in a kiss.

She smiled against his lips, and he let the towel drop to the floor behind her. Her protests were weak, at best, as his hands ran over her bare backside, cupping it and lifting her higher against him. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her toward her bedroom.

He laid her back on the bed, trailing kisses from her mouth to the bottom of her throat. His tongue teased the soft pulse throbbing there, and his hands moved in soft waves over her waist and hips.

Her hands fumbled at the button of his jeans, and he sat back, catching them in his own.

“Sidra, I—”

“Don’t say it,” she commanded, pulling her hands from his. “I haven’t been chloroformed today, I’m not hysterical, and I am a woman completely capable of making this decision on my own.”

“We need—”

“To concentrate. I know.” The button popped open, and she smiled. “But I don’t think either one of us can concentrate on anything until we get this out of the way.”

His eyes slid closed at her touch, and he sighed. When they opened, the black depths were dark with desire and she knew there was no turning back, even if she wanted to. Their mouths met again as he pressed her back against the bed, his body claiming hers as she had dreamed of nearly every night for the last four years.

****

Dazed and satiated, Levi lay in Sidra’s bed, listening to the shower running and the soft murmur of her singing. One arm rested over his eyes as he tried unsuccessfully to regret what had just happened. No matter how much he tried to scold himself, however, he couldn’t muster up regret or apologies, and he doubted Sidra wanted either. She had obviously wanted it as badly as he had, if for no other reason than to get their attraction out of the way. He was smart enough to know that plan had backfired on them both. There was no way he could pretend his attraction to her had lessened. As a matter of fact, he was almost certain making love to her had only intensified it.

She had been every bit as receptive as he’d imagined she would be. He picked up the romance novel from the bedside table, studying the woman on the cover. Yes, Sidra had looked just as ecstatic and breathless as that woman, when his lips touched her neck. He could still taste the sweetness of her skin and feel the soft pulsing of her vein beneath his tongue, and the cover model’s bosom didn’t hold a candle to Sidra’s.

“Are you reading that?” Her teasing voice interrupted his thoughts, and he tossed the book back onto the table, surprised to feel his face warm with embarrassment.

She stood in the doorway of the bathroom, fully dressed in jeans and a silky black shirt.

“You can have the shower now,” she said, hooking a thumb over her shoulder.

“Are you going somewhere?” he asked nonchalantly, as she sat on the edge of the bed, pulling socks and a pair of white sneakers onto her feet.

“We might as well head to the office and get busy researching whatever you had in mind when you were looking for a computer.”

He stood up slowly, studying her across the small space of the bedroom. Had their lovemaking had no impact on her? Had it done what she’d hoped and cured her attraction to him? She ran a shaking hand over her hair, and he hid his smile. That unconscious gesture gave him all the assurance he needed. She was just as affected as he was.

“Stay in this room, and don’t open the door for anyone,” he warned before pointing to the gun on the nightstand. “If you need it, use it.”

She paled at the idea of using the gun, and he brushed a hand across her cheek as he passed her on his way to the shower. As an added precaution, he left the door wide open so he could hear any commotion.

He wasn’t sure why he’d expected her to do what he said or why he was surprised to find the bedroom empty when he came out of the shower. His pistol was still where he’d left it, his bag lay on the bed, and the smell of coffee wafted down the hall. He sighed heavily as he pulled on his clothes. Didn’t the woman ever just relax? At work she was as busy and efficient as a little bee, but he’d assumed at home she’d be different. Or did she think she was on the clock? The idea bothered him more than he cared to admit, when he thought of it in connection with what they’d just done. He ran a hand through his hair, scolding himself for the thought. He couldn’t quite fathom her reaction to his touch being forced or coerced by her need for a job. But what if he was wrong? Had Teddy offered Sidra a certain kind of security he could no longer give? Had she turned to Levi to fill his brother’s shoes?

He thrust his hand into the pockets of the pants he’d worn yesterday, and it closed over the coin he’d found beside her. He knew without looking that it was identical to the one he’d found on Teddy’s nightstand after the accident. His throat went dry, and he stumbled to the kitchen for a glass of anything to quench his bone-deep thirst.

“I need a drink,” he announced as he entered the kitchen, his hand running through his damp hair.

“What do you want? I have milk, juice, or tea.”

“Whiskey.”

“It’s nine o’clock in the morning.”

“Yes, it is.”

“I’m not giving you whiskey at nine o’clock in the morning.”

“Why?”

“It’s too early.”

“And you don’t keep alcohol in the house, right?”

“No.” She shrugged. “I’ve never understood the usefulness in drinking.”

“This from a woman with a dozen dolls in fancy dresses and a shelf full of romance novels? How useful are those—unless, of course, the woman uses them to feed her delusions and wishful thinking?”

Her eyes widened with hurt, and he wished he could pull the words back, but it was too late. She drew herself up into the rigid lines he recognized so well.

“I find them quite useful in teaching me exactly the kind of man to avoid in my search for true love,” she said. “Obviously, I haven’t read as many as I should have.”

“Do tell, sweetheart, which kind of man do you feel you have unsuccessfully avoided?”

“The kind that thinks it’s possible to drink away every bad or good thing in their lives.”

He laughed out loud. “You have no idea just how easy it is to silence those things with a few drinks, Miss Martin.”

“And you have no idea how devastating loneliness can be to the soul, Mr. Tanner. But keep going as you’ve been doing and you’ll find out soon enough, I’m sure.”

She left the room, leaving him to wonder how they had gone from panting each other’s names between her sheets to speaking so formally across her kitchen.

Had their lovemaking had no impact on her after all? Had he been mistaken earlier and it had indeed cured her attraction to him? One thing was sure. It hadn’t cured him of the questions that circled his head like vultures waiting to pick him clean.

The slamming of the front door brought him to his feet, and he rushed through the house and out the front door.

****

Sidra stalked down the street toward the stop sign at the corner, ignoring the damp chill of the air and counting off the steps in her head. When she reached twenty-five, her mind had cleared enough to let herself think about all that had happened since she stepped into the elevator last night. How much of her memories were real and how many were just wishful thinking? Was Levi right? Was she delusional to think she was a princess, or anything other than a child no one wanted?

“Sidra!” Levi called. “Wait!”

She picked up her pace, but he easily caught up to her, falling into step beside her.

“Sid, you shouldn’t be out here. It’s not safe. And it’s freezing.”

“Leave me alone, Levi. I’m fine.”

“No, you aren’t.” He grabbed her arm, pulling her to a stop. “I’m sorry for what I said.”

She shook her head, feeling as if she were choking before the words made it past her lips. “You were right, though. I’ve always used books, especially romance novels and fairytales, to feel better. The heroine’s past never affects her happily-ever-after. I guess I’ve always hoped that’s true in real life, too. That even if no one wanted her, she eventually found the one person who couldn’t live without her.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” he assured her.

She didn’t miss the fact that he didn’t assure her he was that person or promise her the past wouldn’t destroy her chances of living happily ever after. As reality had a way of doing, it settled on her heavily, suffocating the tiny bud of hope that had blossomed at the idea that her family hadn’t willingly left her behind.

She closed her eyes, took a deep steadying breath, and forced herself to remember the girl she had been for the last twenty years. Not a princess, and most definitely not the woman Levi Tanner chose to spend his life with. She was merely his secretary. Nothing more, nothing less.

She opened her eyes to find him looking at her with concern. She gave him the same smile she had given for the last four years. He had always accepted it at face value, but this time he frowned at her and shook his head.

“Don’t do that, Sid. Don’t try to make it okay. I was an ass, and I deserve your anger.”

She would have argued with him, but there was no point. Instead she pulled her arm away from him and retraced her steps back to her house.

****

She was sitting on her sofa when he came through the door, the kitten on her lap and Coda stretched out beside her. She stroked the kitten absently.

“Do you know, I don’t actually remember being found?” Her voice was soft, distant, as her fingers ran through the cat’s fur. “It’s as if Sidra Martin didn’t even exist before the night Carlotta picked me up from the police station and took me to the first home. I don’t even know how my last name became Martin.”

“You remembered being kidnapped.”

“Only because that man accosted me. If he hadn’t, I might never have remembered anything. And I still don’t remember much of anything concrete. We don’t even know if it’s true.”

“Give us a little time, Sidra. We’ll put the whole story together and you’ll know where you came from.”

“And who I am.”

“There’s no question who you are, Sid. You’re the same smart, sweet, beautiful woman I’ve known the last four years. Nothing can change that.”

“I’m afraid you’re wrong about that, Levi. I think I’m someone much different than we think, and I’m not sure either of us is ready to know just how different I really am from the Sidra Martin you know.”

A chill rushed through him at her words. Was she right? When they found out where she belonged, would he have a place in her life, or would he have to turn her loose and walk away?

Chapter Six

A drizzling rain accompanied them to the office, casting a pall over what had happened between them and making Sidra wonder what in the world she had been thinking when she came on to him like that. She had never done anything even remotely seductive in her life, but something in his eyes when he saw her in nothing but the towel had awakened a response in her. Obviously, that response had pushed every rational thought out of her head and she had acted on some primal level she had never before explored.

Now, however, as she studied his clenched jaw and dark eyes, the rational part of her came back with a vengeance. He hadn’t spoken since they left her house. Was he regretting their lovemaking? He had warned her more than enough times to keep her distance, that he didn’t want the distraction it would cause, but she had kept on, nearly forcing him to react to her.

So here she was, wishing she could bask in the long-awaited proof of his attraction to her, but frightened she had pushed him beyond his breaking point. What would she do if the only person she could trust turned away from her?

She had spent so many years alone, gone through so many foster homes where she was kept an arm’s length from anything resembling love or acceptance. There was no denying those years had left her scarred and uncertain of herself, and she had always doubted she would ever find the kind of connection a family of her own would offer.

The day she met Thaddeus Monroe Tanner, “Teddy” to his friends and family, that had changed. He invited her into his world, welcoming her as if he had known her forever, and offering her an easy, brotherly friendship she had never had with the “brothers” she’d known in foster care.

Despite his objections to hiring her and his decision to keep his distance from her, Levi too had accepted her as one of their own.

She doubted Levi would deny the instant attraction that had flared between them, or that it was the driving force behind his aloofness. Assuming she was more to Teddy than just a friend, he had been bound and determined he wouldn’t get in the way of his kid brother. Even after Teddy was gone, Levi had held back, obviously reluctant to step on Teddy’s toes.

She wanted to assure him once more that Teddy had never been her lover, but she couldn’t bring herself to open a conversation in which he would tell her he regretted making love to her. For just a few more moments, she wanted to believe her future held more of them together, that they would find themselves wrapped in each other’s arms sooner rather than later or—worse yet—never.

They passed the square where the Christmas tree’s lights glowed dismally against the gray skies and the bright red ribbons on its branches hung in sodden clumps.

Christmas in a nutshell, she thought bitterly.

The thought was immediately followed by the questions her aversion to the holidays always raised. What was wrong with her? Over the years, she had met a person or two who confessed to disliking the increasing flamboyance and materialism of the holidays, but she had never met anyone who admitted Christmas terrified them. She was the only person she knew with that particular phobia, and it disturbed her more every year. Had she ever greeted the season with the anticipation and joy of a normal child?