Broken Road (8 page)

“What do the doctors say?” she had asked as she nonchalantly placed the bouquet of flowers she had sent earlier that week in front of all the others that were quickly taking over the room.

“Not much. At least nothing I want to hear.” He watched her pull out a dying flower from another arrangement. “Did you color your hair again?”

Smiling, she turned to face him and quickly raised a hand to her hair. “Yup. I had it done last night. You like?”

“It’s okay. I thought you said you had a ton of homework and that’s why you couldn’t stop by to visit last night.”

“I did have a lot of homework, but it didn’t take me as long to do it as I had thought it would,” she said while turning her back to him to look through some of the cards he had received from well-wishers. “You’re changing the subject. Answer my question. What are the doctors saying?”

“I told you. Not much. I have to take it easy for awhile, but once I’m better, I need to start physical therapy. That’s it.”

“Will you ever be able to play ball again?” she asked casually as if she were asking him about the weather.

“Ouch. Man, you don’t believe much in mincing words, do you?”

“Nope.”

“I don’t know,” he said and then added, “I don’t really want to talk about that, if you don’t mind.”

“You can’t just ignore it. I mean, you need to find out what they think. You had plans. Dreams. Goals…and if you aren’t able to play…”

“Morgan, I said I don’t want to talk about it, alright? Just drop it,” he said loudly.

Exasperated, she let out a deep sigh and nodded. “Fine, I’ll drop it. For now.”

A tense, awkward moment ensued until Jarrod asked, “Have you seen or spoken to Mr. and Mrs. Malone yet?”

“I saw them at the funeral.”

“How are they?”

“How do you expect them to be? They’re sad.”

“I mean…well, what did they say? What did you say?”

“Jarrod, I expressed my sympathies and they said thank you very much. What else is there to say?” She plopped herself down in the chair next to his bed.

“You didn’t say anything more? You just expressed your sympathies and that was it?”

“Yeah, that was it. Look, I’ve never been any good at that kind of stuff. I hate funerals, I hate wakes, and well, I just hate anything dealing with death, period. Everyone is so sad and moping around like it’s the end of the world or something. I was uncomfortable being there, so I said as little as possible and then got the hell out of there.”

“For some people, like the Malones, it is the end of the world. Nobody is comfortable talking about or dealing with death, but it’s something we all have to deal with at one time or another.”

“Well, that’s how I choose to deal with it, and just because it’s not how you would, it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m wrong. It just means that we’re different, so you can stop looking at me like I’m some sort of monster or an alien from a different planet…oh, hey, are you going to eat that pudding, or can I have it?” she asked, looking at the untouched tray of food that had been sitting there idle for over an hour.

“You eat it. I’ve had enough crap for one day.”

That had been four days ago. He hadn’t seen or spoken to Morgan since then. Funny thing was, he found he didn’t miss her all that much and didn’t mind the lack of contact.
That can’t be a good thing
, he thought to himself. It definitely didn’t say much for their relationship.

As Janet pulled into the driveway after taking Alec to a doctor’s appointment, she heard loud music blasting from Jarrod’s room. As she came around to the passenger side of the car to open the door for Alec, she looked up toward Jarrod’s open bedroom window.

“What in God’s name is he doing?” she said. “He’s playing that music so loud, it can be heard two towns away.”

“Mom, leave it,” said Alec as he looked up toward Jarrod’s window.

“I can’t just leave it! He has to lower it. It’s way too loud! The neighbors will call the police. If he wants to listen to music, he should put in his ear thingamajigs and listen to it on his iPhone.”

Alec continued to stare at his brother’s window and simply uttered the words, “He wants it loud for a reason. He’s grieving.”

“Pardon me?” Janet asked.

“That’s Dante’s song. ‘Thunderstruck.’ He played it all the time. It was his favorite.” He fell silent for a brief moment and then said to his mother, “Mom, listen closely. Really closely. Beyond the music.”

Janet did as her son requested and it slowly dawned on her what Alec was able to hear that she hadn’t. She wiped an errant tear from her eye as she listened to the mournful cries of her eldest son beyond the deafening music.

As days turned into weeks, not much seemed to change within the Wentworth household. Jarrod still remained in his room most of the time, only leaving it to go to the bathroom or take a shower. One night, as a special surprise that she hoped would please Jarrod, Janet ordered Chinese food from their favorite local takeout restaurant and brought two separate trays loaded with his favorite appetizers and entrees up to his room. Alec followed her into the room and sat down at a small snack table his father had brought up earlier that day.

“Mind if I join you for dinner?” asked Alec.

“I was wondering why Dad brought up that table. Yeah, sure.” Actually, he did mind. He would have preferred if Alec ate downstairs with the rest of the family as he usually did, but he didn’t want to offend him. He didn’t feel like dealing with incessant prattling or hearing the latest gossip or rumor that was going around. He didn’t want to exchange pleasantries or make small talk about inconsequential, banal topics. He preferred to eat alone, sit alone—to be left alone. Why couldn’t they just understand that? He simply did not want company.

Alec picked up an egg roll and began to eat, while Jarrod unconsciously mixed his beef lo mein with his sweet and sour chicken. He continued doing so while unknowingly being observed by his brother.

“You plan on eventually eating that mishmash, or are you going to create some new recipe like Mom does?” Alec finally asked.

“Not really hungry today,” Jarrod responded as he put down his fork and moved the tray aside. He raised the volume on the television set, hoping that Alec would get the message and cease with the small talk.

Alec took a deep sigh and asked, “What are you thinking about?”

So much for subtle hints
, thought Jarrod. He lowered the volume and said, “I’m thinking I need to see Dante’s parents.” He had been thinking about paying them a visit since he was released from the hospital. He just wasn’t sure if they could handle seeing him in a wheelchair. On good days he was able to hobble along on crutches, but those days were few and far between.

“I’d wait a bit if I were you. I think it’s too soon.” Alec put down his fork and stopped eating as well.

“For whom? Them or me?” Jarrod asked irritably.

“Both.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Dude, they just lost their only son. They need time. You were his best friend. It’ll kill them to see you.” Alec knew Jarrod was suffering. Aside from the physical pain he was enduring, he had lost his best friend, and that was an agony that all the rehab in the world would not be able to heal. On top of everything, the uncertainty of his future lay before him. What if he could never play baseball again? That thought had to be driving him crazy with fear and worry.

Alec could only imagine the pain Jarrod was feeling as he watched his ambitions, dreams, and hopes wither away. He only wished his brother would open up and talk about his sorrows and concerns. Not that there was anything he could do to change the situation, but at least he could be there for Jarrod as a venting outlet. He also wished Jarrod would take a moment to think about the pain others were enduring. He wasn’t the only one affected by the accident. The anguish his parents were bearing by watching their son undergo such physical, mental, and emotional pain was horrific. And now he’d decided it was time to visit the Malones. What about their pain? Could he not, for just one moment, see that by him appearing on their front doorstep, he would be reopening a wound that hadn’t yet begun to heal?

“I can’t ignore them forever,” said Jarrod.

“Nobody’s telling you to ignore them; not now, not ever. I’m just saying to give them a little more time. The fact that they haven’t come to see you yet is proof that they aren’t ready. Plus, you need some time too.”

“I’m fine,” Jarrod responded coldly and definitively. That seemed to be Jarrod’s response to everything lately. Everything was always fine; he was always fine.
What a load of crap that was
, thought Alec. Pure, unmitigated crap. His brother wasn’t fine, and he wasn’t ever going to be fine if he remained a recluse in the seclusion of his room, hiding from the world and all its unfairness and cruelty.

“No, you’re not,” said Alec, knowing he was about to draw first blood. He could sense that Jarrod was getting angry and that he was treading thin ice, but he felt that the conversation could not be left incomplete, so he continued on by adding, “Jarrod, you and the Malones are both mourning the loss of a really special person in your lives. That’s not an easy thing to get over. It takes a lot of time—”

“So now, all of a sudden, you’re Dr. Phil? Alec, do me a favor and just mind your own business and stay out of this,” Jarrod said abruptly, cutting his brother off. He stared straight ahead at the television and once again raised the volume.

“I’m not saying that I know everything…,” said Alec loudly as he tried to be heard over the theme to ESPN’s
SportsCenter
.

Jarrod lifted the tray of uneaten food with his good arm and threw it angrily across the room, hollering, “You don’t know anything! You don’t know how I feel; you don’t know what I’m thinking!” He screamed again, “You don’t know shit! Just get out! Get out of my room now!”

Shock silencing him, Alec slowly got up from his chair and quietly walked out of his brother’s room. It was going to take a lot longer than he thought for his brother to get through this. As he closed the door to Jarrod’s room, he could still hear Jarrod screaming, “Why can’t everyone just leave me the hell alone?”

His mother was running up the steps and stopped suddenly when she saw Alec leaving the room and heading toward his own.

“What’s going on?” she asked anxiously.

“You heard him. I wouldn’t be surprised if the whole neighborhood heard him. He just wants to be left alone.”

“Are you alright?” Janet asked. She was shaking and kept looking toward Jarrod’s room, where profanities and roars of anger were still being unleashed.

“Never better, but I wouldn’t go near him right now if I were you,” he responded dryly as he walked past her into his room. Before shutting the door behind him, he turned to face her and added, “And just so you know, he’s decided to redecorate his room, starting with the walls. He’s opted to go with an Asian motif.”

Janet stood on the steps for a long moment, glancing from one closed door to the other. Eventually she sat down on one of the steps and began to cry. Jim sat alone at the dining room table and cried softly as well.

Time continued to pass and the situation did not improve. The only evidence that Jarrod resided in the same home as the others was that the stereo in his room would blast for hours on end, playing the same song over and over again. Alec tried repeatedly to get him to talk or at least leave his room, but it was useless. He decided to give his brother what he had asked for, and he left him alone to wallow in his sorrow. At least for a few days. He spoke with his parents about doing the same during dinner later that evening.

“I think it’s best if we just do as he says and leave him alone,” Alec suggested to his dismayed parents. He lifted a forkful of lasagna to his mouth and watched as they looked at each other, dumbfounded.

“How can you expect us to do that?” Jim said. “He’s our son and he’s hurting. It’s our job to help him through this.”

“I understand, but I think if we just let him be for a few days and stop hovering over him, he might get past it a little quicker,” Alec said confidently.

“Why do you say that?” said Janet as she passed him the bottle of soda for his empty glass.