Broken Lives (26 page)

I drink some more and cover my hands over my
ears to quiet the memory. I wipe the tears with my sleeves and
continue to rock back and forth. 

“
Daddy, I have to
go.”
 

“
Jamie, stay, I need to make
sure you are all right. We had an accident.”
 

“
Daddy, I need to go. I love
you and mommy so much.”
 

“
Where are you going?” I try
to open my eyes, but they refuse to open.
 

“
I need to go with grandma.
Daddy, it is so pretty, and you should see all the pretty
flowers.”
 

“
Jamie, don’t leave me, I
love you,” I cry.
 

“
I love you, too, daddy.
Grandma is waiting for me. Take care of Jack for
me.”
 

I feel something warm and
wet on my face. I taste something metallic in my mouth. “We need a
body bag,” someone yells, and the sound of that zipper echoes in my
head.
 

“
SHUT THE HELL UP!” I yell.
I stand up and crush some pills up in a bowl. I wipe the tears away
and pace the room as I crush my next fix into a bowl. I have to
silent the voices.

“
I’m sorry, Mr. Grether,
your daughter didn’t make it and your wife is still in a
coma.”
 

I cry and ask, “When is her funeral?”

“
It was a month ago. You
have been in a coma for 32 days. I’m sorry.” I look at the doctor
and can’t believe what he just said.
 

I drink some more and stumble around the
room. I sit down and keep crushing the pills. The tears are
blurring my vision; I can’t see. I empty all the pills from the
pill bottle into the bowl, and I continue to crush them into a fine
powder.

I get dressed and find out what room my
wife, Leah, is in, in the hospital. I wait until everyone leaves
her room before I go in. I remember Leah is in bed unconscious. She
looks so peaceful lying there. No bruises, swelling, or casts. How
can she be in a coma? I bend down and move her hair from her face
and kiss her on her soft lips. I killed our daughter and I will
never be able to look at Leah in the face again. She will hate me
and she will certainly blame me because our daughter is gone. I
walk out the door and don’t look back. I leave my life, as I once
knew it, and try to move on without them.

Molly finally comes home, and I know she is
scared. She has never seen me cry before.

“
Bobby, what
happened?” 

I wipe the sleeve of my shirt across my face
and dry the tears. I don’t look at her, but continue to crush the
pills. 

She sits down next to me and says, “Bobby,
what is it? What happened? You are scaring me.” 

I finally look at her and I can see the fear
in her eyes. 

“
Doll, you should
go.” 

“
Bobby, what is it? What
happened to you?” 

I look over at her as I continue to crush the
pills into powder. I watch her scratch her arms vigorously and I
look away. “I killed my daughter. I killed my baby girl.” I get two
syringes and mix the pills with water to make it liquid.

“
What are you talking
about?”

I look at her and I see fear, sorrow,
sympathy, I can’t tell. “The cemetery the other day. I went to see
my daughter. She is lying in that cold, dark hole in the ground —
because of me. I killed her.” I get the syringe ready, tie a belt
around my arm, and shoot the contents into my arm.

Molly’s words become mumbled. I can’t
understand what she is saying. I sit on the bed and wait for the
full effect of the pills to kick in.

Molly

“
Bobby, what are you talking
about,” I cry. “How did you kill your daughter?” 

I watch him shoot up and I scratch my arms
vigorously. God, I hate this feeling. I know Bobby won’t be talking
to me anytime soon. My legs and stomach begin to cramp, and I run
to the restroom to throw up. I look in the mirror and I have dark
circles under my eyes, my face is broken out, and my hair is
stringy. I am skinny, too skinny. A tear slides down my cheek, and
I look away. 

I go out and sit on the bed next to Bobby. He
is passed out and his cheeks are still wet from tears. I unloosen
the belt around his arm and look at the contents in the bowl. Who
am I kidding? I’ll never get my life together. I rub my arms and
try to stop the creepy-crawlies. I hate the side effects.

I killed my daughter.
What is he talking about? I double over to try to
stop the abdominal cramps. I rock side to side and it doesn’t stop.
I think about my own daughter and the disappointment I am to her. I
am such a disgrace that Alec had to tell her I was
sick. 

I drink the rest from the
almost empty bottle of Scotch sitting on the nightstand. Looking
over at Bobby, I see he finally looks peaceful. I want that
peaceful feeling. Every day of my life is a fight, and the only
time I feel at peace is when
I can’t feel
anything.

I fill the syringe almost full, tie my arm
off with the belt, and wait for oblivion to claim me.

Alec

Emma and I walk hand in hand into the country
club to meet Mason and Angel. Emma smoothes her dress and I look
down at her and smile. “Stop worrying, you look stunning
tonight.” 

“
This is a big night. We are
having dinner with your business partner, and I want to make a good
impression.” 

“
Emma, you already have made
an impression.” 

“
Thank you, then I need to
continue to impress Mason.” 

“
Baby, the only one you need
to impress is me.” 

We walk to the hostess station and are
greeted warmly by the hostess. “Welcome, your name
please?” 

“
Collins, table for four.” I
smile. 

“
Your table is ready, and it
looks like you are the first in your party to arrive. Please follow
me, Doctor and Mrs. Collins.” 

We follow the hostess towards the back of the
restaurant, and I lean down to Emma and whisper, “Mrs. Collins, I
like that way that sounds.” 

“
Me, too, should I correct
her?” 

“
No, I don’t see any reason
to.” 

“
Your waitress will be right
with you. Here is the wine list for you to look
over.” 

“
Thank you.” I pull Emma’s
chair out for her and she sits down gingerly. Taking the seat
beside her, I smile at her. “Why are you so fidgety this evening?
You look beautiful.” 

“
This is a big night.
Tonight you become business partners with Mason. I want to be
someone you can be proud of.” 

“
Baby, I am always proud of
you.” 

“
May I get you something to
drink while you wait for the rest of your party?” our waitress
asks. 

“
A bottle of champagne, four
glasses, and a bottle of sparkling water.” 

“
Very well,
sir.” 

I look at Emma, who is smoothing her dress
again. She is wearing her hair down in big loose curls, and she has
on a black knee-length dress and black heels. Her makeup is applied
to perfection. I adjust my tie and unbutton my suit jacket. “There
is another reason why tonight is special.” 

She looks up from the table and smiles. “I
wasn’t aware of anything else. I’m not sure I can take any more
good news.” 

“
Tonight, we are also
celebrating being home owners together.” I smile and look at
her. 

She stares at me and asks, “We got the
house?” 

I smile, “We got the house.” 

She smiles and her whole face is filled with
excitement. “Are you serious? Alec, it’s not nice to play games
with me.” 

“
Baby, I’m not playing
games. Madison called when you were getting ready.”

The waitress shows up, opens the champagne,
and pours it into two glasses.

“
Thank you,”
I say. 

“
Would you like to order
appetizers now?” 

“
I think we’ll wait for the
others.” 

“
Very well, I’ll check
back.” 

“
Thank you,” I say, and she
leaves. 

I look at Emma and smile. I hand her a
champagne glass before reaching for mine. She is all smiles and she
looks happy. “A toast?” 

She raises her glass. “To a life filled with
happiness.” 

“
To a life filled with
happiness,” I repeat.

We take a sip of the champagne and Emma says,
“When can we close?” 

“
I’m not sure, yet. Madison
just called to tell me they accepted the offer.” 

“
I can’t believe how
everything is falling in place for us. I also can’t remember being
this happy.” 

I lean down and kiss her sweetly. “I can’t
either,” I admit. My phone vibrates, and I answer it without
looking at the caller ID. 

“
Are you running late?” I
joke.

My smile soon falls and the color drains from
my face. 

“
When?” 

Emma holds my hand and watches me intently. I
don’t look at her, I stare straight ahead.

“
All right, we’ll be there
as soon as we can.” I end the call and try to make sense of what I
just heard. 

“
Alec? Is it the kids? Are
the kids all right?” Emma asks, and when I look at her I can see
the fear in her eyes. 

I look at her sadly and say, “It’s not the
kids, it’s Molly. Mason was seeing one of his patients in the E.R.
when they brought in two people who overdosed on drugs and one of
them was Molly.” I raise my hand to get the attention of the
waitress.

The waitress comes over, and I say, “There
has been an emergency, can we get our check, and can you have the
valet bring our car around, please?”

“
Of course,
doctor.” 

Emma stands and reaches for her clutch. “How
bad is it?” 

“
Emma, it’s bad. He thinks
it’s a good idea to bring Raelynn to the hospital so she can say
her goodbyes.” 

“
Oh, Alec!” 

I sign off on the credit card receipt and
take Emma by the hand. “Mason said that Molly coded during
transport and the paramedics were giving her C.P.R. when they
arrived at the hospital.” 

I call my parents to tell them to get Raelynn
ready, and I briefly tell them what Mason told me. The hospital
will call Molly’s parents.

When we arrive at the house, I ask, “Mom, can
you keep James for us?” 

“
Yes, of course. He’s
already asleep in the spare room,” my mom says without
hesitation. 

“
Alec, I think I should stay
here with James. I don’t think I should be at the hospital. It’s a
very private and emotional time for everyone.” 

“
Emma, I would like for you
to be there. You’re no stranger to the family, and Raelynn loves
you.” 

“
All right, but I hope that
Molly’s parents aren’t uncomfortable with me being
there.” 

I watch as my mother hugs Emma and whispers
something in her ear. 

“
I’ll get Raelynn for you.
She’s gathering some toys. I didn’t tell her anything,” my mother
says as she walks out of the room. 

“
Thank you.”

In the car ride to the hospital, I try to
think of the best way to tell Raelynn that her mother is really
sick. I look in the rearview mirror and see Raelynn playing with
her Barbie doll.

“
Raelynn?” 

“
Yes,
daddy?” 

“
Do you remember when I told
you your mother was very sick?” 

“
Yes, it was on my birthday.
I made her a get-well card.” 

“
That’s right, honey. It was
on your birthday. I got a call tonight and your mommy is in the
hospital.” 

“
Daddy, can we go and visit
her? I think I can make her feel better.” 

I look over at Emma, who is wiping the tears
from her cheeks. I also look in the rearview mirror at Raelynn.

“
We are going to the
hospital. Grandma Bridget and Grandpa Sam will also be there. Your
mommy may not be awake when we get there.” I look straight ahead
and don’t give her any more information. 

“
I can make her another card
while she sleeps.” 

“
That’s a good idea,
Raelynn,” Emma says softly.

When we get to the hospital, Mason greets us
in the E.R. He tells us she is in the back and they are still
working on her. Bridget and Sam are sitting in the waiting area. We
walk over to them. Bridget is crying. Sam stands and shakes my
hands.

“
Raelynn and I are going to
the dollar store across the street to get some art supplies while
you three talk,” Emma says, softly.

“
I’m gonna make mommy the
best card ever,” Raelynn says. 

Bridget leans in and hugs her granddaughter.
“Your mother will like that, honey.”

“
Come on, Rae, let’s get you
some art supplies. We’ll be back shortly.” 

I smile and mouth, “Thank you,” before they
turn to leave. 

Emma

“
Do you think you have
everything you need, Rae?” 

“
Do you think I need some
glitter?” 

“
I most definitely think you
need glitter,” I say, smiling.