Broken Fairytales (27 page)

He laughed.
“
And she’s not modest. Good deal
.”

“Well, you weren’t exactly right about me,” I countered, putting the ball back in his court.

“Oh, and what did I get wrong?” he asked arrogantly. “
Are you not a cheerleader? You’re really on the dance team?”

I narrowed my e
yes at his smugness. “No, I’m not
cheerleader,” I finall
y said
.
“I used to be, but then I graduate
d high school – three years ago.
”

I let my statement hang out there as Zack looked at me quizzically, and I could tell he was trying to decipher if I was telling him the truth. I spoke up again before he could say anything else.

“Yes, I am well-aware of the fact that I look like I’m twelve. For the record, I’ll be twenty-two in September.”

“I
actually
was going to go with eighteen, not twelve,” Zack said, matching my confidence.

“Common mistake,” I said, waving my hand at him.

“
So a
re you really in love with your boyfriend?”
Zack asked
, changing gears and
giving me a skeptical look.
“Did I get that wrong too?”

“Yes, you did, and yes, I’m in love with him
,” I said definitively
, but
the words
didn’t so
und as confident when I heard them
spoken out loud. I was also well-aware that
each second with Zack seemed to push Ben further from my mind
.

Zack
leaned even closer to me, scooting down to the landing
, so we were just inches apart.
“Then why did you tell me I had kissable l
ips? If you love your boyfriend so
much, why were you thi
nking about kissing another guy
?”

“I–,”
I started to say
but
couldn’t get the words out.
He was making me completely tongue-tied.

“Do you know what I think?”

I just shook my head.

“I th
ink
you need to stop trying so hard
,” he said, pulli
ng away from me and resting his elbows on the step behind him
.

I gave him an incredulous look. “
Excuse me?”

“
Do you like who you are, Emily? Do you like your life?”

Seriously! How was he doing that?

I sighed loudly, letting out a long, slow breath of air. “Like I said, my life is predictable. I’ve worked so hard for what I have, but now that I have it, it’s not really all that great. I keep thinking there should be something more, you know?”

“Then stop trying so hard to be the person you think you should be and just be yourself,” Zack said, as if it were that simple.

“
Don’t you think i
f I knew who I was supposed to be, I’d be that person
?”
I snapped.

He shook his head. “You’re not getting it. Don’t think. Don’t try. Just go with your gut.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to make sense of what he was saying
.

“What would you do right now, if there were no consequences?” he asked, appraising me but not judging. He was honestly asking.

“There are always consequences,” I said, shaking my head at his notion.

He leaned forward again. “Pretend there aren’t. What’s one thing you would do tonight if you knew you wouldn’t get caught and no one would find out?”

Now I’m sure he expected me to say something profound or mention a daring act that scared me, but it was hard to focus on anything but his lips, so close to mine, and before I knew what was happening,
I leaned forward, closing the space between us.

In the heat of the moment,
I let myself not think about what I was doing and what it would mean. I did exactly what he said as I went with my gut, did the one thing I wanted to do more than anything in that moment and kissed him, hard, right on the lips as electricity shot throughout my body with our connection.

Only when we pulled apart did I realize that I’d just cheated on Ben, but
some part of me justified it.
I’d enjoyed kissing Zack more than I’d ever admit, and I’d be lying if
I said he didn’t look like he
felt the same way.

“Okay, that was so not what I expected,” he said, gazing at me with a
dazed
look on his face, and I was suddenly self-conscious that he didn’t enjoy the kiss.

“I’m sorry,” I said, almost instantaneously. It was a gut reaction since I really wasn’t sorry
at all that I’d done it
, but it felt like the right thing to say
.

He shook his head. “Don’t be sorry,” he said, smirking slightly.
“I’d bet that’s the first time in your life you’ve ever been imp
ulsive. Don’t apologize for it
.”

“Nah” I said, waving my hand in dismissal. “
I
hauled off and
punched a girl a few weeks ago when I caught her kissing my boyfriend.
That
was the
most impulsive I’ve ever been.

Zack nodded his head,
seemingly
impressed with wha
t I’d revealed. Then he smirked.
“I thought you didn’t wan
t to kiss me
?”
He leaned back
again
but didn’t move
up to the bottom step
he’d been sitting on before
.

I noticed the cocky air he’d been exuding as he psychoanalyzed me had diminished, and I wondered just how off-guard I’d caught him with the kiss.

I shrugged, playing coy
.
“Things change.”

“What woul
d your boyfriend say?
Would he punch
me
if he saw what we just did
?
”

“
Probably
,” I said, matching his confidence.
“But he’s not here.”

“No, he’s not
,” was all Zack said
, his gaze never leaving mine
.

“We’ve been
together for five
years,” I suddenly blurted out
, not really su
re why I was opening up to a guy
, who still hadn’t
officially
t
old me his name. “I love him. I really do.
He’s perfect, but l
ately I’ve been feeling sort of
unhappy
with him
.”

Zack raised an eyebrow at me which I interpreted as him questioning how perfect Ben really was if he was making me unhappy. It was exactly what I’d been thinking but had been afraid to admit.

“
He loves me so much, and he wants to marry me
.”

“How does that make you feel?” Zack asked, and I couldn’t help smirk
at his shrink-like question
.

“A little excited, a little freaked out. He’s the only guy I’ve ever been with. What if I’m settling for the first guy I me
e
t and there’s someone else out there who’s a better match for me. I don’t know. He keeps talking about getting engaged and moving in together after we graduate, but I just don’t know. I sort of followed him to college. He got a scholarship to play football at
UNC
, so I went with him
, so we wouldn’t have to break up, and I haven’t regretted it, but I’ve always wondered what would have happened if I’d have gone somewhere else.”

Zack nodded, as if he understood.

“I just kind of hate that I was the kind of girl who followed a guy somewhere, and I’m afraid that if I follow him after college, I’ll be missing out on something great, you know? It’s like I’ve been having all these thoughts lately about wanting to see the world and experience different things. I’ve been taking baby steps, like getting
my nose pierced
. I haven’t told Ben
about that
, because I’m afraid he’ll be disa
ppointed in me.
I also haven’t told him
how much
I’m
second-guessing
so much about my life
.
I haven’t told him a lot of things.”

“Have you told him about me?”
Zack asked, a
slight smirk on his face.

“What?”
I
asked, thinking he was crazy.
“I don’t even know you
r
name.
Why would I tell him about you?”

He shrugged.
“I’m a pre
tty memorable guy, that’s all. It’s Zack, by the way.
My name.”

“I know,” I said
.

“Oh yeah, I thought you didn’t
know my name?
”

“I
’m friends with Molly. She mentioned you. I just didn’t want you to think I knew who you were
.
”

“See, there you go thinking again,” he said, shaking his head. Then h
e sighed.
“Did you hear us fighting earlier?”

“
Yeah, I did.
What’s the deal with you guys anyway?” I asked, taking my shot to see if they were dating.
A part of me hoped he’d say no
, especially since I’d just kissed him
.

“She’s my cousin – m
y over-
protective cousin who doesn’t know when to butt out.”

Oh, they were related. That actually made sense.
I wondered wh
y Molly had never introduced me
to him. We’d all been at a lot of the same parties that summer
, and I’d met the rest of her family
.

“Sometimes it’s good when people butt in,” I said, “even if you don’t realize it at the time.”

“Yeah, well, sometimes it’s better if people just mind their own business,” he said, and I took that as a cue that I needed to stop prying.

He stared at the ocean, so
I stared
down the beach
, not sure what to do or say next
.
After five minutes of silence, I was debating wh
ether to get up and go inside.
If Zack wanted
to be alone, I would let him.
But
before I could move, he said something that made me stop.

“So,
Emily, how ironic is it that we met in your hometown and ag
ain here?”

“
I’d say it’s pretty ironic
.
I never thought I’d run into
Cute Coffeehouse Guy
again,” I said, realizing too late that I’d said that out loud. I clamped my hand over my mouth.

Zack’s eyes wi
dened in surprise. “
Cute Coffeehouse Guy
?” he questioned, smirking slightly.

I felt my face flush scarlet and a
utomatically looked down.

“Huh,” he said. “
I like it.”

I was afraid to look at him for f
ear I would burst into flames.
I thought if I could run away without looking like an idiot, I’d do it, but there was no wa
y I’d be able to achieve that.
I fixed my gaze on
the wooden boards of the stairs instead.
A few minutes passed without any words exchanged, but I could tell Zack was staring at me.

“
Well,
I’m going
to in
now,” he said.
“I need to
get home.
Thanks for the kiss
, princess
.
”

I
just
nodded
,
turning red again as I stared
at the ground
.
I heard him stand and start ba
ck up the stairs, thankful
my
embarrassment was finally ending
.

“Don’t worry,” he sai
d, from halfway up the stairs.
I raised my head
involuntarily to look at him.
“If I’d have been that creative, I would have come up with a similar nickname for you.”  He flashed me a wide sm
ile
.
“For now I’ll just call you, the cute girl I can’t stop thinking about
, and who I’m so glad isn’t in high school
.”

Chapter Fifteen