Broken Barriers (Barriers Series Book 4) (24 page)

My frustration level reached its breaking point. I angrily sat in the chair and twisted my fabric wristband. I fiddled with my 550 cord bracelet whenever I got tense while deployed. Slowly, I counted backward from ten—an exercise I started just before I left for overseas. It helped calm me when I needed to or at least that was what they told us to do when we were stressed. It was the only exercise that settled me when I wanted nothing more than to hop on the next flight home and steal Courtney.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Cole move a little closer. My eyes remained focused on my wristband. “Drew.” She sniffled softly. “I didn’t mean anything by it. Honest.” She sniffled again. “You have to understand I only said something because…”

I continued to stare at my fingers as they twisted the green band on my wrist. “Because why, Cole?” I pushed my body out of the chair and walked in her direction. “You think I need help? You think you
know
what goes on in my head? You don’t!” I snapped. I shouldn’t have been angry with her, but I was upset that she noticed a part of me that struggled with the start of a new day. She spotted the pain I had tried hard to keep hidden. How, I didn’t know, but it was not a place I ever wanted her to be.

“Screw you, Drew!” Cole protested as she edged her way closer to me. “Because you think I don’t know what a deployment can do to someone.” Her voice was no longer soft. Instead, it was full of anger and challenging me. “I’ve seen what happens when someone you love goes off to a war zone and that same person doesn’t come back. You think you are the only one who has loved and lost, Drew?” She stopped a foot in front of me.

My eyes stared into her pleading eyes as I watched her battle with herself over what she wanted to say next. My feet shuffled over to her, and my vision blurred as I saw her clutching her arms around her stomach. Her chest heaved for breath as she choked back tears. “Tell me about him.” My voice cracked, but I needed to hear about him.

She inhaled a pained, ragged breath before wiping away the tears that streamed down her face. “There’s not much to tell. What’s in the past is history. You’re here now, and when I look at you, I see him. As much as I don’t want to, I see it in your eyes. When I said something told me to fight for you—that was why. Truth is, Drew Daley, I can’t let you leave me too without fighting. But, I can’t let history repeat itself, which is why I asked Marty to talk to you. A girl can only take so many stabs to her heart before it stops beating. Please, don’t be the one last dagger to make it stop for good.”

My hands reached out and cupped her face. Tears overflowed my eyes as my heart broke for her. I wondered how lucky I was to have found this woman. Leaning toward her, I let my lips brush over her forehead. I caught my breath and tried to regain my composure. “Cole, I will never
ever
purposely hurt you. You understand that?” Her eyes closed, but she nodded as she cried through a smile. “Look at me, Cole.” Her tear-soaked lashes fluttered open, and I saw the pain etched behind her blue eyes. “You are the most special creature.
You
. You have helped me heal the broken pieces in me more than you will ever know. I can’t let you go. Not now and maybe not ever. I
need
you probably more than you need me.” My lips softly placed a chaste kiss upon her lips. I pulled back and said, “A part of me can’t help but think that I’m a darkness…a crutch that you don’t need in your life. And I hope to hell I’m wrong, because I don’t want to wake up one day and find out you were never real.”

“You have to tell me,” I continued to probe her. She held her tongue the entire ride home. Not even tickling her side made her talk. She refused to tell me this big secret, and dammit, I earned the right to know. “I wore that damn apron, so you owe me this big secret.” I unloaded the last of her boxes from the Jeep and quickly followed her into
the house.

“Liar! You wore that apron for five minutes. Don’t think for a second that I didn’t notice,” Cole said as she walked ahead of me. I kicked the door closed behind me with my heel since my arms
were full. The coolness of the air conditioning blew against my face as I entered the house, and Cole sped away from me to the kitchen, avoiding having to reveal the secret.

I dropped the boxes onto her counter. Cole placed the freshly picked wild Maine blueberries and raspberries she bought at the market into storage containers and then into the fridge. She said on the way to the market that she liked to help local farmers whenever she could, and everything she purchased during the summer months at the farmers’ market and farm stands she used in the baked goods she sold at the café.

As Cole grabbed a bottle of white wine from the fridge, I pushed the dimmer switch on the wall, and the lights in the room came alive. She pulled a small tray of assorted cheeses and fruits out and removed the plastic wrap before placing it onto the counter. I reached up to grab two wine glasses as she sneaked a strawberry from the plate.

After pushing her Chucks off, she hopped onto a barstool at the island. I twisted the cap off the wine bottle, pouring the glasses before stepping in her direction. I extended my arm, and she reached out to grab the stem of the glass. She stretched her neck from side to side. It had been a long day for sure and being trapped in the car for nearly an hour heading home certainly wasn’t pleasant.

Well, I did have a front row seat to stare at Cole’s long legs switching between the gas and brake pedals. It was just an added bonus to watch her pull her hairband out as her hair blew in the wind from her cracked driver’s side window. Even watching her laugh as I tickled her sides was fun for me, but not so much for her.

She scrolled through her tablet, popping cheeses and fruits into her mouth, taunting me as her tongue glided out and slowly pulled the snacks into her mouth. A simple sip of wine was torture, and I was on sexual sensory overload. She knew what I wanted, and she deliberately took her time and ignored me. She slowly placed a grape between her lips and sucked it back with a popping sound.

I took a deep breath and brought my wine glass to my lips. I tilted my head back and let the cool wine flow down the back of my throat. I was never one to waste a drink even if white wine wasn’t one of my favorites. Placing the glass onto the counter, I noticed Cole still avoiding eye contact with me, but I sensed she was feigning any reaction to my desperate attempt to get her to spill her guts to me.

The room was silent. Not even the moan of a single boat’s motor was heard outside, with all the windows closed tighter than a drum. But, the clock in the living room ticked and ticked with each passing second. My fingers thumped against the counter, and my sneaker anxiously tapped the floor. By the tenth tick on the clock, I had finally reached my limit.

“That’s it!” I yanked the tablet from her fingers and downed the rest of her wine. I pushed the snack platter out of her reach and laid my hands on her shoulders.

Cole flipped her hair back with her hand and stared up at me from her seat. “I’m sorry. Did you want something? You seem really tense. I’d offer you some wine, but I think you drank the rest of it,” she said, quirking an eyebrow, teasing me.

“Fuck the wine. I want to know what this big secret is. So, spill the beans.”

She exhaled a long breath and let her head fall back as she glared up at the ceiling. “Fine!” She finally surrendered. “But, dammit, I didn’t actually think you’d go through with wearing that apron.”

“Coooole.” My warning tone said I was not letting this go until she told me. “There is no getting out of this one.”

“OkayOkayOkay,” she blurted out quickly. My hands squeezed her shoulders as she rubbed her palms against her bare thighs. She appeared nervous, and I was more concerned about this than I was earlier when I found out she thought I needed help.

Her worried eyes stared up at me before she jabbed her finger into my chest. “You’re lucky I like you, but if I catch wind that someone outside of these walls finds out about this, I will annihilate you.” I couldn’t help it. I laughed at her. My sides began to hurt from the laughter as my eyes watered. I regained my composure and wiped the corners of my eyes with my palms, clearing my vision.

“Sweetheart, as much as I would love to see you try to take me down…‘cuz you know I was kind of an all-star wrestler in college…I have to admit gossip and spreading stories is really not my thing. So, enough with trying to hold out on me.”

Cole hopped off the stool and padded her bare feet over to the fridge again, this time getting two chilled shot glasses and a bottle of…Oh, sweet Jesus. “Is that?” She nodded as she pulled the cork plug from the bottle.

“Normally, this is only for my tequila-soaked espresso cupcakes.” She placed the bottle back into the fridge after she finished pouring the glasses full of the liquid. Once she handed me a shot glass, the dark brown liquid beckoned me. “But, for this I’ll make an exception.” I brought the glass to my nose and inhaled. The stars aligned, and I was in heaven. “The fact that I’m allowing you to have a single drop of this should tell you just how top secret this is.” We clinked shot glasses and tilted our heads back, allowing the coffee-flavored tequila to slither its way through our bodies. Cole coughed before placing her shot glass into the sink. I followed suit while she picked up her tablet and headed into the living room. “Follow me. You’ll be more than interested after I’m done with this story, and you’ll want to be sitting down.” She glanced over her shoulder. “Trust me.”

As I sat down on the sofa, Cole twisted the wooden blinds on the windows shut and flicked on the table lamps. The soft light bounced off the walls. I made out the flushed color on her cheeks as she sat in the chair across from me. My eyes zoned in on her as she ran her fingers over her brow.

“Cole,” I beckoned, but she didn’t look up. “Tell me. No more stalling. Just say it.”

“Many years back, before I even moved up here to the lake, back when I still lived with my parents, I didn’t have a lot of female friends. So, the one female friend I did have at the time was like a big sister to me. She was a close family friend, and I was naïve and took everything she said as if it was written in stone. Well, she owned a dance studio, but it wasn’t just any dance studio,” she replied, her chest heaving. Cole focused her eyes on her hands as she nervously scratched her palms.

“I’m not sure I understand why that’s a big secret.” I leaned forward, linking my fingers together in front of me.

“Oh…” Cole’s face turned even redder. “That’s not the secret,” she declared.

“So, what is?” I asked, pleading for her to tell me.

“It was a pole dancing studio. I learned stripper moves, lap dancing, everything!” Cole pushed off the sofa, ready to bolt out of the room, but I instinctively reached out and grabbed her wrist, pulling her back to sit next to me instead of across from me.

“Sit,” I bellowed. She didn’t look at me. Her eyes suddenly displayed shyness behind them. I saw the embarrassment in her body language, but she said it all so fast I wasn’t sure I heard it correctly. “Did you just say you learned how to be a
stripper
?” I questioned, shocked and curious.

Cole raised a finger to me. “No!” she snapped. “I was never a stripper. Let’s get that straight, but to say I didn’t learn the moves would technically be a lie.” Her body trembled, and I grasped her hands in mine and dropped my head so she was forced to look me in the eyes.

“Is that why you forgave me so quickly the other day when I told you about…well…you know?” I had to wonder if she forgave me for what I did with Katie because somehow she felt that she was no better than her in a way.

“Yes…No…I don’t know. The truth is, I can’t see anything wrong with it. Yes, I’m somewhat ashamed to tell people that I spent time learning the ins-and-outs of the business. God, I even went to strip clubs with my friend just so she could test out new moves. Nothing left the studio, because if my family ever found out, I’d have to move clear across the country.” Cole’s head dropped into her hands as she groaned.

“You learned how to do those spin moves?” A muffled “yes” sounded from behind her hands. I smirked at how embarrassed she was to talk about it. “And you learned how to properly execute the perfect lap dance?” Her face was still hidden, but her head nodded yes silently. “Well, I’m going to need some kind of proof of this, because I can’t see you going all Cock Teaser Cole on people.” Her head shot up, and her fiery eyes nearly jumped out of her head. Before she could argue, I quickly leaped to my feet and began pacing her living room with my arms folded across my chest. “You have one of two options.”

“Drew…”

“Shoosh! I believe I have the floor.”

“It’s my house.”

“I fought for you to have this roof over your head and that bed of freedom you sleep in each night. Back to what I was saying… Oh, yes, option one: we can drive to town, and you can show me your
stripper
moves on the flag pole outside of the tavern…”

“No! Hell…no! I run a business across the street. Option one is
not
happening!”

“Well, then you have to take option two.” I walked around and pulled an armless chair from her writing desk in the corner. I slowly dragged it to the middle of the room across from where she was sitting. The minute my ass parked itself in the chair and reclined my back into it with my legs jutted out in front of me, she knew exactly what option two was. I waved my hand across the living room nonchalantly. “I’m waiting.”