Broken and Screwed (25 page)

“What?”

“Yep. He told her that she should go back to her boyfriend because he’d be out with the guys tonight. I guess they party hard after their games, and he said he’d be getting other ass tonight. He told her not to wait for him and that she should patch things up with her boyfriend. I guess he thinks I’m a nice guy.”

The anger rolled off of him in waves, but he was tired too. I saw the exhaustion in his depths. Then he continued, “None of that went over with her. She came back to the room, screamed at me for an hour that I was a horrible boyfriend because I still had feelings for you and she knew it.”

He closed his eyes and shook his head. His hands formed into fists. Then he bit out, “She blamed me for everything. She said I wasn’t good enough for her in bed, that I was too nice to her. She liked having guys treat her like shit. She said Cord had been
liberating
in bed, that’d she do him anytime he called her.” He cursed under his breath and swung his head towards me. I jumped back at the bleak look in his eyes. “Is that what’s it like for you and Hunt? Are you with him because he treats you like crap? Do all girls go for that?”

I sucked in my breath and told myself that this wasn’t really about me and Jesse. I started to reach for his arm again, but he hissed as he yanked it away. “Don’t touch me, Alex. Don’t ever touch me again unless you’re going to follow through with it.”

“What?” My mouth fell open.

He jerked to his feet. “I mean it. Don’t hug me. Don’t pat me on the shoulder. Not unless you’re ready to follow through and screw me. Isn’t that what you do with Hunt? He touches you and you melt for him. It disgusts me.
You
disgust me.”

“Eric.”

“I mean it. I’m tired of it. I’m always the good guy. I always get crapped on. I’m done with it.” He started to turn away, but then pulled something out of his pocket. He threw it at me.

As four pieces of paper fluttered in the air, I couldn’t move. This wasn’t an Eric that I had ever seen before.

He grabbed his bags and glared at me. “I’m going back home. Marissa took off this morning. She said she couldn’t stand being around me. I took the tickets out of her purse when she was in the bathroom so there you go, you can still watch your boy’s game. Shit.” He shook his head again. “I’m still being the nice guy. I wanted to be with you, but you never gave me the signs. And then Marissa was all over me and I thought, ‘why not? She wouldn’t hurt me,’ but the sad thing is that she did. I cared about her. I actually did. And then this trip happened. This was the trip from hell. I got to watch both girls that I cared about fall all over the assholes. That’s what he is, Alex. You know that too. I know you know that. He’s going to break your heart. Why won’t you stop it? I don’t get that. Why do girls like you always go for guys like that? I bet he hasn’t even lied to you about it either, like Cord did with Marissa. He told her upfront that he was going to screw other girls tonight and I know she’ll still go for him if he ever calls her. You do that too. You’re both so weak. You’re spineless.” He held a hand to his stomach. “You make me sick. I can’t even look at you.”

The tickets fell to the floor around my feet, but I couldn’t bend to pick them up. I couldn’t even pick up my own mouth as it fell beside them. My feet were cemented in place as I watched him leave. This was Eric Nathan, the good guy who was never going to hurt me. It was then, as I heard everything he flung at me, that I realized I could’ve been happy with him. He wouldn’t have hurt me as I knew Jesse would. He would’ve been good to me, treated me right. And maybe, even maybe, he might’ve helped me heal from the pain that I had left at home.

Shit.

He walked away from me, but he was right. Everything he said was right. And even as he left through the doors, I knew I’d still go to Jesse that night. But this time was different. This was the last time. I would end it after tonight. I had to, otherwise everyone would be right. I drew in a shuddering breath. I should’ve been crippled by what Eric had said to me, but I wasn’t. Strength started to fill me. I couldn’t explain it. I had no idea why I wasn’t crying or why I wasn’t filled with shame because he’d been
right about me. Maybe it was because I knew I had one more night or maybe I was lying to myself. Either way, as I finally bent and picked up the tickets, I knew what I’d have to do.

I’d have to leave Jesse, but not until tomorrow. Tomorrow, I told myself. One more night in his arms, one more night to have everything else pushed away. I could forget for one more night.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

I didn’t tell Angie what Eric had said, but I did say that Marissa had left after they had broken up. I expected a snarky comment from her, but she was silent. She only gave me a repressed smile instead. Justin, perfect timing as always, swooped in to literally sweep her off her feet. She shrieked as she threw her arms around his neck. They bounded away, towards the cab, but I heard her laughter a second later.

And then I followed behind. Since Marissa and Eric had both ditched for the rest of the weekend, I promised Angie that I would still go to the game. I knew Jesse wanted me to come as well, but when we got there, I wasn’t ready for the intensity that filled the stadium.

Purple and white were everywhere. There were so many banners for Jesse and Camden, that I couldn’t count them all. My favorite was the one that read ‘Jesse can Hunt me down any day!’ It was surrounded by girls wearing skimpy purple and white tops tied under their breasts, the rest of their bodies were painted in the colors. They all had on tight jean shorts as well, flayed at the ends, with their butt cheeks sticking out.

The stadium was packed; hip hop music blared from the speakers above, but when the team came out, the sound was deafening. I cringed at the screams from the girls when Jesse ran in with Camden. Half were going crazy over Jesse while the other half seemed to cheer for Camden. And the screams never died down, not even when they started playing.

Despite all the other girls, the game was exhilarating to watch.

Jesse was in his prime. I understood why he’d been dubbed the Golden Boy. When he got the ball, he made the shot almost every time. After he sunk his sixth three-pointer in a row, the crowd was on their feet in hysteria.

Angie nudged me and bent down. She had to yell in my ear, “Your boy’s gotten better.”

I nodded with a foolish smile on my face. I couldn’t wipe it off. I didn’t want to. I was proud of him. He’d been unstoppable at our school, but she was right. He’d doubled his training and it paid off. That was when I realized why his father was making such a big deal out of him. Jesse was going places. A person would have to be a fool not to realize that; it was no wonder his father wanted everyone to remember whose son he was. More than once, the camera had zoomed in on Malcolm Hunt in the first row, sitting beside my parents. I heard the commentary and knew they were discussing what it meant to have the prestigious movie producer in the building and what kind of career that might mean for Grant West’s Golden Boy. One of the commentators remarked they only hoped to hold on to the Golden Boy until the inevitable professionals would take him away. He hoped that wouldn’t happen until Jesse finished college, but it rarely happened for an athlete of his caliber to remain until getting a degree.

As I watched the rest of the game, it was bittersweet. I had the same hopes as everyone else in the stands. They loved Jesse and they wanted him to stay with the team. And I knew Ethan would’ve wanted the same. He would’ve pushed Jesse to finish college, so because of that, I knew there was a strong probability that Jesse would last until the end of his four years.

I enjoyed the game, or I did until halftime. After the dance team did their show, the lights went back to normal and everyone left for the restroom or concessions. It was then that I looked up to the video screen and saw Ethan staring back at me.

I froze.

His eyes seemed to penetrate me as he smiled. Then the picture was replaced with another of him and Jesse together. Their arms were thrown around each other’s shoulders. They wore the same basketball uniform and both looked so happy. Then a third picture came over the screen, this one was of Ethan and his prom date. He was tall and proud in a black tuxedo as she gave the camera a forced smile in her green dress. Then it was him at graduation. He wore his black robe, with his cap and gown in hand. He had flipped the camera off with his middle finger. A few people laughed at that image.

Another was of him and our parents, but more and more pictures showed him and Jesse together. As the slideshow continued, a haunting melody came across the speakers. Then the stadium quieted as so many were pulled into the slideshow.

Angie’s hand found mine and gripped tight.

I tasted something wet on my lips and realized there were tears on my cheeks. I’d been crying and I hadn’t known it.

The images never seemed to stop. There were so many. Ethan, Ethan and Jesse, Ethan and their other friends, more of Ethan and our parents, Ethan and his girlfriend. I gasped when there was one with me. I couldn’t believe my parents had considered that image, but it felt right to see it. More tears burst forth from me. The picture was my last morning with him. It was my birthday, his graduation day, and he had smeared my birthday cake all over me. I was trying to pull away from him as his hand reached past my arms with more cake.

A whimper left me and I looked down. I couldn’t see anymore, but a force that wasn’t mine led my eyes back. I couldn’t look away now.
Image after image. All of them were of Ethan and the life he had led. He looked happy in every photograph. He looked content.

Oh god. Why did he die? Why was it him?

Torment and agony sliced through me, back and forth, back and forth. It was as if someone took a butcher knife to me. Each picture, each memory, was another stab deep to my gut. I wanted to bowl over. I wanted to cry until I had nothing left in me. It was too much pain. I couldn’t handle any more.

Then Angie gasped, her hand squeezed mine in a knee jerk reaction.

The camera was on me. Blood drained from me as I saw the tear-drenched cheeks, the swollen look of misery, and how even my eyes would have haunted me. But then I was switched to an off camera, a screen to the side stayed on me, and the slideshow continued of Ethan.

I saw the words scroll over the screen.

In memory of Ethan James Connors, the brother that will never be forgotten. November 24, 1993 - June 2, 2012.

I couldn’t stop myself. I shrunk in my seat and pulled my knees to my chest. I buried my head in them as I kept wiping the tears away. But I still couldn’t look away. Then I saw that the same camera that had found me in the stands was on my parents, across the court. My mom was crying and my dad had his arm around her. Malcolm was next to them. His arm was stretched across as my mom held onto his hand. The only one who was unaffected was Sabrina, as she yawned and fanned herself with the program.

I surrendered after that. I didn’t even try to stop the tears. As they slid down, I let them go. When the game resumed, there was no announcement of what had happened. I figured the commentators had probably talked about Ethan, who he was in relation to Jesse Hunt, and they probably even realized that I was his sister, but everything else went back to normal. The buzzer sounded and people started to watch the game, but I felt their eyes. People below us snuck back glances. I knew those behind were watching me, and the few in my aisle wouldn’t look away. Even when Jesse sank the last shot in and the buzzer sounded, everyone jumped to their feet, but the weight of their gazes wouldn’t leave.

As we left the stadium, I was recognized and stared at until we were finally outside and in the confines of a taxi.

And then a different set of tears came out.

Something had happened in that stadium. It was something beautiful that I couldn’t comprehend. I had left Ethan inside. I had left a part of me behind, and as we pulled away, I knew I would miss that. I would miss him, but a weird peace came over me. I didn’t welcome it, not altogether, but I knew it was there. I knew it was time.

“You okay, girl?” Angie asked in a soft voice. Her hand hadn’t left mine the entire time.

I nodded. I missed Ethan, but I nodded to her. I would be okay. I knew it then, and I knew Jesse and I were done. It was time to walk away. I’d been ready before the game, and that feeling was still with me. It hadn’t left.

It was time, but I still had my one night.

              We went back to Haze. Angie wore a white dress while I wore a light blue one. The fabric was thin and loose. The ends tied around my neck and also under my arms around my back. It had been between this one and another, but Angie had picked the backless dress. She told me it was Jesse-to-die-for and even gave me a wink at the end of that statement. I knew she didn’t approve, but at least I didn’t feel her disappointment at the mention of his name.

             
When we got there, I hadn’t heard from him, but it didn’t matter. We got our drinks and headed to the dance floor. We stayed there the whole night; we moved and swayed when the tempo slowed and sped up. The beat was hypnotic. I was in a trance when a pair of hands slid around my waist. I didn’t have to look. I knew those hands. I leaned back against Jesse’s chest. His arms pulled me backwards and his hips moved with mine. His hands held me in place.