Broken and Screwed 2 (The BS Series) (24 page)

My mother looked torn, like she wanted to ask something more of him. Jesse cast a wary glance at her. He shook his head. “Don’t. After what you did, you can’t ask that from her.” He looked at me. “And after what you’ve done to Alex, you don’t deserve to see her.”

My mother seemed to crumble before my eyes. The momentary kindness she had shown me was gone. Even her coldness was gone. She looked broken instead, just like me. She nodded to herself and left. No one said goodbye. No one followed her to the door. She paused there and looked over once more. Her eyes caught mine. I stiffened, pain searing me again, but I didn’t look away. I wanted to, but I held firm. She said, “Losing your brother changed our family. I am sorry for my part. I know that I’ve not been a good mother, but I lost that ability when I lost Ethan. He was my first baby and—” She cut off, her voice shaking from emotion. “There’s no excuse. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry, Alexandra. You’ve become so beautiful. Do you know that?”

I swallowed over a lump. She thought I was beautiful?

“So beautiful,” she whispered to herself as she left. The door closed behind her, leaving the room in a shocked silence.

I was beautiful? I never thought of myself as beautiful.

I was
reeling from everything that had happened. Somehow, I ended up in a bathroom with Tiffany. She pressed cool washcloths to my face. For what, I wasn’t sure, but she was being nice. I frowned as she patted my forehead. “Why are you being nice to me?” Then I remembered she’d been crying out there. Why the tears? Did Tiffany Chatsworth actually have a heart? This wasn’t foreseeable.

Her lips pressed together as she drew the washcloth down the side of my face and wet it again. “Don’t get all worked up about it. This doesn’t mean we’re going to be friends. I just,” she frowned and lifted a shoulder. “I dunno. I guess I can relate, in some way. I suppose.”

“You can relate to being dumped by your parents?”

She took the washcloth to my face again. “You’ve never asked Hannah about our parents?”

“I don’t ask anyone about anything.”

Her eyes found me.

“I don’t usually want to know the answers.”

She gave me the washcloth and sat back on the toilet. Then she shrugged again. “Our dad left us. He left my mom when we were teenagers. I always wondered if it was because of us, if maybe we were too much to handle or something. I didn’t know.” She leaned forward and pressed fingers to her temples. She began to massage them as she continued, “And it wasn’t even because he had an affair or another family. He just left. He didn’t want to deal with having a family. That’s what my mom said. I guess I took it as we were too much or something.”

I frowned at her through the mirror. She was hunched over, but I wet the washcloth again. My mind was still reeling. My pulse was racing, but not as much. Maybe the cold water was helping, or maybe it was hearing her sob story. I sighed, “We all have a story, don’t we?”

“Hannah loved our dad. She was his little girl. Not me, I was more into baking and make-up and doing girl things. He took off when she was in seventh grade. That’s when she started sleeping with guys.”

“Isn’t that when she started dating Dylan?”

She shook her head as she continued to massage her temples. Her fingers were working harder, faster. “They started at the end of the summer. She started sleeping around the beginning of the year. That’s why I knew it wasn’t going to be good when they broke up. The asshole. He did the same to her that our dad did. He just left her. His excuse wasn’t even a good one because now he’s with her roommate and he transferred here.”

“What about Beth?”

She looked up now, genuinely confused. “What about her?”

“I get why Hannah’s broken. Why’s Beth? What happened to her?”

She took a breath and stood up. Crossing to me, she wet the washcloth again and pressed it to the crook of my neck. “I don’t know. Beth and I aren’t close.”

I frowned, but then went with my hunch. It helped to think of their problems. My problems were bad, but in some way I didn’t feel like such a freak. “What’s your mom like?”

“Before Dad left? She was happy. After he left, she became a stoner. She was like a hippy.” Tiffany kept wetting the washcloth. She folded it over inside the sink and pressed down, then would wet it again. I shifted back as she continued that motion. “I think she was one when she was younger before she met our dad. Maybe that’s why Hannah’s like that, I don’t know. I took the mother role. My mom couldn’t handle it. She hasn’t handled much since, except some guy’s dick or pottery. She’s a genius at making pots. Go figure.”

My eyebrow arched at that one, but left it alone.

She jerked her head back up. “Why’d you ask about Beth?”

“Just curious.”

“Oh.” She frowned and looked back down. It was then that she realized what she was doing. She threw the washcloth to the side and backed away to the door.

I grinned at her. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone about your momentary lapse in judgment.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You.” I gestured to her, then to me. “Being nice to me. I know we aren’t friends.”

Her hand fell from the handle. She leaned against it and crossed her arms over her chest. “You have a really horrible opinion of me.”

I shrugged. “You’ve been a bitch, so…yeah.”

A corner of her mouth lifted up before she dropped her arms. “I’m not a bitch because of my sister or whatever reasons you might think. And it’s not because I want Jesse—”

“But you do.”

She stopped.

“Want Jesse. You do want him.”

Her shoulders lifted as she took a breath. “Yeah, maybe, but I care about him.”

“So do I.”

“I know. Trust me, I know.” Her hand gestured towards the door. “I got it. I heard the history of you and him. And I’ve seen how he is with you. He’s not like the Jesse I met last year. You and him, and him and your brother had some bond that I’ll never compete against. I’m getting it. Trust me. Hearing all that was hard.”

I wasn’t sure what to say to that.

“And you’re right.”

I looked back up.

“He does love you.”

“Did he tell you that?”

“No, but it’s obvious. He loves you so you don’t have to worry. And I can tell he didn’t know about your parents. That’s what you said, right? That your parents dumped you and you kept it a secret. People don’t keep secrets unless they’re scared of something, maybe about the other person reacting, but I’m telling you. You don’t have to worry about Jesse. It pissed him off, hearing what your parents did to you. I could tell that too.”

“Oh.”

She sighed. “I don’t want to be your friend, but I’m in a position where I have to be.”

“That’s a great endorsement.”

She rolled her eyes and brushed her platinum hair over her shoulder. “I don’t give a damn. I’m just saying it how it is. I care about Jesse and it’s not because of his money or his Hollywood connections. I really do
just
care about him, but I can see that he genuinely cares about you. You’re not going anywhere. I get it. Not happy about it, but I get it. So…I figure I should call a cease fire? I’m not proposing that we be friends, but maybe not enemies?”

“I thought that’s what we were when you were ignoring me.”

She grimaced. “I did that to piss you off. It didn’t work, did it?”

“I liked it.”

“Yeah,” she blew out a breath. “That’s what I figured. That pissed
me
off instead.”

I shrugged.

“All right. Well, I’m going to go. You’re better?”

I nodded. As she reached for the handle and opened the door, I reached for her. “Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“Shut the door.” As she did, I took another deep breath. My heart began picking up again. This could blow our truce, but whatever. This was what not being an enemy and not being friends meant to me. Maybe. I had no idea. Oh well. Here it goes. “You should know that Jamie was the one who sought your sister out.”

A scowl formed over her face. “What are you talking about? Jamie said she’s the one that came on to him.”

“No. I heard them one time at school. He was pushing her and she was trying to say no. I know it’s not a ringing endorsement, as you said before, but it is what it is. She was really drunk that night and he got a bottle to make sure she stayed drunk. He was taking advantage of her.”

“My sister’s not exactly a saint.”

“But it was important to her. Your boyfriend was off-limits, and for what it’s worth, I don’t think your sister enjoys sleeping around. She’s hurting.”

“I know,” she said quickly. “I know that. I just worry about her.”

I fell silent. My message had been given. It was up to her, whatever she did with it. I hoped she’d break up with him, but I didn’t at the same time. She’d probably focus even more on Jesse. Then we’d be back to being enemies and being enemies with Tiffany was exhausting.

“Thanks.” She tried to give me a smile. It didn’t quite make it. “For that, thanks.”

“No problem.”

Before she left, she said one more thing. “Your parents are assholes.”

“I know.”

Then she left me alone in the bathroom. Kara popped in a second later and gave me a hug. She wrapped her tiny arms around me and held me for a while. Pulling back, she brushed my hair back and took a deep breath. I saw the tears before she left as quietly as she appeared. When I followed behind, the house was silent. It was such a contrast from the shouting earlier. I heard giggling from the living room and turned the corner. Cord and his girl were on the couches. She was on his lap and he was tickling her so she’d squirm. Glancing up, his grin faded. “Hey.” The girl muffled her giggles. When it didn’t work, she pressed her arm into her mouth, but more split through the air as Cord must’ve continued to tickle her side.

“Hi.”

“So those were the parents, huh?”

“Yep.”

“For what’s it worth and from what I remember, your brother wasn’t treated any better.”

That got my attention. “What are you talking about?” But I knew something had gone on. Jesse let a little bit slip and now Cord. What had my parents done to him? Oh my god. An anchor dropped to the bottom of my stomach. Did it have anything to do with the reason he was in the car that night? Jesse said something about going somewhere, but he recanted. He said he didn’t want him with Barbie and those guys. But why was he with them in the first place? Was that because of my parents too? Were they pushing him too hard to be perfect? I took a calming breath, but it didn’t work.

“Nothing. You should talk to Jesse. He knew more about it than me.”

The girl started giggling again and fell to her side, off his lap. Cord twisted around her as he continued to tickle her. As I left the room, her feet were kicking in the air and she was shrieking in laughter, panting at the same time, “No, Cord. Stop. Oh, Cord. Don’t. Yes.”

His deep chuckle was the last I heard as I went downstairs and shut the door.

It was time. My secret was out. He now knew about my parents. I wanted to know his secret and I knew it was about my brother. I had every right to know. As I crossed the basement, his door was open and he was sitting on the edge of the bed. His elbows were resting on his knees. His head was down, but he looked up as he heard my arrival.

He’d been waiting for me.

I reached for the door, ready to pull it behind me as I stepped inside his room. But I stopped. My hand fell away from the handle and my gut dropped to my feet. Whatever Jesse had to say to me wasn’t going to be well received. I saw the warning in him and knew I was going to hate it, whatever it was. So I left the door open and leaned against the wall behind me now.

He stayed on the bed.

I stayed in the hallway.

It was time.

“Why didn’t you tell me about your parents?”

He looked down at the ground. My lips parted. Why was he looking down? Why wasn’t he looking at me? Alarms went off in me, but I pushed past it. He felt bad. That must’ve been it. He felt bad because he didn’t know.

I shrugged even though he couldn’t see that. He still wasn’t looking.

“Alex?” He looked up now.

I didn’t relax. He was still guarded. “What’s going on with you?” His eyes closed, but I saw the guilt. My voice rose. “What’d did you do?”

“Nothing.”

“Then why do you feel guilty?” I stepped towards him, but stopped again. An invisible hand pushed down on my chest. I couldn’t go any closer. “What is going on right now?”

“Nothing.” Jesse stood now, but there it was again. Dread.

I saw it. I knew that’s what it was. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. I whispered as I looked away and pressed a hand to my mouth, “You were supposed to take me in your arms. You’re supposed to tell me that everything will be fine. You’re supposed to make it right.” At least that was how it was supposed to go in my fairytale dreams. Jesse saved me. He’d been there from the beginning. But that wasn’t how this was going? Doom settled in the bottom of my stomach. It was spreading all the way to my toes and I wanted to rewind time. I wanted to figure out where this started going wrong.

His voice wrung out, “You should’ve told me about them.”

“Why?” I gasped out.

Confusion flared over him. “What do you mean?”

“Why? You loved them. They were your ideal parents, not mine.” My gut kicked again. I went with a hunch. “And not Ethan’s either.”

His hand jerked. There it was. I’d been right, but I felt no victory. “It’s the secret, isn’t it?”

“What are you talking about?”

My hand lifted and I gestured to him. “You. This whole thing. You’re not comforting me, Jesse. That’s your job. That’s what you’re supposed to do, but you’re closed off.” It hurt to say, but I did. “This is you for the last two years.”

His eyes closed.

He knew what I was getting at. I kept going even though I felt like I was being strangled, “What did they do to Ethan?”

His head went back down.

“Jesse.”

He looked away now.

“Jesse.” My voice rose to an authoritative bark. He had to tell me. He just had to.

Finally, he looked back, but he was closed off again. A fucking cement wall came over him. He wasn’t letting me in and my stomach dropped. He wasn’t going to tell me the secret. He had to. He had no other choice. Didn’t he know that?

Why was this going so wrong?

The doomed feeling began to spread all over me now. I shook my head. “Stop this, Jesse. You can stop this right now.”