Broken (30 page)

“That feeling. Being back in Texas.”

Laila starts to say something, probably sarcastic, but then she stops.

The jokes about Texas and Brady and home were always done more out of fear of never leaving than out of truth. Lex knows this
now and thinks that she might too.

They’ve been driving for several hours since morning, having stopped in LaFayette briefly. Laila is driving for him just so
he can stretch out on his seat and lay back if needed. But now Lex sips his Mountain Dew and feels good about being back in
Texas. It’ll be another seven hours or so before they get home.

Laila is quiet, and he can only imagine why. The combination of what happened in New Orleans and the anticipation of arriving
back home—he can’t know what his sister might be feeling. He just keeps praying that her heart remains open, that he says
the right words, that he does the right things.

“Lex.”

He looks at her and sees just how vibrant her eyes are. Laila is shocking in her beauty. “Yeah?”

“Why did you follow me? Why after all this time?”

There are things he’s waiting to say until he gets back home, things he doesn’t want to say but rather show. For a moment
he thinks.

“There are lots of reasons.”

“Did you know? Tell me that? Did you get a sign or something that I was in trouble?”

“Not exactly.”

“Then how? How did you know I was in trouble?”

He looks out onto the plains surrounding him. There should be a better time to tell her than now, but he knows that nobody
is promised tomorrow. And for a while in New Orleans, he was wishing that
he had told her, that he had confessed to her what he’s been wanting to confess for so long. He almost took it to the grave.

Lex knows he needs to tell her now.

“There’s something that I—that I’ve been wanting to tell you for some time.”

She glances at him briefly with a curious look. Perhaps it’s his tone or his expression, but she looks concerned. “What is
it?”

“I’m sorry, Lai. I’m so utterly sorry.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I know what they did to you.”

The space between her eyebrows wrinkles, and her eyes continue looking his direction and then darting back to the highway.
“Who?”

“I was there. At the Star Motel.”

Laila faces ahead and the look on her face changes. It’s stern and cold and doesn’t glance his way.

“I know what happened.”

“What are you talking about?” she says.

“Just—just listen, okay?”

“Listen to what?”

“I know. I—I know you were attacked. I didn’t know what was happening, but I knew.”

“You knew what? What are you talking about?”

She is speaking at him like he is a stranger, like he is a little boy, like he is an enemy.

And maybe for all this time he has been all of those things.

“I was in the parking lot. Spying on you.”

“Lex, you’re not making any sense.”

“The Star Motel outside of San Angelo.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Yes you do.”

She curses and keeps staring ahead and Lex gently puts his hand on her arm. She recoils and glares at him.

“I’m sorry, Lai. I—I was twelve, and I was scared.”

Her mouth opens, but she doesn’t say anything.

“I can’t imagine what you went through. But for a dozen years now I’ve wondered and I’ve told myself that night was my fault.
It wasn’t, Laila. I didn’t—I just couldn’t—I didn’t know what to do.”

She glances at him, and something in her changes. It softens. She reaches over and puts her hand on his cheek and wipes away
a tear.

“Laila, I’m so, so sorry.”

She nods.

“I didn’t know what to do. And after, I didn’t know what to say. How to even ask. You just went on as normal.”

“That’s really the name?”

“What?” he asks.

“That’s really the name of the hotel?”

He nods.

“I’d forgotten about that. I’ve tried to forget about most of that but of course haven’t ever really.”

“I just wanted to know what my sis was up to. I was being stupid.”

“How did you follow me?”

“I rode my bike to the hotel you were talking about. I just—I was curious. And then I saw you go into the hotel room and I
knew what was happening and then those others guys showed up. I saw them go into your room, Laila. And I knew. I just knew.”

Laila is pale, and she faces the road and doesn’t say anything.

“And for a while I actually believed—I thought—God, I’m sorry for this, Laila—I thought you were planning on it all along.
But then afterward I saw you, and I knew. I just knew in my heart.”

“You knew what?”

“That you’d been hurt. That you’d been broken. But I couldn’t—I was twelve, and I didn’t know. I didn’t understand. I’m twenty-four,
and I still don’t understand. I can’t understand the wickedness in men’s hearts. In my heart.”

“So this—this was all to what? To apologize? To cleanse your soul?”

“It’s not like that.”

“Then what’s it like?” Laila asks.

“I blamed myself, and I did a lot of things after that to torture myself. To make the guilt go away. But Laila, none of us
can do it on our own. None of us.”

“So what happened?”

“God saved me. That’s the honest truth. He saved me, and He caused me to open my eyes in a miraculous way.”

“How?”

“That’s what I want to show you. That’s why—Laila, there’s so much you need to be a part of back home. We’ve all missed you.
I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you since that awful night when I let you down and when I should’ve stood up for you and protected
you. All this time—for a while now—I’ve thought I would come back in your life and protect you. That I would be the one to
confront my demons. Yes, sure, I guess that’s it. But it’s more than that. I’ve seen strange things.”

“What do you mean?” Laila asks.

“Weird things. Visions. Memories. Made-up fantasies. I’ve—I’ve had this recurring dream over and over again. And it always
involved me knocking down a door and saving your life. Me coming into a hotel room and taking down the bad guys and rescuing
you. But Laila, don’t you see—you’re the one that saved me?”

This time she takes his hand and embraces it.

“But I didn’t save Kyle, did I?”

“I’m sorry.”

“For every good thing I ever hear, I can tell someone two bad things. You came out and saved me because of—because of something
I can’t begin to even understand. But then why? Why did Kyle have to die?”

“I don’t know,” he says.

“I don’t get it. I just don’t get it. He was a good guy. Those other men—they deserved to die. So did those boys in that hotel
room so many years ago. But not Kyle. He didn’t deserve it.”

“You didn’t deserve it either, Laila.”

“Yeah, I know that now, and that’s why I have a pretty damn good reason for wanting an explanation from God. You know? Is
that too much to ask?”

“No. But there are things that happen in life—bad things—that are out of our control. Even when they’re in our control—even
when we can do something about them—they happen.”

She tightens her grip around his hand. “That was not your fault that it happened. You didn’t do that to me. You look at me,
Lex—it was not your fault.”

“I’m sorry for never saying anything.”

“What could you say to me? What’s there to say?”

“I don’t know. That I was sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t get you anywhere in this life.”

“I should’ve helped. I should’ve done something.”

“You saved my life.”

“I think you saved mine,” Lex says.

For a while they drive in silence, still holding hands.

“I’m just glad you didn’t die in that hotel room,” Laila tells him. “I thought for a while you had.”

“When I found you with that little boy in the alley, I didn’t know what to do.”

“What?”

For a moment he doesn’t understand her shocked expression and her question. Then he sees the car drift off the highway, and
he takes the wheel and adjusts it. “Uh, we’re going toward the ditch here.”

“What’d you just say?”

He thinks back. “What? About finding you in the alley?”

“No. About—what did you say?”

“That when I found you in the alley with that kid, I didn’t know what to do.”

“You saw him?”

“What? The little boy?”

“Yeah.”

Lex nods. “Yeah. With the cap on. The backpack.”

“He was there? He really was there?”

“Why?”

“He really—you really saw him?”

“Of course. He had his arms around you. And then I came over, and he disappeared. Everything was happening so quickly, and
I was bleeding and almost blacking out. But I saw him.”

She starts to giggle, then lets out a laugh as tears fall down her face.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“Nothing. Nothing at all.”

“Then why are you laughing and crying at the same time?”

“Because. Because one day I’m going to take this all in and understand it. I’m going to understand how I was finally found.
After all this running, I was finally found. You can outrun a lot of people, but you can’t outrun your maker, can you?”

“No,” Lex says too quickly with too much assurance. “No you can’t.”

“I just—wow my head hurts.”

“My heart hurts,” Lex says.

“Yeah, that too. And I wasn’t the one shot.”

“Whatever happened to him? To the boy in the alley?”

“Luke.”

Lex glances at her for a moment. “Who?”

“His name was Luke.”

Lex stares at her. “How’d you know that?”

“I just know.”

“Where’d he go?”

“He went back home. He found his mommy and then went back home.”

I imagine heaven to be a place much like home. Much like Texas.

Open and wild and free.

I imagine that it holds surprises with each mile you walk down, with each street you drive down, with each hill you cross.

I hold my breath and think about it and know it’s real.

It’s not a question of whether I have a right to be there.

That right has already been taken care of. It’s just a matter of me accepting it.

And I’m trying to.

The sinner in me is easy to see. It’s salvation that’s a little more difficult to grasp.

But if it’s really true–if God really did love the world so much that He gave up His son for us–then how far-fetched is it
to hear from another son simply wanting to guard and protect his mother? All the things that happened that I couldn’t explain–I
can explain them now. I don’t need to prove them, but I know they’re real.

So then why is it hard for me to take one more step?

I’m trying.

I’m really trying.

But today, after the long day and after the ride and after getting home and finally understanding why Lex came to find me…

I can understand a little more of this thing called grace.

I can see it on Lex. In Lex. With Lex.

He is a different man.

And he is so thankful.

I still don’t get why–why all the things that happened happened.

But today I stand amazed at the things that can happen.

And I believe that perhaps–that maybe God has something big in store for me.

L
ex pulls into the long driveway as the afternoon sun is hovering. They’ve been driving most of the day, and they’ve finally
arrived back home.

Laila is tired and nervous about meeting Lex’s wife. He tells her that everybody else is at the ranch, where they’ll go later.
But this will give Laila a little chance to freshen up.

They step out of the car and head toward the doorway of the two-story house. A woman opens the door. And then Laila sees something
else. At first she thinks it must be their dog, but then she knows she’s mistaken when she sees the pink.

The pink shorts and shirt match the pink shoes. The toddler comes running down the sidewalk toward Lex.

Toward her daddy.

Laila stands there in shock and amazement with a crushing, bewildering blow.

Lex glances at Laila and smiles, tears in his eyes. Then he swoops down and picks the curly haired girl up into his arms and
kisses her.

Laila is terrified. She doesn’t know what to do. She’s shocked and surprised. She can’t believe he didn’t tell her.

But then she begins to understand.

In his arms, the little girl reminds her of photos she’s seen.

Photos of herself.

“Can you say hello?” Lex says to her as he walks over to Laila.

His wife comes next to him as he props the baby girl up on one arm to see Laila.

“This is Isabella,” Lex says. “And this is Dena.”

Laila shakes hands with Dena and then looks into the brown eyes of Isabella. Tears roll down her cheeks.

“How old—?” she starts to say.

“A year and a half.”

“She’s beautiful.”

“Yes she is.”

Lex smiles, and Laila understands.

The eyes and the smile and the cheeks are all Torres.

They’re all her own.

Lex doesn’t need to explain anymore.

Laila sees Isabella and finally understands why after all this time her brother made a trek to find and rescue her.

Not to cleanse his soul.

But to do something he would do for his daughter.

To give back after being given so much.

“Want to hold her?”

Laila nods and takes Isabella in her arms and kisses her forehead. “You’re solid, aren’t you? Hi there.”

As she talks to her, a feeling goes through her.

A feeling of how right this is.

A feeling of what this moment would be like if it were her own child.

But instead of shame and regret and fear, Laila feels thankful.

Because this child is her own. She belongs to her as well.

Laila holds Isabella and makes a promise that she will watch over and protect this little girl as much as possible.

Her father is in the study, waiting for her. Laila’s been inside the house for twenty minutes already having tear-filled greetings
with
her family. Ava and her husband and children, her aunt and uncle. It seems that Laila has stored up tears for the last few
days.