Broken (21 page)

She returned minutes later with a thick photo album and a couple of those large, white envelopes photography studios use to protect portraits.

“I should have shown you these before. These are pictures of Zoe from her birth to now. Nell and my parents took tons of photos, documenting her progress for me.” She handed the album to Max.

The front was decorated and had a picture of newborn Zoe in the center of the cover. Max took his finger and traced the outline of her body. “She was so tiny,” he murmured, his voice catching.

There was a tube in her nose, and she was hooked up to all kinds of monitors. He couldn’t drag his gaze away from the photo. He should have been there.

Zoe bammed her spoon on the table and babbled excitedly, catching his attention. She was babbling incomprehensibly and pointing at the scrapbook.

Cassidy laughed. “She recognizes the book. Occasionally I pull it out and show her pictures of herself.”

Max smiled absently, but his gaze was drawn to the book in his hands. Holding his breath, he flipped open the cover. On each decorative page sat a photo with a description and date handwritten beside it. He silently flipped through each one, reading the narratives. When he reached the last one, taken merely a month earlier, he sat staring at it.

“Max?” Cassidy called his name, sounding concerned.

Slowly he lifted his teary gaze to meet hers. “You’ll never know how sorry I am that I wasn’t here for you, for Zoe, or how much I wish I could rewind the clock and fix it so I was.” He sat, unashamed, as the tears ran down his cheeks.

Cassidy opened her mouth to speak, but nothing emerged. Finally, she closed it, appearing at a loss.

Max reached out and took her hand that lay on the table in his. “It may be too little too late as far as we’re concerned, but I promise you, Zoe will never wonder where I am when she needs me, ’cause I’ll be right there.”

She pulled her hand free and clutched it to her chest. “You can’t make promises like that. You have no way of knowing—”

“I know,” Max said fiercely, cutting her off. “I know,” he repeated softly, his gaze drilling into hers, demanding she accept and acknowledge his vow.

When she remained silent, he changed the subject by saying, “We didn’t talk birth control, and we’ve had unprotected sex twice. I’m clean, so you don’t have to worry about sexually transmitted diseases from me. Pregnancy is another issue. While I’d love nothing better than for us to have more children together, I don’t think another unplanned pregnancy is something you’re prepared for. Are you on any type of birth control?”

She flinched and her hand flew to cover her stomach. “I’m not…I didn’t…
Oh God
!”

Suddenly tensed, Max gripped the edge of the table. “You’re not…” He swallowed hard. “I mean, you’re okay, right? The accident…having Zoe didn’t damage anything that would cause another pregnancy to put you in jeopardy, did it?”

“No.” Cassidy slowly shook her head, looking no less horrified.

Was the thought of being pregnant that distasteful to her?

She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. In a calmer tone she said, “I hadn’t given the possibility of pregnancy another thought, which, given our history, is patently stupid of me. No, I’m not on any type of birth control. There hasn’t been a need. I just…I didn’t
think
!” she finished, running an agitated hand through her hair.

Relieved that’s all it was, Max rose, rounded the table, and knelt at Cassidy’s side. It seemed he was always kneeling at this woman’s feet. “Sweetheart, if you’re pregnant, we’ll deal with it. Together.”

He held her troubled gaze. There was so much going on in there. He wished she’d open up and let him in. If he knew what the problem was, he might be able to fix it. However, until Cassidy was willing to share, he’d focus on his objective.

Rising suddenly, he said, “Food’s getting cold. Finish eating.”

Max returned to his seat, mind whirling. They’d already proven once he and Cassidy were a potent combination. He remembered his daydream of a week ago when he’d first tracked Cassidy down. In it, Zoe was his child, he and Cassidy were married, and they were arguing about whether to increase their family now or wait until Zoe was a little older. Little by little, his dreams were coming true. Zoe was his, not Phillip’s. By the end of the day, he and Cassidy would be married, and maybe, just maybe, they had another child on the way. Only time would tell.

The only thing hindering all of his dreams from becoming a reality was Cassidy herself. She’d put up a wall between them, one he was determined to tear down, brick by brick. If time is what it took, he would learn how to be patient. After all, once they were married, he’d have all the time in the world to make his dreams come true.

Cassidy dressed in the simple pants suit she’d elected to wear. Initially, the goal had been to remind her foolish heart today was a mere formality, nothing special to get all a flutter about. Then Max had brought up the possibility of her being pregnant and every other consideration had flown out the window.

Did she want another child with Max?  He’d been great when she was pregnant with Zoe. Supportive even after realizing he wasn’t the father. Max had made sure she started off each morning with breakfast, called during lunchtime to make sure she’d eaten, and had cooked or brought home carryout from her favorite Italian restaurant for dinner. There’d been foot rubs and full body massages. Basically, he’d spoiled her rotten, and Cassidy was woman enough to admit she wouldn’t mind experiencing it again.

Was she really contemplating having another child with Max? This wasn’t even going to be a real marriage. Had she lost her mind?

This marriage can be anything you want it to be. Max is waiting on you
, her conscience chided.

Sighing, Cassidy knew it was true. He hadn’t said anything and was no longer pushing, but Cassidy knew Max greatest desire was for them to be a family. He’d been so happy when she’d come into the kitchen. More so than a simple trip to the courthouse called for, that’s for sure.

The ball’s in your court, Cassidy. Play or pass
?

She’d told Max they couldn’t change the past, and that was true. However, the future belonged to them. They could make anything they wanted of it. Despite her fears and uncertainties, Cassidy knew what she wanted. The question was, did she have the courage to take it?

Cassidy gazed at her reflection in the mirror. Hell yes she did. She’d stared death in the face and lived to tell about it—not once but three times. She crossed over to the closet and pulled out a dress she’d purchased on sale but had never worn, saving it for a special occasion.

“Your daddy’s going to drool when he sees me in this,” Cassidy said to Zoe, who was dressed and playing on the floor.

After laying the dress on the bed, she stripped down to the sexy underwear she hadn’t been able to talk herself out of donning, and put on the dress. It had a deep, sweetheart neckline, buttery soft fabric in a gorgeous shade of champagne with gold accents, and a short hemline that came to mid-thigh and clung to her curves like a second skin. She reached into the closet and pulled out matching gold shoes and clutch. Her hair she left loose, knowing Max like it that way. For a minute, she mourned the loss of the inches she’d whacked of in an attempt to manage it better.

As Cassidy collected Zoe and left the room, she acknowledged to herself saying was a lot easier than doing. After her protestations to the contrary, how was she to convince Max she was willing to give them a chance? In a way, she almost wished she were pregnant. It would make things so much simpler, giving her a handy excuse to change her mind.

And the coward’s way out,
her conscience chided again.

Jeez, it wasn’t cutting her any slack today.

Squaring her shoulders, she stepped into the living room to face Max and promptly lost her breath. Good thing she’d changed. He was devastatingly handsome in a navy blue double-breasted suit teamed with a navy striped tie and a light blue shirt that brought out the blue in his eyes. He’d shaved, and that curly mane of his was tamed into a tail at his nape. When he saw them he smiled. “There are my ladies. Ready?”

To disguise his impact on her senses, she said, “Let me get Zoe’s diaper bag.”

“I already grabbed it,” he told her, indicating the bag sitting on the couch. “Which vehicle are we taking?”

“Yours,” she said absently as she grabbed her coat from the coat rack. Zoe was already zipped into a jacket and had a knit cap on her head.

When he held out the keys to her, Cassidy stared at him stupidly. Max shook them when she didn’t reach for them, saying, “Cassidy, you’ll need the keys if you’re going to drive my truck.”

Stunned she said, “You’d let me drive your new vehicle?”

“I want you to be comfortable,” he said simply, those intense blue eyes capturing her gaze with his.

Cassidy thought about it a moment, realizing, with some amazement, she hadn’t given any pause at the idea of Max driving her. Of course, they were simply heading downtown, not to Philly. But in her heart, Cassidy knew it wouldn’t have made a difference. She trusted Max. She’d consider what exactly that meant later.

“You drive,” she told him.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Very. Come on, Zoe,” she said to their watching daughter. “Let’s go get married!”

Max escorted her out the front door, Zoe’s bag slung over his arm. It felt strange standing there while he locked her front door.
Their
front door, she mentally corrected herself. After today, the house would be theirs. They’d already been sharing it for a week with no problem. Well, none other than her struggle to stay in her own room, in her own bed, knowing all the while Max was right down the hall, probably nude—his preferred sleeping attire.

Thank God she hadn’t had any more nightmares. If he’d have come charging into her room again in the middle of the night when her defenses were down, she couldn’t be held responsible for her actions. Then again, where was a good nightmare when you needed one?

They made it to the courthouse without incident. She waited while Max came around the vehicle and opened her door. As she stepped down onto the pavement, he placed a hand on her waist inside her unbuttoned coat and said, “Did I tell you how beautiful you look today?”