Bring the Rain (24 page)

“You could call him,” Dad offers as he packs up his tools.

“No, I need to speak with him in person. You know?”

“Did you eat dinner yet?”

“Yeah, Gina and I stopped on the way.” I pick up the ladder from the floor. “If you don’t mind, I wanted to take Howdy out on a ride?”

“Sure. I’ll leave my truck for you and grab a ride back with Todd.” He opens the door and spots my new mega-large suitcase. “I see your Mom bought you a new wardrobe?”

“Yeah, you could say that.”

“How did you get her to let you come home? I haven't heard from her at all.”

I heave the suitcase off the porch. From here on out, I’m taking the honest route. “I had to tell her I knew about the custody agreement and your past in order for her to understand why I wanted to come home. I hope that's okay. She wasn’t thrilled, but I promised to visit in January for a few weeks. So, I think that helps. Plus, she’s tied up in her business and gone a lot. I think this helps her feel less guilty.”

Dad nods. “That’s what I suspected would happen, and one reason I wanted you to stick around. Is Ambrose nice?”

“Yeah. He’s pretty cool. He makes Mom happy.”

“Good,” Dad heaves my suitcase into the bed of his truck. “She deserves happiness.”

“You do too, Dad.”

“I know. I am now.” He pats my shoulder and gives it a little squeeze. “Want a ride to the barn?”

***

I trace the black scar on Howdy’s shoulder as we meander through the field. He sets our pace, making our way over the hill and down into what should be a pasture. The sun’s close to the horizon and I know where I want to go. The place will provide the perfect beauty and balance for my feelings right now. I breathe in Oklahoma’s fresh air. I swear I can taste the rain, but none falls.

We reach Colt’s favorite tree and I slide off Howdy’s back. I slip him an apple as I take a seat. Dust cakes my palms when I press them against the earth. The sun dips into the earth and a brilliant yellow bursts from the center, spreading into pink. The grey clouds above transition into purple. It’s one of the most beautiful sunsets I’ve ever seen.

I lay back, glimpsing the blanket of waking stars behind each cloud.

This is home. I have no itch to run or find something to do. Life will be harder here and quiet. Maybe I’ll enter an art show or something. I could become a world-class ranch artist.

Oh God. That’s the most beautiful and absurd dream I’ve ever had.

I’m insane. I open my arms wide, laughing at the sky. Here I am, seeking what many would believe to be the most boring adventure on earth, and it feels amazing.

Howdy nudges me with his nose. “Tired boy?” He nudges once more. “All right, all right. I’m coming,” I say as I stand back up. Howdy stuffs his nose in my sweatshirt, looking for another apple. “I’m out, but I’ve got an extra in the barn.”

I take one last look at the empty horizon’s blues, pinks and oranges dancing in flares. The ground's much darker now the sun’s slipping away. “Sorry, boy. We need to take our time on the way back. No tripping for us tonight.” I’m about to mount Howdy when something in the pasture seems to be moving. I squint.
Please don't be coyotes
. 

The figure grows larger as it comes up the hill.

A striking silhouette breaks the evening sky. A horse… and a cowboy.

Colt
?

My mouth dries.

Baby trots up the hill with Colt steady in the saddle. “Whoa, girl,” Colt says, stopping her in front of me. I look up, his face a silhouette against the sunset. “Autumn.”

“Hi,” I say. It’s not perfect, but it’s a start.

He slides off Baby and stands there for a moment, looking at me with a slight smile. It's hard to keep myself from rushing into his arms. I’m still mad at him... I think. How do I even begin?

He seems to know. With a few steps closer, he reaches out and touches my chin. “I’ve missed you, Autumn.” Those ice blue eyes gaze into my soul and everything in me stills. “You came back?”

“I did.”

“Why?”

“Because you were right. My dad deserves a chance, and...” I sigh, gazing back out to watch the sun slip out of sight and the pinks all change to dark purples and blues. “I’m an Oklahoma girl.” I step sideways, gauging his reaction. “Why aren’t you at school?”

“My tuition for the year had to go toward another investment.” He nods at the cattle near the horizon. “A year, maybe three off.” He shrugs.

It takes a moment for it to sink in.

Colt invested in the ranch. He gave up his dreams to help out Dad.

“But you want to become a doctor. You can’t do that to yourself.” Everyone deserves to have a chance to achieve their dream.

“I know and I still will become a doctor, but right now it needs to go on the back burner for a little. I couldn’t let your Dad sell the land. Too many people would be unemployed without this ranch. I’d lose a job and my home, and Chris doesn’t deserve this hit. I put my college savings in with part of Todd’s savings. Together we took out a loan from the bank, investing it into the ranch as well.”

“Thank you,” I whisper. I gaze at him, totally in awe of watching this guy turn into a man.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back?” He reaches out, brushing away that strand of hair that always falls in my eye.

“We haven’t talked for months. Texting you didn't feel right. I wanted to speak with you in person.” I place my hand against his chest. “Everything hurt when I was around you. I wasn't strong enough to say goodbye to you, and I’m sorry.”

“I should have come to you. Your father told me you were leaving. It’s my fault too.” He sits on a pile of fallen leaves. “Will you sit with me? I need to share something with you.”

The leaves crunch as I kneel next to him, but not too close. Everything in me wants to trust him, but I can’t yet. Not until I know why he lied.

“I’m sorry I misled you about my past,” he begins.

“Colt—you lied. You said you were a virgin.”

He shakes his head, “No, I didn’t. I told you I wanted to save sex for my wife. You ran with it, assuming I was a virgin.”

I dig my heel into the dirt, scanning my memories of our first make out session in his room. My heart twists and pride bleeds out. Oh my gosh. He’s totally right. The most he did was nod which could have meant anything.

“But," he continues, “that doesn’t mean what I did was okay. I should have clarified and shared my past with you.” He rubs the bridge of his nose before looking at me. “I was too scared you’d hate me for it.”

“How could I hate you for having a past? I mean… I kind of did the same thing.” Kind of? Like thirty-seven times.

“Autumn,” his finger touches mine. “I’m sorry I called you a slut. You aren’t at all. I was so mad, but not at you. I still want to go out and pummel the guy who took your virginity.”

“Colt,” I giggle a little because he sounds so cavalier and old-fashioned. “Trust me. I was an active participant.”

He cringes. “Okay, fair. Honestly, I was just pissed it wasn’t me.”

“Well, even if I had been a virgin, you didn’t want that from me.”

“Which is exactly why I let you keep on believing I was one.” He sighs. “Tell me the truth. If I would have told you about my past, wouldn’t it have only encouraged you?”

I try to hide the heat rushing to my face. He’s right.

He pulls my hands away. “Autumn, you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I know, but I was too casual about it. I didn’t know what a relationship was.” His hand finds its way to the middle of my back. His spot. Even through my sweatshirt, his palm radiates, warming my skin. My spine pushes into his hand a bit, aching for more. I sigh as his touch pulls all the tension out of my back.
Finally
. “So...” I say. “What now?”

“No.” He sits up and takes his hand off my back. “I’ve got more to share. Just please try to keep it in perspective.”

More to share? Did I forget something huge?

“I want to tell you why I stopped sleeping around. You need to hear this from me before a rumor reaches you.”

“What, do you have a kid?” I nudge him, but he doesn’t laugh. My heart races. “Holy crap. You have a kid? You’re a father and you didn’t tell me?”

He touches my hand. “No, Autumn. I don’t have a child.” He squeezes my arm. “But I almost did.”

Wait. “What?”

“The last girl I slept with was a year older than me. Amy. Our condom snapped, and I got her pregnant.” He pauses, and I hang on his breath. “It happened a little over a year ago. I went with her to all the early appointments. The baby looked great on the ultrasound. I was going to be a father.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, I was terrified, but didn’t want to back down. We decided not to tell anyone until she was showing. I had it all figured out, we’d get an apartment and go to the community college. I even bought a ring.”

“Did you love her?”

“No, but I was determined to learn to.”

“What happened?”

He wrings his fingers. “She had a miscarriage while visiting her aunt.”

“Oh.” Part me wants to ask if it really was a miscarriage but the look on his face lets me know it’s not the right time. It doesn’t matter if it was a miscarriage or an abortion. Either way, to him, he lost a child.

“Yeah.” He reaches out and rubs my back again. “Thankfully, no one knew, so no one could tell me how convenient it was. The truth is that it sucked a lot. Here I was ramped up to be a father and then my baby was gone.”

“What happened to Amy?” I say after I pat his strong hand. 

“Unlike me, she found it very convenient. She broke up with me and ran away to a school in Iowa. We occasionally chat online but that’s it. I doubt I’ll ever see her again.”

“Her loss.”

He smiles and takes my hand in his. “Thanks. So that’s the beef of why I want to wait now. If I go through any of that again, I want it to be real.”

“The baby was still real, Colt.”

“I know, but I mean the relationship. I never gave her the ring, but I held it in my pocket so many times.”

“You were trying to do the right thing.”

“Thanks.” He says as he strokes the back of my hand. “So?”

“So.”

“Where does this leave us?” He’s a man, brave enough to ask. I’m so thankful for it because I’m ready. It’s time for me to grow up and be real.

I slide closer to him. “Right here,” I say. He wraps his arms around my waist and his breath heats my neck.

“Autumn,” he whispers. “Can you forgive me?”

I turn to him, “For what?” We’ve worked through everything else.

He smiles before lowering his head, putting his lips against mine. His kiss is soft as he repositions himself, putting me between him and the earth. His hand cups my head from the dusty ground as passion now drives his kiss. Everything in me sighs. This is perfect.

“For that.” He whispers, pulling me up and back on his lap. “I screwed up our summer. I should've been able to do that the moment I saw you under this tree.”

“No. I’m sorry. I will never forgive you for that.” I kiss him lightly.

“Why?” His eyebrow folds in a worried crease. 

I kiss his hand. “Because it means you’ll just have to keep trying until you get it right.”

“Oh?” he says. He doesn’t waste a second before his lips find mine again. He pulls me close and I don’t know where my lips end and his begin. This kiss is different from the ones that came before it. There’s no sick game or desire to control. We simply are together, reconnecting under the stars. We’re lost in one another until something cool drips from the sky.

I pull out of his kiss, and glance up at the swirling dark clouds above.
Crack.
The sky opens with a lightning bolt in the distance, and rain falls to the earth.

“Colt, look!” I tilt my head back, opening my mouth to taste it.

Colt yips like the cowboy he is before diving in for another kiss, one powerful enough to bring the rain.

The End.