Bridge to Haven (61 page)

Things had been going well until today. She couldn’t concentrate, kept fumbling notes and then having trouble finding her place to start again. Frustrated, she raised her hands, fighting the urge to pound her fists on the keys. It wasn’t the piano’s fault she couldn’t make her fingers work today.

Ian put a firm hand on her shoulder. “Enough for today. It’ll take time to get you back to where you were. I’ll see you on Sunday.”

Abra gathered the sheets of music. Instead of walking home, she went to the church office, where Irene Farley greeted her with a hug before peeking into Pastor Zeke’s office. “Go on in. I have to step out for a while.”

Pastor Zeke came around his desk and embraced her. He rubbed his chin gently on the top of her head before releasing her and gesturing to a chair while he took the other, facing her. “I was going to come into the sanctuary and listen to you play. You’re finished with your lesson already?”

“Yes. And a good thing you didn’t listen. I couldn’t seem to play anything without making a dozen mistakes.” She chewed on her lower lip.

“Something on your mind?”

Something had been on her mind for a very long time, a wound that had never healed. “I have to ask you a question.”

“You can ask me anything.”

She had the strangest feeling he knew what she would ask. But even now that the moment had come, she wasn’t sure she could get the words past the heartache, past the constriction tightening her
throat. “And please,” she begged, “tell me the truth this time.” She saw hurt flicker in his eyes at that.

“I always have, Abra.”

Had he? Maybe he didn’t even realize. She raised her eyes and looked into his. “Did you blame me for Mama Marianne’s death?” He looked surprised, then distressed. “Don’t answer until you think about it. Please.”

He leaned back, closing his eyes. He sat so long, Abra wondered if she should go. She was ready to rise when he let out a soft sigh and spoke bleakly. “Not consciously.”

He looked into her eyes, hiding nothing. “Though I can see how you might have felt that way. I was so caught up in my own grief, I had trouble thinking of anyone’s needs other than my own.”

He leaned forward, hands loosely clasped between his knees, his gaze fixed upon her. “The greatest trial of my life had to do with you. I didn’t want to give you up. Then God made it clear that’s what He required of me. I was called away at all hours of the day and night, and Joshua was just a boy. I couldn’t leave him responsible. Once before I had rejected God’s plan, and then had to face the cost.”

“You tried to explain it to me.”

“Yes, but what can a child of five understand?” His eyes glistened. “I know I hurt you, but I have more to confess, Abra.”

Hands clenched in her lap, Abra waited.

“When I found you and saved you, I loved you as though you were my own flesh and blood. It wasn’t just Marianne who wanted to take you home and make you part of our family. I knew we shouldn’t. Marianne had rheumatic fever when she was a child and it weakened her heart. Giving birth to Joshua took a great toll, and the doctor advised us against having any more children. But she’d always dreamed of having a little girl. You were the answer to all her prayers, and an unexpected gift to me, too.”

He leaned back slowly, looking weary. “Had I been stronger—or
less selfish—I would have stood firm. We both knew the risk, but I wanted her to be happy. Since then, I have often wished that we had given you to Peter and Priscilla in the first place.”

“What do you mean, in the first place?”

“Peter and Priscilla came to the hospital right after I’d found you. They wanted to adopt you. I didn’t have the heart or courage to take you from Marianne’s arms.”

“They wanted me?”

“Oh, yes. Right from the beginning, Abra. I didn’t think about the possible ramifications of my decision until Marianne died and I faced the truth. I couldn’t take proper care of you by myself. I didn’t have the money to hire someone to watch over you. And I was gone so often. You were barely five and grieving for the only mother you’d ever known, and I couldn’t be there for you. Peter and Priscilla were so helpful with you after Marianne died—Penny already loved you like a sister—and I knew what God wanted. It broke my heart to take you to their house and leave you there. I saw that you didn’t understand. I heard how you withdrew. You weren’t the same child after that. I tried to make it easier on you by coming by as often as I could. I kept hoping you would make the transition. Peter finally had to ask me to stay away. My frequent visits were only making everything worse.” His mouth curved in a sad smile. “How could you bond with them if I was always around? I realized my selfishness and stayed away.”

Pieces of the past came together. “That’s why we went to another church.”

“Yes. We all agreed that would be best.” Pastor Zeke shook his head, his expression filled with regret. “Or hoped it would be. It helped Penny become more outgoing, but you closed yourself off even more. Every change seemed to do more harm than good. You strove to be perfect, to please everyone. It hurt to watch. I felt helpless. All I could do was pray. There hasn’t been a day in your life when I haven’t prayed for you, not once, but many times.”

She felt the tight fist of her heart opening wide to him. “I saw you standing at the gate, night after night. I wanted you to come and ring the bell and take me home.”

His eyes filled. “You were home, Abra. You are home.” He held his hands out, palms up. “I ask for your forgiveness.”

She put her hands in his. “As you have forgiven me, so I forgive you.” She remembered how much he had grieved over Marianne, and knew in the years that followed, her coldness had wounded him even more. “It’s true. Marianne might have lived longer had I not come into your lives?”

“No. I struggled with that thought and blamed myself until God reminded me He knows the number of hairs on our heads. He knows the days He has allotted us. Those five years you spent with us were a joy to Marianne.” He kissed her right hand. “And to me.” He kissed her left. “And Joshua.” When he raised his head, his expression softened with an expectant smile. “God holds the future in His hands.” He put her hands together between his. “Any other questions?”

She could breathe again. “Probably, but none come to me right now.” When he let go of her, she stood with a deep sigh. “Thank you.”

“Anytime.” He put his arm around her shoulders as he walked with her. “My door is always open.”

Turning, she stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. “I love you. Daddy.”

“I have not heard those words from you in a very long time.” His eyes grew moist. “I love you, too.”

She opened the door and almost collided with Susan Wells, who stepped back abruptly, her eyes going wide with surprise. She stammered a quick apology. Flustered, she looked past Abra to Pastor Zeke and blushed.

Abra’s brows rose slightly as she brushed off the apology, stepped around Susan, and went out the door. Susan hadn’t just looked
surprised. She’d looked guilty. Abra kept walking, a smile tugging at her lips.

So that’s why Pastor Zeke had spent so much time at Bessie’s Corner Café over the years!

Pastor Zeke and Susan. Now that she thought about it, they would make a nice couple.

CHAPTER 19

You can make many plans,

but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.

PROVERBS 19:21

1959

Abra finished her morning shift at Dorothea’s and sat on a bench in the square, soaking in the peace as early spring sunlight descended through the towering redwoods. She lifted her face and felt the caressing warmth. Rising, she walked past the bandstand and crossed the street to Bessie’s. Sometimes Pastor Zeke went there for lunch, and she might be able to sit and talk with him for a while. She hadn’t seen Joshua for a few days and missed him. He said he was working late on a project, but wouldn’t say what it was.

Susan glanced up, looking surprised. “Nice to see you, Abra.”

“And you.” Abra sat at the counter instead of in a booth, wondering again if something was going on between the waitress and Pastor Zeke. Marianne had been gone a long time. Susan was a nice woman, though she’d always been something of an enigma.

Susan gave her a warm smile. “What can I get you?”

“I think I’ll live dangerously and have a root beer float.”

“Seems like you’re usually with Joshua when you come in.” Susan spoke over her shoulder as she scooped vanilla ice cream into a tall glass.

“He’s my best friend.”

Susan pulled a lever, and root beer hissed over the ice cream. She poked a straw into the drink and set it on the counter. “Joshua is a special guy.”

“Yes.”

“He loves you, you know.”

“I know.”

“No, I don’t think you do. I’ve watched you two over the years I’ve been here. Things changed for him when he came home from Korea.”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s in love with you. That’s what I mean. There isn’t a soul in this town that doesn’t know it, except you.”

Abra stared at her, mouth agape. There had been moments when she wondered, hoped, but he acted with the same circumspect manner he always had. “People don’t know everything.”

Susan seemed to be on a mission. “I see the way he looks at you when you’re not aware, and I see the way you look at him. You love him, Abra. What are you going to do about it?”

Abra felt the heat flood her cheeks. She’d never had a conversation like this with Susan—or anyone else, for that matter—and she was unprepared to answer with anything but flat truth. “He deserves someone a lot better than me.”

“He wants
you
.”

Someone came in and took a booth. Susan put her hands on the counter and lowered her voice, her expression almost pleading. “You have a chance for real love, Abra. Grab it! Hold on tight! Not all of us are so fortunate.”

On the walk home, Abra heard the familiar rumble of Joshua’s
truck behind her. Her heart jumped, and everything Susan had said sounded like trumpets in her head. Turning, she smiled and stuck out her thumb.

He pulled over to the curb and shoved the passenger door open. “How could I pass up such a beautiful girl?” His gaze swept over her as she slipped into the passenger seat.

Her pulse kept climbing. The scent of healthy male sweat filled the cab.

She breathed in Joshua as Elvis Presley’s “One Night” played on the radio he’d installed.
“Life without you has been too lonely too long.”
How odd to realize that she’d once met the young man who had gone on to such fame and fortune. She wondered if he had been able to find what he’d been looking for amid the glitter and glamour that had proven so empty for her.

Joshua put the truck in gear. “I was going to come by after I got cleaned up. The model homes are finished. Want to take a look?”

Another place had beckoned for a long time, but she hadn’t wanted to heed the call. “Can we go to Riverfront Park first?”

His brows rose in surprise. “Sure. I’ll drop you off, get cleaned up, and pick you up in—”

“I’d like to go now, Joshua, if you don’t mind.” If she waited, she might find more excuses not to go.

“Okay.” He made a U-turn at Maple Avenue and headed for the bridge. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know.” She rolled down the window as Joshua reached the bridge. Leaning over, she stretched her neck to see the water rippling blue and clear below. It was too early for summer visitors. No trailers in the campsites, no racing children on the banks. She listened to the
thump-thump
of the truck wheels as Joshua drove across the bridge. He downshifted and turned into Riverfront Park on the other side.

He parked so they faced the river. “Okay. We’re here. What now?”

“I’m going to take a little walk by myself.” She got out and walked
over the grassy mound. Her feet sank into the white sand Haven brought in each year to replenish “the beach.” She headed for the cement piers supporting the bridge.

Abra looked up and saw the covering of the bridge. She stepped out, so she could see the railing. She had dreamed countless times of Pastor Zeke standing up there, looking down at her. He said once he’d just had a feeling he had to come to the bridge that morning. He’d always believed God had sent him.

Why hadn’t she believed that? Yes, her mother had abandoned her, but God hadn’t. God had placed her in Zeke and Marianne Freeman’s arms, and when Marianne went home to the Lord, and Pastor Zeke had the responsibility of a congregation of needy people, God had seen her safely to another family, with a second father and mother, and added another blessing of a feisty sister. When she ran away, God reached out through Murray and Mary Ellen. When she lost all faith and hope, He brought her to Agua Dulce and Joshua.