Briar Patch (11 page)

The carriage was drawing to a halt. When it stopped, her uncle got out and then offered his hand. She climbed down, shaking her skirts out and glancing about her. Several people were outside the church and she heard cries of good wishes. A man was standing slightly apart from the others. She wanted to wave and smile at Tom Blake but somehow she couldn't manage it. He inclined his head to her, then turned and walked away. Roz felt cold all over. Her uncle offered his arm as she hesitated. For a moment she wanted to run away. She wanted to run after Tom Blake and ask him to take her far from here, somewhere she would be safe and warm.

‘Anything wrong, m'dear?'

‘No, uncle. Everything is fine, thank you.'

She took his arm and walked into church as the organ started to play.

‘You are so beautiful, Roz,' Harry said and lifted his champagne glass to her. ‘I know I've been saying the same thing ever since we left the church, but I can't believe my own luck. I kept thinking you would change your mind.'

‘I was scared on the way to church,' Roz admitted. ‘Don't put me on a pedestal, Harry. I'm just a woman.'

‘You're the woman I love,' he replied and touched her hand as she toyed with her wineglass. ‘I feel blessed – honoured. I'll be good to you, lass.'

‘Yes, I know.' Roz sipped her champagne. Her eyes moved round the room. There were more guests here than had come for Philip's wedding, most of them Harry's friends and relatives. ‘I need very little – but I do want to be a good wife.' She lifted her eyes to meet his. ‘Please believe that, Harry.'

‘Aye, I know.' He looked thoughtful, as if sensing her apprehension. ‘We'd best circulate, Roz. We'll be leaving soon and I've hardly spoken to some of our guests.'

‘Yes, of course. I'll throw my bouquet for the young girls.'

Roz walked across the room, stopping now and then to greet people and exchange kisses before reaching the table where her mother and a few of the ladies had gathered earlier to join in the toasts and gossip.

‘I'm going up in a few minutes, Mama. I'm ready to throw my bouquet now.'

‘Stand on the stairs and do it,' Lady Thornton said and then called out to some young girls loitering nearby. ‘Roz is going to throw her bouquet, girls.'

Some of the ladies and a group of giggling girls followed them into the magnificent entrance hall. Roz walked up three of the wide stairs then tossed her bouquet over her shoulder and turned to watch. The girls were laughing and jostling with each other and Miss Mary Jenkins caught the bouquet, laughing in triumph as she held it up for everyone to see.

‘I'll be married next,' she said.

‘I'll come up with you, Roz,' Lady Thornton said, a suspicion of tears in her eyes.

‘Yes, of course, Mama.'

Rushden Towers was not the medieval fortress its grand name suggested but a rather ugly Victorian house, square and unappealing. However, Harry had built a new facade of a long porch with elegant pillars and an imposing front door. He had also planted an avenue of ornamental cherry trees which softened the approach.

Roz had visited her new home with Harry a few days before the wedding and he'd given her a tour and shown Roz her own apartments, which were adjacent to his.

‘This looks very smart,' Lady Thornton said as she followed Roz inside the suite of sitting room, dressing room and bedchamber.

‘Harry had most of the house refurbished recently. Do you like the more modern style, Mama? I think I do – though there are too many knickknacks in here. I shall put a few of these ornaments away once I've settled in, but I don't wish to offend Harry by doing it all at once.'

‘Too many frills and tassels,' Lady Thornton said. ‘I dare say you will teach your husband to have better taste, Roz. You can't make a silk purse out of . . .' She faltered as she saw Roz's look. ‘Harry is a gentleman; I shan't say otherwise but some of his family . . .'

Roz frowned at her mother. ‘Harry's grandfather bought the farm and his father was a farmer too, but he was sent to a good school and he is as much a gentleman as Philip – perhaps more so. I like the house, though I may change things a little in time.'

‘I am sure Harry will tell you to rearrange what you like,' Lady Thornton said and picked up a solid silver pot from the dressing table. ‘Everything is good quality – and this has your initials on it, Roz.'

‘Harry is very thoughtful and generous.'

‘Yes, he is.'

A maid knocked and entered. She dipped a curtsey to Roz and asked if she could help, coming to assist with the hooks at the back of her bodice.

‘Thank you, May,' Roz said as she took away the beautiful silk wedding dress. ‘You can help me with the carriage gown and leave me to finish.'

‘Yes, ma'am.' The girl looked shy. ‘The master says I'm to come with you and look after your things – if that pleases you, Mrs Rushden?'

‘I'm very happy to have your services, May. I'm sure we shall get on well.'

‘Thank you, ma'am. Is there anything else you need?'

Roz looked at the bed where her hat, gloves and reticule had been laid ready. ‘I believe you have thought of everything.' She unclasped the bracelet from her arm but left on the pearls at her throat. ‘Please put this in my jewel case and take it with you when you go down.'

‘Yes, ma'am. I'll take good care of your things.'

‘I am sure you will.' Roz smiled as the girl picked up her jewellery case, placed the bracelet inside and locked it, giving the key to Roz. She slipped it into the reticule and the girl left. Roz fitted the hat at a jaunty angle. It was green velvet with curling black feathers which set off her travelling gown of emerald green trimmed with jet on the fitted jacket. ‘Will I do, Mama?'

‘You look just as you ought.' Her mother kissed her cheek. ‘Be happy, Roz.'

‘Yes, I think I shall.'

Roz nodded and then gathered up her things and went out. Some of the guests had gathered in the large hall and were waiting to greet her with cheers as she went down to them. Her gaze paused for a moment on a gentleman she had seen only briefly when he congratulated them after the wedding. She was a little surprised that he had actually come, though she knew Harry had invited him and he had sent them a set of fine Derby porcelain for dinner and dessert. He inclined his head and she did the same, and then Harry was moving towards her.

‘Roz, lass,' he said. ‘You look more beautiful than ever – are you ready to leave?'

‘Yes, of course.' She took his hand, glancing back at her mother. Lady Thornton was sniffing into her kerchief and being comforted by Uncle Matthew. ‘Uncle, Mama, thank you both. I shall see you very soon.'

Harry led her outside to the carriage. They were greeted by a group of mischievous children who showered them with rice and rose petals. Harry sheltered her, laughing as he helped her inside the comfortable carriage. She leaned forward to wave as the guests crowded outside to see them off.

‘The reception went well,' Harry said. ‘I'm a sociable man, Roz. We'll entertain our friends often in the future, but I'm glad it's over for today. I wanted to be alone with you.'

‘We shall be alone for the next three weeks.'

‘Apart from May, my man, and the grooms,' he agreed. ‘I dare say we'll meet people when we're in Paris. You guessed that was where I meant to take you?'

‘You spoke of my buying clothes in fashionable houses. I thought you might mean Paris. You do know I already have several new gowns?'

‘Aye, but nothing compared to what you deserve, lass. I may be a bit rough about the edges despite going to Cambridge, but you're a lady and I know what you're due. Besides, I'm going to enjoy spoiling you.'

‘Are you?'

‘We'll stop at a decent hotel for the night and take the ship tomorrow afternoon. I think you'll enjoy Paris, lass.'

‘Oh yes, I want to explore. Have you been before, Harry?'

‘My father sent me on a tour there after I came down from Cambridge. I missed the fens and the mists of England and couldn't be doing with all that sunshine – but I dare say I shall like it better this time.'

‘Because I'm with you?'

‘Yes.'

‘Come here, Harry.'

‘I didn't want to crush your dress.'

‘My dress doesn't matter.'

He lurched across the moving carriage and landed on the seat beside her, laughing as he half fell against her. ‘Now see what I've done. I'm a clumsy oaf.'

‘You're a kind, generous man, Harry Rushden, and I'm glad I married you.' She gazed up at him. ‘Why don't you kiss me?'

‘If I start I might not know when to leave off.'

‘We are married.' She leaned towards him, taking his face between her hands. ‘I'm not made of porcelain, Harry. I shan't break if you touch me.'

‘You're all I ever wanted,' Harry said and drew her close. ‘You know I love you, Roz.'

‘Yes – and I'm beginning to be fond . . .'

His kiss cut off the words before she could finish.

Roz closed her eyes and shut out the bitter memories of the night she'd been raped. Harry was her husband and she had to smile and welcome him to her bed, as if she were the innocent girl he thought her.

Roz had never before felt as nervous as she did now. She had dressed in a beautiful lace peignoir and stood with her long hair flowing about her shoulders, looking at her husband. She caught her breath as he moved towards her, reaching out to draw her into his arms.

‘Harry, I must te—' she began but his arms were about her and his mouth was on hers. His kiss was so hungry, so demanding that she couldn't breathe, let alone speak. He bent and swept her off her feet, carrying her towards the large bed where he placed her gently amongst the fresh linen sheets.

‘I love you, Roz. It doesn't matter.'

It was too hard to say anything when her heart was hammering in her chest. The last time a man had been this close he had hurt her, tearing at her like a mad beast. Harry's gentleness as he loved her was breaking her heart because she couldn't respond as she ought.

She didn't love him, even though she was grateful for his consideration. Her fingers stroked the back of his head but although she didn't recoil from his touch, she couldn't give him the response he wanted. She felt empty, frozen. Afterwards, he lay with his head against her breast for a moment or two before rolling on to his back, staring up at the ceiling in silence for what seemed an eternity.

‘Who was it?' he asked at last.

‘I'm sorry. I did try to tell you.'

‘Who was it, Roz?' Harry took hold of her arm, his fingers digging into her flesh. ‘Tell me!'

Roz shuddered at the memory. ‘Paul Richmond. He raped me on the night of the ball. Do you hate me because I married you without telling you?'

‘No, I don't hate you.' Harry rolled off of his side of the bed and started to dress. ‘If you'd told me I should have killed the bastard but I would still have married you.'

Roz sat up against the pillows, her knees drawn to her chest. ‘Just now – I couldn't . . .'

‘I didn't expect much, but I would have waited for a while if you'd explained. In the carriage you kissed me. I thought . . .'

‘Kissing is all right but the rest – I just kept thinking of what he did. He hurt me. You didn't, Harry. In time perhaps I'll do better.'

‘Yes, perhaps.' She saw the disappointment and hurt in his eyes. ‘Why didn't Philip go after him? The bastard shouldn't have been allowed to get away with what he did to you.'

‘He wanted Julia's money. If I'd made a fuss he would have lost any chance of her. In time he might have lost the hall and my mother would have had to leave her home.'

‘Is that why you wanted the wedding quickly? Are you carrying Richmond's bastard?'

‘No.' Roz got out of the bed and touched his arm. ‘I swear I'm not having a baby, Harry. I know I ought to have told you but I was afraid of hurting you.'

‘Didn't you realize that I would find out?' Harry moved away and stood in front of the window. ‘What do we do now? It was bad enough wanting you and knowing you didn't want me when we weren't married, but this is even worse. You're my wife and you can't bear to have me touch you . . .'

‘I didn't want to reject you. I just couldn't feel anything. In time things will get better.'

‘Will they?' Harry turned to look at her, cold accusation in his eyes. ‘Do you think I'm made of stone? Do you imagine I want to make love to a woman who lies there like a dead thing? I'm not that insensitive.'

Tears welled in her eyes but she held them back. He was so angry – but who could blame him? ‘You didn't force me. I just . . .' She shook her head because there was nothing she could say. ‘I wish I'd told you.'

‘Yes, it would have saved a lot of bother. At least I would have known exactly what I was letting myself in for. But I loved you and thought that you had at least some feelings for me. I had no idea I make your flesh crawl – I should have known that it was too good to be true but I couldn't see past your pretences. What a fool I've been!'

‘Do you want a divorce?'

‘And have every man in the county laughing behind my back?' He glared at her. ‘You married me and you'll stick to your bargain, Roz – but there'll be no marriage in the true sense. I'll play the devoted husband in public but I'll find my pleasure elsewhere.'

‘I'd hoped we'd have children, a proper home life.'