Breeze of Life (24 page)

“You need to talk to him, Bree. He told me what happened and I’m not going to tell you because you need to hear it from him. This is between you and Harper, you need to trust him enough to hear him out.” I hiccupped. How on earth could he say anything to make this right? “I know you’re not silly, honey, so use that head of yours. Do you really think Harper would hurt you like this, do you think he would intentionally bring you that sort of pain? You know him better than anyone, you know what’s in his heart.” Another tear slipped out. George kissed my forehead and slowly stood up. “Trust yourself, sweetheart, trust him. He’s still the friend he’s always been.” George left me there, surrounded in the scent of Harper, wanting nothing more than to go back to Seal Rocks, to our bubble. But I couldn’t go back, I could only go forward. There were two paths in front of me right now and I had to choose one. But what if I chose the wrong one? What if I got hurt again? Mia’s words echoed in my mind, “
You and I, we’re made of something different, we’re stronger and braver, and you beat cancer, Bree, so you can deal with anything now.
” Damn straight. I was bigger and stronger than this and it would take more than skanky Naomi to make me lose my shit.  Instead of sleeping in my bed tonight, I climbed into Harper’s. Whereas last night I wanted to forget his existence, tonight I needed to be submerged in it. I was going to fight for my friend, for my love. I was going to be the Breeze that Harper deserved.

The next morning I was knocking on George’s door a little after six. This was an uncool hour to be awake and normally my body would flat out refuse to move before seven. Now I was dressed and ready to get moving. George opened the door with messy bed hair and wearing his crazy tie-dyed shirt and track pants.

“Bree, did your bed blow up?” he asked. Yes, it was early and no, the sarcasm in his voice was not lost on me.

“I need a ride. Can I borrow your car?” He ran a hand through his salt and pepper hair and yawned.

“Where you headed?”

“Byron Bay, Oceans Tattoo Studio.” That certainly got his attention. “Their website says they open at nine, I figure I’ll get going now, pick up some breakfast and get their first thing. Hopefully they can fit me in sometime today, otherwise, it’s going to be a waste of a trip.”

“Hold up.” He waved his hands around in front of me. “Is this for some sort of cosmetic appointment, like the eyebrows?” I slowly shook my head wondering if George would condone me getting a tattoo. I was twenty-three so it’s not like he had much say in it anyway, but if he refused to let me borrow his car it would make things really difficult. He grinned, a big grin which was a cross between excitement and mischief.

“My little girl’s all grown up and wants a tattoo,” he murmured. “Hell if I’m gonna miss this. Come on in, you can wait for me to get changed then we’ll hit the road.”

“You don’t have to come,” I protested as George dragged me into his apartment, which was exactly like mine and Harper’s. 

“First of all, I bet Harper five hundred dollars you would get a tattoo before you turned twenty-five, so I’m pretty damn stoked that you’re doing this.  Secondly, you’re going to need someone to hold your hand. If Harper finds out you went alone, he would kick my ass.” George shot me a guilty look. He wasn’t aware that I was allowing Harper’s name to be spoken today.

“Well, hurry up, I’m hungry,” I grizzled. “And we’ll talk about the five hundred dollars on the way there, you kinda owe me.”

As we entered Oceans, no one so much as glanced in our direction, everyone was busy setting up for the day. Casual insults were once again being thrown from one side of the room to the other.

“Are you sure Harper would approve of this place?” George mumbled.

“Definitely, this is where he gets all his tattoos done.” Yoshi finally snuck a quick glance our way and as soon as he saw me his face lit up.

“Lady Somerville!” he exclaimed. That got everyone else’s attention, especially Chantelle.

“No fucking way! Harp let you come here alone?” Marz teased.

“I’m not alone,” I said. “This is George, I guess he’s kind of my adopted father.” George certainly liked that description as he puffed out his chest and reached across the counter to shake Marz’s hand.

“The George who is, and I quote, the Master Fucking Yoda of Investments?” asked Marz. George chuckled.

“That sounds like something Harper would say,” he confessed.

“You looking for Lacey?” Marz asked. I shook my head nervously.

“No, actually I was hoping you could help me with something.” Marz raised a brow and looked at me curiously. “I was hoping you would have time to fit me in sometime today, I’m after something in particular and I really don’t want anyone else doing it.” Marz gave me a quick sharp nod.

“Okay,” he said intrigued. “You don’t come across as a flower or butterfly kind of girl. Something musical?” He wondered out loud. I shook my head and looked nervously up at George. His reassuring smile gave me the confidence I needed. Somehow his approval and encouragement was important to me. Two hours later, I was marked, inked, stamped, permanently and irrevocably altered. The hope and pride it filled me with was most definitely awe-inspiring. Today I chose a path, now I just had to walk it.

***

D-day had arrived. It was December third and as much as I tried to convince myself that today’s doctor’s appointment was going to be a piece of cake, I still couldn’t entirely shake off my nerves. I wanted to go to this appointment alone; the urge to take some sort of independent control of my life was still eating at me.  Thinking of the way I had handled the last eight months shamed me and I wanted to prove not only to myself but everyone else I wasn’t completely useless, that I could make my own way in the world and take care of myself. George and I had our first argument over it, no way was I going to win. He knew when and where my appointment was and I knew he would turn up regardless of whether I wanted him to or not. I relented. I was aware he had been talking to Harper and I convinced him to tell Harper not to come. I needed to do this without him. Harper had swooped in and saved the day when I couldn’t save it myself. I needed to return some independence and control to my life. After much arguing, pouting and swearing George had left my apartment last night to go call Harper and I hadn’t seen him since. I felt bad for putting George in that position. It was not only going to make Harper angry that he couldn’t be with me today, but it was going to hurt him.

I was so nervous I could barely eat. I nibbled on some toast and sipped at a weak cold tea that made me grimace. I wished my guitar was here, the thought of losing myself in some music was far more appealing than sitting staring at the clock. The apartment felt colder and lonelier than ever. I wrapped my head carefully in a scarf and pulled on a long flowing skirt and my tree of life shirt that I had bought in Bryon Bay. I fiddled with my friendship bracelet and wondered if Harper still wore his. My mind played back my far too short road trip with Harper. He had known exactly what he was doing when he packed my bag and dragged me out of this apartment. He was helping me find myself again while showing me the beauty in adventure, the beauty in living. Harper had come home from Portugal with his mind and heart set on claiming me and loving me. Nothing had deterred him, he had been a man on a mission. There were still a couple of nevers that we hadn’t crossed off our list and I desperately hoped we would still get the chance to do them someday, together.

I had spent so much time cursing my unfortunate luck for getting cancer, questioning ‘why’, that I had forgotten to be thankful for what I did have. My life so far had been full of smiles and fun, and Harper had forced those memories back into my world. Between Harper, Sean, George and Mia I had to be the luckiest girl alive. All of them had helped me to realize how beautiful my life was, all of them wore constant smiles and filled my world with laughter. Mia, who I had only known for a blink of an eye had become the sister I had always wanted; George, who had filled the missing gap of fatherhood for many years now; Sean, who was your atypical goofy brother who would battle with his own cousin for my honor and protection. And Harper, who had dragged the shy little girl from next door out onto his front lawn and taught her to ride a skateboard. At ten years old, Harper owned my heart and he would have it forever more.

Too soon it was ten o’clock. My appointment was an hour away and the drive would take forty-five minutes. My knock on George’s door was so quiet I was surprised he had even heard it. I half expected Harper to walk out of his door. It seemed like something he would do, be as close to me as possible without actually being with me. The tears that welled in my eyes when George opened the door and shut it quietly behind him were ridiculous. While I kept telling myself I didn’t need Harper for this, that I was strong enough to face this alone, I was afraid that the awful truth was I was breaking without him.

The drive with George was quiet and reflective. This visit was to go over my results following the radiation treatment. The lab results would confirm if the disease had regressed entirely or still lay aggressive under my skin just waiting to take me from this world. That thought didn’t scare me like it had only a week ago. Life was definitely a better alternative, but I couldn’t defeat Death, if He wanted me He would eventually claim me and I was ready to accept that fate. I would live whatever life I had left full throttle. Harper had exposed me to a life outside the box. It was nice to step back in the box now and again, but I wanted so badly to live a fearless life. That included being a little bold where my heart was concerned. I needed a future with Harper and if he had changed his mind I knew it would shatter me. I was sure Harper had to have a good explanation for what went down in Sydney. If he didn’t, George would have been more interested in pummeling him rather than talking to him. I just had to get through today, show George, Harper and perhaps myself that I was strong enough to take care of me. I needed to be my own person so badly it scared me.

We were early as I stood facing the Medical Centre doorway. I made it this far and now I was stuck, my feet refused to move. I took a deep breath and looked down at my stubborn feet, then back up at the building.

“Move, you idiot,” I mumbled to myself. Yet, I still just stood there. My fists were clenched at my sides as I looked back up at the big white building. George’s hand pressed gently to my lower back but it didn’t help. God, I was an idiot. I was so determined to be Miss Independent, to be strong, to be brave, that I had left behind the one thing that filled me with my strength. The one person who made me feel invincible and beautiful. Harper was meant to be here at my side, not because he was my ‘crutch’, not because I couldn’t survive without him, but because I simply loved him. Because when two people were meant to be together, they were supposed to face challenges as one. I had shoved him away and now he most likely hated me when I needed him most.

A silent tear slipped down my cheek. I kept my eyes riveted to my feet, knowing George stood beside me patiently waiting, not pushing or trying to intercede. It’s not like he could very well carry me through the damn doors.

“You can do this,” I whispered. A finger under my chin brought my face up, levelling my eyes to rest on the most angelic sight I had ever seen—eyes the color of the ocean, dark lashes, full lips, bronze skin, and a tender smile that caused another tear to slip loose.

“Baby girl,” he sighed, leaning forward to rest his forehead against mine.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. Harper’s lips silenced mine with a far too quick and far too chaste kiss. His entire body seemed to relax when I reached up to cup his cheek. “You look as though you need a hand,” he whispered. Without another word, he reached down, took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. He gave George an appreciative nod and we turned and walked into the building, together. As much as my stubborn inner woman wanted to be independent, it was quite obvious I was scared shitless and really did need a shoulder or two to lean on. And they didn’t come any broader or steadier than the two who walked me towards my fate right now.

Chapter 23

The Green Room

Inside the barrel, the epitome of waves; almost spiritual and divine for a surfer

Harper – Nine Months later

I sat towards the front of the church, light spilling through the inspiring stained glass windows that adorned the front of the building. The reverent image it created was appropriate and beautiful. Soft murmurs, gentle sobs and sniffles now filled the enormous space, but apart from that, it was quiet. My heart ached, the lump in my throat throbbed with the effort it took not to break down. I was in a suit for the first time since that fucking night nine months ago. I hated suits now, ever since that night. I had stood there in that room full of people who wanted to shake hands, grab an autograph or photo and swap stories about their ‘epic’ surf adventures. I had endured four long hours of that shit, smiling when appropriate, responding verbally only if I absolutely had to. My heart had been ripped from my chest that day. Fucking Rick, just the thought of him made me boil with anger. “Do this meet and greet in Sydney, Harp, and I’ll make it worth your while.” Those had been his words and Rick’s idea of making something worth my while was flying fucking Naomi to Sydney and leaving her in my hotel room wearing nothing but a smile. I knew he had been up to something, it was Rick’s style. I had walked into that hotel room and after realizing the cluster-fuck of a problem that had just been created for me, I promptly covered Naomi with my shirt and locked myself in the bathroom to call Rick. He had created the cluster-fuck, he could un-create it. I didn’t even know Bree had made it up to the room until Rick showed up wondering why Bree was fleeing the hotel looking paler than a ghost.

I didn’t blame her for running, hell, if the situation had of been reversed I would have done the same thing. I might have thrown a few things too and maybe hit something or someone. Then I would have walked and I damn well wouldn’t have looked back. Bree had demanded some space following that major fuck up and again, I didn’t blame her. She had shit going on in her head and she needed to get it sorted out before she could make any big decisions about her life, about us. When she had forbidden I join her at her oncologist appointment, I had seriously hit the roof. Sneaking around in George’s apartment next door with Bree only a wall away had been fucking hard. It took all my strength not to march into that apartment and spank her ass red. So, as George suggested, I took a trip to the north end of the coast around ten o’clock that morning and I did happen to pass by the specialist center and notice Bree and George waiting out front. And thank fuck I did. Bree needed me, my Breeze needed my strength and right now all that strength seemed to have left my body. I heaved a long heavy sigh and rubbed a hand down my tired face. Only this morning the tears had come again, while in the shower where the water could wipe away their existence. Nothing could wipe away the pain in my chest and the overwhelming sorrow in my weary body.