Breed of Envy (The Breed Chronicles, #02) (23 page)

It was the beginning of February now and they’d found the demon about forty miles north of New Orlando. The demon seemed to stick to the same place for a week before moving on, so Linc was set to go the day after tomorrow, on Saturday.

“You ready?” I asked him. The second the words left my mouth, I felt a sudden sense of déjà vu. How many times had he said those exact words to me? It was weird saying them to him.

He nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I am.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. He was still nodding, even ten seconds later. He was sitting at his desk, his left leg tapping the ground quickly, over and over. I laid my hand on his knee. “Breathe.”

“What?” He tapped for another few seconds, then he seemed to realize what he was doing and stopped. “Shit.”

“You’ll do fine. You know everything, Linc.”

He didn’t say anything for a minute, but then he looked at me, his blue gaze locking with mine. “You’re going with me, aren’t you?”

My eyes went wide before I could stop them. We hadn’t discussed that at all. “I didn’t help you so you’d have me go with you. It’s your demon, Linc.”

“I know, but—”

I just shook my head. I…appreciated the thought, I really did, but he’d made his position pretty clear about the whole thing. “You’re better off by yourself, Linc,” I said, and then, to keep myself from meeting his gaze, I started to gather my stuff. “It’s getting late. I should probably sleep.”

Linc beat me to the door. The boy could move fast when he wanted to.

“Linc, I need to go.”

“No, you don’t.” He leaned against the door, crossed one leg over the other, and crossed his arms over his chest. His I-mean-business look was plastered on his face. “What’s going on with you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, still refusing to meet his gaze.

“You’ve been acting…off. Not like Halloween off, but distant. I can handle the moody stuff, but you’re not moody. You’re just…just. You’re not really anything.”

I rolled my eyes. “Gee, thanks.”

“You know I didn’t mean it like that.” He pushed away from the door, though he still stood in front of it, blocking my escape. “You’re just really distant, and that’s not like you.”

“I don’t want to fight.” Really, really couldn’t handle another one.

“We’re not going to fight. Just tell me what’s going on with you. Come on,” he said, taking my arm and leading me away from my exit. He pushed me back on the bed, then sat in his computer chair, rolling it until he was in front me and still managing to block me in. “Talk.”

I sighed. “There’s nothing to talk about. I’m just tired.”

He gave me that look that said he didn’t believe me. “Is this about our fight before? Because I was an ass and said I didn’t want you to go with me?”

I wanted to lie, to say no, that it had nothing to do with that. But it did. It had everything to do with that. It had everything to do with him, the fight, and how he acted afterward. How he walked away whenever I came near him, how he just ignored me in Combat class that day when I went off on Brian.

Hadn’t I gone to him when I knew he needed help, despite everything else? It was petty of me, and I knew it was, but I couldn’t help but feel a little bitter that he couldn’t have been bothered saying one word to me until I offered to help him.

I wasn’t even mad at him about any of it. I was just hurt. And sad.
And I still am
, I thought, though I hadn’t really consciously realized it until then.

“Look, Jade, I’m sorry about it. I didn’t mean what I said. It was just—”

“Not my business,” I answered. “I get it, Linc. It’s okay. And you don’t need to apologize for it. You were right.” And he was. I didn’t—hadn’t—expected an apology or even wanted one. He hadn’t been wrong about that night, because it
was
his business. It still was.

“Jade…”

“What do you want me to say, Linc? I’m not mad at you, about any of it.”

“Then what gives? You don’t talk to me anymore.”

“Please,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I talk to you all the time. I see you more than I see my own room.”

“You study with me. You talk demons with me. You don’t tell me anything about you. You don’t even let me go with you to your appointments with Doc anymore.”

“I can’t do it anymore.”

“Do what?”

“Act like we’re more than we are. Be more than we are, which is friends. I want to be friends, but…I can’t do the rest.”

He scratched his head. “I don’t think I’m following.”

“Can we just not do this? Like I said, I don’t want to fight and that’s all this is going to lead to.”

“No, it won’t. And even if it does, it won’t be like last time. We’ll fight it out if we have to, but we’ll talk.”

“You didn’t last time.” As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted them. I hadn’t meant to say it. “Sorry. That was uncalled for.”

“You are mad.” He nodded, like he’d been waiting or expecting that answer.

“No, I’m not mad.” I sighed again. “I’m hurt and sad and frustrated. I’m hurt and sad because you just ignored me for weeks without saying anything. Without looking at me. You just walked away from me anytime you saw me, like you couldn’t stand to be around me. You just pretended I didn’t exist. Even when—or maybe especially when, I’m not sure—Brian the jerk was up to his usual crap and I had it out with him. And,” I added quickly, before he could use the argument I could see forming, “I know I told you to stay out of it, so I shouldn’t be upset by it, but you just
ignored
me and that…that hurt more than anything else. I was hurt and you just ignored it, like it didn’t matter. And, and—there’s your crazy girl logic,” I finished lamely, breathing heavily and feeling dumb. He didn’t respond right away, but I laughed. “And here’s the kicker. I should’ve known better, so being upset with you is even stupider of me.”

One brow shot up. “You should’ve known better about what?”

“Depending on people,” I said quietly.

“Jade—” He reached out to touch me, but I jumped up from the bed, dropping everything in my arms, and moved away from him. Hurt flashed in his eyes.

“Sorry. I’m not trying to be mean or start a fight. I’m sorry. For everything.”

I made a dash for the door again, but Linc’s arms went around my waist before I made it three steps. He spun me around, holding me close. “I’m sorry. I was an asshole. I didn’t think—couldn’t think—past what you told me, and then I just reacted badly.”

“I don’t need an apology,” I said, trying not to cry for the umpteenth time that Phase. I was tired of crying. “I just need to go.”

“No. You need to stay right here.”

“Linc—”

He cut me off by putting his finger over my lips and making a zipper sound. Then he said, “Zip it. You said your piece, now it’s my turn.” He pulled back, but his arms were locked around my waist again. “I am sorry. Whether you needed or wanted an apology, it’s there. I acted like the world’s biggest asshole and I hurt you. Right or wrong, you deserve the apology. First, I did ignore you, and I’m sorry for that, too, and for what I said that night, because I was way off base.”

“You weren’t—”

He made the
zip
sound again. “Not done. After the fight, I wanted to go talk to you, but I needed time to think, to really think, to figure things out. When I did, I realized what I’d said to you and I was disgusted with myself for being such a jerk in the first place. I didn’t know how to make it right, so I acted like an even bigger idiot and did nothing. As for not looking at you…that was only because every time I did, I remembered what I said, and I remembered the hurt in your eyes, and it was like a sucker punch to the gut. I wanted you around, and I do want you there with me tomorrow. I don’t trust anyone to watch my back more than I trust you to. That’s the truth. When you said you wanted to go, I overreacted. I just kept seeing the image of my sister in my mind and seeing what that demon had done to her. And I know you don’t need protected, Jade Hall, Ass-Kicker Extraordinaire, but I was afraid—I still am—that something like that would happen to you and it’d be my fault, too.”

“Linc, I—”

“I’ll tell you when I’m done,” he said, cutting me off yet again. I let him have it, since I’d done the same thing to him. “As for the situation with Brian…” His gaze went dark, his tone hard. There was a tick in his jaw and the arms around my waist tightened, like he was trying to contain me or something else. He let out a deep breath. “As for Brian. When I heard you yelling at him, I remembered what you’d said about keeping out of it. I only turned away because it took everything in me not to go over there and knock his head off his shoulders. And I’m still debating doing just that.” He took another deep breath. “Did I forget anything? Ah, yeah. As for your crazy girl logic, my guy logic isn’t much better.”

I didn’t say anything, just raised my eyebrow questioningly.

He rolled his eyes. “You can talk now. Or if you want, you can take a stab at me. A punch or something.” His eyes narrowed and he leaned back a little. “Not a literal stab.”

It was my turn to roll my eyes. “Please. Like I’d waste a perfectly clean and polished lipstick knife on you.”

“You have it on you, don’t you?”

“What? No. It’s in my room,” I lied. I’d been carrying it with me since he’d given it to me. But no way was I going to tell him that.

He grinned. “Liar. I bet it’s in your pocket.” He started to pat my pockets, and when I tried to slide out of his arms, he just dug his hand into my pocket and pulled it out. He had a triumphant smile on his face. “Told ya.”

“Fine. So I happened to have it on me today. I used it to open something earlier and just shoved it in there.”

“You’re lying again, but it’s kinda cute, so keep going.”

I opened my mouth, closed it.

He slid the lipstick case back in my pocket, then, with his fingers still hooked there, he yanked me closer. “I like that you carry something I gave you on you.”

I gave a nonchalant shrug. “Never know when I’ll need a lipstick slash knife slash light thingy. It could come in handy.”

He shot me his lopsided grin. “As long as you don’t use it on me.”

“Yeah, yeah. I promised.”

“One other thing…” he said, trailing off as he looked down.

“Yeah?”

“You’ll go with me tomorrow, won’t you?”

“Linc, I—”

“You’re the one who found the demon for me. You should be there. And I want you there. I need my girl there.”

Something in my stomach somersaulted. “Your girl?” My voice had a croak in it, making me sound like a stupid frog.

He gave a one-shouldered shrug. “Yeah. Wanted to see how it sounded.”

The somersaulting something became a flopping fish. “Oh, okay.”

“And you are, aren’t you?” I saw something in his eyes and heard the same something in his voice that I’d never really seen or heard before: uncertainty. Insecurity.

I wasn’t sure what to say. We’d never really talked about…that.

His grip tightened around me again. “I know you said you didn’t really want that. But we made out already,” he said, full of confidence again, “so that’s kind of like sealing the deal.”

“Oh? So kissing is automatic grounds for…” I didn’t want to say boyfriend/girlfriending. That just sounded dumb. Coupling? Relationshiping? Going study, or whatever they used to call it? “Stuff,” I decided on.

“Maybe. It should be.”

“Maybe I like just kissing. Maybe I want to be an open kisser person.”

He threw his head back and laughed. I was lost in the sound, enjoying the texture of it, so I didn’t hit him for essentially laughing at me. “Please. You don’t even look at anyone else. You’re too busy studying or hanging with me and Tasha to notice anyone. Tasha and I have both seen more than a dozen guys staring at you and you’re completely oblivious to it.”

“I am not. Because they don’t. Everyone just gives me weird looks.” And had, I’d noticed, since after I’d been bitten last Phase. Nothing too obvious, just…subtle looks that left me feeling kinda weird, like I had something stuck in my teeth or in my hair and they weren’t sure how to tell me.

He made an
uh huh
sound. “I rest my case.” The blue in his eyes darkened. “I know you don’t want to depend on people, and I get why you say that, why you think it. But it’s not all bad, Jade. Everyone can use someone to depend on. And you can depend on me. I promise.”

I kept my eyes down. “I know,” I answered quietly. “But—”

“I was an idiot, but I never meant to hurt you. I wish I could tell you that it’d never happen again, that I wouldn’t act like an ass and say or do something that would hurt you, but I can’t make that promise.” He pulled me closer, resting his head on mine. “I would never do it intentionally. That much I can promise you.” His fingers went to my face and he lifted my head up to meet my gaze. “And in case I wasn’t clear, or you thought I was joking or something, I do want you, Jade. There with me tomorrow—as my friend. As my girl. I’ve missed my chances with anyone else.”

“You’re such a jerk,” I said, but it was with a laugh.

“What? I’ve been following you around for months now. It’s pretty clear to everyone where things stand with me. And I’ll just keep following you around like a lost dog until you agree.”

“You will not.”

“Okay, I wouldn’t. That’d be really creepy,” he added quickly, shooting me a wicked grin. “But I’d be forced to kick anyone’s ass that looked at you.”

I was still chuckling when I said, “You wouldn’t do that, either.”

“Yeah, I probably wouldn’t. But I’d seriously want to. Tasha would probably have to hold me back so I didn’t get kicked out.”

“You’re insane. I don’t know why I like that about you.”

His eyes twinkled. “Well, you didn’t say no and you had your chance, so I’m taking that as a yes, you’re my girl. And now it’s settled.”

I bit my lip and fought a grin. He was so…Linc. Bossy but sweet at the same time, though I had no idea how that was possible when they contradicted each other. And depending on him a little wouldn’t make me weak, really, would it? Not for everything. I couldn’t keep doing that. Not because of him, but because of me. I needed to depend on myself a little, too. “Okay,” I said, nodding. “Yeah, okay. I’m your girl.”