Brecht Collected Plays: 1: Baal; Drums in the Night; In the Jungle of Cities; Life of Edward II of England; & 5 One Act Plays: "Baal", "Drums in the Night", "In the Jungle of Ci (World Classics) (40 page)

BRIDE
: He’s the porter’s son.

GROOM
: Oh, a menial.

BRIDE
: They must have gone out.

FATHER
: Then they didn’t hear the song. That’s just as well. Go and look, Maria.

WIFE
: Perhaps they
did
understand it.

HUSBAND
: And your mother’s in the kitchen.

GROOM
: Making blancmange.

BRIDE
in a low voice to him
: I thought that was smutty.

GROOM
: After you’d danced with him like that.

BRIDE
: I’m ashamed.

GROOM
: Of the way you danced?

BRIDE
: No: of the sort of friends you have.

FRIEND
: I don’t know when I’ve felt in better form. When I’ve had a drink or two I feel like God.

GROOM
: You mean when God has had a drink or two he feels like an office clerk.

FRIEND
laughs, a little piqued
: That’s very good. What’s made you so witty all of a sudden?

HUSBAND
: That reminds me of a story. One day God tried to go for a walk incognito. He forgot to put his tie on, so they recognized him at once and put him in a mental home.

FRIEND
: You’ve told it all wrong. It ruins the whole point of the story.

FATHER
: That was a good one. But Joe Schmidt really was sent to a mental home. It was like this …

The sister, the bride, and the young man come in
.

SISTER
: We’ve been helping Mother with the blancmange.

GROOM
: Doesn’t matter. We’re all in excellent form here. We’ve been swapping stories.

YOUNG MAN
: It’s going to be a smashing blancmange.

WIFE
: Made it on the cooker, did you?

SISTER
: No. Blancmange is never made on the cooker in
this
house.

WIFE
: I only thought you’d say you made it on the cooker because the two of you have got such red faces.
Laughs and drops into a chair
. Oh!
Gets up
.

FRIEND
: Was that something going?

WIFE
: Oh dear, the chair …

GROOM
: It can’t have. You can bounce about on that as much as you like. Two-inch pegs, I used.

WIFE
: I’m not going to risk sitting on it any more. I’ll sit on the sofa.

SISTER
: You’ve already sat there. A leg’s come off.

FRIEND
feeling under her chair
: There really is something wrong here. It isn’t a splinter this time. But better watch out for your clothes.

GROOM
coming across
: Oh yes, that chair was a bit of a teaser. I ran out of pegs. I didn’t realize it was that one, or I’d have asked you to sit somewhere else.

BRIDE
: Then it would have been that one.

HUSBAND
: Here’s one going begging.

Silence
.

MOTHER
: Here’s the blancmange. And the mulled claret.

FRIEND
: Splendid. Mulled claret.
He sprawls in his chair
. That was just one of the arms. And I haven’t torn anything. Let’s have a drink.
The arm of the chair is broken
.

GROOM
: That’s more like it. Cheers.

ALL
: Cheers.

GROOM
: And here’s to
you
, Mother.

MOTHER
: Don’t splash your nice waistcoat with the wine. There’s a spot on it already.

FATHER
: Talking of chairs … Rosenberg and Co. used to have chairs for the customers in their office with the seats so low your knees came up to your chin. You felt so much at home that Rosenberg and Co. got rich on it. He got a better place and better fittings, but he kept the chairs. He used to say in a very emotional way, ‘That’s the kind of simple furniture I started out with. May God punish me for my pride if I ever forget it.’

WIFE
: I didn’t ask your chairs to break. It’s not my fault.

HUSBAND
: No one said it was.

WIFE
: That’s just it. You want to put me in the wrong.

FRIEND
: I detect a discordant note. Shall I get my guitar and sing something?

GROOM
: Aren’t you tired?

FRIEND
: What from?

GROOM
: Dancing, drinking. With your stomach trouble.

FRIEND
: I have not got stomach trouble.

GROOM
: You’re always taking bicarbonate of soda.

FRIEND
: That doesn’t make me ill by a long chalk.

GROOM
: It was only in your own interest.

FRIEND
: Thanks, but I’m not tired.

Pause
.

YOUNG MAN
: Have you been to see that play
Baal?

HUSBAND
: Yes; it’s a load of filth.

YOUNG MAN
: A lot of punch in it, though.

HUSBAND
: All right: so it’s a load of filth with punch in it.
That’s worse than having none. It’s no excuse for a man to say that he’s got a gift for writing filth. Filth should be kept off the stage.

Pause
.

FATHER
: Those modern writers are always dragging family life in the mud. When it’s the best thing we Germans have.

FRIEND
: True enough.

Pause
.

GROOM
: Well. Now cheer up, everyone. I don’t get married every day. Drink up, and don’t sit there like a lot of stiffs. Look, I’m going to take my coat off.
He does so
.

Pause
.

FRIEND
: Got any cards? We might play pontoon.

GROOM
: They’re in the cupboard.

WIFE
: Which won’t open.

FRIEND
: You might do it with a crowbar.

BRIDE
: Be serious.

FRIEND
: Well, you’ll have to get it open some time.

BRIDE
: But not today.

GROOM
: Just to get a few cards out.

FRIEND
rudely
: All right, then you tell us just what else one can do in this place.

WIFE
: It might be the moment to look at the rest of the furniture.

GROOM
: That’s an idea. I’ll lead the way.

All get up
.

SISTER
: I think I’ll go on sitting here.

BRIDE
: All by yourself? You can’t.

SISTER
: Why not?

BRIDE
: Because there are limits.

SISTER
: Then let me tell you I didn’t want to get up because the chair’s bust.

BRIDE
: How did you bust it?

SISTER
: It just went.

FRIEND
feeling the chair
: As long as you take care and sit down gently it won’t matter.

FATHER
: Perhaps we could go and look at the rest of the furniture now.

FRIEND
quietly to the wife
: The table’s still intact.

GROOM
: They’re nothing special really …

WIFE
: So long as they hold up.

GROOM
: Come on, Maria.

BRIDE
stays seated
: I’ll be along in a minute. You go on.

All leave through the centre door. As they go
:

WIFE
to the friend
: The bridegroom’s taken his jacket off.

FRIEND
: That’s rash of him. No holds barred now.

The bride sits at the table and snivels
.

GROOM
: I must go and look for the torch; something’s wrong with the wiring.

BRIDE
: Why didn’t you get a proper electrician to do it?

GROOM
: What’s the matter with you? I didn’t care for the way your sister behaved, either.

BRIDE
: How about your friend?

GROOM
: That’s no way to dance if you want to keep people’s respect.

BRIDE
: And Mildner too. All that stuff about the pure young bride was deliberate. I went all red, and everybody noticed. He kept staring at me, too. And then that awful song. He’s been getting his own back for something.

GROOM
: Those dirty jokes. All because he thought you’re the sort of person it doesn’t matter with.

BRIDE
: Don’t forget he’s
your
friend. And I’m not that sort of person.

GROOM
: How can we get rid of them? There they are, stuffing themselves, smoking, chattering away; they just don’t want to go. After all it’s
our
party.

BRIDE
: A nice party!

GROOM
: Don’t act that way. Once they’ve gone …

BRIDE
: They’ve spoilt everything now.

GROOM
: I wish we were alone. Here they are.

BRIDE
: I don’t want them to go. That’ll be even worse.

GROOM
puts his coat on again quickly
: It’s chillier than I thought.

The others appear in the door
.

FATHER
: We had to wait in the kitchen as the bedroom light wasn’t working.

FRIEND
: Are we intruding?

The wife has a fit of laughter
.

HUSBAND
: What is it now?

WIFE
: It’s so funny.

HUSBAND
: What’s funny?

WIFE
: Everything. Everything. The broken chairs, the homemade furniture. The entertainment.
Laughs horribly
.

BRIDE
: Emmy, really!

WIFE
: All broken.
Laughing, she drops into a chair which breaks
. There goes another. There goes another. Now I’ll have to sit on the floor.

FRIEND
joins in the laughter
: That’s a fact. We ought to have brought camp stools.

HUSBAND
grabs his wife
: You must be ill. If you go around behaving like that and the furniture breaks it won’t be the furniture’s fault.
To the groom
: I’m sorry.

FRIEND
: Let’s sit down as best we can. So long as we keep cheerful that’s all that counts.

They sit
.

SISTER
: A pity we couldn’t see. The beds are really very nice.

WIFE
: No, the light didn’t work either.

BRIDE
: Won’t you fetch some more wine, Jacob?

GROOM
: It’s in the cellar. Let’s have the key.

BRIDE
: Just a moment.

They go out
.

WIFE
: There’s a peculiar smell here too.

FRIEND
: It didn’t seem to be there before.

SISTER
: I don’t smell anything.

WIFE
: I know what it is. It’s the glue.

FRIEND
: That’s why they wanted that eau-de-Cologne I gave them. An entire half bottle.

WIFE
: But the smell of the glue’s coming through; there’s no hiding it now.

The bride returns
.

FATHER
: You’re a pretty sight, standing in the door like that.
You always were pretty to look at, even as a child. But now you’re blooming.

WIFE
: That’s a well-cut frock.

BRIDE
: No camouflage needed, thank God.

WIFE
: Was that aimed at anybody?

BRIDE
: If the cap fits.

WIFE
: People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

BRIDE
: And who’s in a glass house?

WIFE
: That frock’s a very good piece of work, because no one would imagine you were …

FRIEND
: Cheers. Fine wine, that.

BRIDE
crying
: That’s, that’s …

HUSBAND
: What’s all this about?

GROOM
returns
: Here’s the wine. What’s the matter with you?

SISTER
: A remark in bad taste.

WIFE
: Where was the bad taste?

FATHER
: Calm down now. Cheers.

GROOM
to the sister
: You’re not to insult our guests.

SISTER
: But the guests can insult your wife.

WIFE
: I never said a thing.

HUSBAND
: Oh yes you did. You were offensive.

WIFE
annoyed
: I only spoke the truth.

GROOM
: And what truth was that?

WIFE
: Be your age.

HUSBAND
leaning towards her
: Just you control yourself.

WIFE
: When a woman’s pregnant she’s pregnant.

The husband rips a leg from the table and throws it at his wife, but it hits a vase on top of the cupboard. The wife cries
.

GROOM
angrily, to the sister
: That was the vase
you
gave us.

SISTER
: You can’t have thought much of it, or you wouldn’t have put it up there.

GROOM
: I’ve no time to argue with you now, because it was my table as well.
He feels it to see if it will hold up
.