Breathless & Bloodstained (The Chicago War #4) (13 page)

Pushing the silver
key into the deadbolt was so familiar to Abriella that it soothed her in a way.
She had a dozen other memories with Tommas that started exactly this way by
simply sliding in a key and turning the lock.

Their entire
relationship, whatever it was, had always been private, behind closed doors,
and away from prying eyes. The outside never touched them when they were
together. It was easier to pretend like what they had was real that way.

The back door
didn’t make a sound when it swung open. Abriella stepped into the quiet home
and listened for any noise. She couldn’t even hear the sound of a television.
Tommas always kept his TV on even when he wasn’t home.

Was he not here?

Had Damian lied to
her?

Abriella’s
messenger bag made a soft thump when it hit the cherry hardwood. She toed off
her chucks and kicked them into the corner. Padding down the hallway, she
peeked into the small office as she passed only to find it dark and empty. The
living room was in the same condition.

The end of the
hall veered off into two separate rooms. One was the kitchen, and the other was
the entryway that led to the front of the house or the stairwell for the second
level. When she turned to take the kitchen corner, Abriella heard a floorboard
creak.

That was it.

Then a gun was in
her face. All she saw was a flash of brushed silver, the black butt enclosed by
a fist, and the cold blue eyes of her lover.

Gasping, Abriella
stumbled back with a shout. “Tommas!”

Immediately,
Tommas’ gun dropped to his side. “Jesus fucking Christ, Ella. Are you trying to
get yourself killed?”

Somehow, Abriella
had backed into the wall without even knowing it. Her heart was in her throat,
pounding like it was about to leap right out. Blood rushed in her ears as she
tried to calm down and speak.

“You asshole,”
Abriella managed to say.

“Me? You came in
here—”

“I came to see
you!”

“Without telling
me you were coming?”

“I thought your
cousin did.”

Tommas’ brow
furrowed as he rubbed at his forehead. His brief distraction gave Abriella the
chance to look him over for injuries. There wasn’t much to see except the cut
under his eye and the bandage wrapped three times around his chest.

That made her realize
he wasn’t wearing a shirt.

Abriella’s mouth
went dry as her gaze traveled over the cut expanse of his chest and straight
down to where a pair of cotton sleep pants rested low on his hips. Tommas was
tall, lean and built like a man who ran a ten-k every day with his roped arms
and defined chest. The bruising from the attack were the only marks on his
skin.  

Tommas shifted on
his feet, ran his fingers through his hair, and glanced at Abriella. The simple
movements took the worry out of his eyes, made him seem happier for the moment,
and even sexier in a blink. Abriella’s stomach clenched, reminding her how long
it had been since she had this man between her thighs.

God, she wished he
was wearing something. Abriella didn’t think very clearly when Tommas was
barely clothed, grinning like he was, and looking at her like he missed her.

“Didn’t Damian
tell you I was looking for you?” Abriella asked, finally finding her voice.

“No, but that
doesn’t surprise me. He’s been on my ass ever since the second hospital round.
He practically barricaded me in this house for forty-eight hours waking me up
every time I even thought about drifting off to sleep, the dick.”

“At least you have
someone who cares.”

Although, Abriella
wished she could have been there for Tommas.

“Yes, if you want
to see it that way.”

“Damian cares. He
just shows it differently than most people.”

“You didn’t come
here to talk about my cousin, did you?”

“No,” she replied,
grinning.

“Good,” Tommas
said, chuckling. He waved his gun. “Sorry about that.”

“Are you really?”

“Ella, I didn’t
know who the hell was coming into my house. I’ve been out of it for a couple of
days. I finally sent Damian home this morning after I was able to keep my
breakfast down and could stand on my own.”

“You’re not
supposed to wrap ribs, Tommas.”

“The nurses said
that, too.”

“But it feels
better, right?”

Tommas nodded.
“Yeah.”

“Let me take it
off.”

“Listen, little
nurse in training—”

“Stop it,”
Abriella cut in, cocking a brow. “You’re not supposed to wrap your chest. Is it
a break or just a crack?”

Tommas sighed
before he tossed his gun to the small, decorative table in the hallway. He
lifted his arms up, allowing Abriella to begin unraveling the bandage. “Just a
crack.”

“And what about
the rest?”

“A couple of
bruised organs. A bad concussion that could have been a lot worse.”

Abriella tried to
hide her frown as she placed the unwound bandage on the floor, and failed
miserably. “And what does that mean?”

“It means that I
forced my release from the hospital before I should have. The doctor made it
clear I shouldn’t leave, but I signed the disclaimers and every other fucking
paper they wanted me to and went.”

“Oh, Tommy.”

“I didn’t even
make it two hours out of the hospital before Nate rushed me back in after I
passed out in the car.”

Abriella cupped
his cheek and ran her thumb over his strong jawline. The scruff of his unshaven
cheeks tickled her skin. “Stupid man.”

“I couldn’t stay
in the hospital, Ella.”

“Yet, you went
right back.”

“Only because I
didn’t have a choice.”

“Why on earth did
you force a release if you knew you weren’t ready?”

Tommas’ jaw
tightened under her touch. “I made a point to go see your brother.”

Jesus.

“And?” Abriella
dared to ask.

“And it’s not
over.”

“Of course not.”

Tommas grabbed her
wrist, stopping the stroking of her hand. “Yes, of course not. Do you
understand what it would mean if I did bend to Joel’s demands and wants? Don’t
you know what that would do?”

“Yes.”

“Do you? Do you
really
?”

Abriella bristled
at Tommas’ dark tone. “I said yes, Tommy. I’m not a fucking idiot. I know what
my brother would do to the Outfit if he had control.”

“No,” Tommas said
harshly, grabbing her wrist even tighter. “Not the Outfit. I don’t give a fuck
about that in the end, because without you, the Outfit would mean nothing to me
anyway. I meant to us, Ella. As it is, you’re just a woman with a last name in
need of being changed. You are his chess piece to move as he wishes to advance himself
in the game. That is it. Nothing more.”

“Oh.”

“You know all
this.”

“I do,” she
agreed.

“And yet,
we’re
the second thing on your mind when it comes to what is wrong with your brother
taking control. Second place is the first to lose, Abriella.”

She stepped back
from him, needing the space. “Don’t say that.”

Tommas waved at
her. “That’s how it feels. Like we’re the runner up. Like we’re just not good
enough to be the thing you’re concerned about.”

“Don’t say that!”

“I—”

Abriella moved
back in front of Tommas and jabbed a finger into his chest, right over the spot
where his heart beat. She didn’t think about if it would hurt him, but he
didn’t give off any indications that it did.

“Don’t. You. Say.
That.”

Tommas’ fingers
encircled hers and held tight. “I didn’t mean it like that, Ella. I’m
frustrated and concerned about you, us, and a lot of other people. I don’t mean
to lash out.”

“Not good enough,”
Abriella said heatedly. “That is not a good enough excuse, Tommas. You know
better—you know that I care about you more than anything. Do I say it just the
way you want me to? No, but that’s not because I don’t want to. It’s because
I’m not allowed to.”

“Not allowed?”

“Yes, exactly. Not
allowed. I have never been free to date, or to pick who I want to give my time
and love to. Instead, I’ve been told to sit down, shut up, and be pretty until
the right last name comes along for my family. That name hasn’t arrived yet,
but he might. And I thought …”

Tommas stepped
closer, letting his hands trail up Abriella’s sides until he was holding her so
tightly that it ached and relieved at the same time.

Home.

She found home in
his touch.

Always.

“Don’t do that,”
Abriella said weakly.

Tommas smirked,
his blue eyes gleaming with mischief. “Hmm, what?”

“Touch me, Tommy.
I’m trying to talk.”

“So talk. Let me
help. You thought ...”

Abriella wet her
lips and said, “I thought that keeping you at a distance would force you to
keep me at a distance, too. It never did. You kept bringing me closer. You draw
me in over and over again. I adore you, but that frightens me. It has always
scared me. You have all the control here, and I have none.”

“I love you,”
Tommas murmured. “I have loved you for years, Ella.”

“I know you do.”

“What you know,
Ella, is what I want.”

For her to say it
back.

Yeah, she knew.

Abriella tipped
her chin down. “I need to keep this one thing for me, Tommy.”

“It drives me
crazy. You’ve given me everything else. Whatever I wanted to take, you handed
over. Your body, your secrets, your words …
everything
. I already know
you do, Abriella, just fucking say it for me.”

She couldn’t.

It hurt because
the words practically clawed their way out of her chest. They wanted out. Her
heart screamed for Tommas when they were apart, and it only got louder the
closer she was to him. He’d won her over by daring her to be the rebel she
wanted to be, and then sealed the deal by allowing her to be whoever she needed
to be with him.

They were insane.

Sometimes
volatile.

Dirty liars—secret
keepers.

Sneaks. Lovers.
Best friends.

But it was
beautiful.

She wouldn’t ruin
that. She refused to take what they had, make it better, but then turn around
and destroy it when she was forced away from Tommas because of someone else’s
demands. How awful would that make her?

“I can’t,”
Abriella finally said.

Tommas’ shoulders
dropped. The sight hurt her more than she could explain. She hated being the
one thing that weakened Tommas, but she loved being the one thing that could
control him at the same time.

It was a bad mix.

They were bad.

“Why not?” he
asked.

“Because how can I
give something to you only to take it away, Tommy?”

Tommas blinked,
recognition and surprise lighting up his handsome features. “Oh.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’ll
just have to fix it for you.”

Abriella laughed
sadly. “It’s not that easy.”

“It really is.”

“I’m sick of
people being hurt, Tommas. I don’t want to keep being separated from my
friends, and watching them bury family member after family member. This needs
to end. No one even knows what they’re fighting for in this war.”

He leaned down
close enough that his nose skimmed hers. “I do.”

“I’m sure. A
title, right? The highest seat. Control and power. Useless things, Tommas.”

“Wrong.”

“Am I?”

“Entirely, babe.
I’m still fighting for you.”

Abriella’s air
caught hard in her chest. She had known his answer before he even whispered it,
but it still struck her right in the heart, taking away her ability to breathe.
His fingers dug into her sides again, making her body sing with want and need.
Just the sensation of his fingertips pressing into her skin promised the sex,
security, and love that only Tommas could give her. With a single stroke of his
digits, Abriella was spun, happy, and home.

Tommas’ hands
ghosted up her sides, skipped under the jacket she wore, and pushed it down
over her shoulders. Then, his fingertips danced along the spot where her shirt
showcased her collarbones.

She still couldn’t
catch air.

He made her
breathless under his touch.

“And if that means
taking it all down with me to get you,” Tommas continued, ticking a finger
under her chin to make Abriella look up, “… then that’s exactly what it means,
Ella.”