Breathless (45 page)

He stiffened for a moment and then eased down beside me on the floor, a somber look on his face.

“Only because I eavesdropped on her and her dad,” he said. “I don’t think she’d willingly tell anyone.”

I took a shuddering breath. “Tell me everything.”

He did, explaining how he’d been in the shop when her father had come in and how he’d been worried about her so he’d listened to their conversation. When he told me the details, I gripped the table leg that was still in my hand and prayed for control.

When he’d finished, I didn’t say anything, because I had no words.

I had no Nora.

Chapter 26

Nora

“Truth is beautiful.” –
Nora Blakely

Lately, because of Tiffani’s threats, I’d begun to ask myself what would be the absolute most terrible thing that could happen if I told Leo my secret. The answer? He might be sickened by my imperfection and never look me in the eye again. But, if he did, then he wasn’t the person my heart thought he was. He was much, much less. Yet, because he was my soulmate, I finally believed he’d never blame me or hate me for my shame. So, yeah, telling him today had been a relief. Truth can be awful and even excruciating, but once it’s released, it’s like a bird that’s been caged too long who finally flies to freedom. I felt a little like that. Free.

Letting it all go, I focused on getting ready for my date.

I’d gone to my house earlier, and Dad had helped me load my car with my sewing machine but not many clothes would fit. So I’d left the designer dresses and shoes in favor of jeans and shirts I’d need for school. I didn’t have much money for a date outfit, so Mila came by and dropped off a pink bridesmaid’s dress she said I could have. She knew I needed the distraction of sewing.

I got to work, chopping off the length and sleeves and turning the sweetheart bodice into a camisole style with spaghetti straps. With some of the fabric I’d cut off and some lace, I made a fun belt to tie around my waist and a headband for my straightened hair. I slipped the dress on and deliberated on my shoes, my eyes caressing the new boots but deciding on some brown wedges I’d gotten on a recent trip to the mall. They weren’t Jimmy Choos, but I’d paid for them with my own money.

And when I was dressed and looked at the girl in the mirror, she seemed better than the day before.

***

That night Drew took me to a waterfront Tex-Mex restaurant on Lake Ray Hubbard that had stunning views of the water and sailboats. The restaurant was on the fifteenth floor of a beautiful stone resort, and we sat by a big picture window to gaze out.

Over a meal of spicy fish and shrimp tacos, we talked and renewed our friendship. It was apparent we had a lot in common.

“Are you going to UT next fall?” he asked me.

I finished my mouthful of food. “Probably. I thought I wanted to go to Princeton and be a lawyer like everyone else in my family. But now that I know I’m not going, it’s a relief to know I don’t have to live up to everyone’s expectations.” I shrugged. “And UT has a great art and fashion department.”

He grinned. “UT could be good if we’re there together. I’ll be your academic nemesis for four more years.”

“Huh. You know you’ll be calling me every night to help you with Cal.”

“One can only hope,” he murmured, giving me a heated glance.

I stared down at my food, thinking a little about Leo and his song.

Drew cleared his throat. “You know, you’re not fooling me. You’ve got something on your mind.”

I blushed. “What do you mean?”

He shook his head at me with a wry grin. “You’ve looked out that window a lot tonight. And you’ve got that faraway look in your eyes you get after you’ve read some of that sappy poetry in class.” He pointed his fork at me and said, “I’ve been in almost every class with you since seventh grade. I know you.”

I sat my fork down and studied him. His wavy brown hair was a tad overlong, but I liked it. He’d worn snug jeans, a black dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up and a pair of Converse on his big feet. My eyes lingered over his lean but muscled chest. He was a handsome guy. Lots of girls at BA wanted him. Could I fall for him if I tried? Did I want to?

“Let me ask you something,” I said.

“Shoot.”

“When I was in seventh grade, do you remember what I looked like? Chubby with silver braces?” I asked.

“Yep, and you were pretty too, especially when you’d get that little wrinkle right here, every time you took a test,” he said, running his finger across my forehead.

He added, “And we all had a weird stage. Remember I was tall and gangly with no muscle to speak of. Telephone pole with arms was what they called me.”

“I was crazy about you for a long time,” I said wryly.

“I never knew,” he said sadly. “Until January, I’d never dreamed you’d give me the time of day. You were kinda quiet and did your own thing. Never came to parties or hung out. You just studied and did school stuff. I’ve always liked you too, Nora. But, you . . . I don’t know . . . it’s like you had this force field around you, and no one could get in to the real you.”

I took a sip of soda, not sure what to say.

“We had something once in New York. Maybe it was because we were both out of Highland Park, and you loosened up. You became this whole other person there, and I think I fell for you a little that weekend. But I messed up and got scared. I kept remembering how distant you could be and I . . . I went back to Lori. Did I ruin what we had?” he asked, his face earnest.

I sighed. “They say timing is everything.”

“Is it Sebastian you’ve been thinking about tonight?”

“No,” I said in surprise.

He shook his head thoughtfully. “You know what, forget I asked. It doesn’t matter who it is. All I want to know is can we try again?”

I blinked.

He continued, “We’ve liked each other a long time, and New York was amazing,” he said with a little groan, reaching over and squeezing my hand. “We had something that night, and it was
more
than sex. I burned for you, and you burned for me. But I screwed up.”

“Yes.”

He exhaled heavily. “Will you give me another shot?”

“I don’t want to get my heart broken again, Drew. It’s been stomped on a lot, and I can’t take much more. And don’t get me started on Lori. She’s not here anymore, and I can’t help but think that’s the only reason you want me now.”

He shook his head. “Even when I was with her, I watched you and wanted you. This has nothing to do with her. It’s about us. About starting all over again and giving us a chance. Let me make those shadows in your eyes go away, Nora.”

I gazed into his eyes, and they were warm and soft. I thought about our night together, how sweet it had been, how his body had worshipped mine.

If I wanted a chance at being happy, why not see where this might go?

“Do you think you can make me happy?” I teased, but I meant it.

“Hell, yes. Just give me a chance.”

I smiled slowly. “You got it.”

Chapter 27

Nora

“You never stop loving someone; you just learn to live without them.”
–Nora Blakely

The days marched on, turning into weeks. Drew and I had gone out on a few more dates, and he’d come to the shop on some nights, and we’d do our Cal homework after band practice. We liked the same books and shows; we knew the same people; we laughed at the same jokes. We suited each other in every way.

I’d gotten my tattoo. I’d gone in one day and described to Shayla what I wanted, and a week later I went back to see what she’d come up with. When I saw her design, I knew it was exactly what I’d envisioned. She’d drawn a set of delicately feathered angel wings with the phrase
She Flies With Her Own Wings
in the middle. Since the wings were life-sized, it had taken me three visits to get the entire tat.

On the day she finished it, I sat there in her shop, staring in the mirror at the ink gracing me from my shoulder blade all the way to the back of my waist. The phrase was written in a pretty scripted font and sat between the wings and near the top of my neck. It was exotic and perfect. I laughed at the irony in that word.

I thought of Leo and how he’d wanted me to have them.

I felt invincible with these wings.

Club Vita had officially opened and was suddenly filled with affluent, health-conscious people. The
Dallas Herald
had even come out and done a story about Leo and his climb from struggling musician to businessman. I never saw him when I worked the desk, and I wondered if it was by choice. I only saw him at practice, and those times he looked either pissed or oddly despondent, and I figured the stress of the opening was getting to him.

Is it true that soulmates always end up together? I didn’t think so, but I hoped that if there was such a thing as reincarnation, we would meet again in another life and try again. If it was possible, I’d find him, for another chance at love.

Sometimes I’d catch him staring at me with his hungry look, his pale eyes seeming to devour me as he ran his eyes over my face. On those times, my heart would beat furiously, and I’d have to leave the room for a few moments to catch my breath.

Once, after a long practice, I’d broken down and asked Sebastian about Leo and Tiffani. He’d told me that Tiffani had come by the gym some. He didn’t elaborate on the rest, and I think that was an answer enough for me.

Chapter 28

Leo

“I’d lost her.”
–Leo Tate

The days dragged miserably into weeks of hell. Sebastian told me she was seeing Drew, and I’d flinched, hating the thought of her with him, telling him about soulmates. I tormented myself with images of them together, sharing epic kisses.

At least it wasn’t Sebastian she was with. He’d admitted to stringing me along and making me think he was in love with her. I couldn’t be angry because I think he’d done it because he thought I was making a mistake by not admitting my feelings. He wanted me to find someone and be happy, like our parents had.

The gym opened successfully, so I immersed myself in work, pushing her from my mind. I never went to the front desk when she was there. I’d stay holed up in my office, planning the opening, handling calls, and picking at my guitar.

I finished my song for her.

At practice, my eyes ate her up. Her vulnerability and strength combined made me want her more. I watched her share little jokes and smiles with Teddy and Sebastian. I watched how she’d swing her long red hair behind her when she played the piano and sang off key. I watched her be happy, and I knew it was too late for us.

She’d said we’d shared an extraordinary moment, that it’d been our chance to have a once in a lifetime kind of love. Now, she’d moved on to someone else. Someone better. Someone who would cherish her and never make her cry. Someone who would protect her from the demons that chased her. My mouth snarled.
She’s mine
, a small voice whispered in my head, making me crazy, making me taste the bitterness of regret. What would have happened that night at the movies if I’d given in to my impulses and kissed her? Taken her home? Would I still have this crushing darkness in my soul? Would she be absolutely and categorically mine?

At night, I’d dream of her. I’d dreamed she’d come in my room and stand in front of me, telling me she was my soulmate. She’d strip for me exactly like that night in the bathroom. Only this time instead of walking out, I’d sweep her up in my arms and carry her to my bed, vowing to never let her go. She was mine forever. We’d make love and fall asleep holding hands.

***

One Saturday night at ten o’clock, I locked the doors to the gym after the last client left. Sebastian was spending the weekend with some of the football players at Lake Travis, and I was alone. My head was killing me, and I wanted to tear into someone, but most of all, I wanted to stop thinking about Nora.

By eleven, I dripped with sweat from running ten miles on the treadmill. I made my way to the shower, swearing I wouldn’t jack off to her.

By twelve, I’d had two glasses of Lagavulin while, like a lovesick schoolboy, I pored through about a hundred snapshots Teddy had taken of us in band practice. Pictures of Nora smiling as she played the piano; pictures of me sitting beside her on the couch, both of us laughing at something someone had said; pictures of her dancing around the room with Sebastian, doing goofy things like jazz hands and high kicks; pictures of her being happy.

They sent me over the edge, pushed me right on over. Not that I wasn’t on the verge of falling into a dark abyss anyway.

By twelve-thirty, I had the music blaring, listening to the shittiest, sappiest songs I could find, and believe me, there’s plenty of them out there. Isn’t that what most people sing about? Sad, broken-hearted people who have no one to love, because they ruined whatever chance they had by being an asshole to the one person they were meant to be with.

By one, I’d had two more drinks, and I finally felt at ease. Hoping I could sleep, I made my way upstairs and crashed. A bit later, I heard banging on the gym door. I groaned, angry at being woken up from what I thought might be a fitful night. More banging and buzzing ensued. I jumped out of bed and swayed on my feet. Carefully, I made my way downstairs.

“What!” I barked out as I opened the door. Nora stood there, her hands raised for another knock, her eyes wide as she stared at me. I looked down to make sure I had shorts on. Yep. “Well?” I asked, leaning against the door for support and crossing my arms.

“Sebastian called me to check on you. He’s been trying to call you for the past three hours,” she said in an angry rush. “I’ve been buzzing the bell and banging on the door for fifteen minutes. And . . . are you drunk?” she asked incredulously.

I ignored her, turned back around, and started walking back up stairs.

She huffed. “Leo, wait a minute.”

I threw my hand up. “Don’t have time to listen to any shit. Going back to bed,” I told her and marched up the stairs. I hated myself for wanting her to follow me. Knowing it would only mean trouble.

“Are you alone?” she called out to me, and I stopped, hearing the uncertainty in her voice.