Breathing His Air (13 page)

He tempted her. She’d like nothing more than to scream the truth out and have it go away, never to bother her again. That’s why she put everything good she could think of into her coffee shop. If she could make one person’s life easier, more carefree, then she’d eventually replace the bad with good.

“I can’t,” she whispered. “Don’t ask me.”

“Look at me.” He waited until she raised her gaze, not letting go of her face. “You don’t seem to understand me when I tell you you’re my woman, and until you get what I’m saying, I’ll have to keep reminding you. That’s how it works in my life. It’s you and me. What’s mine is yours. I want you. That means everything that comes with you, including your thoughts and the problems that weigh heavily on your mind. When I say I have your back, I mean it. No one hurts you, including yourself. Baby, you’re punishing yourself something awful. At the bar, you hid from everyone, including me. It took me forcing you out from underneath my desk and getting you dumb drunk to bring you back to the living.”

“Rain — ”

“I’m not done.” He softened his voice. “I don’t know how long we’ll last. You came into my life out of necessity, and I claimed you. I’d do it again, knowing you were running from demons. What I don’t do is take any woman. My heart has to be in it, for however long we stay good. You and me. It could last forever, or be over next week. Neither one of us knows, but we live for today. Right now, I want you and I will have you. In my bed, in my life, and in my heart. Understand?”

Oh. My. God. He was serious. Claiming her was pledging his life to her. The same way he was honor-bound to protect his biker family and fought to keep his home safe. He’d confessed this could go on for however long they were happy together. When it was safe, if she wanted to leave, that was the end. But if she wanted to …

She sucked in her lips and bit down. This could be a long-term relationship.

“You get it.” He grinned.

She nodded. “Yeah.”

“Then tell me, babe. If you want this to work, let me inside your head.”

“I-I’ve never told anyone before.” She closed her eyes and sighed.

“Look at me.” He pulled her against his chest. “Give me something. Meet me halfway.”

Several minutes passed. She battled between protecting herself and taking a chance. It wasn’t his verbal declaration that had finally convinced her how real he was, and she could trust him enough that she could spill her secrets to him. It was remembering his promise every night that he’d never leave her, and he never did.

If she tried to roll over while he slept, he moved with her and readjusted his hold on her. When she’d run away, he ran with her. He said he’d keep her safe, and even recruited a biker club to watch out for her. She was never alone.

He’d performed a miracle when she thought no such thing existed. It wasn’t that he declared she was his woman or him calling dibs in front of the other Bantorus members that had her wanting to take a chance. He had her thinking of a relationship when before she never allowed herself to dream — she wanted him because he was Rain and he never let her down.

“I’ll try,” she whispered.

“Good girl.” He kissed her softly. “Take as long as you want. I’ll stay right here and hold you until you feel strong enough to tell me.”

She didn’t deserve him, but she wanted him. She had no idea how to give him back everything he’d given her. Burdening him with the truth seemed like an unfair exchange.

“I grew up in a nice house. It even had a picket fence.” She swallowed. In her memories, the fence always made her feel secure. Like a game of flagpole, the yard within her fence was her safe zone. The place she always ran to after school when she played with other kids along the street. Inside the wooden, slatted wall, nothing could hurt her.

“We were happy, my mom, my dad, me.” She rubbed her thigh. “I knew they loved me, because they told me all the time, and showed me in different ways. It was a good childhood.”

“It sounds good, babe. Lots of people have less. You were fortunate.”

“Yeah … ” She nodded, inhaling a deep breath.

“Something happened” — he smoothed the hair out of her face — “didn’t it?”

She closed her eyes and tapped down the pain that came every time she thought about that day. It seemed like another lifetime ago, yet the overwhelming fear and confusion stayed the same. She was no closer to understanding what had happened now than she was back then.

“My dad … he changed. I think he might’ve been sick. He started acting strange and saying things to my mom and me that didn’t make any sense. He’d get these wild ideas that we were bad.”

Rain’s body hardened. “Bad?”

“He believed we had too much compassion inside us and we contaminated others. We poisoned him and ourselves. It was our fault, really. He tried to help by teaching us how to stop hurting others.”

“What the hell?” he whispered.

“Mom quit going to church and volunteering at the school. I came straight home every day and listened to him teach me how to ignore things that’d always been normal to me. My parents started fighting. A lot. I don’t know the exact thing that caused him to change.”

“Go on,” he whispered, holding her securely.

“It got really bad. He’d sit me at the table when I was doing homework and would make me … ”

Rain swiftly inhaled. “Babe … ”

“He’d make me repeat after him how someday I would hurt someone, and I must never allow myself to care or love another person. He told me I was cursed because I was his child, and deserved nothing. If I listened and obeyed, he said I’d be helping everyone else, and they wouldn’t get hurt.”

“Shit,” he mumbled.

“He didn’t know what he was saying. I know that. That’s what Mom told me, too, when he’d finally leave me alone. I wasn’t supposed to listen to Dad, only pretend. It was our secret.” Her lips quivered. “My mom was beautiful and kind. You would’ve loved her, Rain. Everyone did.”

“Did she leave and take you somewhere safe?”

She shook her head. “There was no way she’d leave Dad. She loved him. Mom believed that if she loved him, she’d be able to convince him to stop. Dad thought love would destroy people, and Mom believed love would heal. I still don’t know which one of them was right, because I lived both ways.”

“Fuck,” he muttered, holding her face in his hands.

“I came home from school one day. It was Valentine’s Day, I remember that much. I had those little cards my friends gave me in my backpack. I couldn’t wait to show Mom I’d received twenty-three of them. I believed everyone in my class liked me.”

“That’s nice, babe.” He kissed her forehead.

“Yeah.” She scrunched her nose. “Dad was home though, and they were fighting. I never got to show her the cards.”

“What happened?”

She sat up, wanting to see his face. If she disgusted him, the truth would come out. He’d be unable to hide his reaction. He’d never lied to her before, and she’d learn who was right — her mom or her dad?

“Mom was in the kitchen, crying and telling me to run, but I couldn’t. I would never leave her. She was the one I trusted the most, and I stayed. Rain, I stayed. I didn’t run. I know you’ve seen me run, but that time I didn’t. I was strong and I stayed.”

“Okay, baby. You stayed.” He kissed her cheek. “You stayed with your mom.”

“Even when I saw Dad had a gun pointed at Mom, I stayed. I wouldn’t leave her alone, and I thought I could stop him.”

His eyes softened. “Shit … ”

“Dad pointed the gun at me and yelled for me to stand by my mom. She put me behind her, trying to protect me, but Dad ordered me to stand by myself. Then he told me he was going to rid our family of our curse, so no one else could get hurt. Then we’d all be untainted. He was saving us from ourselves. He knew what would happen if we loved and cared about others.”

Rain placed his hand on top of hers on her leg to stop her from rubbing her thigh. She looked down and slowly moved both their hands. She lifted the edge of her shorts. “He shot mom in the head first. Then he shot me. I fell under the table and watched him put the pistol under his chin and kill himself.”

She ran her finger over the puckered scar at the top of her thigh. “He believed he’d killed me, but he only shot me in the leg. I didn’t die, and I didn’t run. So, you see, it’s not a good thing that you’ve claimed me for your woman. It’ll never go away, and in the end, I’ll just hurt you — ”

“Shuttup.” His arms came around her, holding her tight. “Shut. The. Hell. Up.”

“It won’t — ”

He growled. “Let me tell you something. There is nothing wrong with you. You weren’t bad or at fault for what happened or any of those things that whack-job told you.”

“But — ”

“Seriously, babe.” He moved her around as if she were a doll until she straddled his legs, facing him. “What you went through was terrible. Something I’d never wish on a child or an adult. I can’t imagine what you’ve lived with this whole time. Wasn’t there someone, anyone, who told you how seriously fucked up your dad was? You’ve got to see he had something wrong with him. People don’t act that way. A man doesn’t take the life of his woman. A man” — he hardened his mouth — “doesn’t point a gun and shoot his child, under any circumstances.”

“But I — ”

“He might not have succeeded in killing you, but he killed your soul, babe. For that alone, I’d kill him myself for what he’s done to you. You don’t see what everyone else sees,” he whispered. “You are the last thing I need in my life, and the first thing I want in my life. You’re classy and giving. You care about everyone you meet. You are better than any other woman I’ve known.

“Rain … ” She sagged against him, burying her face in his neck. “I’m not. I’ll run away from you, even though I want to stay. I can’t make myself stay, because if he was right and — ”

“He was wrong.” His hand cupped her head and held her pressed against him. “So fucking wrong.”

“I couldn’t run away then,” she whispered.

“No, because you’re you. You’re brave and strong. You wanted to help your mom and fix your dad, but you were a child. A child who should never have seen that kind of nightmare or had that kind of responsibility.”

A shudder ran down her spine. She wanted to believe him. Yet she’d seen and felt how he reacted to hearing about her past. His heart raced against where she lay. His hands clutched at her, shaky and almost too firm. He held himself stiff. Too stiff.

“I’m sorry.” She planted her hands on his chest and pushed away.

“Stop,” he whispered, kissing the top of her head. “It’s going to take me a minute to check myself, babe. Right now, I want to hurt someone for never having helped you. You were a child, an innocent child, and that makes me mad.”

“You’re not scared of me?”

He sighed and shook his head. She leaned into him, feeling the hardness melt from him. “Only when you’ve got a rock in your hand and you’re aiming it toward me do you scare me.

Her lips curved against his whiskered jaw. “You deserved it,” she mumbled.

“You made me cookie dough.” He sighed.

“I was trying to make you nicer.”

He chuckled. “Right.”

They fell into silence. She stayed wrapped around him, content to have him hold her. Exhausted from confessing her past, scared of the future, and, she had to admit, relieved he hadn’t ordered her out of his house, she thought about his offer to stay.

“Rain?”

“Yeah?” he said.

“I’ll be your woman. I mean, I’ll try.” She raised her head. “Okay?”

The hardness in his face smoothed away, and he touched his forehead to hers, gazing into her eyes. “You were already my woman, babe, but it’s nice to hear. Real nice.”

“Can you do one more thing for me?” She bit her lip, knowing she wasn’t strong enough to hold herself to any kind of promise.

“Name it.”

“Don’t let me run. Whatever happens, don’t let me run away,” she whispered.

“I promise never to let you run. If you ever get the urge, I’ll run with you.”

Her stomach fluttered, and she promised herself to tell him what she was thinking more often. She stretched, a smile coming over her face.

“What?” He picked her up and stood her on her feet.

She grinned. “I’ve got new clothes to wear.”

“Right.” He burst out laughing and smacked her butt. “Take your shower. I’ll bring your bags up. Don’t take long. I need to go to the bar, and you need to go make coffee.”

She hurried into the bathroom. Excited to wear a new outfit, it wasn’t until she zoned out underneath the hum of the hair dryer that she remembered the note that had ruined yesterday. Her arm shook, and she hit the off switch. Someone else, a woman named Crystal, also claimed to be Rain’s woman.

Chapter Sixteen

Fifteen cars were lined up in front of the Coffee Shack. Rain grinned from the doorway of Cactus Cove. Tori hesitated ten feet between him and her business, and he wondered what was going through her head.

“Your customers have to go to work. They’re not going away until you supply them with coffee,” he said.

She ran back to him and gave him another kiss. The goof blushed, but he enjoyed the way she smiled up at him.

She narrowed her eyes. “You’re sure this Crystal woman is out of your life?”

“Yeah.” He grinned, liking the jealousy he saw in Tori when he’d answered all her questions on the ride to the bar. “It’s just you, babe.”

“’Kay.” She walked backward and raised her brows. “Did I mention how hot you look?”

He nodded. “Twice. Make sure you call me when you close for the day.”

She nodded before jogging over to the shack. Once she was safely inside the mobile unit, he pivoted and walked into the bar. On the way to his office, he knocked on the counter. “Bruce, ring Torque and have him come in.”

“Got it, boss.” Bruce pulled out his phone.

On his desk sat a reminder of what he needed to do today. He scooped up the key and dropped it into the top drawer of his desk. Six hours to go, and when he returned home, he wanted his house tight. He also wanted answers on why his alarm kept malfunctioning.

Sugar, his part-time waitress, knocked on his open door. “Busy?”