Breathe Me In (11 page)

A cold sweat broke out between my breasts before I could stop the involuntary reaction. I hadn’t always had the best relationship with law enforcement. I fought against the urge to lift Asher out of the swing and take off, fast walking back to Chloe’s. I knew it couldn’t be for me- Diego wouldn’t involve cops. No one knew where I was. But I couldn’t stop the anxiety.

Anxiety shifted to irritation when the squad car parked and a cop stepped out. Shit. I knew that cop. That was Kane. I recognized the way he moved, his height, his shoulders. That hair. That goddamn hair. Why did he have to be so hot? His name should be Officer Hottie and that sucked. It sucked that I’d seen him naked and knew how strong his arms were. I kept my back to him, but I knew he’d seen me. I could feel his stare.

His boots crunched over the leaves as he approached me. I let Asher go again and I half-turned to give Kane a once over. “Hey.”

“Hey.” He came to a stop and just stood there for a second.

Holy shit, he was good looking. He was like Adonis attends the police academy. His shirt was crisp and showed off his muscular arms, and his pants displayed his legs and package to perfection. I could see the gun holster and the handcuffs at his hip. He even had sunglasses on, which granted, it was sunny, but couldn’t he just squint instead? Because the shades kicked the whole uniform up a notch, making him look like a sexy calendar page, not an actual working police officer. Jerk.

“What brings you to the park?” I asked. “Kiddie drug ring going on here? You better check that kid’s juice box. The way he keeps going down the slide is suspicious.”

“Thanks, I’ll look into it.” He rubbed his beard stubble with his hand. “I was just driving by and I saw you. I wanted to say hi.”

I waved an exaggerated wave. “Hi!” I knew I sounded ridiculous but I was so embarrassed by my last text, and I never knew what to do when I was embarrassed. Usually I either lashed out or mocked. In this case apparently I’d chosen mock.

The corner of his mouth turned up and his nose twitched. He was trying not to laugh. I turned back and pulled Asher forward again and gave him a kiss before releasing him. Kane didn’t go away unfortunately. He moved alongside of me and when he passed Asher in the swing he gently ran his hand over my baby’s head. It made my heart squeeze.

When he was behind the bucket swing, he pushed Asher with his big hands, but gently enough that Asher didn’t jerk. I was so stunned I didn’t even smile at Asher as he swung towards me.

“Your hair looks really pretty,” Kane said. “I like it a lot.”

My hand flew up to my head. “Thanks.” I had covered up all the streaks with a shade that was close to my natural tone, just a little richer, more coppery. I’d been ready to leave my stage presence behind and blend in a little more with the neighborhood. I’d taken out my lip and eyebrow rings too and was down to just the nose stud. It had gotten too haphazard, too girl on the run. “It was looking a little random.”

He pushed Asher again. “Actually, you look really pretty. Healthy. Happy.”

My cheeks started to burn and it was only by sheer force of will that I didn’t shuffle my boots on the ground. “Is there a reason you’re trying to sweet talk me?”

“Can’t I just give you a compliment? It’s an observation. No strings attached.”

I stepped forward because I was having an irrational panic that he was closer to Asher than I was. I put my hands on the chains above the swing so that I had something to hold onto. Asher reached out and wrapped his fingers around the midsection of my hoodie. So cute. His touch calmed me down. “Since you didn’t answer my text, I’m kind of confused why you’re so charming now.”

Kane wrapped his hands over mine from the opposite side of the swing. We were close enough I could smell his cologne. “I deleted your last text without reading it. I figured you were just finding new and creative ways to tell me to go eff myself.”

“Eff myself?” I murmured, distracted by his mouth, which looked so tantalizing. I couldn’t see his eyes, but I realized that if he’d deleted the text, he had never read that I liked him. The relief I felt was immense, though I wasn’t sure if it was because he still didn’t know I liked him or if it was because he hadn’t read that I liked him in such a childish text.

“I don’t want to swear in front of the baby.”

Right then, right there, something inside me shifted. The wall I had erected around my emotions shifted, cracked, crumbled. Kane was like an earthquake, rattling, shaking, fracturing the ground beneath me.

“Thanks for being considerate.” For a second, I swept my eyes downward, to the top of Asher’s soft blond hair, then I looked back up at Kane. “I was swearing a lot in my text not because I was telling you to eff yourself but because I was confessing that I kind of like you. I didn’t mean to like you, but, well, I kind of do.”

And that was about as romantic as I got.

I waited for him to laugh or sneer.

Kane did neither one.

Instead he leaned through the chains and gave me a soft kiss. So soft, such a whisper of his warm lips, his scratchy beard, over my mouth, that I swore my heart skipped a beat.

“I kind of like you too. Though I might have meant to. It’s hard to say.”

That made me laugh softly. “So what do we do about it?”

“Maybe we start over, from the beginning. And just, you know, get to know each other. Maybe have a…date.”

“What’s a date?” I joked. “Isn’t that like a prune?”

“Even better.” He stepped back and reached into the bucket and pulled out Asher. Resting him on his hip, he said, “Hey, little man, what’s up? Looking pretty gangsta in that hoodie.”

“He needs a hat,” I said, because I didn’t know what else to say. It was disarming to see a cop holding my baby. To see a guy that I liked holding my baby. A sexy guy. A man, actually. Who was capable of being tough and masculine and tender all at the same time. He looked very, very comfortable holding Asher. Like he knew his way around a diaper. “Do you have nieces or nephews or something?” I asked. “You look like you know what you’re doing.”

“No, none of my brothers and sisters are married or have kids, but I’m the oldest of six kids. My dad left when my mom was pregnant with my youngest sister, so I did a lot of babysitting for her.”

“Oh.” Why had I assumed that his life was some kind of walk in the park? I had absolutely nothing to base that on other than the fact that he seemed to have his shit together. But that didn’t mean that he hadn’t dealt with some crap, and clearly he had. “I’m sorry about your dad. But wow, five brothers and sisters? It sounds kind of cool.”

“Yeah. I actually like having a big family.” He lifted Asher up in the air and blew a raspberry on his belly. “What about you? Just the one sister?”

“As far as I know, yeah. We didn’t grow up together. We were split up and adopted by different families when we were three. Or four. Something like that. I don’t remember much about it.”

“Seriously?” He looked over at me and frowned. “That sucks.”

I shrugged. “I actually always thought I imagined Chloe. Like she was a make-believe friend I had. We didn’t start talking until a few months ago when she tracked me down.”

Kane started walking toward his squad car, still holding Asher. I assumed he probably had to get back to work, but as I walked beside him, my hands tucked in my back pockets, I felt like we had crossed a line, definitely. We were no longer anonymous. Or total strangers. Sure, we’d already had sex. Twice. So that should qualify as knowing each other. But we hadn’t. We hadn’t exchanged a single personal piece of information and now, suddenly we had, and it changed everything.

“I think that’s awesome that you’re getting to know each other. Family is important.”

I pursed my lips. “Yeah.” How would I know?

“Can I call you later?” he asked. “We can make some plans to see each other.”

Nodding, I tried to find something to say, but I had too many thoughts. No thoughts. It was just a little bit overwhelming. “Cool,” was what I settled on.

Kane suddenly grinned. “That feels like a massive triumph, you know that? Like I won the lottery.”

Well, that was embarrassing.

The little boy from the slide suddenly ran up to us, his mother right behind him. “Can you put your sirens on?” he asked.

“Sorry,” the mom said apologetically. “He’s just really into sirens right now.”

“I would,” Kane told him, “but I think it will scare the baby. But I can show you the radio. Let me hand this guy over to his mommy.”

Kane passed Asher over to me and pushed his sunglasses up on his head. He gave me a wink, that damn it, made my vagina tingle. I couldn’t deny it. He led the kid, who was about five, over to the squad car.

“That’s really nice of your husband,” the mother said. “This will make Trent’s day.” She put her hand out. “I’m Helen, by the way. Do you live right around here?”

It was instinct to want to correct her that Kane and I weren’t married, but then I realized that she wasn’t glaring at me, or criticizing my parenting. She thought I was normal. Thought I belonged here. That I was a regular old mom at the park with my baby and my husband had dropped by to see us. For just a minute, I wanted to pretend that’s what it was, that’s who I was. “I’m Anya.” I shook her hand. “We live in the apartments around the block.”

She was about ten years older than me but given the difference in our sons’ ages, that didn’t feel enormous.

“We’re two blocks north,” she said. “Your baby is adorable.”

“Thanks.” He was adorable. No question about it. “Your son is really cute too. I love that he has so much enthusiasm.” I was sincere about that. It was cool to see Trent’s face lighting up as Kane showed him things in the squad car.

Helen laughed. “That’s one way to put it.”

Trent came running back over and half jumped on, half smacked his mother. “That was so awesome.” He was so excited he was vibrating.

“Did you say thank you?” Helen asked.

“Thank you,” he screamed over his shoulder.

“You’re welcome.” Kane came over to me. “I need to get back to work. Do you need a ride home?”

“Without a car seat?” I smiled at him, amused, because he knew I didn’t have one in any case. “We’ll walk.”

“Oh, you’re both going to walk? Good luck with that.” He shot me a grin back. “Okay, text me.” Then he shocked me by leaning forward and kissing me, quickly. He touched the tip of Asher’s nose. “Bye, little man.”

I was pretty sure my ovary dropped an egg.

I wanted to cook him dinner then work him over. Twice.

Effing eff eff.

Knocking on the door at Anya’s sister’s apartment, I tossed back my hair. She was right- it was surprising the sergeant hadn’t called me out on it yet. I kept planning to cut it, but I was hoping Anya would tug it a few more times before I did. I still couldn’t believe that I’d deleted a text from her that actually said she liked me, with a bunch of swear words bookending it. I should have read the damn text, but my ego had been dented. At least I’d stumbled across her in the park, and at least she’d been willing to admit it to my face, even if it had been the most defiant declaration of interest I’d ever heard in my life.

It meant more that way.

Because dragon girl didn’t cough up emotions easily, I was damn sure of that.

A guy about my age opened the door. I figured he had to be Chloe’s boyfriend.

“Hey, I’m Kane.” I stuck out my hand. “Is Anya here?” He shook my head with a good grip.

“Ethan. Nice to meet you. Come on in.” He gestured for me to enter. “Chloe and Anya are sequestered in the bedroom. There seems to be some great makeup debate. I’m on Asher duty.”

For a guy who had suddenly had his girlfriend’s sister and nephew dumped on him without warning, he seemed relatively calm about the whole thing. It made me respect him. Asher was doing that thing babies do where they walk holding onto furniture. He was traveling the length of the couch, going until the wall halted his progress, then back the other way.

“Hey, little man,” I said. “You look busy.”

Asher turned and gave me a drooling grin. His knees buckled a little in his jeans, but I thought it was intentional. The kid was damn cute, no doubt about it, and I was curious where his father was. Anya had a hell of a history, I knew that already, even though I knew very few details. I might be just a short chapter in that history, but I wanted to make an impact while she was letting me have access. It shouldn’t matter to me. I was being stupid, getting involved with her. I was pretty sure I was going to walk away from dating Anya with a bloody lip and a bruised heart, but I couldn’t stop myself.

She was the most intriguing woman I’d ever met and I wanted to see more glimpses of who she really was when she let the wall down. That vulnerability I saw in her made me want to take care of her. To protect her. Be the guy that made everything okay again. Stupid. Who did I think I was? Some kind of hero?

One step at a time, asshole.

“Have a seat,” Ethan offered, dropping into an armchair. “So Anya says you’re a cop?”

“Yes. You?” I sat on the couch. Asher cautiously crept my way and squeezed my knee. I pulled him up onto my lap, facing him towards me. He petted my chin stubble. He had lighter eyes than Anya and chubby little cheeks that made me want to blow raspberries on them. He wasn’t shy and he wasn’t afraid. A baby baller. Took after his mother, obviously.

“I’m starting law school in January. Right now I’m a bartender. Chloe is still in school.” Ethan yelled in the direction of the bedroom. “Chloe! Anya! Kane is here.” He shrugged. “I know I should have walked down the hallway, but I’m tired as hell. I get home from work at 3am and Asher wakes up at 6 most of the time. I’m not complaining, but damn, I’m busted.”

“That’s a hell of an adjustment, no doubt.”

“You do what you’ve got to do, right? Anya and Asher can stay here as long as she needs to. It’s the least we can do.”

Maybe it wasn’t any of my business but there was no sign of either woman emerging from the bedroom, so I shifted Asher so I could see Ethan better. “Anya told me they were split up and adopted separately. That’s jacked up. I didn’t even know that was legal.”