Breathe Me (6 page)

I t
ilted my head, bringing my lips to her skin, softly lingering on her neck as I placed a silent, tender kiss on the area right under her ear. My heart was racing, and I was pretty sure she could hear its thumping against her skin. It was no longer cold inside the taxi but stifling, and her fast, shallow breathes were not enough to keep the world from spinning. She shifted away, giving me a hard glare, stopping me in my tracks. But my hand lingered, gracing her cheek as my fingers slid down to rest on her hip bone. My other hand still embraced her shoulders, comfortably cupping her small frame. I was invading her space, but her skin was hot and smelled amazing. The calming scent of her perfume filled the air around me, like she was on everything I touched. I was pretty sure she could see the fear and desire flickering in my eyes. Surely we were both done for now.

“Piper, you look even more beautiful than I remember. I know you still don’t trust me, but that’s okay. You’re worth the wait. You’re that amazing.”
I pulled my arm from around her shoulders, leaving a cold draft where the warmth of her body had just been. I didn’t move away, though, but remained seated snugly next to her, our hips and thighs touching, pressed against the fabric embracing our bodies. “I don’t want to push in any way. I’m very patient, and I can wait. Until you’re ready, I’ll be right here, next to you.”

“I’m sorry,
” she whispered back, low enough so the cabbie couldn’t hear her speaking.

C
onfused, I scanned her face as I calmly waited. “For what, Piper?”

“I don’t know if I can do this.”

“What do you mean? The comedy show? We can go somewhere else if you want.”

“No.
” She sucked in a breath and leaned back, letting her head drop, and stared at the dingy roof of the taxi. “I can’t do this. This thing you have in mind for us. I can’t do this.”

Sitting up, my panic spilled over.
I wanted to scream. Her words stung my chest like a hot poker.

“Stop the cab
, please,” she called out.

The cabbie glance
d at us in the rear view. His eyes darted from me to Piper and back again before settling back on the road.

She
hit his seat, not hearing me protesting next to her, trying to coax an explanation out of her. “Stop the car now!” she hollered, hitting the back of the driver’s seat again. The tires came to a screeching halt, and she spilled out, not realizing we were in the middle lane of traffic. A white Caravan swerved away from her, its horn screaming in our ears as it barely missed her, and the car behind it also squealed to a stop. She dashed past it and made it to the sidewalk, a trail of cursing and threats echoing behind her. She stumbled away, holding her chest as though it hurt something awful. I scrambled to throw the cabbie some money and carefully hopped out of the cab. Making it across the two lanes of traffic, still halted from her interruption, I hurried after her.

I
spotted her on a park bench and slowly made my way to it. But first I paused at a street vendor selling cold bottles of water out of a cooler and tossed him a dollar for an icy bottle.  Approaching the bench, I wasn’t sure what to say at all. I watched her bend over, trying to calm the tight crushing pain in her chest. Damn those panic attacks. I hadn’t seen her have one in so long, I’d forgotten about them. She’d almost gotten herself run over and killed because she’d let it overtake her at the most inopportune moment.

“Breathe… b
reathe….”
I could hear her whispering the words to herself.

She
coughed, letting the calm slowly work the knots out of her as it came wafting in. She was slowly settling, and I could physically see the blood rushing back into her head as she leaned forward, letting her long brown hair drape over her knees like a shroud.

“Piper?”

She didn’t look up, and I hoped she wouldn’t run away again. Tears spilled from her eyes, and she squeezed them tightly shut. The tears dampened her legs, bare underneath her skirt, until they slid silently onto the sidewalk. Whispers sounded off as the crowd dispersed from around us, no longer entertained by her breakdown. I threw them a challenging glare, sending the few who were still there scurrying away. I’m sure they thought we were both crazy.

“He
re, Piper.” I offered her the dripping wet bottle of water, sweating from the heat. When she didn’t respond, I bit my lip and pressed it softly to her skin, hoping to shock her out of her trance. She flinched and turned to watch the drops of water slide down the clear plastic. Finally, she slipped a hand around it and sat up straighter. The cold had done it, pulling her back to the present. She took a few sips and calmed down even more.

She glanced
toward me as I knelt in front of her, slowly caressing her arms. She hadn’t swatted me away, which was a huge step. She shivered, and I could feel the goose bumps flare up under my fingertips.

Suddenly, her shyness returned,
and she quickly handed the bottle back to me. She wiped her hands on her skirt then rubbed away the mascara streaks from under her eyes.

“I’m sorry.”
She smiled weakly, embarrassed.

“Don’t apologize.”

“I get these attacks. They sneak up on me, and I….”

“You don’
t have to explain. I remember.”

She
pressed her lips together and narrowed her eyes, watching me sit quietly next to her. I diverted my own gaze to land on the cars racing by. Bunches of people flocked on by, as though nothing had ever happened, and as though we didn’t even exist. That was okay, though. One thing I liked about Vegas was the way a person could stand in the thick crowds on the Strip and fade away. It was easy to disappear, blend into the faces of tourists, performers and families. It was the place to be someone, and yet be no one, all at the same time, if you wished it. Forgotten within minutes, anonymity at its finest.

I don
’t know how long we sat there in silence, or what ran through her head as the minutes ticked by. I continued to offer her the water, alternating that with sitting back, kicking my legs up as I relaxed against the hard wooden bench. I rubbed circles on her back, and she let a small pleasurable moan escape her lips. It sent shivers across my skin, glad I was helping her relax as I watched the crowd ebb and flow. It was easy to blend in here, like we’d meant to be there, hanging out, completely at home people watching on the sidewalk. The many surrounding us, oblivious to who we were, passed by us without a second’s thought. The women were busy adjusting their tight, short skirts and swinging their long, dyed locks over their shoulders, and the men were running their hands through their slicked-back hairdos, dressed in metrosexual, form-fitting shirts and snug slacks which hugged their asses in ways I was sure was uncomfortable and restrictive. Maybe they were famous, maybe they weren’t. Who knew?

I frowned. I hoped I was looking just as good to Piper
, or I’d have to step it up quite a bit. I wasn’t twenty-one anymore, and I was a little beyond tight clothing.

“Jus
t a little longer, I’ll be okay,” she mumbled.

“Take however long you need.”

Right now, it was the best place in the world, this quiet oblivion, sitting next to Piper. It was enough, all I needed. My quiet acceptance and patience seemed to baffle her, leaving me to ponder what was going on inside her head. Pushing my own scattered thoughts to the back of my mind, I breathed in the city’s smells and felt closer to fine. She just needed more time, and that was something I had plenty of.

Piper

“WHAT’
S THE BIG
deal?” Joss flicked her wrist so fast, the hangers clicked as they slammed against each other. Shopping was a therapy for her. It kept her frayed nerves from driving her mad. I, on the other hand, could go mad shopping with her. It took her an hour to find one thing she liked enough to even try on, and then she’d force a shirt or an outfit I’d never possibly wear onto me and proceed to push me into a dressing stall. Yeah. It was like some kind of torture session, but it was the only time I could get her alone without Leah attached to her since the girl was at school. I needed advice, desperately enough to endure one of these retail therapy sessions.

“What do you mean, ‘What’s the big deal
?’ Haven’t you been listening, Joss?” I groaned, rehanging a hideous blouse back on the sale rack, which she had just tossed in my direction. I blew out a breath, frustrated beyond belief. “I don’t need clothes, I need help.”

“That’s for sure.”

“Will you stop?”

“Okay
, Okay. So Sasha’s back. From what I take it, he wants you back and badly enough that he’s willing to do whatever it takes. Still, you embarrassed yourself by losing your nerve to destroy his heart the way he did you in, way back when, and ended up throwing yourself into a panic attack, almost killing yourself in the process by running into traffic on the Strip. Right?”

“Right.”

“I told you, you need help. Seriously. Mental help, a.s.a.p., like a code red.”

“
Grr…. Thanks,” I huffed, rubbing my temples and ready to call it a day.

“Listen,” Joss sighed
right along with me, making it more obvious as she overtly rolled her eyes. She may have been a mom, but she was still young at heart. I think it was the only thing that saved her sanity when her husband died. “I get that you don’t know if you want him back. But really? Six years is a long time to hold a grudge. Let it go. I say have fun, take it for what it’s worth. He doesn’t sound like the same guy who smashed your heart to smithereens. Give him a chance. If it doesn’t work out, hey, at least he was a fine piece of meat to chew on. Plus, you can end your self-imposed celibacy.”

“I’m not celibate.”

“When’s the last time you got laid?”

I blush
ed, turning to watch a few women standing nearby shake their heads and mutter under their breaths, flashing dirty looks toward us as they moved to the next isle of clothes. “Announce it to the world, please. Joss, you know I don’t date. It’s hard enough finding the right doctor who won’t kill you, let alone someone who isn’t a complete asshole. Don’t be so hard on me. I don’t see you dating either.”

“As a matter of fact, Piper
,
my love
….” Joss’s face flushed strawberry, and she was smiling to herself. So brass for sass.

“What’s this one’s
name?”

“Adam Rosen.”

I rolled my eyes. She hadn’t dated much either, but in the last year, she’d more than made up for it. Another loser to add to the
get back in the game with vengeance
list.

“So is this Adam scoring
on the normal IQ list or did he not quite make it?” I ducked, but Joss’s bag still smacked me on the arm. “Ow! Watch it,
crazy
!” I laughed as she brought it around to smack me again, hitting the rack hard. A pile of pants fell to the floor, slipping off the clips which had held them. “Oh shit!” I ducked, hoping the store clerks were not anywhere near us. We giggled as we gathered up the pieces of clothing and snapped them haphazardly onto the hangers. Once we were done, we were so flushed from laughing we decided to leave the store before they figured out who had messed up the pants display. Joss always found a way to lighten my mood, even if it was by acting like an immature teen girl.

“As a matter of fact, he’s very intelligent. He’s a child psychologist. Can you believe the patience he must have to talk to
all them messed up kids? I can’t even imagine. I’d want to kill those psychopathic brats in no time.”

“How long have you known him?”

“We met at the Starbucks a couple weeks ago, ‘bout right before the time ol’ Sasha waltzed back into your life. Adam did that ‘pay it forward thing,’ bought like the next five people in line their coffees, can you believe that? He even had an extra one in his hand with a muffin, and I actually watched him hand them to some homeless guy sitting outside. Tell me that’s not a winner!” She sighed happily, her eyes glazing over as they flitted back to that day. I forced a smile, even though I was secretly envious of her good luck. I pushed the thought away, knowing full well she deserved happiness after all she’d been through with her husband before he’d died. No one should have to bury their spouse so soon. No one.