Breathe Into Me (23 page)

When we were waist deep into the water he took my other hand in his and interlaced our fingers before pulling our locked hands to his chest.

“I know I said I wouldn’t touch you, Kelsey. That I would give you your space so you would be comfortable … but right now all I can think about is your lips, and your body, and how incredibly beautiful you are.” He let go of one my hands to tuck a small piece of hair behind my ear, then he slowly ran his fingers down the side my neck.

I couldn’t stop the way my head fell back and the sigh that escaped my lips. As good as it felt for him to run his fingers down my neck, it did nothing to compare to the way it felt when he touched his lips there. He had taken me a little by surprise, I hadn’t been expecting him to begin kissing my neck but I didn’t want him to stop. I let my hands fall from his chest and into the water. He slid one had around my slick waist and cradled the back of my head with the other and tilted my body slightly back so he could have better access.

Kane kissed and nibbled and sucked just about every surface of my neck before running his nose up the side to my ear. Once at my ear he gave my lobe a soft kiss. “If you want to stop, please, stop me now,” he breathed into my ear. I didn’t want him to stop, though. Why deny my body what it was screaming that it wanted?

I ran my now-wet hands up his bare chest, slipping easily along his taut skin. I couldn’t help myself when I reached his nipples, lightly running my finger over them, playing with them. I watched him shudder and felt him grip my waist tighter, and it made me give them a little pinch.

Kane responded by pulling me deeper into the cool water to where my feet could no longer touch the ground, so I wrapped my legs around his waist. His arousal was evident as it was pressed against my belly. I thought I would be scared since I had never been this far before, but I wasn’t. Need and desire had possessed my body and all I could think about was
more
. I wanted so much more.

I found Kane’s lips and began kissing every inch of them before that too was not enough and I urged him to open his mouth to me. It was obvious Kane was letting me take the lead here. He didn’t want to be in control right now for fear of pushing me into something I wasn’t sure of. But what he didn’t know was I had never been surer. How could this be wrong when it felt so right?

After I explored Kane’s mouth to my liking, I pulled back to look at him. How did I end up here? I would never understand it. Things with Kane may not be for forever, but if I was going to have him now, I wanted to make the most of it. I slowly reached behind my back to unlatch my bra.

Kane’s eyes widened. “Kelsey, I promise, I didn’t bring you here for this. I just wanted you to be part of this place with me. Its special to me,
you’re special
to me. It just made sense. We don’t have to go any farther.”

I placed one of my fingers on his lips, then kissed him. With my lips still pressed against his I whispered, “I want to, Kane. Please.” I pulled back to look into his eyes. I could still see indecision swirling in them but I quickly unlatched my bra anyway. The straps fell down my shoulders getting caught in the crooks of my arms. He looked at the straps and then looked up into my eyes. I nodded, assuring him that this was okay, that I
did
want this.

He slowly pulled one hand from around my waist and placed it against my cheek. He didn’t say anything to me before he leaned in and softly kissed my lips. When he pulled back he began to run the hand that had been pressed against my cheek down my jaw, then my neck and on down to my chest.

My breathing was shaky. Not from fear, but from anticipation. He hooked his index finger around the small part of my bra that connect the two cups and slowly began pulling it away from my body. I took one last deep breath and held it in. I had never been topless in front of a guy before.

I watched Kane’s face closely. Not even really sure what I was looking for. Disappointment maybe? Disappointment that I would be lacking where I’m sure a few of the other girls he had been with had been in abundance. I didn’t want to feel that way, but I was a girl after all. But when I truly looked into Kane’s eyes, all I saw was desire. The same desire I myself was feeling.

He ran his hand down between my breasts and I all but orgasmed right there. I had never had this part of my body touched by someone else before. Not even through clothes, so the closeness of his wet skin touching my skin was the most intimate thing I had ever experienced. Kane kept his eyes on mine as he lowered his head to my chest.

When his mouth connected with my nipple my body bucked and then shuddered, and the water rippled around us. I had never experienced anything quite like this before. I could feel the tingling in my belly growing.
Is this possible? Can this alone send me over the edge?

My question was answered about two seconds later when Kane raked his teeth across my nipple and my body exploded into a million different pieces. My head fell back as I called out his name to the night sky.

Kane kissed me deeply as I came down from my high. Little did he know but the slow strokes of his tongue against mine was only working me up again. I wasn’t sure I had any control over my own body anymore. It wanted Kane. It wanted what my head wasn’t sure it was ready for, but what my heart was screaming it needed.

I reluctantly broke away from Kane’s lips. He first looked at me as though he wasn’t sure if he had done something wrong. I mustered all the courage I could and whispered. “I want it to be you, Kane.”

He slowly closed his eyes before responding, “Kelsey, baby, please don’t say things like that. I’m not worthy of that. Believe me.” He reopened his eyes and I could see the turmoil swirling within them.

How could he not see how perfect he was? How could he not realize that, to me, his past and his reputation didn’t matter? All those people could think what they wanted about Kane. I knew the truth. I knew he wasn’t that person anymore. That alone was all I needed to know that I was meant to be here, in this water with him right now. Our lives had been so riddled with sadness and ugliness that we were destined to find each other. I felt it in every fiber of my being that this was right.

“Please, Kane, I need it to be you. Before I met you I was a shell of who I used to be. I wanted desperately to find her again, and you have helped me do that. I know that it’s not a mistake that we are here, in this moment right now,
together
.” I placed his hand over my heart so he could feel how strongly it was beating. “You feel that?
You
make it do that. When my mom died I never thought I would be able to breathe again, let alone have my heart beat again, but then I met you and you stole that last amount of breath I had and breathed a new life into me. You are a part of me now. This is right, please don’t question that.”

Kane let out a low growl and attacked my mouth again. I felt his hands slide under my knees and began to pull my legs away from his waist. I was about to protest but he didn’t drop my legs and put me down like I thought he was going to. He swung my legs together and cradled me in his arms, carrying me like a husband carries his wife over a threshold after they have been married, out of the water.

When he made it to the shore I thought he was going to set me on my feet again but he kneeled with me in the tall grass and he used his hand that was wrapped around my back to spread his shirt out before gently laying me back on it. His scent that clung to his shirt engulfed me and I knew I would remember this smell for the rest of my life, and it would always bring me right back here, in this moment with him.

He lightly kissed my lips just once, then held himself above me with one hand using his other to caress my cheek. “I need to know you are one hundred percent sure about this. I will never be able to forgive myself if you are not sure.”

I cupped both his cheeks in my hands. “I am.”

He nodded and leaned in to kiss me, but pulled away at the last second. “Kelsey, I don’t have anything. I wasn’t expecting this.”

I couldn’t believe I had forgotten to even think about protection. In the moment of passion, all I could think about was him. I thought for a minute. I had been on the pill since I was sixteen to regulate my periods. So I knew we would be safe from pregnancies, but I knew that Kane had slept around. His reputation had said so, and he had told me himself.

“I am on the pill so there are no worries there, but I have to ask, have you been checked before? You know, since you have, um, done this before?” I felt like a bitch for blurting it out there like that, but I had to be sure.

He nodded. “I have never,
ever
, touched a girl without one before, but a few weeks after I had stopped sleeping around I had myself checked just to be sure and it came back clean. You’re the first person I have been with in a while.”

It made me happy to know that after he decided he wasn’t going to be sleeping around anymore that he was willing to do this with me. I was so worried about what my body and I wanted that I never really thought about the fact that I could have been pushing Kane into something he wasn’t ready for. “Kane, I know I am sure about this, but are you? If you don’t want to, that’s completely fine.”

He barked out a laugh. “Kelsey,”—he looked down to where his underwear was fully tented—“is that sure enough for you?” He gave me his full-dimple smile and I bit my lip and nodded. The smile slipped from his face as his eyes zeroed in on my mouth.

“You really shouldn’t bite your lip like that.” he said huskily. “I can’t think straight when you do, and right now I need to calm down and take my time with you. I don’t want to hurt you, Kelsey, in any way, physically or mentally, but this will hurt.” He looked at me, a hint of sadness in his expression.

I knew this was going to hurt. I had heard stories and read books about girl’s losing it for the first time, but I was going to be going through this with Kane. I could deal with the pain as long as I had him. My heart fluttered at those last words and I knew it was because those words held more meaning than just about tonight.

I pulled my knees up around Kane’s hips where I could grab the hem of his boxers between my toes and gave them a little tug. Obviously they didn’t come down, but Kane took the hint and reached down between us, pushing them down himself before settling himself between my legs. I lifted my hips, letting him know I wanted him to do the same to me. He sat back on his knees and ran his index finger along the inside band of my panties. My back arched and eyes fluttered. My body was humming all over with anticipation of what was to come.

Kane used that index finger he was teasing me with to slowly pull my panties down my legs. As soon as they were free from my feet Kane covered my body with his again, shielding me from the night breeze. He slowly wrapped his hand around my knee and pulled it up over his hip. He then, ever so lightly, ran his fingers up the outside of my thigh, continuing up to my side. His hand brushed against the side of my breast as he made his way down the inside of my arm until he got to my hand. He interlocked out fingers and brought that hand above my head.

We stared into each other’s eyes, neither of us saying a word. I felt him position himself at my opening and I fought the urge to close my eyes. I didn’t want to be in the dark for this. I didn’t want to miss it so I kept them open. Kane slowly and carefully began to push himself inside me. Right away I could feel the discomfort and sting from my body experiencing something it never had before. Gradually he inched himself deeper and deeper until I couldn’t help but wince from the pain, causing him to immediately stop his movement.

“Are you okay? Do you want to stop?” Concern laced his every word.

I wildly shook my head back and forth. “No. I just need a second to get used to it, is all.” I tried my best to give him a reassuring smile. After a few seconds the overwhelming feeling passed and I nodded for him to continue. He seemed a bit apprehensive at first but I lifted my hips causing him to sink just a tiny bit deeper to let him know I was sure.

He closed his eyes and lowered his head and began his slow push again. I held my breath. I wasn’t really in any pain; it was just all so overwhelming. I could feel my body stretching to accommodate him, and even with all the discomfort, I felt at peace.

Kane was propped on his elbows and I could see the trembling of his arms out of the corner of my eye. Was this uncomfortable for him? I didn’t know what else to do so I turned my head to the side and kissed his bicep. I didn’t want this to be uncomfortable for him. I wanted him to feel the peace I was feeling. I gave his arm another slow kiss and when I turned my head back he was staring at me.

His breathing was shaky and uneven, but he didn’t say anything as he drew in a breath and gave one last, long, final push. My hands shot to his back and I gripped his skin with my fingertips. He lowered his head to my shoulder then let out his breath. Everything around us was still. I couldn’t hear any sounds other than my wildly beating heart and our unsteady breathing. It seemed like hours passed with us just lying there, not moving but I knew that couldn’t be the case.

My body had finally adjusted to him and I was dying for him to move. Even though my body had never experienced this before, it was like an old memory and it knew exactly what it wanted and how to get it. I lifted my hips again but Kane placed a hand on them to still them.

“Now I’m the one who needs a minute to adjust,” he huskily laughed. “You feel so incredible, Kelsey, and its taking all my will power to not do what my body wants to do. And what my body wants is to pull back out and slam right back in.”

I gaped at the open sky. As horrible as it sounded to be
slammed
into, it also lit me on fire at the thought. What was with me? My mind and body were having an internal tug of war and I didn’t know who to listen to anymore.

I kissed Kane’s cheek to let him know I was comfortable, that I was ready whenever he was. He slightly pressed his cheek harder into my kiss then began slowly pulling back out. I felt discomfort again but this time it was different. This time is was discomfort about his body leaving mine. Now that I had had him there it felt different to be without him. It felt lonely.