Breathe Again (4 page)

He scratched his chin. “That’s an odd question, unless you mean did I discuss it with your husband? No, I didn’t.”

The room seemed to stop spinning. A little. “Right.”

“But you know how it works down here. We do our best to maintain privacy, but when a name pops up that is familiar, the active grapevine has its way.”

Heck on wheels. How was she going to explain this without the truth coming out? Once Nick found out—

She couldn’t bear to think what would happen if Nick found out. She rubbed at her face as reality set it. This was happening for real. Yes, she’d wanted this to happen—three
freakin’
months ago, when there was a chance for her marriage. Not now.

“Do you want to do the scan now or wait for Doctor Delaney?” he asked.

Skylar looked around for a small throw-able object. Was this doctor the only one around unaware of the dynamics between her and Nick?

Sensing her mood, the doctor was quick to make his exit.

She leaned back on the bed of the empty consult room as she contemplated her next steps.

Step one: Get the hell out of dodge before Nick finds out.

Step two: Quit wasting time and complete step one.

After a soft knock on the door, Nick walked in. Skylar’s shoulders slumped.

Step three: You’re an ass for being such a bad planner.

“You look tired.” He came to sit beside her and handed her a cup of coffee. “I was thinking about the tension between us, and it’s not good for us or the team. I think I should move out of the house. What do you think?”

She stared at Nick, who looked as perky as an ex-Marine with issues could look. He knew, and he was testing her. That was the only explanation she could come up with.

His eyebrows came together as he frowned. “You look a little pale. Did that doctor get your results back?” He moved his hand toward her head, and she ducked, causing him to look at her with concern.

“I am sorry about the other day. I really am. I think having any kind of relationship, even if it’s only a physical one, can get messy, and I respect you too much for that.”

She sighed. He didn’t know. If he did, he would tell her.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

“It’s not like you to be this quiet,” he prompted.

She swallowed her guilt. Maybe she could get away with not telling him. If he moved out, he wouldn’t notice her being pregnant. Then he’d be gone on tour, and he wouldn’t need to know.

“Everybody seems to be asking me strange questions and talking about babies a lot. You don’t know what that’s about, do you?” He sipped his coffee and let out a sigh.

“Grapevine,” she said.

He nodded as if he understood before turning to her.

“I’m pregnant.”

Skye watched him for a reaction. There wasn’t any. He sat there, looking at her, as though he hadn’t heard a word she’d said. Maybe he hadn’t heard. Maybe he didn’t want to hear. She wasn’t sure, and she sure as hell was too scared to ask. She looked away, trying to remember their life together. What she’d done was stupid. She knew that, but it was too late to do anything about it.

 “It’s not possible, right?” he asked after an endless moment.

They’d discussed babies briefly, and his stance was always no. He used to say he didn’t need to become a father to prove his incompetence. He pressed down on the small round scar on his hand. She watched him and wondered why he never wanted to discuss his life before or during the Marine Corps.

His gaze hardened as he clenched his jaw shut. “How could this have happened?”

“I—”

She looked down at her hands, linking her fingers together.
Tell him the truth. Tell him you didn’t mean to
. The tears burned her eyes, fell. She rubbed at the wetness on her cheeks.

He curled his hands into fists. She was too scared to take his hands in hers. Too scared to touch him.

 “We weren’t a happy couple. I know the last thing we should be doing is having a baby.” She didn’t meet his gaze.

 “No.” The word might have been a lot harsher than he’d meant it to be. “I’m sorry.”

 “So how did we end up pregnant when we took every precaution?” he asked.

 She avoided his gaze. She’d tell him. Just not now. She couldn’t handle having to tell him now. The accusation. He wouldn’t shout. He’d go silent. It was worse than shouting. She’d prefer to have a ripping argument, but the silence— “I know you never wanted to be a father.”

He shook his head. “It was a deal-breaker when we married. You know how I feel. There are enough children in the world without a home—”

“You always said that, but there was always more to that excuse
.”

This time he turned away with guilt in his eyes. “So now what?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “Like single parents say, you can be as involved as you want to be.”

His wary gaze caught her by surprise.

“I’m not asking you to stay. You wanted out long before the baby. You never signed up for babies, and as of before you found out about the baby, you were moving out. You are free to leave. No strings attached.” Skylar looked down at her tummy. She’d wanted this. Once. She’d deal with it. Now. She cupped her abdomen protectively.

She looked at Nick and smiled. “I’m going to be a mummy.”

“He stopped breathing in the car. It’s peanuts—one whiff and he gets a reaction.” Skylar gently pushed the panic-stricken mother aside and focused on the nine-year-old boy on the stretcher.

The skin around his mouth was cherry red, but what troubled her was the bluish tinge of his lips. The raspy noise of his breathing sounded like an alarm bell in the otherwise quiet resus room.

Pulling the oxygen tubing and mask from its place on the wall behind the stretcher, Skylar spoke to the mother in a calm voice, a voice that belied the panicked sense of doubt in her mind.

She lifted her gaze and met the young woman’s. “Did you give him any adrenaline?” she asked as she placed the oxygen mask over the boy’s nose and mouth.

The mother threw her hands up, her voice thickened to a hoarse whisper. “The one time I forget it. I forgot his EpiPen. I knew I should have carried it with me.” She pulled his hair away from his face and hovered over him. “Will he be okay? If anything happens to him, I only have myself to blame.”

Looking around the small resus room, Skylar spotted a student nurse. She beckoned the nurse as she spoke to the boy’s mother. “We’re going to take good care of your child, but I need you to go with this nurse. As soon as I can, I will send for you.”

The mother rubbed at the tears falling from her eyes. Reluctantly, she nodded and followed the student to the family waiting area of the emergency room.

Skylar scanned the room once more wondering where Nick was. His MIA moments since the news about the baby were wearing on her nerves. It had been three weeks, and he was taking his time moving out of the house, finding some excuse or the other to prolong his stay.

Taking a quick look at the boy's size, she drew up the correct dose of adrenaline for his age and got the nurse next to her to check it before she administered it into the child's thigh. She double-checked the oxygen flow and made sure he was starting to respond.

As the boy slowly regained color, he started to breathe easier. The quiet hum of the emergency room was comforting. At this part of the morning, Hawkes Bay was waking up, and this would be the most interesting thing happening in the small town at this time in the morning.

“Has anyone seen Doctor Delaney?” Skylar watched as each team member shrugged.

Letting out a frustrated breath, she combed her fingers through her hair. She secured the oxygen mask with one hand around the boy’s mouth and used the other to open the drawer next to her. She pulled out needles and syringes, her gaze flicking between the drawer and the child.

When the air in the room changed, Skylar didn’t need to look up to know why. She felt the heat behind her, and she curled her hand into a fist until her nails bit into her palm.

Nick
. She pulled in a breath and turned. He ignored the question in her gaze and focused on the patient’s notes.

“How much adrenaline did you give him?” His words were a heated breath next to her ear.

She fought for control.

She bit down on her lip and realized she held her breath. She paused as he turned to her. Her gaze held his stubbornly. “He’s had the correct amount, Doctor. As per protocol. Where were you caught up? Looking for a bachelor pad perhaps?”

His stoic expression didn’t fall, but she knew that one day the teasing would either get her in trouble or get her a reaction, and she was okay with either.

She didn’t let him see the slight quiver of her hand as she closed the drawer. What was it about the man that made her want to peel back the layers to see what was inside?

The resus room was too small for a man of his size. But then, lately she was beginning to realize any room with Nick Delaney was proving too small for her. She sighed, and try as she may, she couldn’t get her mind off him. Hormones had to be blamed for this.

He ignored her question and signed the chart, before watching her every move with that same quietness that made her feel like a target about to be taken down.

If only they talked, like they used to.

She swallowed a soft curse as her heart hammered against her chest. He couldn’t help himself. That hero complex he had. Sometimes she thought it was an act— sometimes. Sometimes, she wasn’t sure.

“I could do this on my own, but I’m not supposed to. I was worried about you.” Her voice cracked into a soft whisper. She tugged on her lip again and met his gaze. “I wish you’d talk to me.”

His lips formed a thin line as he took the drug chart and checked the dosage.

“I gave him point three mils. He is already responding.” Surprised her voice was steady and less husky than it sounded before, she took in a breath.

He looked from the chart to the boy and then focused on her. “I'll put in the line.”

He didn’t say, “Job well done.” Neither did he say, “We can talk. Later.”

Skylar handed him the equipment she’d gathered and turned her attention back to the little boy. Nick refused to talk about the baby. That wasn’t normal. Not even for a slightly emotionally challenged man. If there was some way to reach across that large expanse of nothingness, she could touch him, really touch him—

As they’d been doing for years, together they worked to insert the drip and commenced treatment. Skylar stepped back and watched Nick finish checking the fluids.

 “He's responding really well. We'll need to give him an antihistamine and some fluids. Keep an eye on his vitals. There could be a rebound effect if the adrenaline wears off.”

She swallowed an uncomfortable lump in her throat as Nick found her watching him. “I’ll check on him and carry out those orders, if you’re finished,” she said, hoping he didn’t sense her eagerness for a different response from him.

His curt nod made her smile. Nick was in no danger of feeling anything that wasn’t in a report or on some radar in front of him. She’d lost him.

She searched in her pocket for the jellybeans she had stashed earlier, and finding them, she put a few in her mouth as the boy’s mother walked toward them.

Nick tensed, and she could feel his restlessness from where he stood.

“That's his mum coming over now. She was very distressed, so be gentle.”

The moment she said the words, she knew they didn't fit him.
Be gentle
. Being gentle wasn't his style. She knew that. He was the fix-it man. Always had been and now that he was back from the army, he was different. More like the fix-it man and less like the man who laughed and smiled with her.

“Nick, we can’t go on like this.”

Skylar wasn’t sure why she chose this moment to talk to Nick. She only knew her heart was breaking.

He met her gaze, his brow creasing, and then he shook off the thought. “Now? You want to do this now?”

She shook her head. “No, you’re right. Later.” Who was she kidding? He’d find some excuse for there not to be a later. He was good at that. No, he was great at that.