Breathe (43 page)

Lincoln faced Nancy again. “We need to talk to the police.”

“Was that Jay? How did he get hurt?”

“He was shot. But he"s going to be okay.” He couldn"t force himself to say

anything more than that. “Mel"s the one who started the fire.”

She stared at him, her mouth hanging open.

“Mel?” Adam asked. “He tried to hurt us?” Tears filled his eyes.

With his free hand, Lincoln gripped Adam by the back of the neck and pulled

him in for a fierce embrace. “It"s going to be okay. They"ll figure out it was arson.

He"ll be a suspect.” He met Nancy"s stare. “We stay together until they arrest him.

No one goes anywhere alone.”

She nodded.

He needed to take them to the police station, tell the cops about Mel paying for

the mortgage and homeowner"s insurance, but he couldn"t move one step farther

away from the trauma room. He had to know if Jay was going to be okay.

So he held on to his family. And he waited.

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Sloan Parker

Chapter Thirty-four

The woman outside Jay"s hospital room continued sobbing. She"d been carrying

on for a half hour. Someone needed to find her a private room, so she could let it all

out—not that it would be gone anytime soon.

That level of despair and grief was all too familiar, and Jay wanted to put that

phase of his life behind him—not forgotten, but not a part of his every day. Katie

deserved his memories to be full of better times.

He"d been waiting for the doctor to give the okay on his release for three hours.

Hospitals rarely had time estimates correct. Did they get the details of treatments

and medications as out of whack as they did how long it took for a doctor to sign

release papers? Jay"s dad kept walking in and out of the room, giving Jay updates

on who was coming their way—the fat nurse, the too-talkative nurse, the creepy guy

nurse, the nurse who wore the crooked ponytail. Jay was ready to call a cab all the

way from Fort Wayne. Any minute now.

His dad entered the room again. “The one with the tattoo said there"s no

update. Just sometime today.”

“It"s okay.”

His dad sat in a chair, his hands tapping the metal bar that ran the length of

the hospital bed. “You"ll feel much better once we get you home, get you in your own

bed.”

“Yeah. But you don"t have to stay with me.”

His dad met Jay"s stare. “Yes. I do.”

Jay nodded.

They were silent for a few moments. Then the tapping sped up. Most likely his

dad"s irritation had more to do with the news he"d shared with Jay earlier.

Jay"s parents were separating. Not officially divorcing. Not moving apart.

Sleeping in different rooms. His dad had said, “Your mother and I haven"t seen eye

to eye for years. It"s just going to take time.”

Todd had been arrested and pleaded no contest, while Jay had undergone two

surgeries and spent more time than he"d ever cared to in a hospital bed. Todd had

made a deal in exchange for his plea. His wife would not be charged for her part in

the threats against Lincoln. She had helped Todd steal the photo of Katie from the

hospital morgue"s records, knowing about Todd"s threats but not how far he had

planned to go with them. Todd was awaiting sentencing at his own home.

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227

Hopefully, he"d get to see his child enter the world before he went to prison.

Jay was angrier with his brother than he"d ever been with anyone. He expected

Todd to be punished for what he"d done to him, to Lincoln, but Jay also felt sorry for

his brother. A part of him understood what had pushed Todd to where his actions

seemed logical. A part of him had known their mother"s favoritism toward her

younger son would reach a boiling point. He just wished he"d seen the depth of his

brother"s pain sooner.

How many people would he have to learn to live without? Would he ever be at

peace again? Ever have a life not full of anger and grief?

He wanted to try. He wanted to move forward.

His dad wasn"t defending Todd, but he had hired a lawyer for him. Jay and his

parents had a long way to go in figuring out where they stood with one another. And

it had to start with a single question.

“I need to know something, Dad.”

The tapping stopped. “Okay.”

“When I get home, and I"m all healed, are you going to lecture me?”

“About what?”

“I need to know things will be different. I don"t want this to be an issue

between us.”

“What your brother did?”

“No. Lincoln. Can you live with knowing how I felt about him?” Jay pulled the

thin blue blanket up higher. He wanted to get out of the hospital gown and get

dressed. Wearing what amounted to a nightgown that didn"t close in the back made

him feel exposed. Vulnerable.

Oh, who was he kidding? It had nothing to do with his attire. “Can you live

with how I
feel
about him?”

His dad ran the tips of his fingers along the metal rail. “I won"t lie to you.” He

dropped his hands to his thighs. The resulting slap echoed off the bare walls. “I

don"t get it. I can"t see how you spent time with him, let alone were”—he drew in a

long breath—“intimate with him. But I don"t need to understand how you got there.

I saw him at the cemetery. He was determined. I took one look at him, and I didn"t

hesitate. I let him lift you into that truck and drive you—
drive my son
—to the

hospital. I knew he"d do whatever he had to, to save your life.” He sighed. “I want

you to be happy.”

“I don"t think I can be.”

His dad let out a snort and smiled.

What was so amusing?

“You"re usually so mature. I forget how young you really are. Before you lost

your wife, you lived in a comfortable, beautiful, ignorant bubble. You didn"t have to

look around to find someone to love. She had been there with you since you were

seven years old. Life isn"t always that easy for everyone else. Happiness takes work.

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Sloan Parker

You have to decide to make your life what you want it to be. Then you have to go

after it.” He paused until Jay met his stare. “Does he want you?”

“He says we can"t—”

“That"s not what I asked you.”

“I think he does.”

“Then you know what to do. You always know the right thing to do.”

* * *

surroundings: the black oak tree full of green leaves, the sparrows chirping from

their perches high above, the acres of trimmed grass, the line of trees to the west,

the road winding through the array of monuments to the east—it all made for a

lovely spot for his wife to rest. He should have told Emily when she"d made the

selection. He"d make a point to do so now. Some things were never too late to say.

He slipped his fingers under the collar of his shirt and slid the chain out. He

removed it and the rings from around his neck. “I"ll always love you.” A sweet

flowery scent floated up from the ground and surrounded him. Lilies.

Hadn"t he read something about lilies once…about symbolizing renewal and

rebirth?

“I hope you understand why I have to let these go.” He draped the chain over

Katie"s headstone. The two gold bands clanked as they hit the side of the stone.

“You"ll always be a part of me.”

He took a step back. “I love him. I know you"ll love him too.”

* * *

motel"s long building. Jay knocked and held his breath as he waited. His healing

ribs ached more without the breathing. Funny. He figured the pain would lessen

without the forcing of air in and out. Maybe it did hurt worse to hold things inside.

He let in a deep breath, and the pain eased.

The door opened a crack, and Jessica stuck her head out. “Jay!” She shoved the

door open the rest of the way. It banged on the wall and rattled the room"s lone

window. So strong for such a little thing.

With the black-and-white kitten tucked under her arm, Jessica charged

forward and hugged Jay"s legs, the kitten squeezed between them. He patted her

head, and she released him.

“Nice cat,” he said as he knelt on one knee beside her.

She cupped her hand around her mouth and whispered in his ear. “I"m not

supposed to have her in my bedroom, but here the bedroom"s all we have.”

The room was small with two double beds, one end table between them, and a

lone dresser with a thirteen-inch TV sitting on top.

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229

Nancy stepped up behind Jessica and encouraged her daughter into the room

where the boys sat watching TV, the dog on the bed between them. Jessica hopped

onto the bed and snuggled in between her brothers, her arm around Sparky"s neck.

Nancy didn"t say anything. She held the door in one hand and raised an

eyebrow at Jay.

“Is he staying here?”

“I promised him—”

“I can"t lose him.”

She let go of the door and glanced back at her kids, then gave Jay a nod. “He"s

at Sonny"s.”

“Thank you. I saw on the news your husband was arrested.”

She nodded. “My ex, soon.”

“That"s good. For you. And for Linc. He shouldn"t have to live with more guilt.”

She sighed and said, “He"s more broken than before.”

“He saved me. I"d like to return the favor.”

A laugh erupted out of her mouth. “Who
are
you? Without that accident, your

life would"ve been chugging along just fine.”

“We can"t change what happened. We can only go forward.”

“Of all the people my brother could have met since that accident, he needed

someone who looks at life the way you do. It"s crazy he found that in the one person

he hurt most.”

“He never hurt me.”

Jessica giggled from the bed. Jay smiled, then sobered with another glance

around the meager room. “Have you been staying here since the fire?”

“Yeah.” Nancy glanced at her kids again and gave Jessica a smile when the

little girl looked her way.

“Linc too?”

“Yes.” She watched Jay, studying him. “He looked for an apartment again

today. We can"t afford much. There aren"t many places that"ll rent two rooms to a

family with three kids, a dog, and a cat.” She shrugged. “I can"t get rid of their pets,

though. It"s all they have left.”

“It"s hardly all they have.”

Tears welled in her eyes. She breathed deep and pressed the heels of her

hands to her eyelids. The tears were gone when she lowered her arms, her face

losing some of the tension. “It"ll be okay. We"re both still working.”

Jay knew he"d made the right decision as soon as he"d thought of it, and seeing

her strength and courage confirmed that. He pulled out the check with Nancy"s

name on the front and held it out to her. “I want you to have this.”

She reached for it, but froze before her fingers touched the paper. “What is

that?”

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Sloan Parker

“It"s my share of the money from the lawsuit.” He placed the check in her palm

and gave her hand a squeeze.

“I can"t take this.”

“I don"t want it. I never did. Use it to buy a house. Jessica"s medicine. To keep

your kids safe. My wife wouldn"t have wanted Lincoln to pay this money in the first

place. She"d like it if you used it.” He pleaded with one look. “I can"t keep it.”

She held the check to her chest and tears filled her eyes again. “You"ll bring

my brother home?”

“That"s the plan.”

* * *

beside it and ran his fingers over the tank. He"d assumed it was destroyed in the

fire. Damaged at least. The paint job was perfect, the orange flames and eagle

brighter than before. The entire bike was in excellent condition. Time and care had

gone into making it look as good as it must have when it was new.

Sonny"s Tavern was nearly empty. A couple of young guys sat together,

laughing as one told the other a story with arm gestures and curse words mixed in,

the bartender and waitress stood behind the bar drying the day"s glasses, and the

old man sipping whiskey was parked at his usual table by the restrooms.

At the end of the bar was Lincoln, both hands on the glass in front of him. He

wore a T-shirt with
Edgefield Motel
printed on the back and no leather jacket. He

was hunched over his drink, looking more like the old whiskey sipper than the man

Jay had come to know.

The bartender stepped up to Lincoln and asked, “You want another soda?”

Lincoln nodded, reached for the bowl of peanuts on the bar in front of him, and

slowly crushed one between his fingers while the bartender poured him a refill.

Jay sat on the stool next to Lincoln, gestured for the same from the bartender,

and waited, not sure how or where to begin. Each man had several swallows of their