Breathe (25 page)

came along, and I had no interest in the girls. Just wanted to see inside Tommy

Vanderline"s pants.”

“Did you get to?”

“Yeah. Up close and personal the next year. He was the first boy I fucked.”

Jay"s eyebrows rose. “Really? I was a junior my first time.”

“Yeah, but she was a girl. It takes more finesse, I"m sure.”

Jay laughed again and picked up a screwdriver from the top of the open

toolbox. He scraped the metal tip along a crack in the workbench as if he carved a

message.

When it seemed like Jay would keep working the screwdriver until he split the

table in two, Lincoln spoke. “You can talk about her more. If you want. I know it"d

be weird, but I don"t want you to hold back because of me.”

“I don"t need to talk about her.” Jay chucked the screwdriver into the toolbox.

“I didn"t say you need to. Just thought you might like to.”

Jay met his gaze, the inner battle evident on the man"s face, like he wanted to

remember her, but couldn"t figure out how or why Lincoln would be asking. Or

maybe Jay could never share more with Lincoln, not about her.

Someday Jay would find someone he could talk with. Someone to love again.

Lincoln wanted to be strong enough to walk away. He just couldn"t. Not yet. He

gripped Jay"s shoulder, tugged him forward, and kissed him, putting enough tongue

into it to entice Jay. “I want to keep seeing you.”

Jay"s eyes searched his. “Yeah?”

“I know this isn"t going to be anything long-term. I also know I"m not ready for

this to end.”

Jay leaned against the workbench. “I am getting good at the gay sex stuff.”

“Yeah.” Lincoln shook his head and laughed. “You are.” He paused, then said,

“Sorry if your brother doesn"t understand.”

“He"s not always like that. He"s not a homophobe or anything. He"s just

confused about…the rest.”

Weren"t they all?

Maybe talking wasn"t a good idea. There were better ways of making Jay

forget his brother, forget what the Shaws were up to, forget the pain. It was the

Breathe

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least Lincoln could do for him. He stepped closer, wrapped his arms around Jay"s

middle, and kissed him again, taking his mouth in a fierce touch of lips and tongue,

wanting to make the reality of that small box on the workbench disappear.

Jay held nothing back as they came together. The sensual kiss deepened with

every second. Jay ran his hands all over him, and Lincoln returned the touches,

massaging every tense muscle he came across until he was certain Jay would"ve

slumped to the floor if he let go of him.

With one hand supporting Jay, he reached for the sleeping bag on the storage

shelf and spread it out on the floor. He lowered Jay, falling to the makeshift bed

with him. They kissed and undressed each other, Jay still pliable, the kisses tender

and sloppy and sweeter than any Lincoln had ever known.

Once naked, Jay rolled to his stomach. Maybe fucking face-to-face was

something he could never do. And Lincoln could never ask. He accepted the

invitation, and in no time, he retrieved a condom and lube and was inside Jay. The

slow way they moved could never be described as a fuck, but he had no other word

to use.

After, they lay beside each other, breathing heavy, and Lincoln pulled Jay

close, chest to back, unable to stop himself from keeping contact with the man—the

second person in his life he"d felt the urge to hold like that.

Jay clutched Lincoln"s forearms like he never wanted to let go. “I want to keep

seeing you too.”

Lincoln closed his eyes and breathed deep. Jay smelled of sweat and sex. Amid

the grease and oil of the garage, Jay smelled alive.

“Jesus.” Jay laughed. “When we"re not having sex, lying on concrete hurts like

hell.” He rolled over and kissed Lincoln. “You need to get a bed.”

“I have one. In the house.”

“A real bed.” Jay smacked his arm. “Big enough for both of us.”

“I started working on the room upstairs.”

“Yeah?”

“I"ve been thinking about it since you first suggested it. Did some of the walls

last night.”

Jay sat up. “Can I see it?”

“Sure.” Lincoln stood and reached for his pants, taking his time. Jay finished

dressing and shifted on his feet while Lincoln slipped his T-shirt over his head. He

picked up the sleeping bag and made like he was folding it. “Go on up. I"ll be right

there.”

Jay took off for the stairs at the back of the room.

Lincoln wadded up the sleeping bag and threw it on the shelf. He grabbed the

car, note, and empty box from the workbench. He didn"t want Jay to see them, but

he also needed to figure out what to do. The Shaws were done invading his life, his

sister"s house, all of it.

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“You coming?” Jay called down.

Lincoln stashed the items out of view behind the toolbox and ran up the stairs.

Jay was leaning against the fresh drywall on the opposite end of the room. “I

think the bed should go here.”

The teasing smile on Jay"s lips forced a bit of the anger away. Lincoln would

deal with the gift-giving asshole soon enough. In the meantime, he wasn"t giving

Jay any other reasons for his life to suck. “Great idea.”

He"d meant for the kiss to be a gentle touch, a thank-you for Jay"s

encouragement on the room. But Jay turned the kiss into more, adding tongue and

hands and body. He rotated them and slammed Lincoln against the new wall.

Drywall dust rained down from the exposed board over their heads, most of it

landing on Lincoln"s hair and clothes.

“Uh-oh.” Jay backed up, chuckling. “Sorry.” More dust fell on Lincoln, and Jay

laughed harder. It sounded nice. Jay definitely needed to laugh more.

Lincoln tried to work off the dust like a wet dog shaking water from his coat.

“You don"t sound sorry.”

The grin lingered on Jay"s lips even after his mouth met Lincoln"s. “I"m glad

you started the room.”

“It was a good idea. I"m not going to be another asshole who runs out on them.”

“That"s not you.” Jay brushed the drywall dust from Lincoln"s shirt and jeans.

Lincoln gripped his wrist and stilled the cleaning effort. “I"d like you to meet

them.”

Jay opened his mouth but didn"t speak.

Panic welled in Lincoln"s chest. He was pushing Jay too far, asking for too

much. They weren"t going to move in together and live like a goddamn married

couple. This was about a need fulfilled. For both of them. He released Jay"s arm. “I

just thought… Nancy said she wanted to meet you. She knows I"ve been—” What?

Dating? Fucking? “With someone.”

Jay stepped forward and laid a chaste kiss on Lincoln"s lips. “I"d love to meet

her and the kids. When do they get home?”

“I heard them pull in a few minutes ago.”

“Yeah? Come on.” Jay crossed the room and headed down the stairs.

No matter what Jay had said to his brother, he felt something for Lincoln. It

was obvious there was more between them. Lincoln longed to figure out what, but

why bother? Once he finally turned his Secret Santa over to the cops, it would all be

over. No matter how Jay"s conversation went with the Shaws, Lincoln was planning

to have one of his own.

One way or the other, whatever was building between him and Jay would be

over soon—too soon.

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Chapter Eighteen

“You"re good for him,” Nancy said from where she stood at the stove.

Jay smiled. “Think so?” Smiling was starting to feel natural. It had felt good to

laugh with Lincoln. Hell, everything with Lincoln was good. Jay hadn"t dared hope

he"d be with someone again the way he"d been with Lincoln on the garage floor a

half hour earlier.

Nancy lifted the wooden spoon from the chili and pointed it toward Jay as if it

were a magic wand. “I do.” She went back to stirring and said quietly, “He"s been

drinking less.”

Jay"s smile widened.

Lincoln joined them in the kitchen, carrying three bottles of soda from the

garage. He deposited the two-liters on the countertop next to Nancy. “Where are the

kids? I want them to meet Jay.”

“Adam isn"t home yet. Jessica and Davy are supposed to be setting the table.”

She leaned into the hallway. “Kids! Hurry up. Uncle Lincoln"s ready to eat.”

One door then another banged against the wall in rapid succession. The

scampering of two kids down the hall was followed by a
thud.

“Ow. Don"t push me.”

“Davy!” Nancy yelled from the stove. “Stop pushing your sister.”

A young boy with hair as dark as Lincoln"s sprinted into the kitchen. “I didn"t

push her. She tripped.”

Lincoln hugged him from behind in a playful grip. “Be nice to her.” Quieter he

added, “Small things affect her breathing.” He tousled the boy"s hair.

“I know.” The kid squirmed in Lincoln"s arms, turning the grip into a wrestling

match.

Lincoln stilled him and pointed toward Jay. “I want you to meet someone. This

is Jay. Jay, my nephew Davy.”

“Hi,” Davy said. “Are you his new boyfriend?”

The appearance of a little girl wearing bright red pants and a pink and white

Hello Kitty T-shirt saved Jay from answering. Small for the age Lincoln had

mentioned. She sported a fierce scowl for her brother and was clearly out of breath,

but she still raced forward toward her uncle when she caught sight of Lincoln. Jay

stopped her with an arm across her chest. She stared up at him, clearly unsure why

a stranger was touching her.

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He removed his arm but crouched next to her, ready to stop her again if need

be. “Just don"t want you to get too close. He"s covered in dust.”

Lincoln stared at him. Nancy too. Both had their mouths hanging open, their

eyes wide.

Jay gave the girl a smile. “You"re Jessica?”

She nodded.

“My name"s Jay. I"m a friend of your uncle"s.”

“Hi,” she said, her head tilted to the side, her brown eyes looking so familiar—

like Lincoln"s.

Lincoln finally spoke. “Jay"s eating with us. I better take a shower first. Come

on.” Lincoln gestured toward the hall. “I"ll loan you something to wear.” Jay wasn"t

as covered in dust as Lincoln, but he shouldn"t have been close to Jessica either. He

stood.

Jessica tapped the back of his hand. “Have you seen his wolf?”

Davy snorted out a laugh. “I think he"s seen it.”

Nancy dropped the spoon to the stove top. “Davy!”

“I didn"t say nothing bad. It"s on his
arm
. We"ve all seen it.”

The heat rose in Jay"s face. How had a couple of kids managed to embarrass

him?

“Come on,” Lincoln said with a laugh. “We"ll make it quick,” he told Nancy. Jay

followed him down the hall, and Lincoln asked, “You"re not used to kids?”

“Not really around many.”

“You"d make a great dad.”

Jay"s next step faltered, and the breath trapped in his chest. He reached for

the wall.

“You okay?” Lincoln moved to his side.

“Yeah. Just…”

“You don"t have to say anything.” Lincoln"s voice was low. “I"m guessing your

life isn"t what you imagined on your wedding day.”

Jay leaned against the wall, his head falling back. His life was nothing like

what he"d pictured then. A part of him would always grieve that loss. But now,

another part of him wanted to move on, wanted much more than he"d even known

possible.

Lincoln released his arm and leaned against the opposite wall. “You still want

kids?”

“I don"t know. You?”

“Not sure,” Lincoln said. “Never pictured myself as a dad. I"m not much of a

positive influence on these kids. Probably wouldn"t be with my own.”

“Why do you say that?”

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131

No answer. Finally, Lincoln shrugged but wouldn"t look at him.

Jay seized Lincoln"s hand, led him to the bathroom, and shut the door behind

them. “Let"s not talk about kids or the future or anything else.” He slipped his arms

around Lincoln"s neck. “I want to feel you.”

Lincoln returned the embrace. They said nothing as they held each other, as

they undressed and stepped in the shower, as Jay washed Lincoln the way Lincoln

had done for him the night before. They didn"t talk or kiss or linger in the shower,

but the sensual way Jay slid his hands over Lincoln said more than he should"ve let

on. He rinsed the shampoo from Lincoln"s hair, and let his fingers trace the lone

wolf on the man"s arm before turning off the water.

They made quick work of drying off. Lincoln wore a towel around his waist and

sneaked into Davy"s room to hunt for clothes. Thirty minutes later, they were seated

at the kitchen table with Nancy and the kids, finishing off the last of the chili and

corn bread.

“Sorry it wasn"t fancier than canned chili,” Nancy said as she stacked Jessica"s

empty bowl inside her own. “If Lincoln had told me you"d be by, I would"ve planned

something else.”

“It was delicious.” And the first time he"d relaxed during a meal in a long time.