Breaking Walls (14 page)

He closed his eyes, and I turned back to look at the doors. Everyone had disappeared into the auditorium, which meant that intermission was almost over or we’d already missed the beginning of the second act.

“I have to go. I have someone waiting on me,” I said, sliding off the hood, but then Gabe jumped off after me.

“
You’re not being fair
,” he said, raising his voice, but not yelling. He only wanted to make sure I heard him loud and clear, and I most certainly had. His voice rattled my bones. I turned back to watch him, his crystal eyes growing redder. His breath turned to fog in front of his face, and it wasn’t until then that I realized just how cold it had gotten. His lips were pinched into a thin line, his stare fixed. Suddenly Gabe didn’t look so lively and beautiful. He looked hurt, broken.

When I didn’t say anything, he stood a little taller as if he’d need the extra height to help him repeat, “You are
not
being fair, Mandy.”

“Do you want to explain that, please?” I asked, stepping closer to him. “Would you please explain to me how
I’m
the one who’s not being fair?”

“Have you ever stopped long enough to consider that maybe my silence isn’t a punishment? There are reasons I don’t tell you things.”

“Well, I’m guessing those reasons don’t include the fact that they’re
super-secret
, because you had no problem telling Bailey.”

“Because I needed someone to talk to.”

“You could’ve talked to
me
!”

“I
couldn’t
,” he yelled, and then it seemed as though he’d lost his breath. He took a few steps back and leaned against the car again. He allowed himself only a moment to regain his composure, and then he dropped his hand to his side and stood tall once more. “You…were the
last
person I could say those things to. I don’t know what else you want to hear.”

“I want to hear the truth, Gabe. I understand why you’re being distant; I don’t need an explanation for that. What I
don’t
understand is why you trusted my sister and not me.”

“It has nothing to do with trust.”

“Then why?”

“Because.”

“
Because
isn’t good enough!”

“It
has
to be good enough.”

“It’s not!”

“Well, then I’m out of answers for you.”

“Tell—me—the—truth!”

“Because
!”

He dug at the roots of his hair, pulling at the blond locks as they threaded between his fingers. His hands slowly descended down to cover his face, and I watched him for a minute, waiting for him to say something else. Another long minute passed, and just as I was giving up on him, he finally dropped his hands to his side, revealing an expressionless face.

“I told
her
and not
you
,” he said, breathlessly, “because
I
may be your strength, Amanda Parker, but
you
are my weakness.”

Chapter Ten

What the heck was that supposed to mean?

I
was his weakness? How did that even make sense? It wasn’t an answer to my question, not even in the slightest.

After a long minute of silence, Gabe just left, but he didn’t go back inside. He walked across the parking lot, got in his car, and drove away. I sat out there for another twenty minutes, hoping he’d change his mind and come back, but he never did. The sad part was that I just kept waiting. I wanted him to turn around, come back, and talk to me, fight with me, fight
for
me…fight for
us
. He didn’t even have to say a word if he didn’t want to. At that point, I would’ve settled for just sitting and stewing in silence… just as long as we were together.

I was such a jerk. I’d made him one promise, only
one
. I promised that I wouldn’t clobber him, and then I turned around and did just that. I yelled at him, I knocked him down, I broke him. Just when I felt like I was getting closer to an answer, I made him retreat
again
. I’d taken all of my frustration with Carla and Bailey and I thrust it upon him. He didn’t deserve that. So why hadn’t I stopped myself while I still had chance?

After a half-hour of waiting and no sight or word from Gabe, I pulled out my phone ready to send two messages. The first was meant for him.
I’m sorry
. I sent the second message to Mary Chris, apologizing for skipping the second act. I made up some lame excuse about not feeling well, but anyone who’d noticed both mine and Gabe’s absences from the audience had probably put two and two together.

And then I went home, threw myself in bed, and stared at the ceiling. After an hour of sulking and wallowing in my self-pity, I rolled over and picked up my phone again. Mary Chris had written back with a simple
feel better soon
, but there was nothing there from Gabe. Scrolling through my short list of contacts, I found the number I was looking for and pressed a button on the screen to make the call.

“Hello?”

“Hey, I’m sorry I’m calling so late. Are you home yet?”

“Yeah, we’ve been back for a while
. What’s up?” Georgia asked. “Is everything okay?”

It seemed like forever since I’d last seen her, and it’d only been a matter of hours.

“How was your grandma’s party?”

“Perfect, all thanks to you,” she said. “The cake was a hit.”

“Good. Great, glad to hear it.”

There was a long pause. The static on the other end hissed for only a few seconds before Georgia asked, “
What’s going on, Mandy? Is everything okay?”

“I wanted to ask you about someone at Evergreen.”

“Okay?”

“What do you know about the woman in Room 115?”

She fell silent, thinking for a moment. I could almost picture her on the other end, visualizing the hallway, counting each door in her head until she landed on the correct room.

“Not much. Her name’s…something, something Bennett,” she said, still thinking. “Leonora Bennett. Gran says she’s quiet, keeps to herself, and never has visitors except from her grown son.”
Gabe
, but I guess that was one detail Georgia didn’t know. But if his mother’s last name was Bennett and not Raddick, then there would be no reason for Georgia to ever make the connection. “She’s been there for years, I guess, from what everyone says. They call her a lifer.”

“A lifer?”

“She’s been there for so long that no one really knows who she is or how she got there,” she said. “It’s almost as if she’s been there her whole life, living under the medical care of the facility staff.”

“Have you ever met her?”

“Nope,” she said. “Saw her in the hallway once. Wheelchair bound, can’t walk. She’s not very old, mid-fifties at the most. Makes you wonder what in the world happened to have her admitted to a place like that at such a young age. I mean, where’s her family? Why couldn’t they take care of her?” Yeah, those were both excellent questions. “The only reason Gran’s at the home is because she requires constant care, and no one in the family could afford to quit their job to watch her full-time. She kept getting her meds mixed up—nearly died once, trying to take four of the same pill at once.”

“Yikes,” I said, widening my stare.

“Maybe the Bennett lady was the same way,” Georgia suggested. “Maybe her quality of life just wasn’t great and she needed that constant supervision. Why do you care so much, anyway?”

“Oh, no reason,” I said. “I just saw her this afternoon
, and I was wondering if you knew anything about her. And…Gabe was there with her.”

“Gabe?” she asked. “
Your
Gabe?”

“He’s not
my
Gabe,” I said, especially after tonight. “But yes. He was pleading with her to leave Evergreen for the evening and come to Sugar Creek. He wanted to take her to see Fletcher’s show. He just kept begging her to leave.”

“Do you think
he’s
the grown son?”

“Seeing as he called her
Mom
, I’m going to say yes.”

“Okay, so if you’re so curious about his mom, then don’t you think that maybe you should ask
him
and not me?”

“We’re not talking, remember?” Or
. . . that was the story, anyway. I wasn’t sure I wanted to tell anyone how badly I’d badgered him in the school parking lot. “Well, technically,
yes
. We’ve talked. But he doesn’t necessarily want to share.”

“Oh,” she said. “Well, I can find out more, if you want me to? Grandma’s friend Stella’s a real busybody. I’m sure she can dig up some dirt for you.”

I fought a smile.

“Thanks, but no thanks,” I said. Gabe wouldn’t appreciate learning that I had set my friends on a desperate search to unearth all the secrets he’d tried so hard to keep buried.

And then I spent the next twenty minutes telling Georgia the truth, the whole, unfiltered truth about Bailey, Gabe, and the way the night had unfolded when I confronted him. I relived our conversation, the way he’d looked at me, the way I’d lashed out at him. I told her everything—the good, the bad, and the ugly.

“Listen, can I offer a piece of advice?” She sounded as winded as I felt.

“Sure.”

“I’m your friend, and I care about you, so I want you to listen to me and really consider what I’m about to say.”

“Okay?”

“You have a right to feel betrayed, Mandy, you do. But you need to take a pause.”

“A pause?”

“You’ve been so consumed with the shock of the whole thing that you’re still not seeing it clearly,” she said. “You’re only seeing one side of things—
your
side. You’re only hearing what you want to hear and seeing what you want to see. Your judgment’s clouded. I love you, but if you want honesty, then here it is: I think you’re trying to be the victim. I know you said from the very beginning that you respected his wish to walk away, but I think you’ve been angry at him all along, and you were just trying to pretend you weren’t. It seems to me like you’ve been holding onto a lot of resentment and looking for a reason to lash out at him, and now you have one, so you’re taking advantage of it.”

That wasn’t true. Not entirely. I wasn’t mad at him from the start. I was hurt, but I wasn’t mad. That was a feeling that developed itself back at
Lexy’s Book Nook. But she was right about one thing. I was only seeing my side, listening when I wanted to listen and only seeing what I wanted to see. I should’ve given him an opportunity to explain himself out there, but I just ripped him apart. I cut him off; I interrupted. I never gave him a chance.

A tear slid down the side of my face.

“Maybe there’s more that you’re not telling me,” she said. “And maybe I’m wrong. It’s just how I see it.” Again, another tear. “You need to take that pause, Mandy—not to figure out your feelings, but to consider the feelings of your sister and Gabe. Put yourself in their shoes. Why did he tell
her
? Why
didn’t
she tell you? These are two people who care about you, hon. There’s no way this was a malicious conspiracy to hurt you. They wouldn’t do that. Just…take a time out. Think about it.”

“Yeah,” I said, swallowing hard, but the lump in my throat only continued to grow.

“So…you mad at me now?”

“Of course not,” I said, propping myself up on my elbow.

“Mandy, do you love this guy?”

I looked down to the puddle of tears soaking my pillow, only then realizing that I’d cried a lot more than the two tears I’d counted. My chest fell with a heavy breath.

“I don’t know. I thought I did, but—”

“I’ll tell you what my Grandma Ruby always tells me,” she said. “Love is a crazy roller coaster, and not everyone gets the chance to ride. Some hills take longer to climb, and that first big fall’s a lot faster than you’d like. But get in that seat and ride anyway, and hold on for dear life. Brace yourself, and take the lows with the highs, the loops with the curves. Each scary moment will only prepare you for the next. And if, by the time everything slows down and levels out, your heart is still racing, your stomach feels weak, and you suspect you’ll obliterate at any moment,
then you know you’re doing it right. You’ll know you’re in love.” I crashed back down on my pillow and closed my eyes. “At the end of the day, just ask yourself one thing: is Gabe worth all of the sharp curves, upside down loops, and scary tunnels?”

“Of course he is.”

“Okay, so if you love him, don’t lose him,” she said. “Take that pause, consider his side, and try to understand it from another point of view. Even if you don’t like what you learn, at least you’ll have learned something.”