Breaking Up with Barrett: The English Brothers #1 (The Blueberry Lane Series - The English Brothers) (14 page)

Barrett
was her landlord.

Barrett
had raised her rent, knowing that she’d be forced her to go back to work for him.

Her eyes burned and her fingers felt cold as she curled them into fists.

What did it mean?
She demanded that her brain start putting pieces together to figure out what was real and what wasn’t. Were his feelings for her real? Did he really love her? Her heart clutched, but she forced herself to calm down. Emily was not given to wild fits of pique. She was sensible, smart and methodical and she was going to take an overview approach to this situation, just as she did to her studies, and figure out what was going on.

She took a deep breath, sorting out her thoughts quickly, picking up his phone to check his texts again and see when J.J Harrison had invited them to the Hamptons. She found the text sent on Friday night while she was in the hospital with her mother, and the pieces starting fitting together quickly.

He’d needed her to come with him this weekend.

He’d needed her to continue being his “fiancée” for the sake of J.J. and Hélène Harrison.

He’d needed her to do that so that his deal could close.

So he’d raised her rent on Friday night and showed up at her parent’s house on Saturday afternoon to offer her the job back… or to see if she’d ask for it. Which she had. Devious and manipulative? Check. But, fairly straightforward too.

Having untangled the fake fiancée/business side of things, she turned her thoughts to more personal matters. Their conversations, their attraction and feelings… Emily sensed strongly that his feelings for her existed apart from his machinations to have her in attendance this weekend. And while she didn’t appreciate being manipulated, she suspected Barrett wasn’t as smooth in relationships as he was in the boardroom. Instead of asking for her help, he’d purposely—and a bit deviously—controlled the situation to get the outcome he wanted.

Unfortunately for him, however, Emily wouldn’t be able to put up with this sort of thing if they were to continue dating one another. She didn’t want to be at the mercy of Barrett pulling strings in her life without her knowledge. She couldn’t live like that, and she fumed a little, feeling angry with him for his jockeying and manipulations and not just telling her the truth and trusting that she would help him because he needed her and she cared for him. She knew how much business meant to Barrett and how good he was at it—but she couldn’t allow him to apply his boardroom tactics to their relationship.

She took a deep breath, steeling herself for the frank—and potentially devastating—conversation they needed to have the moment he returned. Either he needed to treat her with respect and honesty, or there could be no future for them, and her heart winced at the mere idea of losing him. Tears pricked her eyes as she thought about walking away from him after what they’d shared last night, but she thought of her own parents—their easy communication and implicit trust—that’s what Emily wanted, and she wouldn’t accept anything less.

Her attention was stolen by the door to their room opening and Emily flicked her eyes up, tugging the sheet under her armpits and placing both phones on her lap. As Barrett’s eyes landed on her face, they took her breath away, and for a brief moment, she forgot about Giverny Holdings and her apartment and his manipulations. Whatever conniving he’d been up to for the sake of his business deal, the same eyes that had held hers twenty-four years ago told her that he loved her today, told he that he was deeply and irrevocably
in love
with her and that those feelings were real and true and strong. Her shoulders drooped a little with relief as her heart calmed a bit from its fierce racing.

“Good morning, Emily,” he said, standing at the edge of the bed, grinning at her. “I love you.”

“Morning, Barrett,” she answered, raising one eyebrow while her anger made her voice lower, harder and less playful than he probably expected. “I love you, too. But I’m afraid you have some ’splainin’ to do.”

***

His eyes flicked down to the two phones in her lap, then back up to her face, noticing—for the first time—that her eyes weren’t bright and happy, but disappointed and hurt. His stomach flipped over and he searched her expression, sitting down on the edge of the bed. She scooted slightly away from him and his heart caught. What was going on?

“Giverny Holdings,” she said clearly. “Tell me about that.”

“Fu—” Barrett sighed, clenching his jaw and shaking his head. She’d found out. Goddamnit, she’d found out before he could fix it. “Emily—”

“You know what, Barrett? Actually, I think I figured it out. You needed me here this weekend, because the Harrisons had invited us to come together. Somehow you’re my landlord, which is slightly creepy—but so very you—and you decided to raise my rent so I’d need another job from you. So far, so good?”

He nodded tightly, bile rising in the back of his throat. Like all dealmakers, Barrett’s thoughts bee-lined to the bottom line. What did this mean for them? Did it mean that she’d break up with him? His heart literally stopped working for a moment, pausing for several seconds before beating again. He couldn’t lose her. That was not an acceptable outcome.

“So, I asked for a job, you offered the Hamptons. Voila, fake fiancée back in line for a weekend and lo and behold, your deal goes through.”

He stared at her, feeling wide-eyed and terrified but trying to keep his face impassive, bracing for her to break up with him—and yes, he deserved it—and frantically telling himself that even if she did, he wouldn’t give up. She could break up with him, but he wouldn’t let her go. He’d find a way to get her back. He’d—

“Barrett, focus on what I’m saying.”

“I’m sorry.”

“That’s a good start,” she replied, but her eyes were still hurt and her lips were still pursed. Her hands were laced tightly in her lap, and she looked down at the phones. “I don’t generally look at people’s phones, but it kept buzzing and when Giverny Holdings came up, I… well, I was curious because Valeria had already mentioned the name to me. I didn’t know how you were connected and it felt like I needed to know.”

“Don’t apologize to me.”

Her eyes narrowed briefly, and her voice cracked like a whip when she replied, “I’m not apologizing for anything.”

His cheeks flushed. “Excellent. Fine. Good.”

“Barrett,” she asked, locking her eyes with his. “Why do you own my apartment building?”

He shrugged. “It was a good investment.”

Her eyes widened at him and she huffed, not even dignifying his answer with a verbal response. She just stared at him, waiting.

“Because I asked your Mom for your address so I could track you down, and your apartment’s in a crappy neighborhood, and I wanted to upgrade the security system, but when I offered to pay the landlord to upgrade it, he told me to screw myself. So I asked what it would take to upgrade it, and he said I’d have to own the building to make those sorts of demands, so I bought it.”

He felt juvenile and manipulative, exposed and embarrassed.

“And you didn’t just bump into me at Penn after an endowment meeting.”

“I already came clean on that one. I was looking for you.”

“Did you even
need
a fake fiancée?”

“I’d been doing okay without one, though the meetings all went better once you were sitting next to me.” He grimaced, understanding her need for total and complete honesty and anxious to offer it. “No. I didn’t need one. I didn’t want you to worry about money, and I didn’t know how else to offer you a job.”

It was all true. Just having her beside him made him feel invincible. If she was next to him, he couldn’t lose. He couldn’t.

But more than anything, he couldn’t lose
her
, and he couldn’t help but feel like that’s where the conversation was headed: him confessing to multiple manipulations and her finally giving him the boot once everything had been revealed.
I’ll get her back. I’ll get her back. I’ll die before giving up on us—

“So we’ll call that one a
partial
manipulation?”

He shrugged, miserable. All he’d really wanted was to be around her, to find out if it was finally time for them to give each other a chance after a lifetime of waiting. And it was. It
had
been. They’d fallen for each other so effortlessly, he knew that what he’d suspected since childhood—that they were meant for each other—was true.

“And this? Forcing me to come to the Hamptons by raising my rent?”

“The Harrisons wanted you here. And I—”

“Wanted the deal to go through.”

“No. Well, yeah. But I wanted you here too. Even more than I wanted the deal, Emily, I wanted
you
.” He swallowed the lump in his throat.

She took a deep breath, tilting her head to the side, considering him. “We’ve worked out the business end of things, I think. I don’t like it, but I get it. Now I need the rest, Barrett. The truth about you and me and everything that’s happened between us. I need to know if this—if everything personal that happened between us—was part of you manipulating me… or if it was real.”

He reached for her hands, and she let him take them because as she figured things out with him, she’d never seen him look so helpless, so miserable, so desperate. And while a very, very small part of her was glad he was so worried, the reality was that she loved him, and she couldn’t bear to see him so undone.

But she was angry with him, and they wouldn’t be able to move forward until they sorted everything out. Now.

“Isn’t it exhausting to be you, Barrett? To do anything for the deal? Manipulate me? Manipulate J.J.?”

“I didn’t—”

“You did. You threatened him and manipulated him. Just like you did me.”

He flinched, holding her fingers more tightly. She knew she was hurting him with her words, but she plowed forward. These things needed to be said.

“I’m not even mad that you bought my building or messed with my rent. You’re Barrett English. You’re used to getting your own way, and mostly I’m okay with that. It’s part of who you are—it’s part of what makes you so successful and protective, and I love those things about you, Barrett. Know what I
don’t
love?”

His eyes were fraught as he held hers, listening carefully and respectfully to her words.

“You manipulated me instead of talking to me, instead of being honest with me and just explaining the situation and asking for my help. That’s what hurts me most of all, because I was honest with you. Always. About everything except the Riesling.”

His eyes softened for a moment at her lighter reference, and she saw the hope there behind the worry. She was glad because it meant he was listening to her and really hearing her.

“I’m worried that you treat your personal life with the same determined, single-minded, outcome-driven focus that you do your business life… and that just won’t work for me. You can’t lie to me, Barrett. You can’t manipulate me when you want something from me. I love it that we made love last night, but I don’t like it that you lied to get me here in the first place. Lying and manipulating
me
will make cracks in
us
. And I don’t want cracks. I need to be with someone who talks to me, who’s honest with me and cares about my opinions. Who asks me for help when he needs it. Who trusts I want what’s best for him, and wants what’s best for me. That’s the kind of love I want, Barrett. And right now, I don’t know if you can offer that to me. I’m worried that you can’t.”

His face contorted for a moment before settling into granite, his hands holding hers so tightly his knuckles were white. She’d said her piece. She took a deep breath and sighed, signaling him that she was finished, that she’d said everything she needed to say.

He looked down at their joined hands for a long moment before seizing her eyes again, but his voice broke as he said two words. “I can.” He gulped softly, then continued. “ You asked if this was real… This is the most real thing in my life.
You’re
the most real thing in my life, Emily.”

Tears sprang to her eyes, but she didn’t interrupt him. It was important for her to hear what he had to say, to know that they were going to build the rest of their relationship on honesty and partnership, or not at all.

He sniffed once, then cleared his throat before continuing in a stronger voice.

“The truth is that I bought your building to keep you safe. I offered you the job with me because I knew you needed money, and once I started spending time around you again, I started falling for you… as an adult. A man falling for the woman of his dreams, the woman he wants in his life forever. I just didn’t know if you had any feelings for me.

“The night at dinner with the Harrisons when you reached for my hand and started weaving that story about us actually being engaged? That was the touchstone, Emily, the turning point. That was the moment I realized it didn’t just have to be a dream. It was possible. After a lifetime of wanting you,
you
were finally possible, Emily.

“I admit it. I panicked. You gave me back the ring, and yes, technically I knew the Harrison deal would have a better chance if you were here. But, more than anything else, getting you to come here this weekend was about me wanting time with you. I needed to spend time with you and figure out if what happened in the car was a one-shot deal or the start of something real, because I knew what I wanted, but I still wasn’t sure about you.

“When you told me why you’d given me back the ring—because we’d gotten physical and you couldn’t take money from me anymore—I thought about throwing the deal just so I could have you. No deal. No fake fiancée. Dump the deal and ask you to be my girlfriend.

“But I guess I stupidly hoped I could have both… except I’m sitting here beside you and the deal feels all wrong, and I’m not sure if I’ve already lost you, but, God, I hope not. Because I will do
whatever
it takes to make this right, Emily. If that means full disclosure about everything going on in my life, all the time? That’s fine. I can do that. I will never, ever keep anything from you. Never again. I promise you. I know I screwed this up, but just give me a chance to show you I can be whatever you need me to be, whatever you want me to be.”

He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it slowly and gently. There was “goodbye” in that kiss and longing and hope. Emily felt all of it, and it took all of her strength not to rush to reassure him, but let him finish saying everything he needed to say. He lowered their hands to his lap and searched her eyes.

“In the interest of full disclosure? The ring you’ve been wearing isn’t a fake. It’s worth thirty grand. I had that Chanel suit custom-made to match your eyes and you’re so beautiful in it, I can’t breathe. If you’d let me, I’d knock out your rent altogether, but I know you won’t, so I’m going to send a text right now to lower it by one-thousand dollars indefinitely to make up for worrying you and making you think—for even a second—that you had to move.

“And yes, for the record, I manipulated you to get you here, but I slept with you last night because I love you.” He gasped softly, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I have
always
loved you. You were a tiny baby and I was a little boy and you reached into my chest and stole my heart, and it’s been yours ever since. You’re home and sweetness and truth and brilliance and you’re sexy and teasing and the most fun I ever had. And if you want to know what’s real, here’s the most elemental truth I know: You’re the love of my life, Emily Edwards. And whatever it takes, I’ll do it. Just to be with you.”

Tears streamed down Emily’s cheeks as he finished his beautiful speech, staring at her face with his stunning blue eyes that were fixed on hers unflinchingly, worried and hopeful.

“Barrett,” she started, dropping his hands to reach for his face, a beaming smile cutting through her tears. “Don’t you ever do things in half measures?”

“No.”

She nodded, and felt laughter bubble up from deep inside of her—joyful, delighted laughter born of requited love and satisfied longings. She pulled him to her, pressing her lips to his. He was still tense for a moment before he sighed into her mouth, letting go of his fears and sinking into her forgiveness and understanding. He wrapped his arms around her with a growl, hauling her against his chest as his tongue pressed into her mouth, finding hers, loving it gently, then desperately, all the feelings he’d just poured into his words now manifesting themselves physically. He reached for his shirt behind his neck and ripped it from his body, pressing his hot, damp chest against her breasts as the sheet slipped between them, leaving them skin to skin, heart to heart.

And as they climaxed together moments later, and Barrett told Emily he loved her, there was no part of her heart, or soul, or mind left wondering if it was true. She knew it was. As surely as the sky was as blue as Barrett English’s eyes, she knew that she would be his forever, and he would love her until the end of time.

***

Emily rested her head on Barrett’s chest after the most mind-blowing orgasm of his life, and he gently stroked her back.

“Remember when you asked me about great sex?”

“Mm-hm,” she murmured and he felt her lips tilt up against his skin.

“I didn’t know what I was talking about when you asked.”

“No?”

“No. Definitely not. I had never experienced great sex. Not until last night. Not until this morning.”

He concentrated on what she was drawing on his chest. Hearts.
I love you. I’m yours.
He kissed the top of her head reverently, pulling her closer.

“I’m the best you ever had, huh?” she asked in a saucy voice that made him hard again.

“If I get my way, you’ll be the last I’ll ever have.”

“Barrett?” she asked in a tentative voice.

“What, baby?”

“We need to date for a little while.”

His heart clutched, but he knew she was right. Her finger moved slowly. Deliberately.
It’s okay. I’m yours
. He took a deep breath, resting his lips on her head again.

“Okay,” he finally murmured, accepting her terms. “But I want to give you something.”

He swung his legs over the side of the bed and grabbed the pants he’d been wearing last night, rummaging through the pockets, then lying back down on his side, propped up on his elbow over her. He held up the engagement ring and she blanched. Then he placed it on the warm skin over her heart and wrote above it with his finger.
Don’t worry. You decide.

She leaned up on her side to face him and the ring fell between them on the sheets. “What does that mean?”

“It means I want to marry you and I’m not going to change my mind so I don’t need more time. But it’s okay that you do. So, you keep it and we’ll date for a little while. And one day, when you’re ready, if you’re ever ready, put it on.” He grinned at her. “Until then, don’t lose it.”

“I won’t,” she whispered, picking it up and putting it on her right pinkie. “It’s beautiful, you know.”

“I know,” he said, staring at her face. “There’s nothing more beautiful in the whole world. I love you. Forever.”

Emily pushed him gently onto his back and proceeded to show him exactly how much she loved him too.

***

“Before we go,” Emily said, packing up the rest of her things after they’d made love again and taken a long shower together, “I think you should talk to J.J. Harrison, Barrett. Business isn’t all about business. It can’t be, because there are people involved. And people mean history and heart. You said yourself that this deal feels all wrong. Why? And what can you do to make it right?”

He glanced at her from across the room, considering her words. “I don’t know. There’s something about Harrison… how much he loves this company. Most of the time, when I take over a corporation, it’s already publicly-held, so English & Sons buys up the stock and once we have a majority, we’re in charge. I don’t like taking over privately held companies because they’re messier. Brothers and sisters and in-fighting. This looked pretty straightforward, to be honest. Five siblings. Four wanted to sell. Get the fifth to agree, and we’re in like Flynn. We acquire the most lucrative privately held yacht and cargo ship business on the east coast. It was no-brainer.”

“You didn’t count on J.J. Harrison.”

Barrett shook his head, remembering the old man’s steel grey eyes watering as they came to a grudging agreement on the boat yesterday. He was offering J. J. Harrison approximately seventy million dollars for his thirty percent stake in Harrison Shipbuilding and all Harrison could think about was the dinky fishing boat arm of the company. Of the two hundred and forty-seven million dollars in annual sales, only eighteen million came from the fishing boats.

“What kind of business man cares about the fishing boats?” Barrett asked aloud.

“What? What do you mean?”

“Harrison stands to make seventy million dollars on this deal, but all he talked about yesterday was this little division of the company that makes fishing boats locally, here on Long Island. They don’t even account for ten percent of the annual profits. Honestly, my first order of business would have been to shut it down, but he asked that I didn’t.”

“Why does it mean so much to him?”

Barrett shrugged, zipping his suitcase closed and taking it off the luggage rack to wheel it over to the door. “Something about his grandfather making fishing boats by hand.”

“Barrett,” said Emily softly. “Don’t you see? That’s the answer.”

“I don’t—”

“To make it all okay. Let him keep that part of his company. It’s the part that matters to him. Figure out a way for him to keep it so that he can protect it.”

Barrett’s mind worked the numbers quickly. With sales of eighteen million dollars over the past fiscal year, the little fishing boat operation was probably only worth twenty million dollars. Small potatoes. But, Emily might be right—letting Harrison keep one small division would not only keep Barrett from feeling like such a scumbag, but J.J. Harrison would probably be more likely to take a board position for the independent cargo and yacht building company.

He’d text Fitz and Weston to draw up a new contract that provided for J.J. Harrison keeping the fishing boat division of Harrison Shipbuilding and for English & Sons to acquire the cargo and yacht divisions. Barrett was pretty sure J.J. would happily agree to sit on the board now. Barrett’s heart felt lighter, too, like this was a good deal now, a deal he could be proud of.