Breaking Through (Book 2 of the SEAL TEAM Heartbreakers) (38 page)

Russell folded his fingers around her hand where it lay on the seat between them. “How’s he doing?”

“He’s still sleeping. We should have flown. It would have been so much easier on him.”

“Evan wanted you to have the opportunity to photograph some of the coastal areas. He loves being with you.”

Tears tightened her throat. She focused her attention on the winding road ahead until she could trust her composure. “I love being with him, too.” Russell squeezed her hand.

“Where are we, Dad?” Evan asked from behind them.

“We’re almost to Santa Barbara. I thought we’d stop there for the night and get something to eat.”

“The harbor there is small, but beautiful. You should take some pictures, Clara.”

“Maybe I will.”

Thirty minutes later Russell pulled beneath the portico of a hotel near the harbor. The structure, constructed in a Spanish villa design, had clay tiling on the roof and arched doorways. The terracotta rooflines thrust out in tiers. Clara caught a glimpse of the ocean at the end of a high stucco wall connected to the hotel that shot nearly to the beach highway. The sounds of splashing water traveled from the pool behind it and reached her through the open car window while they waited for Russell to check them in.

“Simon and I stayed here about a month before he left me,” Evan said. “They have excellent food in the dining room and a walking bridge that extends above the street and leads directly to the beach. We had a wonderful time. We got full body massages and facials.”

Clara’s throat nearly closed at the sadness she read in his face.
Dear God, this is so hard.

‘Your father wouldn’t have chosen this hotel if he’d known, Evan. We can go somewhere else.”

“No. These are good memories, Clara. It doesn’t hurt me to think about them.”

But she could tell it did.

“Simon gave me the virus. He was unfaithful.” He paused. “I never was. I never wanted to be with anyone but him. You know how that is.” It was a statement, not a question.

She answered anyway. “Yes, I do.”

“It wasn’t until I got sick the first time and was diagnosed that I realized he had infected me. He admitted to having strayed. We broke up, but he stuck by me until I was well again. When I started getting really sick, he couldn’t take it. I don’t know if it’s cowardice or guilt, but he hasn’t spoken to me since.”

“I’m sorry, Evan.”

“Should something happen to me, you’ll stick around for Dad, won’t you?”

She looked away while she struggled to maintain her composure. “You don’t have to ask me. You know I will. ”

“I was being selfish. I didn’t want to share him with you. That’s why I behaved like an idiot before. I’d just never had his undivided attention before.”

She swallowed against the knot in her throat.
And he was running out of time to experience that.

“ It wasn’t entirely his fault. My mother wanted him out of her life and mine.”

Clara reached between the seats to take his hand. “Sometimes when you’re unhappy it’s easy to make bad decisions.”

He smiled and squeezed her hand. “Your being very generous to a woman you don’t even know.”

“None of us is perfect, Evan. We all make mistakes. I’ve made some doozies.”

“Probably none as bad as her. I can say that, because every decision she made affected me.”

“Is that why she hasn’t called?” Clara asked. 

“Yes.”

“Would you like me to call her?”

“No.” He tilted his head back against the seat. The late afternoon sun struck his features, shadowing his hollowed eyes and the sunken areas beneath his cheekbones.

A rush of fear and anguish struck Clara that was so deep she had to fight against the wail of grief that pushed up her throat. When the time came, how would Russell bear losing him? How would she?

Her voice shook despite her effort to control it. “I didn’t just fall in love with your father, Evan. I feel in love with his son, too.”

CHAPTER 31

Zoe stretched, then rolled onto her side. The pillow smelled like Hawk. And she nestled her head more deeply into it. He had been so tender, so needy last night when they’d made love. She’d almost cried as he’d held her afterwards.

His arm slipped around her and he pressed close from behind. She smiled. Even in sleep he sought her out. And she could tell he was asleep, otherwise he’d be caressing her, ready to come inside her and get as close as he could. They’d been together almost six months. And in that time she knew his moods, his food preferences, his favorite sexual positions, his private fears and dreams. Just as he did hers. They’d held nothing back from each other. Except the secret military stuff he did.

Her hand ran down to her abdomen and she cradled the small roundness there. She had to tell him. She had to tell him today.
She was telling him today.
The decision took a weight from her and she rolled toward him to find him awake.

 She smiled. “Hey.”

He studied her face one feature at a time and traced the curve of her cheekbone, with the back of his fingers. “I love you.”

Every time he said those words, her heart seemed to rise up to catch them. “I love you, too.”

He kissed her. Morning breath, scratchy beard and all. She didn’t care. All that mattered was this connection between them. Her arms went around him to hold him close. The brush of his body against hers was all it took to make her crave more. It was the perfect time to tell him about the baby.

When the kiss broke, she drew back to look into his face. “Hey, there’s something I need to tell you.”

The distinctive ring of his cell phone sounded from the nightstand. “Hold that thought, sweetheart.”

He rolled, scooped the phone up and looked at the number before pressing the accept key. “Yazzie.”

The way he said the word, all business, Zoe knew it was the base. Just when she’d finally built up her nerve—With a sigh, she slipped from the bed to go to the bathroom while he dealt with the issue and glanced over her shoulder at him. The tension in his body, his expression, gave her pause. She shivered as her skin grew chilled, and grabbing her robe, slid into it.

“Yes, sir.” His hand fell to the bed still gripping the phone. His attention shifted to her.

“We’re being deployed.”

Her body tensed and her heart reared up into her throat, beating so hard she could barely breathe. “When?”

“Eleven hundred.”

She glanced at the clock then froze.
Three hours, dear God, three hours.
She gripped the bathroom doorframe.

Hawk jerked the bedclothes aside and strode to her. His arms came around her hard, tight, every muscle in his naked body taut.

I will not cry, I will not cry.
Though every muscle in her body tightened in the attempt to suppress them, the tears still came and flowed down her face like a dam had burst inside her. Hawk kept holding her.

“I’m sorry. I’m trying not to,” she managed after several minutes.

“I know, sweetheart. If I wasn’t supposed to be such a badass, I’d be bawling like a baby.”

His attempt at humor only made the tears flow that much faster. “I love you.”
Forever.

“Always, Zoe. Always,” His voice cracked.

His steady strength allowed her to compose herself. She wiped her face with the sleeve of her robe. One-handed, Hawk reached for the tissue box on her nightstand and offered it to her while his other continued to hold her.

She blew her nose, wiped her face one more time, then drew a deep breath. “What do you need me to do?” she asked.

Though his features remained composed, pain flickered behind his eyes. “Nothing. I just need to tell you some things. Then I’ll have to go.” His throat worked as he swallowed. “HQ thinks that if we’re deployed it will keep the indictment we’ve been threatened with from going down. It’s a political thing.”

So this was all about politics. They were tearing apart families because of politics. “Who’s doing this?”

“Cutter and Tess are looking into it. And HQ is trying to trace who’s pulling the strings, too.” His hand cupped her cheek and rested his forehead against hers. “It’s only six months, Zoe. And if it makes this legal shit go away—it’ll clear me, Lang, and the others.”

She nodded.
Damn whoever was doing this!
Damn them to hell!
The guys had saved her life, Brett’s and Marjorie’s. Why wasn’t that enough? “You knew this was going to happen?”

“Yesterday Captain Jackson said two weeks, Zoe. I thought I’d have time to ease you into it.”

She nodded.

“My pay goes directly into the account, so the bills will be taken care of. I have a list of repair people next to the phone, should anything happen here at the house. And there’s a list of other team members you can call on if anything else come up. They’ll protect you. Don’t hesitate to call any of them if you notice anything that makes you anxious. Keep your guard up, baby.” His arms tightened around her again and he drew her in against him. “I’m glad Cutter will be here with you. It makes it easier for me, knowing you have him close by. Keep the doors and windows locked and the alarm on the whole time you’re here. Promise me.”

She nodded. “I’ll be okay.” Her arms tightened around him. “You’d better get ready. I’ll fix you something to eat.”

“Zoe—After all this shit is behind us—”

The hoarse note in his voice gripped her by the throat. It was too much. Things were happening too quickly. Though grief had settled like stone in her chest, she forced herself to look up at him and maintain her composure. She cupped his face. “I’ll be right here waiting for you to come home.”

He nodded. “I have to get going. The guys on the list. They’ll be taking turns making sure you get to the hospital safe.” He smiled though the effort was forced. “If any of them tries to put the move on you, tell them I’ll kick their ass when I get back.”

“I’ll do it for you.” She kissed him, then pulled away. “Get in the shower; I’ll fix you some egg sandwiches and a goody bag to take with you.”

She turned away because she had to. She had to take care of him in the only way she could, until she couldn’t anymore.

***

Brett looked down at his bandaged side, then to the creased khakis he’d fallen asleep in while on the computer. Tess must have closed it down and set it on the nightstand, because he didn’t remember doing so. He stretched and caught his breath. Bad move. God, he was sorer today than yesterday.

He studied Tess as she slept. Early morning sun lanced across the bed from a crack in the heavy green drapes drawn across the balcony doors. It fell across the inside of her bare thigh giving it a pearl-like sheen. He longed to trace that small section of skin with his finger then move higher up beneath the sheet, but she slept so soundly he didn’t want to wake her.

He’d been pushing her, in one way or the other, trying to get her to reach for what she wanted ever since they’d met. And now she finally had, and he felt guilty for manipulating her. She deserved better than he could give her.

His career was hanging by a thread. Even if they cleared him of these suspicions, there was no guarantee he’d ever get back to active duty. Though his speech thing was getting better, when he was tired or upset it reared its ugly head and had him struggling. He had to accept the possibility he might never get back to top shape. And he wouldn’t put someone else’s life in danger because he couldn’t call in a location for an air strike or give orders under fire.

But he hadn’t been given the opportunity to find out how he’d do out in the field. If they’d just give him a chance. If he couldn’t cut it, he’d walk away. It would kill him, but he’d do it.

And what about Tess? If he stayed with the teams, she’d be stuck with a guy who bugged out at a moment’s notice, just like her father. He’d be gone long stretches of time. Six months, sometimes longer. Could she handle that? Would she want to handle that? Why would she want to handle it? And why was he thinking long term here? His stomach muscles contracted and he sucked in his breath, more from the rising panic that flip-flopped inside him than the painful tug at his stitches.

Oh, shit!
He lay there waiting for the feeling to subside. This was not just about getting laid. He’d had those kinds of relationships in the past and been left feeling empty and dissatisfied. His attention strayed to Tess again to find her awake and watching him.
Oh, man.
This was way beyond that.

“What is it?” she asked, her voice soft and breathy, as though she hadn’t quite found it after sleep.

Jesus, he loved that. His half-staff erection started while studying her bare thigh grew to full-fledged woody in a heartbeat. He couldn’t say the words, not yet, he had to be back to full speed, for her, for himself. “I’m sorry I crashed on you last night.”

“You just got out of the hospital, Brett. The trauma of being shot, the surgery, the drugs. You didn’t really think you’d walk out in top form after three days, did you?”

“A guy can hope.”

She smiled. “Your mom called last night after you fell asleep with the computer in your lap.”

“She okay?”

“She was fine. She was just checking on you. They’d stopped in Santa Barbara to spend the night.”

“And Captain Connelly’s son?”

“She didn’t say.”

He nodded. She probably wouldn’t have shared that info with him either. After years of keeping students’ issues private, she didn’t gossip.

Now that Tess was awake, Brett brushed his fingertips over the soft patch of skin the sun had christened. He leaned forward and kissed her.

“I haven’t brushed my teeth yet, Brett.”

“Neither have I.” He slid downward and, lying on his good side, touched his lips to that tantalizing strip of skin resting in the sun.

Tess caught her breath. When he tugged the sheet aside, he found the white cotton bikini panties she’d slipped on at his request, coupled with the t-shirt he’d worn and tossed aside. He grinned. Telling thing when a woman wore your clothes.