Breaking the Wrong (17 page)

“Why does Macsen have your bag?” Haley asks.

“We just hung out Friday, and I left my bag in his truck.” Haley’s face turns white. “But it was nothing,” I say with a smile.

“I don’t know about nothing...” Tosha says mysteriously.

“Believe me,” I utter slowly, glaring at my friend the entire time, “it was nothing.”

Tosha shrugs a shoulder and pops a tater tot into her mouth. She’s testing the grounds, purposely saying this in front of Haley to see what she will do. I want to kill her for it, but at the same time, even I’m wondering what Haley’s reaction will be.

Haley turns to me solemnly. I wonder if she is going to snap out. All she does is stare at me closely. “Do you know him well?” she asks.

My gaze flicks over to Tosha, who’s staring between the two of us. “He tutors me in math and that’s it, Haley. Just a few conversations here and there.”

I leave out the part about wanting to jump him and kiss him until my lips are raw.

For a few seconds, Haley says nothing. When she looks back at me, her eyes are sad, but not devastated. “He’s a good tutor.” She picks up her tray. “I have to get going. I’ll see you later, Emilia.”

Haley walks off before I can say anything. Immediately, I whip my head toward Tosha. “What the hell?” I hiss.

Tosha gives me an innocent look. “What?”

“You didn’t need to tell her that.” I stand and give her a look. “You’re being bitchy today.”

“Emilia, I’m bitchy everyday,” Tosha points out with a wink.

“Haley may be ‘crazy’ to you, but she isn’t to me. When have I ever been off about someone?”

“Macsen Sloan,” she says with a grin.

“That doesn’t count,” I tell her as I back away from the table.

“Because you want to jump his bones now?” Tosha calls out.

I make a face and she laughs as I hurry out the door. Haley is directly in front of me, hurrying across the grass. I quickly run over to her, hoping that I can do some damage control. I feel the need to explain everything to her. She may hate Severine, but I don’t want her to hate me.

“Haley!”

She turns around and looks at me curiously. I see the hurt in her eyes and instantly feel regret.

“I
just wanted to make sure you aren’t mad at me or anything.”

Awkwardly, Haley shifts from foot to foot. “Because Macsen likes you, you think I’m going to hate you?”

“Well,” I stammer out, “I-I had heard that you didn’t like Severine.”

A faint smile touches Haley’s lips. “I didn’t like Severine because she wasn’t right for Macsen
… that, and she’s kind of a bitch.”

I smile hesitantly and slowly start to walk with Haley. “Tosha was just being Tosha at lunch,” I explain.

“I get it. She doesn’t like me because of what she’s heard.” Haley turns to look at me. “But I’ve known Macsen practically my whole life.”

Jealously settles in my stomach and spreads throughout my body over her words. It’s something new to me. I frown at the ground. “So you’re close.”

She nods her head. “We both had less than perfect childhoods and that’s something we bonded over.” I nod and she continues. “I know he doesn’t like me. I’ve known that for awhile.” She shrugs and smiles sadly. “Some people grow out of their first loves. I’m still trying to do that.”

At the word
love
, my back straightens. I stop walking and look at her solemnly. “Did he love you back?”

Haley breathes through her nose and looks at me sadly. “Not the way that I want
ed him to.”

“This thing with Macsen…”

“I don’t need to know the details. You fit him. The two of you together isn’t horrifying to me. Not like him and Severine.”

“Were they really that bad?”

“Together, the two of them were a disaster.”

I nod my
head. “Did Macsen love her?”

“That’s something you would have to ask him. But
, in my opinion, no, he didn’t.”

I fe
el way too much relief from her words.

“Hey!” When I turn around, I see
Macsen jogging toward us with my bag in his hand. He’s wearing blue jeans and a green striped shirt with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows. He doesn’t have the tan that he had when I first saw him, but his skin still has a faint olive tone. He holds out my bag with one hand. “You might need this.”

“Thanks.” I smile widely at him and grab my bag. Macsen makes sure that our hands brush against each other. It makes me think about Friday night.
I picture touching him, how he kissed me. Glancing at Macsen, I can tell he’s thinking the same thing. His pupils dilate slightly and his jaw flexes, as he looks me over.

Someone coughs loudly and the two of us instantly jerk our heads toward the sound. Haley is looking at Macsen with all her emotions in her eyes. He doesn’t even notice. And that should make me happy, but I feel a twinge of sadness for Haley.

Macsen gives her a friendly smile. “Oh, hey Haley.”

“I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later.” Haley walks away before either one of us can respond.

I watch her walk away, feeling deflated. Macsen looks at her with confusion. “What was that about?” he asks.

I cock my head to stare at him. “Tosha made it seem like there was some
thing going on between you and me at lunch. I didn’t want Haley pissed at me.”

“What’s wrong with Tosha saying that? There
is
something.”

“Haley likes you.”

“Does that make you sad or pissed off?”

“Sad…” I shrug when Macsen gapes at me. “I like Haley.”

He smiles widely and takes a step forward. I grip his arm. Macsen looks down at my hand and smirks at me. Heat fills his eyes and I know I should probably let go, but I don’t want to. I like touching him. Guilt washes over me. My sister and entire family flash through my mind, reminding me why I’m here.

I think I’m already in too deep. Girls fall for the ‘wrong’ guy all the time. But I don’t know if that’s what
is happening here. I don’t know if I’m falling or pushing myself off a cliff when it comes to Macsen. Because he doesn’t feel wrong—everything about him feels right.

I keep my hand firmly in place and Macsen walks closer. He looms over me, so close that I see a tiny scar on his cheek. I want to reach out and touch it. But I keep still, and wrap my arms around my stomach, trying to keep warm. 

“So did you read the books in my bag?” I ask.

He reaches out and rubs his hands up and down my arms. I want to close my eyes over how good it feels to have him touch me. “No, I resisted the urge.”

“I’m shocked,” I murmur. “I thought you would.”

“No. I figured that Shura guy was off limits.”

I tisk and he watches my lips the entire time. If I were bolder I would lick them, just to see his reaction. “You sound jealous of Shura.”

Macsen smiles as his fingers tangle into my hair. I’m not even sure what we’re talking about anymore. “I’m not jealous of a fictional character.”

“Are you sure?” I ask. 

“I’m sure.” He grins so wide, I can’t help but smile in return. That smile slowly fades as he looks at me thoughtfully and tilts my head back so he can look me in the face. He rubs his thumb against my bottom lip. “I keep thinking about Friday night,” he admits.

My lids feel heavy. I repress the urge to close my eyes and sink closer to Macsen. “Me too.”

This should feel
wrong. But my mind keeps chanting:
right, right, right.
 

“When am I going to see you again?”

“I’m right in front of you,” I tease.

“I mean
, when do I get you to myself?” His asks in a sexy whisper.

Keeping my eyes open, I blink once and then twic
e. My answer will change everything and I don’t know if I’m ready for the consequences. “Tonight,” I say with my voice shaking. “See me tonight after tutoring.”

His throat constricts. “Okay,” he rasps out. “If I can last that long.” He takes a step back and closes his eyes as if he’s in pain
. When he opens them, I see that he wants to stay here with me. “I need to go to class.”

“Okay,” I reply dumbly.

He backs away slowly, and the look he gives me is purely carnal, like he wants to devour me. I want him to try. I want to see the outcome.

“My,” Tosha comes up beside me and sips on her drink, “that was cozy.”

She hands me my jacket and I slip it on.
I watch Macsen’s back. He turns around and grins at me. I smile back, knowing that Tosha is watching everything.

“Am I a terrible person for wanting him?” I ask her.

“For wanting to get it on with Macsen Sloan? No, not at all—although, I’m not too sure about the sister thing.”

Crossing my arms, I stare ahead, but my eyes are locked in on the past. I replay memories of how happy my family was three years ago. “He didn’t do it.”

“That’s a big thing to say.”

“You’ve already told me that. And everything you’re saying
… I’ve thought to myself a million times.” I stuff my hands into my pockets and look at my friend. “You believe me, right?”

Tosha shrugs. “Do
you
believe you?”

My head is
nodding before she can even finish her question. “I do.”

“Then you’re goin
g to do what you want. Your mind is already set.”

It i
s. I’m firmly locked in on my opinion of who Macsen Sloan is. And that might make me naïve and completely blind. But the Macsen Sloan written in my sister’s journal is not the Macsen I know.

He
can’t be.

MACSEN

I rush through the front door thinking about Emilia. She was different today. People don’t change overnight, but there was a lightness in her eyes that wasn’t there before.

Chris is lying on the couch watching Sports Center and barely looks up. “What’s up, man?”

My bag drops onto our cheap kitchen table. “Nothing.”

Impatiently, I look down at my watch. I’m counting down the time until I see her, like a pathetic fucking puppy. She’s been a mystery to me since the first day of class. Everyone takes her silence as indifference. But I’ve talked to her, I’ve had my hands on her, and she has enough fire in her for anyone to be scorched.

I still want to be around her.

Stepping away from her Friday night was torture. I deserved a fucking medal for that. I was desperate enough to take her any way I could, but I would’ve regretted it later on. A house filled with people who could easily hear everything, she deserved better than that.

Grabbing a water, I walk to my room and go straight to my bookshelf. I pick up
The Scarlett Letter
. Looking at the front cover, I want to know how Hester Prynne could ever be Emilia’s favorite character.

She’s stuck in my brain. I’m willing to follow Emilia around, even if it only gives me one little second next to her. 

“Are you deaf? Do you need a Miracle-Ear?”

Discreetly, I lay the book down. “What are you talking about?” 

Chris grunts. “Your dad called. He said Glenn called him because your phone was off, and he needs you out there now.”

I glance over at my clock. 3:45 P.M. “Fuck,” I mutter.

Chris belches from the doorway and I can smell the Gatorade all the way from my dresser. “I guess Glenn said the fence needs to be fixed? He said some other shit, but I zoned out.”

I slam a few drawers around, trying to figure out how I’m going to work this. “Yeah, I got it.”

He slaps the doorway once and backs away. “You go have fun. I’m meeting a girl later.”

I stare at him dully and grab the stained shirt from my high school in New York. My work jeans lay in the corner. They’re stained green, and with other filth that has found its way onto my body. I learned quickly that no matter how many times you wash your clothes after working on a farm, they never get clean.

My movements are lazy as I half-ass my way into getting dressed. I lace up my crappy work boots before I slam the front door of my apartment.

  The drive to Glenn’s farm from campus isn’t long. It’s a never-ending country road, surrounded by fields and more fields.

Glenn’s farm is the only house that has a mile-long drive. There are a few electric poles leading up to his house. On the second pole is a sign with the words, NO TRESPASSING.

It doesn’t stop there. The second pole has a sign that reads: 10 MILES PER HOUR! I ignored the second sign the first time I came here and flew up the drive. Glenn met me with a rake in his hands and promptly told me the first thing I was going to do on his farm was even out his gravel. I evened it out with a shitty rake while Glenn drove on his four-wheeler right next to me and informed me that if you speed on gravel you could get dust on your truck and scratches from the kicked up rocks.