Breaking the Cycle (15 page)

“I may take you up on that,” I said.

“You still have my card?”

“Of course I do.”

“Why don’t you give me a call Tuesday? It’s my day off. Maybe we can meet somewhere and have lunch.”

“That so happens to my day off also. Sounds like a plan.”

“You can unburden your soul over a plate of soul food.” We both laughed. “Seems your face just found a missing friend.”

“Haven’t had much to smile about lately.”

“Then you need to change that.”

“Trying to. It’s complicated.”

“I don’t think it’s complicated,” Nisha said. “You’re probably making it more complicated than it has to be.”

“You know me, a glutton for punishment.” I gave a nervous chuckle and waited for her to join me.

Her affirmation never came in the form of a laugh, but rather in a soft reassuring touch. “You’ll get through this like you’ve done before. You’re a survivor. Remember that.”

“This has been one of the most exciting nights of my life.” Candy smiled as she slid out of the micro-mini. Her shoes had landed in the corner when she kicked them off. “Why didn’t you tell me your girl was hooked up like that? If I’d known, I wouldn’t have treated her so funky the first time.”

“You shouldn’t have treated her that way regardless. She’s a friend of mine. That alone should’ve been enough for you to treat her decently. Why does a person have to have some type of worth for you to be civil?”

“I’m not about to let you ruin my night with your bullshit. You might as well climb into bed and call it a night like I’m about to do. You better be glad they came along and saved us from the embarrassment you were trying to put me through.”

She turned her back and slid on the oversized nightshirt. Clicked off the light like I wasn’t even in the room. Leaving me to undress in total darkness.

C
HAPTER
F
OUR

“So how long has this been going on?”

“It started about two months after she moved in with me. I was trying to help her out after she got put out by her roommates. Now, I understand why they dropped her.”

“Yes, she definitely seems to be a piece of work.” Nisha stared at me with compassion. “Eddie, you’ve got to get away from her. She’s bringing you down and someone’s going to end up getting hurt really bad.”

“But how can I just leave her?” I asked in dismay.

“There are ways, Eddie. Maybe you can sit down and talk with her. If you’re afraid of having the conversation alone, find someone to be a mediator. Here…” She reached into her handbag and pulled out a card. “This is a good friend of mine. He’s a really good therapist. His specialty happens to be abusive relationships.”

“Yeah, but abusive relationships where men are the victims?”

“Especially those types. After doing research for a project, he noticed there were a lot of men in abusive situations who had no outlets to lay down their burdens or their pain. They were afraid to share their stories because people would either laugh or call them wimpy, or punks. So, he decided he would be the ear they needed.”

“How long has he been doing this?”

“More than ten years.” She could see the doubt on my face. “Look, if you want, I’ll go with you. I promise; you won’t regret it.” She squeezed my hand in a reassuring gesture.

“Dr. Adelson, how are you? I’m Dr. Griffith.” He extended his hand toward me.

I was still a bit reserved about the entire thing, but anything was better than the nothing I’d been doing.

“Dr. Griffith.” I shook his hand. My palms were a bit clammy. I swiped them on my pants as I took a seat in the leather chair. “Nisha told me that you specialize in this sort of thing.”

“What thing would that be?”

“You know…” I paused and looked at him.

“The first step of working through any problem is being able to admit it.” He looked at me as I adjusted in the chair.

“I’m…” I swallowed hard. “In a relationship where my… girlfriend abuses me mentally and physically.”

I took a deep breath. I suddenly recognized what Terry McMillan meant about exhaling. With that confession, I felt like I was breathing deeper than I had in over a year.

“When did this all start?”

Dr. Griffith turned on a mini tape recorder as I unfolded the story of the hell that was going on in my life. His dark, intense eyes stared at me from behind a pair of stylish frameless glasses. His well-groomed appearance was non-threatening. The more I talked, the more I relaxed, allowing every horrid detail to spill from my lips.

“Here are a few numbers I think would be helpful for you. Remember, any type of abuse is bad. Be it emotional or physical. Just because you’re a man does not mean you should be ashamed. You have done nothing wrong, so never be ashamed.” He reached out and shook my hand again as I stood to leave.

“So, is this it?”

“Don’t we wish it were that easy?” He laughed. “No, I’ll see you this Friday. You can make an appointment with Francine on your way out.”

“Okay. Thanks again.”

“Remember, you are the victim here. If things get to the point where you feel they’re about to boil over, leave and call the police before going back. Make a paper trail.”

“I’ll try and remember that.”

I walked out to the front desk and waited for his assistant to pencil me in.

Never compromise your happiness for someone else.

C
HAPTER
F
IVE

I could feel the chill in the air the moment I opened the door. The missing odor of something cooking was a sign that all was not well. I braced myself for what was to come.

I placed my keys on the table and picked up the stack of mail sitting there. I flipped through it quickly and continued my way into the kitchen. I placed the mail on the counter and went in the fridge for a cold drink and to see if I could find something to snack on until dinner plans had been figured out.

Dr. Griffith’s words danced in my head as I pulled things out and sat them on the counter. Our entire relationship had been about control from day one. She suggested where we would go on our dates. When we would go on dates. I was nothing more than a yes man to her.

“I guess you couldn’t come in the room and say hello.”

I damn near jumped out of my shoes. “I just walked in.”

“Why you acting like you’re guilty of something?”

“What?”

“I called your office today, only to find out that you’d left early. So, I rushed home thinking that I would surprise you.”

“I had an appointment…”

“An appointment? You didn’t tell me anything about an appointment. I’m starting to feel that you’re lying to me.”

She stepped closer to me. My defense mechanism kicked in as I braced myself for the terror I could see growing in her eyes.

“Look, why don’t we go over here and sit down and talk so I can tell you all about—”

Her balled fist hit me dead in the mouth. I felt my lip beginning to swell.

“You think I’m stupid or something?! If you think you’re going to play me like that, then your stupid ass better think again! I keep telling you, don’t fuck with me!”

She grabbed the egg pan from the stove she had used earlier that morning. Still recovering from the first blow, I didn’t have my bearings together enough to fend her off. My ears rang from the two swift hits she landed upside my head. No longer could I hear the ranting of the mad woman who stood before me. By the time she connected the final blow, darkness was taking over.

A sharp pain shot through my head as I tried to lift it. I reached out and felt the cold metal railing of the hospital bed. Brief spurts of what had transpired between Candy and me played out in my nightmares. When I tried to raise my left hand, I couldn’t. Panic set in when I realized the reason behind it. Every time I moved it, the metal bracelet that chained me to the bed made a clinking sound.

I frantically searched for the button to call for the nurse. Must’ve pushed it fifty times once I found it. Three people ran into the room and only one of them was the nurse. The blue suit and uniform told me who the other two were without words. I looked down at my wrist again. I tried to open my mouth and speak, but no words came. My tongue felt heavy and pasty and my throat tightened as I thought about the possibility I could actually be convicted of something I was actually the victim of.

“Dr. Adelson, we’d like to ask you a few questions,” the detective said as he pulled up a chair next to the bed.

I looked down at my wrist again and then back at him. My eyes began to fill with water, water that represented the anger and shame I was feeling inside.

“Dr. Adelson, I truly apologize about this, but we have procedures we have to follow when a case is under investigation.”

Just then the door opened and in walked a female, dressed in a tan pantsuit with a brown shirt. Her shoulder-length hair was parted down the middle.

“This is my partner, Detective Thomas. As I was saying, we need to ask you a few questions so we can get to the bottom of this. We arrived at the scene after you were taken away in the ambulance. From the information we gathered from Ms. Knight, there was some sort of struggle between the two of you. She claims to have struck you in self-defense.”

My eyes widened at the blatant lie she had told them.

“Is there something you would like to say, Dr. Adelson?” Detective Thomas moved a little closer to me.

I blinked back tears as I tried to gather my thoughts about what had happened the night in question. I swallowed hard before I was able to get one word out. “Sh-sh-she…” I took another breath.

“Take your time. We understand,” Detective Thomas said.

“Our relationship…” My eyes frantically searched the faces of both detectives. What would they think of a man who allowed his woman to beat him? My chances of avoiding any prison time relied on me telling the truth, no matter how embarrassing.

I slowly relayed to them the events of that night, at least the ones that I could remember. Telling them of incidents before. Sounding like the stories told by women countless times before. Women that had been labeled crazy because they stayed in the relationship. Here I was, living proof that it didn’t only happen to women.

“Dr. Adelson, you’re not alone,” Detective Thomas said reassuringly.

“I know it now.”

“Since she’s accusing you of attacking her, we still have to look into it further. Is there anyone we can talk to who will confirm what you’re telling us?”

Detective Thomas took out her notepad and wrote down the information as I gave her Nisha’s and Dr. Griffith’s phone numbers.

“What exactly did Candy say happened that night?” I asked.

They both looked at me with a sense of pity.

“While we can’t go into details, we can tell you she’s accused you of attacking her, thereby justifying her reasoning for damn near beating your brains in with a pan as self-defense.”

“And people wonder why abuse is never reported.” I gestured toward my shackled wrist.

“We can take care of that.” Detective Thomas pulled a set of keys from her pocket and undid the handcuffs. I rubbed the sore spot and thanked her. “We’re going to give them a call and then we’ll get back to you.”

“How long have I been here?” I rubbed the stubble on my face.

“About three days.”

“Three days?!” The pain in my head came back quick and strong. I blinked in an attempt to keep it at bay.

“Okay, I have to ask that you let Dr. Adelson get his rest.” The nurse ushered them to the door. Detective Thomas left her card on the bedside table.

“We’ll be talking to you soon.”

I slightly nodded my head.

I had attacked her. Wow, I couldn’t believe she would even think to say something like that. After all of the pain I had suffered at her hands, she had the nerve to flip the script on me.

I picked up the phone and dialed my house. She picked up on the third ring. I was furious that she was still in my house.

“What are you doing there? Why would you want to be in the house of a man that attacked you?”

“Eddie, Baby, I was just on my way to see you and—”

“Save it, Candy. The police are on their way there now. So, don’t get any ideas about destroying or taking anything. I never thought you’d lie like that on me. The best thing right now would be for you to gather your things and leave. For good.”

“Eddie, just hear me out. You know I love you. Baby, we can work this out—”

“Work it out? What is there to work out?” The more we talked, the more my head throbbed. “Candy, before you take the baggage that you’re carrying into another relationship, you need to get some help. Goodbye.” I hung up without another word.