Breaking Point (25 page)

“No!” I stepped forward and she stepped back. She lifted the flashlight like a sword and I felt a sob choke off my windpipe.

“No, I haven’t killed anyone,” I said more slowly, in the kind of tone Chase used when I was scared. “You know me, I wouldn’t do that.”

“You’re wearing a Sisters of Salvation uniform. I would have
never
thought you’d join them. You’d say it was too pro-government. Like it fed the invasion or something.”

I sighed. She had a point. “When did they come here anyway?”

“Two weeks ago. They’re teaching classes now.”

“At Western?” I asked incredulously.

“Yup. They’re all over town, too. At soup kitchens and stuff. People say they came from some Sisterhood Training Center in Dallas.”

I pictured a manufacturing warehouse. Normal girls entering through one door, and coming out another in full, conservative uniform. For a brief instant I thought of Rebecca. What a zombie she’d been, or at least
pretended
to be, when I’d first met her.

“Well, I’m not a Sister. The uniform’s borrowed, just like the gun.”

“Why do you need the gun if you’re not shooting people?”

“I was framed, okay?” I said, frustrated. “It’s … for my protection.”

“Stop me if I’m wrong,” she said, “but doesn’t packing heat generally make you
less
safe?”

I snickered. “I’m not
packing heat,
loser, I’m … I don’t know.”

“You’re packing heat,” she asserted. “You’re like some crazy secret agent now.”

I laughed despite myself. “I’ve missed you. A lot.”

“Yeah, yeah.” But she half smiled.

“We’re trying to get to a safe house.”
Eventually
.

“Like the one Truck goes to?” she asked, referring to the Chicago carrier.

“He didn’t tell you where it is?” I asked. She shook her head. She had no idea what she was doing. But again, maybe it was better if she didn’t know.

“Yeah, we’re going somewhere like that. And you should too.”

“Um, sort of got responsibilities here,” she said, sounding more like herself again.

I shook my head, feeling a sharp pang of regret. “I wanted to graduate, too, but…”

She scoffed and crossed her arms over her chest. She only did that when her feelings were hurt.

“This?” I realized. “
This
is your responsibility? You need to stop doing this. You should get out of town. Take your parents and your brother and go somewhere.”

“Ember, you’re freaking me out.”

I grabbed her shoulders and she flinched. “You should be freaked out!”

She stared at me unknowingly for a second before whipping away.

“It was for you!” she said, crying again. “I wanted to make sure what happened to you never happened again!”

I fell back, stung.
Never again?
It was like trying to explain to a child why bad things happened. I couldn’t make her understand. And worse, I thought in her shoes I wouldn’t have understood either.

“I … I know, I’m sorry. But, see, I’m okay. So you don’t have to worry about me. And you’ve got your family and yourself to look out for. Let people with less to lose risk it all.”
People like me.

“Less to lose?” she said, an edge to her voice. “They took my best friend and killed her mom! What more excuse do I need to try to help?”

As much as I didn’t want to, I got that.

“How’s Ryan?” I asked, diverting her for a moment while I thought of a way to get her to see reason.

She turned toward a shadowed corner and knelt. A shine of the flashlight revealed a moving box.

“I don’t know,” she said petulantly. “I don’t care either.”

“You two broke up?” Ryan, with his studious jacket and school uniform, had had a crush on Beth since our freshman year. I had a hard time believing he wasn’t in the picture.

“Yup.”

“Wow. Why? He didn’t get drafted, did he?”

She shook her head. “He’s not a big fan of me hanging out here.”

I ignored the sharp stab of betrayal. Ryan had been my friend, too. He was there when I’d been arrested, but he wasn’t as brave, or as stupid, as Beth. He was smart. He was
right
.

I collapsed beside her on the floor.

“See, that’s what I’m talking about! You
shouldn’t
be here! I doubt your parents know or they’d have padlocked your door. What happens if Harmony’s brother turns you in? You don’t want to go to rehab, Beth, I’m serious.”
If they even bring you that far.

“I’m older than you by four months,” she said sharply. “Stop lecturing me.”

I snorted. The truth was she didn’t feel older anymore. I felt older. Years and years older. I’d experienced things Beth hopefully wouldn’t for a long time, if ever.

“Here,” she said, softer now. “This is all I could save for you.”

She shoved the box into my knees, and I saw a full outfit, bra included, some silverware, half-used shampoo, a nail file, and a pre-War magazine. My fingers slid down the crinkled, waterlogged pages. My mom had liked to read these. She traded them with the ladies that volunteered at the soup kitchen. Knowing her hands had been on this, just as mine were now, provided me a small bit of comfort. I thought of the pictures Chase had, and his mother’s ring, but I wasn’t jealous. This was who she was. Someone who broke little rules she didn’t deem necessary. Someone who preferred to focus on the good and interesting things in life rather than the bleakness of our future.

“How’d you get all these clothes?” I asked.

“You left them at my house.”

Yes, I remembered now. I sometimes borrowed Beth’s washing machine and left some spare clothes to wear while the others were being cleaned. The jeans and sweatshirt weren’t my favorite, but they would fit, and so would the bra.

I gathered the clothes and the magazine and carefully tied them inside the body of the sweatshirt for later.

“He really bailed you out of reform school?” she asked, tipping her head down the hallway.

“That and a lot more.”

She sighed. “The way he looks at you … like if I twisted your arm, his would fall off or something. Ryan never looked at me like that.”

“He’s sort of protective.” I wasn’t sure what else to say.

“Obviously.” She snorted. “You still love him, don’t you?”

I nodded. A reluctant smile spread across her face.

“Are you still a virgin?”

“Yes.
Jeez
.” I looked at the window at his empty house and wished he still lived there, and I still lived here, and things were as simple as him sneaking over after curfew.

“Oh. Good. Me too.” A quick laugh snuck out.

We settled into a tentative conversation, one which encroached on our old selves, but never quite reached them. I was afraid of getting too close because inevitably I’d lose her again. I wondered if on some level she felt the same.

Our time was running low. I could feel the
tick, tick, tick
of the clock with each beat of my heart.

“I’m sorry about Ryan.”

She bit her lip. “Yeah. It sucks.”

“You can’t tell him I was here.”

“I figured.”

“You can’t tell anyone.”

“I know.”

“Not even your parents.”

“I
know
.”

There was a knock on the doorframe.

“We need to get going,” Chase said, appearing in the threshold. I’d heard him walking from room to room, checking our exits while Beth and I talked.

“Already? But you just got here!” Beth said.

I felt it, too. The strain, the roots that bound my feet to the floor. I couldn’t stay, but I wanted to. I had to remind myself that my life wouldn’t be normal if I stayed. This, right now, was as good as it was going to get.

“Beth,” Chase cleared his throat. “You can come with us.”

“No, I can’t. I’ve got to do this. For Lori and for Ember.” Her tone was so resolute I knew we couldn’t argue with her.

“Do you have a way to get out of town?” he asked, obviously having expected this answer.

“My dad has a car he saves for emergencies,” she said. “But we never drive it.”

“Does it work?”

“Yeah. He starts it up about once a month when he’s having a my-life-sucks-so-bad-I-can’t-even-drive crisis.”

Chase removed the forty dollars cash from his pocket and handed it to her.

“Go to the fill station and get a can of gas and some food, something nonperishable. Leave them in the trunk with a few changes of clothes for you and your family. If you have to get out quickly, you’ll be ready that way.”

He was protecting her, even when she’d thrashed him earlier.

“Change your name and your hair,” I said. “And look for places that have a hand-painted sign outside: One Whole Country, One Whole Family. If you can’t find one, ask around for a carrier at a soup kitchen. But don’t talk to soldiers and don’t talk to Sisters. You have to keep a low profile.”

“O-okay,” she said. “But really guys, I think I’ll be fine.”

I rubbed my temples. Just then a knock came from the front door, and a moment later we heard it push inward. Unbelievable. The door wasn’t even locked.

Chase and I were on our feet instantly. He’d pulled the gun from the back of my waistband and aimed it low before him. I gripped my clothing and my mother’s magazine hard to my chest.

“It’s just Harmony’s brother,” said Beth uneasily, keeping her eyes trained on the weapon. “He always knocks at the front door. I told you, he’s okay.”

I didn’t like it.

“Don’t tell him we’re here,” ordered Chase.

“All
right
already. Let me go see what he wants.”

She made to leave the room, but I grabbed her arm frantically.

“Beth, be careful. The second you think someone’s watching, go. Promise me you’ll do that.”

“But—”

“Promise me!” My whispered voice hitched. A tear slid down her freckled cheek.

“I promise,” she said, voice pained. “I’ll be right back. Stay here.”

As she left the room, I fought the urge to follow and make sure she was safe. Chase motioned toward the window, but I shook my head. We had to wait. What if she was wrong and that patrol car had swung back around? We needed to be here to protect her.

I listened from the door, but could only hear muffled voices. Needing reassurance, I snuck into the hallway and caught a glimpse of Beth’s back. She was talking to a soldier, presumably Harmony’s brother, though I couldn’t see his face.
See?
I told myself.
No need to panic,
and yet somehow the pressure of Chase’s hand encompassing mine, squeezing as if to say,
time to go,
sent a wave of skepticism through me.

Then I turned my head, and at last peered into my mother’s bedroom.

It was empty, just like all the other rooms, the scent of mildew permeating the stagnant space. Her bed was gone, and her dresser and nightstand, along with her framed pictures atop it of me growing up. Vaguely, I was aware of a small pop inside of me, a pinch, as all the remaining strings binding me together were severed. And then I was unraveling, spinning faster and faster.

“Mom, that music’s contraband!”

She jumped on the bed, pulling me up, where we jumped and twisted and danced. It was like melting. I was an ice cube and she was the sun and I was powerless to stand against her.

“We used to do this when you were little, remember? I would hold your hands and spin you, and you’d giggle and shout ‘Faster!’”

The chill started in my bones and worked its way out to my skin, and soon I was shivering so hard I could barely stand. Maybe she wasn’t perfect, maybe things weren’t always easy, but she was my mom, and she was dead. Erased. As though she’d never existed. And nothing,
nothing
was left of her but an old magazine rolled up in my sweatshirt.

“Get me out of here,” I said quietly.

Chase gently pulled me back into the bedroom, gathering the bag of food beside the window.

“Stop!” I heard Beth yell.

In a snap I’d detached Chase’s grip and was running back toward the front of the house. One step into the entryway and I ran smack into Sean.

“Ember!” His breath hitched, but he recomposed quickly. “We’ve got a problem.”

Chase had succeeded in grabbing my arm and jerked me to his side. “What is it?”

“I told him not to come back here!” Beth said.

“You talked to a soldier you didn’t know?” I shrieked.

“I recognized his friend from your arrest,” she said indignantly. “I thought they were with you.”

And there, from the shadows, stepped Tucker Morris.

I couldn’t think of a word to say. Not one word.

“I’m sorry,” Tucker croaked. “I didn’t know what to do.”

“What the hell are you doing here?” Chase asked in a low, dangerous voice. His weapon was drawn, but Tucker didn’t seem to notice it. Distantly I registered the sound of Beth crying.

“We got hit.” Tucker’s voice was strained. “Cara and me. We got hit outside Greeneville on the way to see her cousin.” He scratched his neck nervously. “Before we left they said something about your house. That a driver came here. It was right before he kicked me out.” He pointed at Sean, then gulped down a deep breath. “And then … then everything fell apart. I went back to the printing plant, but everyone was gone. I thought maybe you’d try to come here. I didn’t know where else to go!”

I hadn’t even considered that my mother’s name had been spoken while Tucker and Cara were still in the building. But it had. I’d gotten lazy. I’d put Beth in even more danger.

My stomach turned to water. “Billy?” I asked. “Billy was gone?”

“They were all gone!” Tucker responded. “Lights off. Empty.”

“Oh no.” I reached for the wall for support.

“Where is Cara?” demanded Sean.

“She’s dead, man. She’s dead. They hit her.”

It took a second for Tucker’s words to sink in. Cara was dead. Billy was missing, probably captured. A silent scream filled my body.

“Turn around,” Chase said. Tucker complied. Chase patted down the back of his shirt and his pockets, but found no weapons. “Did you turn us in? Is that what you did?”