Breaking Love Full Hearts 2 (2 page)

Her mother answered the phone on the third ring. “Hi, sweetie! Happy new year!”

“Happy new year, Mom. How is Portland?”

“It’s been terrific, except that I miss you and Elliott terribly. I sure wish you had come with me.”

“I know, Mom. I would have loved to have been there, but Mark and Lenna and the kids need to have you all to themselves for a while. We get you all the time.”

“It probably sounds silly, but a week just feels like so long not to see you both. How’s Elliott?”

“He’s fine. I took him tobogganing with a few of the boys from his class today, so that was fun.”

“Any of those boys have single dads?”

Megan groaned. “No, Mom. They are all married, and even if they weren’t, I’m not looking, remember? I’m really,
really
not looking for a man. I’m starting to worry about your memory because you keep asking me that. We might need to take you in to the doctor to have you checked.”

“Okay, I get it. You want me to back off. A mother can hope, can’t she? I just want to see you happy.”

“Oh, please! You just want more grandkids.”

“Is there anything wrong with that?”

“Yes, and I seriously need you to drop it. Bug Mark and Lenna if you want more grandkids. I’m done. I’ve been burned once and I’m not going to let it happen again.”

“You act like it isn’t even
possible
for you to find the right man. It’s ridiculous. You are letting one bad apple spoil the bunch. There are plenty of wonderful men out there who would be happy to be with a beautiful girl like you.”

Megan let out a loud sigh. “Mom, can you just let it go already? I’m
so
sick of this conversation. We’ve been having it for years and you haven’t been able to convince me yet.”

“Is it so wrong for a mother to want to see her daughter happy?”

“I
am
happy, Mom. Trust me. I have a very full life.”

“Oh, really? Then why are you in your flannel pyjamas already and sitting there alone, watching TV on New Year’s Eve?” Helen asked, not willing to give up yet.

Megan looked down at her plaid PJs.
Damn it.
“Because I
want
to be at home watching TV rather than out on some blind date with a guy who is going to text me a photo of his penis while we’re having appetizers.”

“That happened once, Megan, and you need to let it go. That guy was an idiot but that doesn’t mean they all are.”

“You know, Mom, I didn’t call to hear the ‘you need a man’ speech. I called to wish you a happy new year.”

“Alright, I’m sorry. Happy new year, my girl.”

“Love you, even though you make me nuts.”

“I love you, even though you won’t give me more grandkids.”

“I’m hanging up now, Helen.”

“See you in two days.”

“Safe journey, Mom.”

“Good night, sweetie,” Helen said as she hung up.

Megan sighed as she got up and wandered over to the kitchen. She opened a box of Turtles that was sitting on the counter and shoved one into her mouth, followed quickly by another, filling each cheek with gooey chocolate.
I couldn’t do that with a man standing in front of me.

Staring out the window at the falling snow, Megan was suddenly overcome with a deep sense of frustration. The snow meant she would have to shovel her large driveway and long sidewalk again the next morning, a chore she hated. It was one thing that always made her feel so
single
, and not in the independently sexy way her best friend Harper was. Megan was single as the result of a tragedy. Her dream of raising a family and growing old with her husband had been stolen out from under her before she had gotten little more than a taste of it. For the most part, she had managed to forget how she got where she was and instead made the best of the life she had now.

However, the snow piling up outside reminded her of that tragedy. It was just one of the small ways that having a husband would have made her life easier. There were lots of things she had learned to manage on her own over the years. Jobs she had no interest in learning but had to do anyway. She had taught herself how to change the oil in her lawn mower and the battery in her car. Each autumn found her shakily climbing a ladder to clean out the gutters. But it was more than that. She no longer had that person with whom to share everything. All of her hopes, dreams, failures and successes were handled alone, as were the joys and burdens of parenthood. She had no one to share her financial worries with, either. Ian worked sporadically as a baseball coach for various minor league teams. He sent some money when he could, but it was never much. They had taken a huge fall—from living the dreams a major league baseball player’s salary afforded them to living a much more humble existence. When Ian did manage to convince someone he could work, his drug addiction ate up much of what he earned, leaving little for him to send to Megan and Elliott.

As she stared out the window, she made a resolution. She would find a way to make enough money in the coming year to hire out some of the jobs she hated doing. Shovelling was first on her list. She had long ago stopped wishing for the companionship of a man, but she could sure as hell pay someone to do all the minor things she couldn’t stand doing anymore. Yes, that would help take the sting out of it a little.

As she bit down into another chocolate, causing caramel to drip over her bottom lip and onto her chin, her mind wandered back to her conversation with her mother. She was completely fed up with everyone she knew trying to set her up or talk her into dating again. If it wasn’t her mom or a friend, it was an insecure married acquaintance who wanted her husband nowhere near Megan, even though Megan was certainly never going to be a threat to anyone’s marriage. She wasn’t interested in dating a single man, let alone starting up with a married one and adding an incredible mound of complications to her already overburdened existence.

On nights like tonight she was still furious at Ian for needing the drugs more than he had needed her and their son. She was sick to death of her mom pressuring her to get married again and have more kids. As much as Megan loved her, it was a conversation she would happily never have again.

Her mom was one to talk, anyway, having had virtually no dating experience herself. She had married Megan’s dad straight out of high school, and they had quickly had three kids. He worked for the post office, and she stayed at home. He had retired at fifty-five and they had spent four years travelling until he died suddenly of a heart attack. In the three years since his death, Helen had made no moves of her own to find love. She busied herself helping Meg with Elliott and volunteering as a literacy coach, insisting that she was too old to start over with a new man.

Megan reached for another chocolate in the now-empty top tray. She had polished it off without noticing.

“Shit,” she muttered as she put the lid back on the box. She decided to leave the bottom tray intact until tomorrow.

She poured herself a glass of red wine and checked to make sure the back door was locked before making her way up to her bedroom, turning off lights as she went. She decided a nice, long hot bath was the way to ring in the new year. Setting the wine glass down on the edge of the tub, she ran the water and added some lavender bath oil, then lit a few candles and switched off the light before getting undressed.

She caught her reflection in the mirror as she walked over to the tub. At thirty-five, she still looked much closer to thirty than forty. She was tall and slender, with angel-blond hair cut just above her shoulders in a classic bob. Her skin was ivory, her face heart-shaped, lending a fullness to her otherwise slender frame. Her body showed hardly any signs of her having had a child, other than a now-faded line across her lower abdomen from the C-section incision. She had been lucky enough not to gain much weight when she was pregnant with Elliott, and her breasts had remained relatively perky. She knew that she was attractive, having received her fair share of male attention since she was a teenager. None of that mattered to her anymore, however. Whatever currency her beauty had earned her as a younger woman was now irrelevant. Megan would just as soon be utterly plain in order to avoid advances from the opposite sex.

Her looks had gotten her into the arms of a major league baseball player; her fun-loving and caring nature had secured her there. In the end, relying on a man to take care of her had ended in disaster. If the experience with Ian had taught her anything, it was to stand on her own two feet, to support herself and to never again rely on someone else to look after her. There was no trace of the carefree, quick-to-laugh woman she once had been. Megan had replaced her with someone strong, independent and hardened.

She had books, wine, baths and BOB, her battery-operated boyfriend, to keep her company. None of them would ever leave the toilet seat up, forget to call when they were out of town or develop a serious drug problem. She had already gone years without a man, and she preferred to keep it that way. As she slid into the soothingly hot water, she felt her frustrations start to dissolve and her body begin to relax. She would find a way to pay for what she wanted from a husband—help around the house. The rest she would leave for women who still believed in fairy tales.

TWO

“What do you think? Does it look a little bit like a cat?”

“Nope. I think you made Mickey Mouse again, Mom,” answered Elliott, who was standing on a stool beside the stove.

Megan stared down at the large pancake in the pan. “I think you’re right, buddy. You know, if you would just ask for Mickey every time, I’d have an almost one-hundred-percent accuracy rate.”

Elliott grinned at his mother. “What would be the fun in that?”

“The fun would be in the feeling of victory I would have at getting it right every time. Now, go rinse the raspberries, already. They’ve been sitting in the sink calling your name for ten minutes now.”

“Okey-dokey. But I get extra syrup because it’s a new year,” Elliott proclaimed as he climbed down and moved his stool to the kitchen sink.

“Since when is that a tradition? Besides, I decided your New Year’s resolution should be to give up sugar.”

“What?! No way! Sugar is my favourite food group. I can’t live without it.” His eyes were wide, showing his distress at the thought.

Megan smiled at him. “That’s because you are exactly like your mother. Alright, extra syrup, but only because you’re going to help me shovel us out of here today.”

The phone rang before Elliott could start complaining. “I’ll get it!”

Each time the phone rang, it broke Megan’s heart a little. She knew Elliott was secretly hoping it was his dad, even though he would deny it if she asked. They hadn’t heard from Ian over Christmas, even though he had promised to come up from Florida to see Elliott during the holiday. Megan could tell it wasn’t him as soon as Elliott heard the voice on the other end. She watched as his face fell a little, wishing she hadn’t allowed her son to hold out so much hope that his father would ever be a bigger part of his life.

“Hi, Auntie Harper,” he said, trying to sound enthusiastic. “Where are you today?”

There was a pause, and then Elliott said, “Good. Santa brought me a new toboggan and Lego Hobbit stuff.”

“Thank her for the Wii game,” Megan whispered to her son.

“Oh, my mom said I have to thank you for the Wii game.” He paused again. “Yeah, she is bossy. She says that’s how moms are supposed to be.”

Megan took the phone from him. “Go wash the berries,” she whispered to him. “Hello, Harper! How was your New Year’s Eve extravaganza?”

Harper Young, who had been Megan’s best friend since high school, spoke in her usual lively tone. “It was great until some total asshat lawyer got a little too handsy. Other than that, New Year’s Eve in New York is amazing. How was yours?”

“Pretty quiet, just the way I like it.”

“Liar. You’re trying to convince yourself that you like it quiet. I know better. I saw you as a teenager.”

“Well, I grew up—unlike some people,” Megan replied, cradling the phone against her neck so she could pour another scoop of batter into the pan.

“You didn’t grow up. You got old. You’re like an eighty-year-old in a hot, young body. Which brings me to my New Year’s resolution—to get you laid.”

“Oh, for. . . .” Megan wanted to swear but had to censor herself with Elliott in the room. “Seriously, not necessary. Thank you for the offer, though.”

“Oh, it’s happening, lady! You are coming with me to Paris! I’m running a photo shoot there in three weeks and you’re coming with me. Anita Wolfe is shooting. I told her about you and she said to bring you along and she’d be happy to give you a few pointers! Seriously, Megs, you’ll learn a
ton
watching her!”

“Okay, first of all, you seem to be forgetting I have a child, so I can’t just up and leave for Paris whenever the whim strikes me. Second, I don’t exactly have a lot of money to spend on trips. Third, I’m not a fashion photographer; I do weddings and family stuff, which is completely different.”

“You’re coming. I already talked to your mom. She’s going to stay at your place. It’s only four days. Elliott will be just fine without you. As far as money is concerned, you’re staying in my suite and your flight will be covered because I told the magazine I’m trialling you as my new assistant, so the trip is virtually free. I’ve taken away all of your excuses.”

“You talked to my mom? Harper . . . I really can’t.”

“Meg, you haven’t gone anywhere with me in, like, forever! You always say you will and then you never do. The only time we see each other is when I come to your place. I miss my best friend. Please come. Please, please, please. . . .”

Despite Megan’s slight annoyance with her friend, she couldn’t help but smile a little at her perseverance. “Harper, you’re making me feel guilty. I just can’t. Three weeks from now Elliott has a class field trip I volunteered for, and he needs me here.”

“Grandma can come,” Elliott interjected. “You should go have fun, Mom.”