Breaking Into the Business (15 page)

I
leaned over and asked. “What’s he doing?”

“He’s
my bodyguard,” Jeremy said. “I actually have two of them, but I feared that if
I brought them both, it would just call more attention to me.”

“Why
do you need bodyguards?”

“Well,
I don’t want to brag, but I have sold millions of copies of my books, most of
which pertain to controversial material. I’ve had more death threats than weeks
on the New York Times Best Seller’s List.”

“I
didn’t know that. How strange does that feel?”

“Oh,
actually it makes me feel quite good. I think the mark of a good writer is that
some people hate you and what better way to express that hate than a death
threat.”

“I’m
sorry if I’m acting a little off. I’m a little nervous to be having dinner with
you.”

“Why
would you be nervous?”

“Because
of who we are. I’m just a normal woman, a single mom, and an editor at a small
press.”

“Whoa,”
he said with a smile. “Watch what you say about my publishing company.”

“I’m
being serious.”

“No,
I know you’re being serious, but you must get those things out of your head. I
think that you undersell who you are and what you have to offer.”

“Just
what do I have to offer?”

“For
one, you have your stunning beauty. I am privileged to have you with me tonight
if just for the simple fact that all of the men in this establishment stared
you down on the way in.”

“Whatever.”

“And,”
he interrupted me. “You are a charming personality to have around. There is
magnetism to you that I can’t quite describe.”

“Can
we talk about something else?” I asked. I was having a hard time hiding my
smile.

“Sure,”
he said. “There is the inevitable conversation about exes. Tell me about your
ex-husband.”

“Are
you kidding me? You want to talk about exes on the first date?”

“Doesn’t
everyone talk about them early on in a relationship? Once we get serious, I
don’t want to talk about your ex for fear of getting jealous.”

“I
can’t believe this,” I muttered so low, hoping that he couldn’t hear. “There’s
not really much to say. He up and left me two years ago.”

“No
explanation?”

“None
at all.”

“Were
there any signs that he was preparing to leave? Did he act any differently?”

“Not
really,” I said. “I didn’t notice that he was spending a lot of time traveling for
work, and I never could find an answer from his secretary if he was really on
work trips or something else. We were growing more distant over time, but that
was a gradual process so it’s tough to pinpoint one specific moment where we
just stopped talking.”

“I’m
working on a project right now on gambling addiction,” Jeremy announced. “One
of the cases that I’ve researched is a husband who had an addiction so great
that he hid it from his family. His wife was completely oblivious to the fact
that her husband was spending days and thousands of dollars at a time at
casinos all over the country.”

“Oh
dear,” I said. “I bet she was pissed when she found out.”

“As
far as I know, she still doesn’t know.”

“Are
you going to tell her?”

“I
doubt it,” he said. “It’s really none of my business.”

“So
you think Frank could have been hiding something like that?”

“I’m
only saying that you can’t ever assume anything. If he were the type of guy
that kept to himself, anything is possible.”

“I
don’t think Frank was the type to gamble.”

“Maybe
one day he’ll return and you can get your answers.”

“I
don’t really need answers anymore,” I said. “Sure, it’d be nice to find out
just for the sake of the children, but for me, I’ve written him off for good.
Even if he showed back up today, I wouldn’t resume our previous relationship.”

“Do
you ever worry about him?”

“No.”

“Not
at all?”

“Can
we talk about something else?”

“Of
course. My apologies if the topic of conversation got too personal.”

“It’s
no problem,” I said. “It’s just that I would rather not spend the first date
I’ve had in a long time talking about my ex. I’ve spent enough time and energy
on him to last a lifetime.”

“Maybe
we should order then,” Jeremy said.

“Okay,”
I replied, picking up my menu. I began looking over it to figure out what
exactly I would like to eat. I had never eaten there before, and the food
seemed odd. The only thing I understood on it was the various meats that were
in the dish, but most of the other ingredients and combinations were foreign to
me.

When
the waiter walked up to our table, Jeremy ordered his own dish first, and then
when I thought it was my turn to order, Jeremy continued. It took me a moment
to realize that he was ordering for me as well.

I
wasn’t sure how to take this. My first instinct was to get upset and rail him
for thinking he could just order for me like I were some dumb woman from the
medieval period that couldn’t think for herself.

However,
the sensible side of me relished in the fact that a man was taking control for
just once. For the past two years, I had to maintain complete control of my
life, but for just a fleeting moment, I relinquished it to a capable, handsome
man.

Apparently,
I was going to have some sort of roasted chicken sautéed in a puddle of orange
peels, cilantro, and onions, or at least that’s what I thought I heard. As he
spoke out my dish, I couldn’t take my eyes off of his face. Silent, he was easy
on the eyes, but when he talked, he was mesmerizing, especially with the
candlelight in between us.

When
he finished, he grabbed the menus from the table and handed them to the waiter.
Then he turned back and stared at me from across the table.

“I’m
very glad we are having this dinner,” he said.

“Me
too,” I said.

“So
we’ve talked about your past,” he said. “Now let’s talk about your future.”

“My
future?”

“Yes.
Where does Lana Ford see herself in five years?”

“I
haven’t really thought much about it. I guess in five years, Mallory will have
gone off to college, and I will finally have the house to myself. Actually, I
will probably sell that house after she leaves and find myself something
smaller in a quieter neighborhood.”

“What
about your career?”

“I
guess I will still be working at the publishing company.”

“Is
that your dream?”

“Maybe
not, but it’s something that I enjoy.”

“Is
the money good?”

“Not
really.”

“Then
why would you stay there? From my experience, people should do either something
that leaves them feeling elated, or something that is lucrative. You are not
making that much money where you are and it certainly doesn’t seem to thrill
you. So why exactly would you not have some other dream that you aspire to?”

“I’m
just fine where I am.”

“Oh,
I’m sure you’re just fine, but why would you be content with that? Surely you
have a passion, something that keeps you going.”

“My
children are my main priority.”

“I’m
not talking about priorities. We are talking about dreams.” He paused and
looked at me for a moment, as if thinking of another way to get his point
across. “Let’s pretend that you’re in another life. You never had children and
you never married, and money is not an object. What would you like to do?”

“I
understand what you’re trying to get at,” I said. “The problem is that I’ve
never really put much thought into it. To be honest, I spend all my energy just
trying to get by long enough to raise my children.”

“And
I’m asking you to think about what you would do if your children were no longer
a factor.”

“One
thing I’ve always wanted to do is actually take up writing. I’ve written from
time to time, but I’ve never had the time to commit to writing anything
lengthy.”

“So
you might write a book?” Jeremy asked.

“Sure,”
I said. “I’ve written a few short stories here and there, but nothing serious.
The occasions where I am able to write are amazing.”

“Then
maybe that’s your dream.”

“In
this imaginary world that you’re trying to get me to create that would be my
dream. I just don’t know how that would ever become a reality for me.”

“Maybe
you should make time for yourself and work on that. It’s time that you started
making some time for yourself.”

“That’s
easier said than done.”

“As
long as you tell yourself that you deserve it.”

Finally,
I had reached my limit. “Are we on the Dr. Phil show or something? Why are you
psycho analyzing everything about me?”

“I
didn’t mean any offense,” he said. “For one, I’m only making conversation and
trying to get to know you at the same time. Also, I see that you have great
potential to do something wonderful, but your lack of confidence stands in your
way.”

“But
are these things we should really be talking about on a first date?”

“What
kind of first date are you looking for?” he asked. “I can definitely take the
traditional approach, and we can discuss some flippant things such as where you
went to high school and what your latest manuscript was about. I could tell you
the four reasons why I recently changed my toothpaste.” He paused, letting his
point sink in. “I don’t want to discuss any of that. My point in taking you on
this date is to forge a connection with you.”

“I
see your point,” I said. “So I’ll admit that I can spend a little more time on
myself.”

His
words did actually sink in. Initially my stubbornness prevented me from
actually thinking about my goals and what I would like to do if I could. All I
could see was a man sitting in front of me, prodding as if I was some sort of
cattle.

I
did have dreams. Writing a novel would be one of the greatest feats I could
ever accomplish, and one day I knew that I would.

Suddenly
other images flashed into my mind. Places that I wanted to visit popped up in a
quick montage along with all of those ideas I had for different stories and
characters.

Jeremy
may have been going about it like an asshole, but I couldn’t deny the fact that,
for the first time in years, I thought about what I might want to do. However,
I knew that the reality was that I still had children to take care of, a home
to maintain, and all of those desires would have to be put on hold.

For
the rest of dinner, we drifted into talking about his latest project. Sure, it
fell along the lines of the type of conversation he wasn’t interested in
having, but I still wanted to learn more about him as a person. I didn’t take
the approach he had adopted, and instead let him talk about what he wanted to
instead of hounding him with deeply personal questions. We spent a good part of
the meal laughing.

The
food was spectacular, and I enjoyed my chicken, although by the time it
arrived, I had had too much wine actually to remember the ingredients in it. In
fact, I didn’t even really look at it, because I couldn’t take my eyes off of
Jeremy. As he talked, I let his baritone voice sooth me into some sort of
trance.

After
he set his fork down and pushed his plate back, he brought up an interesting
proposition. “So what do you think about Paris?”

“As
in Paris, France?”

“I’m
certainly not referring to Paris, Texas.”

“I
love Paris. Actually, I’ve never been, but the idea of going is nice.”

“Would
you like to go with me?”

I
searched for something to say. Did he really just invite me to run away to
Europe with him?

“I
see that I’ve stunned you,” he noted. “I’m planning to go to Europe to meet
with my international publisher to go over the details of the French translation.
It will be a brief visit, but if you went with me, we could stay for a few days
and take in the sites.”

“That’s
a little fast considering we’re only on the first date.”

“Do
you plan on accepting my invitation for a second date?” he asked.

“I
hadn’t thought about that, but now that you ask, I think that I would accept an
invitation.”

“Then
if a second date is inevitable, and I don’t see any reason I wouldn’t be dating
you in two months, how presumptuous would that be to plan a trip?”

“Fairly
damn presumptuous, but Paris does sound like fun.”

“So
you’ll go?” he asked.

“I’ll
have to work out something for the kids, but I don’t see why not,” I said.

I
couldn’t believe my own mouth. I had just agreed to go with a man to Paris, and
only after just a single date. What the hell was wrong with me?