Breaking Clear (Full Hearts Series Book 3) (23 page)

Megan wore a thoughtful expression as she watched Luc walk away. “He’s right. You could do consults for brides who are having trouble picking out their wedding dresses. You could blog on my website about it. It could be huge, actually.”

Harper sat back in her chair, staring at the screen. “That sounds like a lot of fun. That I could do, but I don’t know about the photography part of it. You’ve been doing so well on your own. What if you send me to cover an event and I botch it? I’d ruin your reputation, and this really is a word-of-mouth business.”

“I just can’t see that happening. Listen, we could take it slow. I’m not accepting that many jobs right now. Neither of us can throw ourselves into this full-on right now anyway. Why not come with me to a few jobs here and there if you can? I can give you my old Nikon to play with for a while you think about it.”

“What if I break it? No, no, I couldn’t.”

“You won’t break it. And if something does happen, we either fix it or replace it. It’s not the end of the world.” Megan crossed the room and plunked a bag down in front of her. “Harper, you and I both have the same work ethic. Besides, it’ll give you something to do when Craig is with your dad. And Luc’s right—having a former art director from
Style
as a partner would be a huge boost. Do you know how many brides and new moms will want you?”

Harper shook her head.

“All of them.”

Over the course of the next week, Harper settled back into her routine as Roy’s caregiver. She would make him breakfast and take him to his lengthy physical therapy appointment every morning. She would read in the waiting room or run a few errands. When they returned home, she’d make lunch, then practise with Megan’s camera or work on the Fashion Forward website while Roy napped in his recliner to recover from his morning’s work. After he woke, they would play a few games of cards in the kitchen while supper was cooking. Each day, she noticed her dad growing stronger and happier. He was doing well enough that she started to spend her nights at Evan’s. If Roy got into any trouble, he could call and she’d be there in minutes. The easy pace of the days started to become more comfortable for Harper. Her contempt for Boulder itself lessened as she drove through the gridlock-free streets or found herself with time to sip some tea and enjoy the autumn splendour surrounding her.

“How’d it go with that reporter this morning?” Roy asked as he and his daughter seated themselves at a booth. They’d picked CJ’s Deli for lunch after Roy’s psychologist appointment.

“It was good. It should give the organization the extra publicity we need. Two of the clients had agreed to come back and share success stories, which was wonderful. The reporter focused mainly on them, which I think is the important part.”

“I can’t wait to read the article. It’s such an impressive thing you’re doing.”

“I think I get more out of it than the clients, actually.” Harper set aside her menu. “Hey, how was your appointment?”

“Good,” he answered with a nod. “We talked about your mom again. Actually, Dr. Chan told me I shouldn’t refer to her as your mom, but as Petra. She said that when I link her to you and your brothers as your mother, it somehow makes you feel responsible for her actions.”

“Fascinating.” Harper’s voice was devoid of enthusiasm as she flagged down the server for a coffee. Maybe if she only half listened she would only half feel the emotions associated with the dreaded topic.

“We talked about you. She figures that it must have been tough for you, especially since you look so much like your mom, er, Petra.”

“Hmm.” Harper held out her mug to the waitress. “Thank you.”

“Anyway, all these appointments got me thinking. I haven’t ever explained what happened between Petra and me. You and your brothers deserve an explanation. You’re all scared that the same thing is going to happen to you, but it really won’t.”

Harper stirred some cream into her coffee, mesmerized by the swirl of white in the dark liquid. “Are we? It’s actually highly unlikely that I’m going to fall in love with a high school student and leave the husband and children I don’t have. I’m surprisingly unconcerned about that.”

“No need to get snippy, kid. I’m trying to tell you something you need to know.” Roy levelled her with his dad glare. “Now, as I was saying, your mom’s and my situation was totally different from anything you’ll ever find yourself in. First of all, we were teenagers when we got married. Petra’s parents were incredibly strict. She knew better than to get out of line in that house. My shrink says because she grew up in such a stifling environment, she hadn’t rebelled yet or figured out who she was. Unfortunately, when she finally did, there was a lot of collateral damage. Does that make sense?”

“Yes, but—”

“Good,” he cut her off. “Backing up a bit, when she got pregnant with Wes, we took off together to Montana to get married. She needed to put some distance between herself and her parents. Turns out I didn’t understand her much better than they did. We never did relate well. I just figured we’d stick it out and make it work because that’s what you do when you have a family.” Staring down into his own mug, he shook his head. “I don’t know, maybe it wasn’t as bad for me as it was for her. I liked my work; I went out once in a while with the guys to blow off some steam. There were lots of other stay-at-home moms on our street that she spent time with. I made decent money, we were getting by, and I wasn’t mean to her or anything, but I didn’t really listen to her either. There wasn’t a lot in common. And she was always sort of restless, even after she went back to school to become a drama teacher.”

Harper sat, fully attuned to her dad’s words now, realizing she didn’t know the first thing about her parents as young people.

“Every year, she seemed to grow more dissatisfied. You probably remember we fought a lot. What you may not know is that she and my boss started a relationship just before we moved here.”

“I knew that. Everyone knew that.”

“Oh. Here I thought we’d managed to cover that up the whole time.” Roy shook his head. “Shows how much I know. So then you probably figured out that was why we moved here. I couldn’t keep working for a man I wanted to murder with my bare hands, and your Uncle Jim was able to get me on at Park Construction here. Petra apologized, said it wouldn’t happen again. Said she’d be happy here. We tried to make it work for a while but, well, you know how that turned out.”

“Why didn’t you leave her after the first time?” Harper wrinkled up her nose.

“Because of you kids. You have to remember, twenty years ago men didn’t have the same custody rights they do now. And I didn’t want to be one of those dads who saw you only every other weekend. I didn’t want to leave you with your mother either. To me, she just never seemed all that involved with you kids.”

“No, she really wasn’t, was she?” Harper shook her head.

“She’s the one who missed out. My point in telling you all this is to show you that you’re not in any way in the same situation we were. You’re not a teenager. You didn’t grow up under the same circumstances as your mom. You’re a successful, stable, generally well-adjusted adult, and you’re capable of having a successful, stable, well-adjusted relationship. You just have to find a man who understands you better than I did your mom. A man who’s going to really listen when you have something to say and who’ll support you when you want to live your dreams.”

“I’m sorry, but it’s not that simple. First of all, you say it as though that man even exists—”

“What about Evan? He doesn’t fit that description?”

Harper shook her head in exasperation. “Evan has no intention of ever getting into a permanent relationship, so it wouldn’t really matter if he did fit your magic formula for husband material.”

“Then what are you doing with him?”

Harper felt her heart constrict at his words. Their relationship was becoming more difficult for her to justify, even to herself, but she had her lines memorized. “To be honest, I’m not interested in anything permanent either, so it’s kind of a perfect scenario for me. We’re just enjoying some time together before I go back to New York. Which brings me to my ‘second of all.’ I may be capable of a relationship, but that doesn’t mean I should be dumb enough to trust that someone else will be. When Mom left, I learned that the only person I could rely on was me. That little nugget of wisdom got hammered home pretty hard.”

Roy looked closely at his daughter. “What about the lessons I was there to teach you?” He tapped the table with his index finger as he spoke. “I was there for you every day. I stayed. I chose you and your brothers. And I’m still here for the three of you. Shouldn’t you have learned something about love from that too?”

*     *     *

That night, Harper sat on the edge of the bed, watching Evan as he shaved in front of the bathroom sink, wearing only his boxer briefs. She watched as he cleared the steam from the mirror, his muscles flexing as he moved. Her dad’s words floated though her head in spite of her attempts to push them away. What if she’d been wrong all this time? What if she could rely on someone else? Other people did it. And it worked out for them.

Evan glanced over at her. “You seem a little quiet tonight. You okay?”

“I’m good.” She gave him a tight smile.

He stopped and leaned his shoulder against the door jamb. “You sure? If something’s bugging you, I’d like to fix it if I can.”

“Unless you have a time machine, there’s no fixing this.”

Wiping bits of leftover shaving cream off his face, he tossed the washcloth into the hamper and crossed the room to Harper. Crouching in front of her, he put his hands on her bare knees. “What happened?”

Harper bit her lip and shook her head a little. “Just a conversation my dad and I had today about my . . . You know what? It’s nothing.” She lowered her eyelids seductively. “Come here. My lips miss your lips,” she purred, pressing a finger to his mouth.

Evan’s brows lowered as he pulled back onto his heels. “Why do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Why do you try to distract me with sex anytime I attempt to have a real conversation with you?”

“We have real conversations all the time. But not this. This would make things . . . awkward.”

“I can handle awkward.”

“Well, it would also make things less casual,” she spat out, feeling a sense of desperation overtaking her. “You promised you’d keep things casual.”

“That’s not what I promised. I promised not to ask for more than you could give,” Evan answered evenly.

“Having that conversation would be more than I can give. So let’s just forget about it, okay?” Harper ran her finger down his chest. “I could use a good distraction, though.” She lowered her mouth over his, but he pulled back.

“As tempting as that is, Harper, I don’t love the notion that I’m just here to distract you from the things you don’t want to think about. I’m more than that.” He got up, turning away from her to pick up his jeans and slide them on.

“What are you talking about? I don’t do that to you.” Harper’s tone was defensive.

He glanced down at her as he zipped up his jeans. “Of course you do. You did it at the restaurant that time, but I decided to let it go.”

“And if you’ll recall, that turned out to be a very wise decision.”

“Yes, and I enjoyed it, Harper, but at some point, you’re going to have to deal with this stuff. It’s not healthy to just hold it all in like this.”

“Actually, I really don’t have to deal with any of it. It’s ancient history, and none of it bothers me in the least when someone’s not bringing it up,” Harper answered. “Besides, you’re not exactly a Zen master yourself, Donovan. If I’m not mistaken, you’re also lugging around a fair bit of baggage.”

“You’re doing it again. Trying to distract yourself from whatever’s bothering you. But since sex didn’t work, now you’re trying to pick a fight. I don’t want to fight. And I don’t want to fuck. Not when neither of those things has anything to do with me in the first place. What I’m interested in is something real.” Evan grabbed his T-shirt off the chair and walked out of the room, leaving Harper alone with her thoughts.

“Shit,” she said, flopping back onto the bed.

She found him a few minutes later in the backyard, sitting on the steps of the deck, sipping a beer and throwing a ball for Boots to retrieve. In spite of the fact that it was almost dark, the dog never seemed to lose sight of the ball.

“Can I join you?” she asked, her voice small. She pulled her sweater tight around her in an attempt to keep out the cool air.

“Sure.” His voice was devoid of emotion.

“There may be some grain of truth to what you were saying.” Her tone was reluctant.

Evan stared at her from under his brows.

“Okay, you’re mostly right,” she admitted. “But I think it’s okay if I don’t want to talk about my mom. Or my past. And I don’t think anyone, especially you, should try to push me into doing that.”

“I’m not trying to push you. But I want whatever we’ve got to be a hell of a lot more than just sex. I want you to let me in. To lean on me when you need a shoulder. Why can’t I be that for you, even for a while?” he asked, his voice gentle.

“I can’t rely on you, Evan. When people rely on each other, it never works out. You, of all people, should know that.”

Evan took a pull on his beer and threw the ball again. “I feel sad for you, Harper. Not just because of what happened when we were teenagers, but because of how you still let it control you. You deserve better than what you let yourself have. You deserve to have everything. You’re just too damn stubborn to admit that you’re scared.”

“You say it as though you’re not scared, Evan, but you are too. You try to pass it off as logic, with your whole ‘marriage is for morons’ speech, but that’s just fear and you know it!” Harper scoffed.

“I may not want to get married again, but I’m not the one who’s spent an entire adult life running. At least I stay and face down my demons.” Evan set his eyes on hers, seeming unmovable in his resolve.

“You want to see me run? I’ll show you running.” Harper got up and walked back into the house, letting the screen door slam shut behind her.