Breaking and Entering (34 page)

‘And how's the poor dog getting on?' Doris asked Pippa brightly, trying to break through her reserve.

Pippa, hunched up blind and deaf, gave no sign that she had heard, so Daniel answered for her, mumbling some inanity. No one else was talking much, and the atmosphere seemed strained – hushed like church, but with a growing air of restlessness as still the healer didn't come. Daniel wondered how long the others had been waiting. He had turned up late himself because it had taken time and tact to prise Pippa from her precious dog. Bernard had rolled in some cow-dung and Pippa had volunteered to clean him up, then been highly indignant at having to leave the job unfinished. He wished to God they'd start the proceedings, for her sake as much as his. He could imagine what she was thinking: ‘I could have cleaned up half a dozen dogs by now. We're just stuck here doing nothing.'

He looked down at his watch, only to realize for the umpteenth time that it wasn't on his wrist. Now he understood why no clocks and watches were allowed – it forestalled all protest about exactly how much time was wasted, since people could only guess the length of the delays. In the sequestered gloom of the tepee there was no means of telling if the sun was going down or not. They were cut off from time and weather, and even the noises of the camp were muted by the thick canvas.

By way of diversion, he scanned his companions' feet, which, in their shoeless state, provided an intriguing guide to each person's state of mind. George's – large and clad in navy woollen socks – were drumming angrily, while Dylan's, bare and slender, betrayed his nervousness, clinging to each other for mutual comfort and support. Gerard, sporting short white socks, kept clenching up his toes, as if his partner's apprehension had afflicted him as well. Doris had misshapen feet, but they rested serenely side by side, whereas Rick's dirty grass-stained pair twitched and jiggled constantly – in sharp contrast to Pippa, whose whole body remained ominously still. His daughter appeared to have closed down altogether, which provoked in him a feeling of mingled resentment and despair. He reached out to touch her arm, made a jokey remark about earning Brownie points with his long stint of washing-up, but she only flinched and moved huffily away.

He turned to Claire in desperation, but she too seemed on edge. ‘You know, I'm getting really worried about Blue,' she said. ‘Suppose something awful's happened – an accident, or … I mean, why should he summon us all for a session, then not turn up himself?'

‘He's here!' cried Gerard, and everyone fell silent, listening to the footsteps just outside, then a scuffle of shoes being taken off and dropped. A frisson of expectancy rippled round the tent, and all except Pippa sat up straighter. Even Daniel caught the general mood; felt Claire's relief in particular wash over him like a wave.

‘Hi, everyone!' a breezy voice announced, and a bearded face thrust itself through the flaps – grey hair thick and curly, complexion ruddy with a drinker's broken veins. Tony from Leeds, the owner of the injured dog, which limped in after him. His wife Judith brought up the rear – a plump and kindly woman with salt-and-pepper hair escaping from its bun, and eyes so intensely blue they looked younger than the rest of her.

Their friendly smiles were not universally returned. Claire, for one, made no pretence at hiding her disappointment, while George, muttering to himself about the squash, grudgingly made room for Tony's fifteen stone. But the effect on Pippa was startling. Instantly, she uncurled and came to life, jumping up to embrace the dog, as if they had been parted half a lifetime instead of half an hour. She left her place next to Daniel to sit between Judith and Tony, speaking to them in a perfectly normal fashion, and even managing a smile. The boxer settled at her feet, his coat still damp; the dressing on his wounded leg covered with a sock. Daniel recognized the sock as one of Pippa's – her favourite pair, in fact, which he had bought for her himself: black and yellow stripes with bumble-bees round the top. Bernard was chewing at it impatiently, but Pippa gently restrained him, petting him and stroking him and whispering blandishments in his ear.

Daniel could hardly bear to watch. He had spent most of the afternoon brooding on his wife's defection, and now he had the same unpleasant feeling of being excluded and rejected, but this time by his daughter. He wasn't so much jealous of the dog (though its impressive male equipment was conspicuously on show), but of the way that Pippa had bonded with its owners, as if
they
were her rightful parents. He had felt it straight away, the first time he'd seen them together – the way she seemed to trust them, relaxing in their company as she never did with him these days. Okay, Judith was the sort of woman nobody could fail to like, easy-going, affectionate and motherly, but what on earth did Pippa see in Tony – a bearded slob with a jolly (jarring) laugh and a maddening habit of cracking his fingers and addressing everyone as ‘love'? Yet there was Pippa, literally rubbing shoulders with him, while studiously ignoring the man who'd been her father for the last seven years, in every sense except the biological.

Claire seemed as dispirited as he was, though for rather different reasons. ‘I don't understand,' she whispered, ‘why Blue had to ask that pair. I mean, how can a dog have the same importance as a person with MS, or someone who's going blind? I can't think what he's up to, or why he isn't here.'

Daniel found himself in a role reversal, offering sympathy to the woman who had previously listened to
his
troubles. Rick was no help at all, now openly rebellious and threatening to walk out if they didn't get a move on. Then suddenly the woman in the nightdress began a loud and rambling conversation with an invisible companion. Every eye swivelled round to look at her, but she continued unconcerned, nodding and smiling to herself as the stream of aimless prattle burbled on. The two gays were looking horribly embarrassed, while George and Margot exchanged glances of distaste, and Rick was unable to suppress his giggles as he watched in fascination. Daniel cleared his throat, fighting a wild urge to escape. Here was madness, real and unadulterated, and again he was too close to it, frightened it might taint him. He liked well-defined boundaries between things – sanity and madness on each side of a deep divide – but since he'd set foot in this outlandish place, the divisions in his own mind were becoming perilously confused. He blessed the resourceful Doris, who saved the situation by suggesting that the woman might like a breath of air, and leading her out of the lodge. She went willingly but volubly, leaving a silence pregnant with unspoken questions – who
was
she, and should she be here at all when the healer already had his hands full with more conventional cases?

It was George who finally broke the silence, remarking to Margot in what he intended as a whisper, but which was clearly audible, ‘Phew! That dog does smell.'

‘He
doesn't
!' Pippa retorted. ‘He's just a bit damp, that's all.'

‘Wet dogs always pong a bit,' Tony put injovially. ‘You should have smelt him earlier on, George! He'd rolled in something unspeakable – hadn't you, Bernard old chap?'

The dog pricked up his ears at the sound of his name, and Pippa laid her cheek against his flank, kissing him and telling him what a lovely darling boy he was.

Daniel pummelled his fist in his palm. Pippa had actually overcome her reticence, speaking out undaunted in front of the whole assembled company, to defend that wretched animal. Yet she had refused to talk to
him
, even one to one. He looked to Claire for some support, but she was still preoccupied with Blue.

‘Perhaps he's ill again,' she fretted. ‘I mean, he gets so little rest looking after everyone else, I often wonder how he manages to keep going.'

As if in answer to her speculations, there was a flurry outside the tepee and Happy pushed her way in, resplendent in an ankle-length filmy skirt and an ornate brocaded waistcoat, her mousy hair concealed by a tie-dyed scarf. ‘Mitra's so sorry to have kept you, but …'

‘
Who
?' Daniel whispered to Claire.

‘That's Happy's name for the master. Mitra – the Hindu god of harmony and light. Beautiful, isn't it?'

Daniel made no comment. Happy was recounting what had befallen her God of Light: there had been a minor crisis involving some new arrivals, who turned out to be trouble-makers rather than people seeking help. And although Mitra had succeeded in ejecting them, he now needed a brief respite to rid himself of the negative energies and cleanse his healing channels. ‘So he's asked me to stand in for him,' she said, her elation at the privilege glowing in her face. ‘Or at least take over till he gets here. And the first thing he always does is to ask us all to send out light and love to the universe. So as a symbol of that light and love, I'm going to light the candle on the altar.'

She prostrated herself a moment in front of the pebbles and the plums, then bobbed back up again, producing a box of matches from the voluminous folds of her skirt, and lighting the blackened wick with a ceremonious flourish. The candle took a while to light, but it caught at last, throwing eerie flickering shadows around the tepee, which only increased the general apprehension. Even Bernard was whining and gnawing at his wound again.

Bloody hocus-pocus, Daniel thought. What had incense or candles to do with healing – or with conventional religion, come to that? It was all done for effect, to disarm the rational mind. Well,
his
mind wouldn't be disarmed, whatever Happy's ploys. He would simply observe the proceedings like some visiting anthropologist studying the rituals of a newly-discovered tribe.

‘Ready everyone?' Happy had adopted a low and stagy voice, which only made her sound pretentious. ‘First we'll try to centre ourselves and focus our attention. And I'd like you to hold hands. That helps to channel the energy in the circle.'

At first only Dylan and Gerard complied, touchingly relieved to be allowed to hold hands in public without attracting comment. Then Judith and Tony each offered a hand to Pippa, who insisted on holding Bernard's paw as well. The rest were more inhibited, especially Rick and George, and Daniel himself felt utterly ridiculous as Claire slipped her sweaty palm in his, and Gerard on his other side gripped his fingers shyly. Never in his life had he held hands with another man, but it was impossible to refuse without appearing churlish, or, worse still, homophobic.

‘Close your eyes and breathe in very deeply,' Happy ordered from her position near the altar, where she was squatting on her haunches, unaware that one end of her flowing scarf was trapped beneath her thigh. ‘And I want you to imagine that the boundaries and divisions between man and man, and man and beast, and man and his surroundings, have dissolved and disappeared. We're all one, all at peace.'

Daniel, eyes still open, glanced around the circle. Peace and love seemed thin on the ground. Claire's jealousy of Happy was all too obvious on her face; Margot's expression combined bewilderment and pain; while George's hostile frown cut deep between his brows.

‘Now, as you exhale, slowly and deliberately, send out your light and love – first to the earth and all who live on it.' Happy let out her own breath with a dramatic hissing sound.

Judging by the tense silence, everyone else seemed to be holding their breath rather than expelling it, but Happy continued unperturbed. ‘Breathe in once again, and as you exhale this time, send out your light and love to all the seas and rivers and lakes and ponds, and all the creatures that live in water. I want to hear that breath – let it out with a great big sigh.'

Again she demonstrated, apparently quite unabashed by the exaggerated sound she made (which set Rick off in giggles again). Tony did his best to copy her, using all the power of his burly chest, then Gerard gave a faint apologetic gasp, and Dylan followed suit, looking painfully self-conscious as his breath came out in a strangulated whinny.

‘And now another deep breath in, and let out your light and love to the sky, and all the birds and angels in it, and also send your love to outer space and to the beings who may live there, and to any other forms of consciousness we don't yet comprehend. Come on, everyone – the biggest sigh of all.'

They all obeyed this time, except a defiant Rick, munching his last toffee, and Pippa, fussing over the dog. George's sigh, however, was undisguised exasperation, and Claire's sprang from dejection rather than light or love.

‘Fantastic!' Happy said. ‘Now, open your eyes, but stay sitting where you are, because I've brought my feeling-stone and I want to pass it round the circle.' She reached out behind her and picked up something from the ground, cupped it in her hands. ‘Stones have tremendous energies, so if we hold one in our hands like this, we can connect with all that energy. I found this particular stone on a lonely beach in Ithaca, and, as you'll see, it's breast-shaped – the symbol of nurturing and healing. Just think – it may be millions of years old! And we can absorb that ancient wisdom simply by touching it; tuning in to it through our nerve-endings. I'd like each of you in turn to hold it for a minute or two, and then share with the rest of us what it makes you feel. I'll start, shall I, to give you the idea.'

She got up from her knees and went to sit cross-legged between Judith and Gerard. Daniel peered at the stone, which did look unnervingly like a breast – one of Corinna's voluptuous pair, with a prominent brown nipple at the top. Happy sat with her eyes closed, tuning in to the stone; a blissful expression on her face as she rubbed her palm slowly back and forth across the nipple.

After a while, she opened her eyes, blinking several times, as if surfacing from some far domain where darkness was the norm. Then she said solemnly, ‘This stone reminds me of all the help and comfort I've been honoured to receive from Mitra – especially the great gift of healing. Yet I also feel privileged to have undergone the suffering which brought me to him here, because he's made me see that those of us who suffer pain actually help to redeem the world.'