Breaking All the Rules (28 page)

I
just wanted to tell you that what we had meant a lot to me. I’d like to think
it did for you too. Whatever else happens, I’m glad I met you. I consider
myself lucky to have spent as much time with you as I did. I know you’ll have
no trouble finding a guy to spend your life with. I just hope he’s worthy of
you. And I hope you’re happy.

I
think you’re amazing, and if I don’t make it back, the only regret I’ll have
about my life is that I never got the chance to tell you that.

Love,

Bobby

Nina could
barely see his name through the tears in her eyes. Her gaze still lingered on
it, the word matching the cry she felt building deep inside.

Bobby…

Finally, when it
seemed like she couldn’t hold up her hand any longer, she let it fall to her
side. Somehow Nina managed to stumble the few steps to the bed, lowering
herself onto it. She didn’t look at the letter again. She didn’t have to, the
words so firmly and permanently imprinted in her memory she could still see the
shape of them in her mind. She could only sit there, the tears flowing
uncontrollably, her heart so heavy her whole chest ached.

Oh, Bobby…

It was like he’d
said. He had been thinking about this before his last deployment. He must have
been if he’d already written the letter. The words he’d written ran through her
head over and over again, echoing things she knew deep down. What they’d shared
had meant so much to her too. She’d never met anyone she’d enjoyed being around
as much either. She hadn’t wanted to say goodbye to him either—then or now.

Just as she knew
one other thing.

She couldn’t let
him go.

The rightness,
the certainty of it, surged through her. Fierce. Undeniable.

I can’t let
him go.

Her mother’s
words came back to her.

That’s what
love is. When being without somebody would be harder than being with them.

She finally
understood it. She wished she didn’t—God, how she wished she didn’t—but she
did. Because as hard as it would be to lose him, the idea of being robbed of
whatever time she could have with him suddenly seemed unbearable. Their
relationship had been built on stolen moments, grabbing what little time
together they could. And if he didn’t come back, then at least she’d have
whatever moments they had left together.

A life of
uncertainty, of waiting, of not knowing whether he would be coming back still
seemed as awful as ever.

A life without
the moments she could get—without him—seemed infinitely worse.

Her stomach
heaved at the very thought, her whole body rejecting the idea.

No.

She had to go.
She had to see him, had to tell him, before it was too late.

A burst of fear
exploded in her chest.

Oh God, what if
she was too late?

Grabbing her
keys and her bag, she spun out of the bedroom and headed back to the door. She
wondered if she should call ahead, but had no idea what she would say. No, she
needed to see him, needed to tell him in person. Of course, he might not be
home...

Then I’ll
just have to wait for him
.

It looked like
that was something she was going to have to get used to doing.

WHEN BOBBY HEARD
the knock on the front door, his first instinct was to ignore it. There was no
one he was interested in talking to, nobody he wanted to see.

No, that wasn’t
true. There was one person. He just wasn’t ever going to see her again.

The reminder
sent a fresh, sharp pain shafting through him. The feeling searing in his gut,
he winced.

Mac had left a
while ago, leaving Bobby alone with his thoughts to consider his future. Mac
had tried to get him to go out with him, figuring he could stand to get drunk.
Bobby had passed, though he was starting to wish he hadn’t. A few drinks didn’t
sound so bad right about now.

The knocking
came again, louder this time, lasting longer. The noise finally pierced his
thoughts, too irritating to be ignored.

He slowly turned
his head and looked at the front door. He tried to think of who it could be. There
wasn’t anybody he could think of with a reason to drop by. It could be Mac,
Bobby slowly realized. He might not have his keys for some reason. If so, Bobby
should let him in.

With a groan, he
pushed himself to his feet and made his way to the door. He unlocked it and
pulled it open. “What’s the matter? Did you forget—”

He froze, the
words forgotten.

It wasn’t Mac.

It was Nina.

She stood on the
threshold, her hand raised as if she’d been about to knock again. She slowly
lowered it, looking at him uncertainly.

At first it felt
like he was imagining things, as if he’d lost his damn mind. He must have.
There was no way she could be here. The voice didn’t even sound real.

He’d felt so
damn numb all day. Even her sudden reappearance wasn’t enough to break through
the sensation completely. Bobby stood there, not knowing what he was feeling,
what he should think. She might have just forgotten something. Or maybe he’d
left something at her place and she thought she should return it…

Nah, neither one
seemed right. He couldn’t think of anything important enough to bring her back
when she’d made it clear she didn’t want to see him again. So it had to be
something else. Something…

He had to fight
a frown. Had something happened? She looked nervous.

And good. She
looked good

“Hi,” she said
finally, her voice husky.

He didn’t know
how he managed to get his lips to move, but he did. Even so, all that came out
was, “Hi.”

“Can I come in?”

It took him a
few seconds to respond. All he wanted to do was stare at her. He hadn’t thought
he’d ever see her again, but here she was, standing right in front of him, only
a few feet away.

Finally he
pushed the door open all the way and stepped aside. “Sure.”

Nina quickly
stepped over the threshold and into the apartment. He breathed in as she
brushed by him, pulling the scent of her into his lungs. That more than
anything convinced him she was real. His body responded on a molecular level to
that scent that was indefinably, indisputably hers. With recognition. With
awareness.

He watched as
she stepped into the middle of the room and scanned the space. “Mac here?”

“No, he’s out.”

Nina nodded,
almost to herself, then turned back to face him.

Bobby realized
he was still standing in the entryway, the door open beside him. He wondered if
he should close it, or if he should leave it open so she could leave again. He
had no idea.

“I wasn’t
expecting to see you again,” he said.

“I know,” she
said quietly. “I didn’t think you would either.”

“So what are you
doing here?”

“I read your
letter.” She didn’t say anything else, letting the words hang in the air.

“I figured you
would have tossed it by now,” he said softly.

“I’m glad I
didn’t. What you wrote…it meant a lot to me.”

“I meant every
word.” He looked straight into her eyes as he said it, the words simple and
solemn and direct. “Is that why you came back? To tell me you read the letter?”

“No.” She
swallowed hard. “I came back to say I can’t let you go.”

He stopped
breathing. He could feel his heart pounding away in his chest, the blood
rushing through his veins. It didn’t seem real. It seemed like more than he
could hope for, more than he could believe. “Really?”

“Really,” she
said. “Walking away almost killed me. I thought it was what I had to do to save
myself any pain and unhappiness. Except it hurt more than anything I’ve ever
experienced in my life. Whatever else happens, I can’t imagine ever hurting as
much as I have the last twelve hours. And if it does, then I’d rather have
whatever time I can get with you than not have you in my life at all.”

“But you always
said you could never be happy with the life of a military spouse, or
girlfriend, or whatever.”

Nina exhaled
sharply. “I didn’t think I could be. I didn’t think I was cut out for it. But I
don’t think I’m cut out for a life without you either. If there’s one thing
walking away taught me, it’s how much you mean to me. I don't want to lose any
moment I could be with you.”

It was what he’d
wanted to hear from her, that she wanted them to be together. He’d dreamed of
this moment. It should have made him happier than anything he’d ever
experienced in his entire life.

But it didn’t.

Because she
didn’t sound happy. She sounded…defeated.

There was no
excitement or pleasure or joy on her face. Only resignation.

Bobby knew that
look. It was the look of someone who’d been fighting a long battle. It didn’t
even matter if she’d won or lost. All that mattered was that it was over, and
she was exhausted.

And he knew more
than ever that the decision he’d made was the right one.

He finally moved
closer, just a couple steps, to narrow the unbearable distance between them.

“It won’t be
that bad. I’ve been thinking…When my current contract is up, I’m not going to
reenlist. It’s time I figured out the next stage of my life.”

She started to
shake her head before he even finished speaking. “I’m not asking you to do
that.”

“I know you’re
not. It’s my decision.”

“It’s a bad
idea,” she insisted. “A relationship can’t work if one person has to sacrifice
what they want to make the other person happy. It just gets things off on a bad
note from the very beginning and will only lead to resentment down the road.”

“You mean the
way I’m forcing you to do something you don’t want to?”

“You’re not
making me do that,” Nina whispered. “It’s my choice.”

“And this is
mine. I’m not sacrificing what I want. I’m getting it. I’ve had a lot of time
to think today. Even if you hadn’t come back and weren’t telling me this now, I
think it’s the right decision for me.”

“But you love
being a Marine.”

“Yeah, I do,” he
admitted. “And I always will be, even if I’m not active duty. It gave me an
identity and a purpose. But now I want more. I think it’s something I’ve been
considering deep down for a while now, even if I wasn’t ready to admit it,
because the idea is scary as hell. I wish I’d figured it out a long time ago,
because maybe I could have saved us both a lot of trouble. I’m sorry for that.
But all the thinking I’ve been doing about us, about the future, for the last
year or so—I think it is because I’m ready to move on. I doubt I would have
spent this much time thinking about it if I wasn’t.

“I don’t think I
told you, but I have a buddy who was injured on our last deployment and had to
take a medical discharge. I saw what it did to him. All he ever wanted to be
was a Marine. He’s been trying to adjust to life as a civilian, and it’s been
hard as hell on him. He’s lost. Doesn’t know who he is anymore. And I don’t
want that to be me. To be honest, the idea of it scares me a hell of a lot more
than dying. If I’m going to leave, I want it to be on my terms. I think it’s
time to figure out who I am outside of the Corps and see what else life has in
store for me.”

Nina stared at
him wide-eyed, as if she didn’t know whether to believe him, almost like she
was scared to. “Are you sure? Because if you’re not—”

“I am,” he said
firmly. “I think I’ve earned the right to live the rest of my life, don’t you?”

She nodded
fiercely, tears shining in her eyes. “I do.”

“Of course, that
doesn’t completely solve our problem,” Bobby reminded her, not wanting her to
forget that. “It’ll be another year before that can happen. I’ll probably be
deployed again, and—”

“And I’ll wait,”
she interrupted.

“Are you sure?”
he asked, turning the question back on her.

“I am,” she said.
She smiled, the sheer happiness that lit her face convincing him she meant it.
“I know you’re worth waiting for.”

Joy exploded
inside him. He finally noticed how close he’d moved without realizing it, how
close she was, how there was no reason he couldn’t be holding her—touching
her—right now.

In a heartbeat
he reached out and pulled her to him. She fit as perfectly against his body as
she always did, like it was where she belonged. And it was. Her arms went
around him, and he felt a sigh ease from her lungs. It only made him tighten
his hold.

This was right.
This was everything. And he’d come so close to losing it.

Instead, it was
just the beginning. Of his future. Of their future.

And he never
intended to let her go.

Epilogue

This is it.

Finally
.

Nina stood at
the edge of the airfield, her heart in her throat, and watched the Marines
disembark from the plane. She could feel the nervous energy vibrating through
the crowd, the same rumble of eagerness and anticipation that was thrumming
through her veins. She knew many of the faces around her, people she’d gotten
to know over the past year, some friends she’d made, all of them having been
through the same endless wait she had, all of them here for the same reason she
was.

But there was
only one face she wanted to see.

She watched one
Marine after another appear and begin to move toward the crowd, her heart
climbing higher with each one that wasn’t him. She tried to pull in a breath to
calm herself, but her chest was too tight. She didn’t know why she was so
nervous. This was nothing compared to what Jackie had gone through waiting to
see Travis when he’d come back. He was fine now, albeit after a great deal of
physical therapy to deal with his injuries. It hadn’t been an easy road for
him—or for Jackie—but he’d made it and their family was whole. But she
remembered all too well the terror of those hours when they hadn’t known how he
was or what condition he would be in when Jackie saw him.