Break My Heart (The Heart Series Book 2) (36 page)

“Tommy, will you marry me?”

Wait, what?

My brain is playing catch up. I’m sure I didn’t hear her right. I’m blinking, trying to clear my head. “I’m sorry, what?”

She sighs loudly, opening her eyes. Fucking Christ, she didn’t even have her eyes open!

“You’re going to make me say it again?”

“I don’t know, Lil, maybe, ‘cause it sounded like you just asked me to marry you, so if that’s not what you said, better clarify.”

Straightening her spine, she explains, “I…I’m sorry, but I think the most important person in my life should get my flag, and I…you know? That’s you. That’s all. But if it’s a problem, I get it. It’s okay.”

She babbles on apologetically, and I still can’t believe my ears. Lil isn’t roses and poems. She’s practical and logical.

Then it dawns on me. This is about Nelson and my promise to her. “You want me to be the one to sign that form that authorizes the hospital to unplug you, that’s what this is about, isn’t it a living will?”

She frowns then flinches in shock. “What? Now you’re unplugging me? How did
that
happen?”

This is the craziest, most fucked up conversation I’ve ever had with anyone. First, we fuck like rabbits, now we’re discussing our deaths? What the hell?

“Look, I’m sorry I started this. Let’s just forget it.”

But it’s too late. I can’t forget it. I cradle her face once again, forcing her to make eye contact. No more hiding. “Lil, put yourself in my place. Do you want me, or do you want a next of kin? Because to me, those are two separate things. I can’t have one without the other.”

She takes a deep breath, squeezes her lids shut, seeking composure. She finally opens her beautiful eyes, the light reflecting her shiny, watery tears. Her hands feel cool against my forearms, and she grips them tightly.

She looks straight into my eyes, disarming me. “Tommy, I want you forever. I want you in my bed, in my life, and in my heart until the day I die. And when that day comes, I want you to stand there and have the government thank
you
for my service to our country. That is what I want. Right now, the way I see it, that’s through a bullshit piece of paper that binds us legally. If that is what it’s going to take for society to recognize you as my family, then so be it.” She takes a deep, cleansing breath. “So, what I’m asking is, will you marry me on paper—”

My mouth crashes down on hers, and I claim her, searing her with a kiss. My tongue demands entrance, which she instantly grants. My hands hold her head, caressing, coaxing, because I can’t get close enough. My body tackles hers, slamming her back onto the mattress. In one swift motion, I’m inside her, thrusting wildly, our limbs tangled, our mouths attached, making love with every inch of our bodies. I want her more than I’ve ever wanted her in my life.

I’m hers. Forever. “God, I fucking love you,” I growl against her mouth.

The familiar tingle reaches my back and I know I’m getting close. Pumping harder, I break our frantic kisses to look down at her face.

“Yes. Yes. Yes,” my voice guttural, I chant the word with each thrust.

Every time, harder, faster. I’m all uncontrollable, raw instinct. My hands are still cradling her head, my forehead resting against hers.

Holding on for dear life, her hands clamp around my forearms and her legs around my waist. My hips have a mind of their own, pumping with such force she’s fighting not to fall off the bed. God, the feel of her around me is exquisite as she clenches me once she finds her release.

Fuck, I’m coming, hard. Her lips parted, she pants against my mouth, her tongue licking my upper lip.

“Yes, oh God, yes!” I roar as I explode inside her, every single cell in my body burning for this woman.

Fuck yeah
. She’s mine and I’m hers.

My hips thrust through my release. I’m totally and utterly spent, lost to this woman.

This amazing, crazy, quiet, strong, intelligent woman that puts up with me through my worst and still wants me. And she wants me as much as I want her.

Both of us lay panting, our limp bodies unable to move an inch. I shift my weight to the side, peeling my chest off her glowing skin, and pulling her against me. She willingly joins me, wrapping her leg around me as we lie in bed, one big giant mess of intertwined limbs.

She finally breaks the silence, her breath tickling my chest.

“So, does that mean yes?”

I laugh, a big, loud belly laugh. “Honey, if that wasn’t a yes, I don’t know what is.” I pull her against my body, raising her chin to meet my eyes. “Can we have a wedding?” I ask, a big shit-eating grin on my face that I couldn’t hide even if I tried.

She frowns again, showing that little indent she gets between her eyebrows when she’s stressed.

“Like with people and cake and stuff?”

I laugh. “Yes, like a party, with cake and a dress—”

“No. No dress. What the fuck, Colton?” she scolds, shaking her head.

“Come on, not like a white dress, but like with someone there that says, do you Tommy—”

“No! Why?” Now she pulls away again, but I don’t care.

“No backsies, Harper. You asked me already and I said yes.”

We’re both sitting up in bed now, still naked, our bodies glistening. The bed is in complete shambles, the light blue comforter crumpled up on the floor, and the fitted sheet peeled away from the mattress.

“No, of course not. I just didn’t want to make a big deal of it.”

“How can we not? We’re getting hitched. Just think of all the tax deductions you’ll get once we have kids.”

She crawls up to me, all somber and serious again. “About that…I thought we’d talked about this.” I’m about to interrupt but she stops me with a look. “I haven’t changed my mind. I don’t want kids, Tommy,” she says, and my head spins.

We had talked about it before we were together, but I figured she’d changed her mind by now.

“You still feel that way?”

“I do. I can’t bring kids into my—
our
,” she motions between the two of us, “fucked up lives. It’s not fair to a kid. I just can’t. Ever. If you’re okay with that, then we’re okay.”

Christ. How can I tell her it’s okay when I dream of seeing her belly grow with our baby? When the thought of knocking her up turns me on?

She must sense my hesitation. “Think about it, you don’t have to answer now, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Thanks for not trying to talk me out of it.”

“Of course,” I answer numbly. A heavy bag of dread and fuck me drop on my head.

So, if I want Lil, I have to give up kids.

What did I just agree to?

CHAPTER 34

Ileana

Whispering the words, I caress her forehead.

“See what I see,

Hear what I hear,

Feel what I feel,

Forever bound to me.

“When you see him, tell him I’m not sorry, okay? Tell him I wouldn’t change a thing. I don’t regret meeting him and falling in love. I’m just sorry that I couldn’t fix things.”

“Who are you and what are you doing?” someone yells behind me. “Wait....” Her eyes widen the moment recognition registers. “You! How the hell did you get in?”

Choking on my own grief, I try to reason with her. “Sophia, it’s not what you think. You don’t understand—”

“Nurse! Nurse! Call security!” she screams in disdain, looking at me with disgust. “You are something else. You know what? I’m naming her after you. Talk about being cursed.”

“You don’t mean that, none of this is her fault.”

“Oh, spare me. Just get the hell out of my life.”

“It’s too late for us, but not her—”

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m sure as hell not dumping her with friends and disappearing for years, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

In a heartbeat, the room is full of nurses and security. Yanking the newborn from my arms, she screams for me to get out.

I can’t fail her. Not her, too. “Forgive and forget. Never Regret—”

“Just get out! Get out! Get out!”

She won’t listen to me. She just keeps screaming—

Sobs and coughs coil inside my chest. I stumble out of bed, crawling my way to the bathroom, and there, grief spills out of me: utter, raw, pungent, ever-consuming grief.

I empty my stomach until dry heaves contract every single muscle in my body. Pain rips through me like I’ve been beaten within an inch of my life. I grab onto the toilet to stay erect, my chest compressing, squeezing my heart, suffocating me.

The loss. The guilt. The regrets. How can
she
bear it?

She can’t.

This is why she did it. She ended the pain. I can see it all now. She tried to go back, fix it all. And failed. So, she killed herself.

I’ll be damned.
Lily bound herself to me.

Will. He’s right.

Rising off the floor, I wash my face, pulling my hair back. Staring in the mirror, my eyes lock on the silver pendant hanging from my neck. My heart being held by Tommy’s hands, hanging from the trinity knot.

What if it were me? Would I stop looking for Tommy? How far would I go to get him back?

I know the answer immediately.

I grab my over-sized tee off the bedroom floor, throw it on, and fly out of my apartment into the hall, straight up the stairs, running until I reach his door.

I pummel it with both fists, energy pouring through every nerve ending, every cell.

Dim blues meet mine with confusion once the door creaks open.

“You have five minutes to get ready,” I order, filled with determination. I’m on a mission.

“Where are we going?” his croaky voice mumbles.

“We’re going to get your girl back.”

CHAPTER 35

Tommy

The sound of my cell breaks through my subconscious. Stretching lazily, I reach for it.

“Colton.”

“You up?” Charlie’s voice is curt.

“Yeah, what’s up?” I’m still groggy. Reaching for my watch, I check the time. It’s nine in the morning.

“I’m down at the hospital. B is breathing on his own.”

“That’s good.” Yet, Charlie sounds like there’s a ‘but’ in there. “But?”

“Your buddy Marcus just came in, DOA.”

The jolt of his words zaps me fully awake. Looking around the room, there’s no sign of Lil.

“You sure it’s Marcus?”

“It’s him, all right. DEA is here. I’m really sorry, man.” His sigh comes loud and clear through the line. My gut tightens with dread and my wheels are turning.
How?
Marcus has been undercover for over a year. He even used Marcus ‘cause it was easier to juggle. Yet he gets killed the night he was covering for me.

“You still there? ‘Cause there’s more.”

I sit on the edge of the bed. This is all going to shit. Fast. “Lay it,” I mutter, resigned.

“This morning, I was on my way to the hospital to see B and someone tried to run me off the road.”

What does Charlie have to do with Marcus or the DEA?

Before I can ask, he continues, “Harper disappears and comes back. Tall guy appears and we suspect his blood matches your killer but we get blocked. Soon after, DC suits take away our case.”

“What suits?” The bed is empty. I glance at her nightstand. Her gear is gone. Alarm bells are going off in my head.

“DC called Teague’s office and ordered us to hand over Harper’s missing person case. Then B takes two slugs, and I get run off the road? I’m just trying to figure out how your DEA agent fits into it.”

“It doesn’t make any sense.” Not because I don’t see the connection, but the fact that Lil kept me in the dark this whole time. Whatever the fuck this is, it’s bigger than her. Hell, it’s bigger than all of us. “What are you thinking, Charlie?”

Background noises come through the line. A door closes, and Charlie finally answers. “Something stinks. I don’t believe in coincidences. No fucking way all of this shit isn’t connected. Then Rios tells me the guy that shot Nelson doesn’t show up in any database.”

“What the hell? Just like the John Doe serial killer.” Light banging from down the hall puts me on alert. “Is Lil at the hospital with you?”

“No. I thought she was home with you.”

Soft knocking again. Someone’s at the door.

“Listen, Charlie, I’m on my way. I’ll see you then.”

“Got it. Watch your six, Colton.”

“Roger that.” Yanking back the wine-stained covers, I hang up and scramble for my jeans as the knocking becomes persistent.

Maybe there’s something wrong with Mrs. N.

I have to find Lil, and figure out this whole mess.

I bend over to pick up my shirt and see a neatly folded note on the floor. Peeling it open, I start reading it, and my stomach sinks.

Tommy,

There are some things I want you to know.

Will guided my heart straight to you. Now it’s my turn to make things right—

The knocking only gets louder the closer I get, my eyes flying through the note. I shout at the banging, the joy from the night before already evaporating.

“Keep your pants on, I’m coming!”

CHAPTER 36

Ileana

A soldier on a mission.

That’s what I am right now, and Will’s incessant questioning is grating on that last thread of patience. Pretty soon he’ll cut that cord, and he won’t like the world of hurt that will land on his head.

“I can’t tell you how I know
when
she is, Will. It’s a feeling that’s hard to explain.”

“Could you at least slow down? You’re going to get us killed.”

“Not a chance.”

“Why not the alley, can you at least tell me that?” he asks, his hoarse voice filled with desperation.