Break In Two (37 page)

"Oh, sorry, Luc. Were you saying something?"

"I was saying something very charming and witty in fact, but you missed it because you are thinking of your former lover."

Claire winced at his accurate assessment of her. "I was, Luc," she replied, nodding her head, "which is just stupid of me when I'm here somewhere this amazing with someone like you."

"But I am not him and this is a very romantic place. A place to go to with someone you are in love with, yes?"

"Yes," Claire looked Luc straight in the eyes and sighed. "I have to make a confession, Luc. I have been very selfish. I came here tonight to get you into bed, to help me forget. But I didn't take your feelings into consideration. As soon as we sat down, I realized what I am doing is very unfair."

"Claire, this would be totally fair for me," he grinned, "As you have so aptly pointed out, I am an experienced, older man and am certainly not naive. I can sleep with someone without expecting it to turn into anything more."

Claire gave him a serious look, "But would you really want to sleep with someone who just wants to forget another man?"

"You are struggling with your conscience. Let's say for a moment that I would only want one night with you, that I would love it in fact. To go to bed with you and then get up in the morning, satisfied, and happily part ways as friends. Would it feel right to you then? If it is what I wanted?"

"But is that what you would want, Luc?" Claire asked.

Just then the server came up to see if they had any questions about the menu. Luc ordered a bottle of Chassagne-Montrachet Premier Cru and a plate of calamari to go with it.

When the server walked away, he turned back to Claire, "You were asking me what I want. Of course I want to sleep with you. But you need to think about what is best for Claire. What would Claire do, if she could have her way completely right now?"

"I...I don't honestly know."

"You do know. You just don't want to say it. My guess is that you aren't used to being forthcoming because you are afraid of what people will think of you if you say something they won't like. So tell me what you would do if you could do anything at this very moment."

"I would get on the next plane to Colorado, where he is, and I would get into bed with him and never leave."

"So why don't you?" Luc asked tenderly.

"He is with the mother of his child, trying to start over and I can't get in the way of that. I could never do that to a little baby."

"I see. So did he leave you to get back together with her?"

"No. I left him so he could. He didn't know about the baby until about two months ago. She showed up with their son and things got really complicated really fast. She threatened to leave and take the baby back to her home in Brazil. He didn't have any legal rights and couldn't stop her, so I left. It is for the best anyway, I could never handle having a woman like that around."

"A woman like what?"

"She's a goddess. The kind of woman that every man who sees her wants to fuck. Confident. Self-assured. Sexy. Your basic nightmare if you are competing with her for a man."

"Competing?" Luc asked, as the server brought the wine for him to taste. He gave it a quick swig and nodded. The server poured two glasses and quietly walked away.

Claire stared out the window at the view, feeling suddenly detached from the beautiful surroundings.

Luc had a sip of wine, "That is such a silly notion, that you were in competition with her. You women make problems where there aren't any. It is simple. Your man either loves you or he doesn't. If he loves you, he isn't available to any woman, no matter how hot. If he doesn't he will wander - and again - it won't matter if the woman is a goddess or a cow."

Claire listened carefully, feeling annoyed at being called silly and at his know-it-all attitude. "So, you don't think it's possible for a man who is in love to fall prey to an irresistible woman who pursues him?"

"No, I do not. There are beautiful women everywhere you look. If we were so weak as to fuck every beautiful girl we saw, not one relationship in history would have lasted for more than a few days."

"Huh. I never thought of it that way," Claire replied, taking her first sip of wine.

"I know. I'm not sure why, but for some reason, women see each other as threats even if they are in a good relationship with a good man. The truth is that you are only competing with your own demons. It is the insecurities and fears that tear relationships apart, not other women."

The calamari arrived at the table, the server giving Claire and Luc each a small plate and cutlery. Claire thanked him and he left.

Luc scooped some of the sauce onto Claire's plate, followed by several pieces of the squid. He then did the same for himself.

"You know Claire, you need to consider the possibility that everything you did, you actually did to protect yourself, not this baby. By leaving, you took control of the situation and stopped yourself from being the victim, even though you have been looking at it through the eyes of one."

Claire could feel anger rising in her chest as she stared at Luc. "That is really not fair! You are saying I acted out of selfishness when I literally gave up everything to give their family a chance."

"A chance that won't work. If he really was in love with you, he won't be able to just shut that off and find happiness with this woman. You know that. You cut the ties before
you
could get hurt. Your ego was maybe too fragile to handle being rejected in favour of this goddess."

Claire's eyes stung as she fought back tears. She was filled with a sense of indignant rage. How dare he tell her she was selfish after what she did for Cole and Tomas?

Her voice came out as an angry whisper, "What the hell do you know about it anyway? You're making all these snap judgements based on almost no information and now you are insulting me. I certainly didn't come here to be told I'm silly and selfish."

"No. You came to have your ego stroked. To prove to yourself that you are indeed beautiful and attractive. To make yourself feel better. And that's okay, Claire. It's okay to want to feel better," Luc's voice was impassive as he spoke.

"I think I should go before I say something very unkind."

"So say it," he shrugged, "There is nothing you can say that will shatter me."

"Okay then. You are an arrogant prick. I thought that when I first met you but I decided to see if there was anything else to you. I should have followed my first instinct," Claire opened her purse and threw some money down on the table, then got up to leave.

Luc reached up and grabbed her hand. "Please sit down, Claire. Let's not end things like this. You are right about me, I am arrogant. But I am also right about you. This is why you are so upset. If none of it was true, you would be able to laugh it off. I have hit a nerve because I am saying things that you don't want to admit to yourself. But please don't go. Since I have met you, I have only wanted to help you."

Claire had tears streaming down her face as she pulled her hand away, "You want to help me? If you see me again, run the other way."

With that she turned to walk out of the restaurant. Luc watched her as she retrieved her coat from the host and stormed out without looking back, regret settling in that he would never sleep with her. He picked up his fork and began eating.

Claire rode home in the backseat of a cab, simmering with rage. Who the fuck did he think he was, analyzing her like that? He didn't know the first fucking thing about her or Cole or women for that matter. She had no choice but to leave. She had done it to give Cole a chance at raising his son. Luc's words were meaningless drivel spoken by an arrogant prick.

"Asshole," she said under her breath.

"Pardon me?" the cab driver asked.

"Oh sorry! I didn't mean to say that out loud. Not you. I was thinking about someone else," Claire explained quickly.

"Bad date?"

"Very."

"Well, love, let's hope the next one works out for you," he said, as they pulled up to Janet and Ted's.

She paid the driver and apologized again, then walked up the steps to the townhouse. As she took her keys out of her purse, a shadow of self-doubt crept over her. She found Janet and Ted in the living room, watching a movie. They looked over at her as she entered the house and took off her coat. Ted paused the show.

"That was fast," Janet said, with a worried expression. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Turns out he's an ass. I decided to come home instead of wasting any more of my time."

"Did something happen, Claire?" Ted asked.

"Not really. Just an uncomfortable conversation. I'm going to go to bed. I'm worn out."

"You sure you don't want to join us? Maybe tell us what happened?" Janet asked.

"There's really not much to tell, don't worry about it. You two enjoy your movie. Good night," Claire managed a smile as she tur
ned and went down the hallway.

She got into her pyjamas and went straight to bed. As she lay there, tossing and turning, Claire was haunted by Luc's words. Had she
really
left to protect herself? She thought back to the moment she decided to leave, to how she was feeling when she booked the flight. She was angry at Cole for lying and she felt completely threatened by the fact that he and Gabriela shared not only a son, but a secret from her as well. She had felt betrayed. She also felt as though Gabriela had them backed into a corner. She didn't think she had any choice but to go.

Getting up, Claire put on her bathrobe, then walked down the hall, glad to find Janet and Ted still awake. She flopped down on an armchair and watched the last few minutes of the movie with them.

As soon as the closing credits rolled across the screen, Ted shut the TV off. He and Janet both looked over at her.

"Well?" he asked, "What happened?"

"He said I left Cole solely to protect myself from being hurt, that my ego couldn't take it if Gabriela won out over me. He made it sound like I was being completely selfish."

"Selfish isn't the same thing as self-protective," Janet said.

"Do
you
think that's why I left?" Claire asked, giving them a hard look.

"You know, Claire, I'm not sure how much you remember about our first conversation when you got here. You talked about 'the goddess' and how you needed to get away from her," Ted replied.

"I don't remember that actually, but just now I was thinking back to when I left him," Claire responded, nodding her head slowly. "I was really angry and hurt and I knew I couldn't take it if Cole left me for her. I think Luc might be right. I convinced myself and Cole that I left for him, to give him a chance to raise Tomas, but that story is full of shit. I did it for me."

Janet spoke up, "Claire, I think it's more complicated than that. You had to protect yourself. You just got cheated on by Antonio and then Cole started lying to you. You would have been a fool to stick around for that. But I also know that you were worried about him and his son. It's not an either/or thing. It's a both/and thing."

"You know, Janet, here I've been laying around moping like some kind of martyr, when really I left him for my own reasons. What does that say about me?"

"It says you aren't as weak as you thought you were. You did what you had to do. You were in a no-win situation and you took control of the outcome so that you wouldn't be the victim again. You made a tough call and it took strength to do it."

"Maybe...I don't know," Claire said, wrapping her robe tightly around her. "Wouldn't it have been stronger to stay and fight for what was mine?"

"I don't think so, honey," Janet said softly. "The writing was on the wall. If you had stayed, you would have just been dragging out the inevitable."

Claire's face suddenly went pale as the realization of what she had done struck her for the first time. "Oh my God, Janet, I gave up on the best thing that's ever happened to me because I was scared. And he wouldn't have given up on me no matter what."