Break Away (The Moore Brothers Book 4) (8 page)

Lilah took just the tiniest step back. “I actually had a nice time, too.”

Cole leaned in, his lips parting, that hand on her lower back pulling her close and for just the tiniest fraction of a second, Lilah felt her heartbeat speed up and her stomach started doing a little excited dance. Ignoring her physical reaction, Lilah put a hand on his chest and pushed ever so gently.

“Cole,” she said, ever so aware of the little sliver of space between her lips and his. “What are you doing?”

“Kissing a beautiful woman goodnight.” His voice was husky and shiver-inducing and he leaned in again.

Lilah pushed back a little harder. “Cole.” She kept her voice hard even though her body was igniting with a need to kiss him. “Remember how you said you don’t do girlfriends?” She waited for him to meet her eyes. “I don’t do casual.”

“Maybe you’re the girl to change my mind.”

Lilah laughed lightly. “And maybe one of these days I’ll wake up to find the rust bucket is totally reliable and starts every time I need it to.”

Cole grinned. “It’s a shame, princess. I bet we’d have fun together.”

I guaran-damn-tee we’d have fun together,
she thought. Cole kissed her hand and waved goodbye, waited at his doorstep to make sure Lilah made it inside alright. She closed the door behind her and leaned back against it, her chest heaving. A second later, she heard Cole’s door close through the thin walls separating them.

P
anic strummed
through Lilah’s body. There had to be some mistake. She refreshed the screen on her phone and when it came back up showing the exact same thing it said just a few seconds ago, she made this tight little whining sound that she didn’t ever remember making in her whole damn life.

She didn’t have enough money. Somehow, all those tiny little purchases had added up to one great big mistake and now all her bills were due and she couldn’t pay them all. She tried to add up how much she might make at the diner in the next week and even after adding that in, she wasn’t going to be able to pay everything.

She had utterly failed at her first month on her own. And now, on top of failing, on top of proving her brothers right, she had no idea how she was going to pay her bills. Didn’t even know what would happen. How long until they started turning stuff off? How long until they showed up at her doorstep and kicked her out? She didn’t have the faintest clue and she was scared and she was embarrassed, and worse, she was a big, stupid failure.

Her brothers would never let her live this down. She would be the spoiled little sister who couldn’t take care of herself for the rest of her damn life. How had she let this happen?

And to make things worse, she was actually starting to feel like she was getting the hang of things. She still hated doing the dishes, but she did them. She didn’t let them pile up on the sink anymore. And when she walked into a clean kitchen knowing she was the reason it was clean, that felt damn good. Her tips had been improving at the diner and she couldn’t remember the last time someone had told her off for messing up their order or dropping fries in their lap or just forgetting them completely and leaving them for an hour waiting on their check.

She looked down at the shirt she was wearing, one she had bought herself last week. One that had cost just a little more than she thought she should spend. She had been so sure she was okay!

So sure she had it all under control.

Now, she felt almost dirty wearing the new shirt, like someone had spray-painted the word
failure
all over it. She wanted to rip if off, throw it in the trash, and put on something else. But of course, she had let laundry pile up and this was the only thing she had clean. Besides, throwing the shirt away would be stupid and wasteful. Which was clearly just the kind of girl she was.

She scrolled through the recent activity on her account and saw a million tiny little purchases, each of them equally as stupid and wasteful as the last, and all of them adding up to mean that she was an abysmal failure at life. She sighed and dropped her phone to her lap and looked at the bills spread out on the floor around her. She didn’t have the foggiest idea what to do and suddenly the apartment felt small and hot and she couldn’t catch her breath. She needed out of here and she needed out now.

What she needed was a good, stiff drink. She grabbed her purse and headed for the door when she remembered that the rust bucket was low on gas and that drinks cost money.

Fuck it
, she thought.
It’s not like I’m magically going to have enough money to pay everything by making a good decision now.

She paused with her hand on the doorknob, caught in the war between two equal desires. One part of her wanted to go out, get a little tipsy, and have a good time, finances be damned. It’s not like this was her real life anyway. This apartment, those bills, even this stupid guilt-ridden shirt, were just part of some stupid bet she made with her brothers. She could call it off at any time—go back to the guest house and her straightener and all her gorgeous clothes hanging neat and guilt-free in a closet as big as this apartment.

The other part of her was busy using words like
stupid
and
wasteful
,
spoiled
and
helpless
. To make matters worse, that part kept reminding her that
she
was in control of the situation and that she could fix it if she really wanted to. Thing was, she really wasn’t sure she wanted to. It all seemed too hard and too stressful and she liked it better when life was easy.

She put her purse down anyway. If she needed air, she had a perfectly good patio where there was more than enough air. She didn’t have anything to drink, but that was probably for the best. If she was going to solve this problem, she needed a clear head.

Except I have no fucking clue how to solve this problem so who cares if I have a clear head,
she thought as she crossed the living room, stepping over the bills spread across the floor. She wasn’t about to call her brothers and ask for help. Not now. Not when she hadn’t decided if she was giving up yet.

To make matters worse, her throat was tightening and her eyes were burning and damned if she wasn’t about to start crying. She slid open the patio door and stepped outside. Took a few deep breaths and paced the small space, running her hands up into her hair.

“It’s gonna be okay,” she said to herself as she paced, her words a ragged whisper. Even she heard the desperation in the lie. “Just think. Think you idiot! You’re gonna be fine.”

“Lilah?” The voice, Cole’s voice, came from just the other side of the thin partition separating their patios.

Damn it! This is the last thing I need!

She swallowed hard before replying. “Lilah’s not here.”

There was the scrape of metal against concrete which she assumed meant Cole was standing up and coming over for a visit. She dried her eyes and wiped her nose. Tried to smooth out her hair and looked up sheepishly as he peeked around the little wall between them.

“Well, if Lilah’s not here, can I leave a message?”

She laughed and wrapped her arms tightly around the hollow pit in her stomach. “Hey, Cole.”

“Lilah? Where did you come from? Someone just told me you weren’t here.” He made a big show of looking confused and Lilah couldn’t help but laugh a little. “What’s going on?” he asked as he came around the wall to stand next to her. “And don’t you dare say nothing because my bullshit meter is already going off.”

“It’s nothing,” said Lilah and Cole dropped his jaw.

“Bullshit.”

“I mean, it’s nothing big…” Lilah wanted to sound big and brave and totally not helpless, but her voice cracked and tears welled up in her eyes again.

“Bullshit again, princess,” he said, but his voice was softer now, gentle and concerned. “What’s wrong?”

Lilah put her face in her hands and shook her head. “I don’t have enough money for my bills,” she muttered and mostly hoped he didn’t hear.

“Oh, darlin’. That’s never a good feeling. I’ve been there enough. Hell, I bet the whole world’s been there.” He closed the space between them and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “What happened? Did that car of yours break down again and you wasted it all on a cab and tow truck?”

Lilah made a sound that was half laugh, half sob and slapped Cole in the stomach. “No.”

“Well what happened then, princess?”

Lilah buried her face in his shoulder and appreciated having his strong arms around her when she was feeling so very weak. “I’m just not very good with money.”

“Well, that’s no surprise.”

“Cole!” Lilah lifted her face to his. “This isn’t funny!”

“Then why are you laughing?”

“Because you’re making me laugh.” Lilah considered pulling out of his arms, but it just felt too safe where she was.

“Good. As long as you’re feeling better.”

Lilah sighed. She wasn’t sure she was feeling better, her stomach was still boiling with worry, but at least the tears had dried up. “I don’t know what I’m going to do,” she said.

“How bad is it?”

She bit her lip and tried to add up all the numbers she had seen on the bills and in her bank app. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? How don’t you know?”

“I told you I was bad at money!” The tears were threatening again and she suddenly felt decidedly less safe in his arms. “Don’t go getting all judgy on me. This is bad enough without you making it worse.”

Cole let her go and leaned against the wall. He took a deep breath and swallowed before turning to her, a cautious look on his face. “You want me to help? I can take a look, maybe it’s not as bad as it seems.” Lilah started to protest and Cole held up his hands. “I’m not trying to be nosy and I get it if you feel like telling me to go to hell, but I’m really good at making a little stretch out into a lot. I won’t offer again, but the offer’s there even if it takes a few days for you to accept it.”

The last thing she wanted was to show him just how big of a failure she was, but it sure would be nice to have someone who knew how to balance a budget offering her advice. Someone who wasn’t a Moore. Someone who wouldn’t laugh in her face and call her a failure.

“Are you sure it’s not a problem?” she asked after a few silent moments.

“As long as you’re sure it won’t make you feel weird, me getting into your finances.”

“Oh, it’ll make me feel weird, but I think I really need help. I don’t have a clue what to do.”

“Well then come on, princess. Invite me in and let’s get to work solving this problem.”

* * *

“
H
ow the hell
did you think you were gonna afford all this?” Cole had pretty quickly gone from calm to incredulous as he dug through her account. Lilah had pretty quickly gone from embarrassed to angry and then right back to embarrassed again.

She shrugged. “I didn’t think it’d be a problem.”

Cole’s eyebrows shot up. “You didn’t think…?” He took a deep breath and let it out with purpose before he spoke again. “Lilah, are you more than a month late on any of these bills?” He indicated the utility bills on the floor beside him.

“No. This is the first time I’ve had to pay any of them.” Her voice quavered and she wrung her hands. “It’s bad, isn’t it? I’ve really messed up, haven’t I?”

“Well, if you aren’t already late on these, it’s not as bad as it could be.” He invited her to sit down next to him. “But, honestly, and I’m really trying not to be judgmental here, but where did you think all this money was going to come from?”

“I thought I’d make enough at the diner…” Lilah trailed off. The truth was that she had never had to pay attention to her account in the past and she had honestly just thought everything would work out okay, but she really didn’t want to admit that.

“Do you have paper? A pen?” Cole asked.

Lilah nodded, not trusting her voice, and went to get him what he asked for.

“Here,” Cole said. “Let me show you something.” He drew a long line down the middle of the paper and wrote income on one side of the line and then expenses on the middle. He scrolled through the last month of activity on her account and tallied up all the deposits she made.

“Have you been depositing your tips?” he asked after he jotted down the answer. “Because I know you’re not the best waitress, but there’s no way you’re this bad.” He offered a smile, but there was a whole lot of appalled concern in his eyes.

“No,” she said, slightly dismayed at how small the number was. “I mean, yes. Kind of. I deposit most of my tips, but I keep out some for, you know, treats. Odds and ends. That kind of stuff.”

Cole rubbed a hand over his mouth. He didn’t say anything, just nodded and went to work writing down all the expenses he found on the other side of the line. When he was done, that whole side of the paper was filled and Lilah was appalled to see how much she had spent.

“Wow,” she said. “I never even realized.”

“So what I see here is a lot of luxury items,” Cole said, studying the list. “Most of this stuff isn’t even stuff you need. Like this here?” He tapped the line listing her cable bill with his pen. “Just cutting that alone would make a whole lot of room in your budget.”

“Cut out cable?” Lilah was incredulous. “Cable’s not a luxury item!”

“It sure as hell is. And so is Netflix, Hulu, and Pandora Plus,” he said, tapping his pen on each item as he named them. “You cut those things out and you’ll save up a lot of money each month.”

Cole spent the rest of the evening explaining what he would do if he were in her situation and by the time he was done, they had hammered out a plan that looked great on paper but sounded terrible in reality. She was going to cut her cable. Start shopping at a discount grocery rather than Whole Foods. Stop eating out and only eat from home. She wasn’t allowed to buy new clothes. No new shoes. No new nail polish, hair products, or makeup unless she was genuinely out of the stuff she had at home. Not even if it was on sale.