Breach: The Boxset (30 page)

Soothing strokes of my hair woke me sometime later, and my eyes fluttered open to find Caroline staring at me with wet eyes.

“Caroline?”

“You gave us quite a scare, sweetie,” she said with a sniff. Her fingers continued to run through my hair past the bandage that circled my head. “How are you feeling?”

I attempted to move, but my body protested by shooting pain throughout, including my lungs when I breathed. “Like I’ve been hit by a truck.”

“Full size work van.”

“Huh?”

She smiled at my confusion. “You were hit by a full size work van.”

“Oh. Well…that hurt, probably more than a truck.”

Caroline tried to suppress a laugh, but it came out anyway. “I bet it did. Do you remember?”

I shook my head, an action I found to be bad when my head began to spin. “How long have I been here? I know the doctor came in, and I had all those tests after Nathan…” I trailed off, my brow scrunching as I remembered how he was dressed. Not in his normal tailored suit, but in the same drab hospital gown I was wearing. “Why is Nathan in the hospital?”

She pursed her lips. I knew she wasn’t happy with him and all that had gone on with our breakup, but there was something in the look upon her face. She was…torn.

“It’s almost seven in the evening on Friday, you’ve been asleep for most of the day, and you’ve been here for almost two days. Nathan…well, he ran, literally ran to you after you called him… Lila, were you aware he was in a car accident?” she asked, avoiding answering my question.

“No, but I figured that was probably what caused his scars.”

She stared at me for a moment as she processed that bit. “And his wife?” she asked with reluctance.

“I just found out he had been married and that she died.”

She contemplated for a moment as if she was wondering exactly how much to tell me. “I made it to the accident scene because I was getting off the elevator when Nathan was rushing on, and he said to Jack that you were in an accident. I followed after him, running as well, which you know how hard that is in heels. Anyway, when I got there he was calling out your name; the police were trying to move him back behind the line. You were unconscious on the stretcher and you…”

“Caroline?”

Tears slid down her cheeks. “I thought you were dead. There was so much blood. Nathan saw you and lost it. He had a massive panic attack, which I wouldn’t have known the signs of if it wasn’t for you. It was…terrible to see, much worse than when I watched you. They had to sedate him before, I don’t know, he had a heart attack or something.”

“Why?” I asked, confused. Why did he care?

“Why what?”

“Why was he having a panic attack?”

She stared at me with her eyes wide before she leaned in. “Lila…because he thought he’d lost you; he thought you were dead.”

“He didn’t have me to lose.” My breathing picked up as the emotional pain tightened my chest. “He threw me away.”

A pained expression crossed her face. “As much as I hate him for hurting you, I think…I think he’s in love with you.”

“He said that.”

“He did?” she asked, surprised.

“Yes, but I don’t believe it.”

“Why not?”

“Why would he throw me away if he loved me? I’ve been thrown away and thrown around and none of those people loved me,” I said, my eyes trained on the ceiling.

Her fingers were shaking as they glided across my arm. “People sometimes do it when they love someone.”

“So, you’re telling me that all people throw you away, whether they love you or not? Why do I want to live in a place like that?” My chest was screaming at me. I tried to lie back and calm down in hopes it would help, but the movement caused my leg to jostle, and I almost passed out from the combined pain that cut through me.

It was time for a new dosage of pain meds.

“Please don’t talk like that,” she begged.

“Why? You’re telling me it doesn’t matter; I’m going to be thrown away anyway! I should have killed myself when I was younger. That van should have done me in!” I cried out, tears streaming from my eyes. I struggled for breath, the pain unbearable.

“Lila…” Caroline’s voice faded away, a tear falling down her cheek.

“Don’t you ever fucking say that again!” Nathan’s voice growled from the door.

I gasped and turned my head to find Nathan, eyes blazing with fury, standing in the doorway with a few people behind him. The action was too fast. I was hit with dizziness, my head falling back onto the pillow.

In a flash he was standing over me, his features concerned. There was so much force behind his expression I wasn’t sure if I could handle it.

“Please, don’t ever say that again… Don’t leave me, Lila.”

His fingers brushed against my cheeks, and I had to forcibly stop myself from leaning into his touch. It hurt, but in a different way. My heart fractured again at the look on his face I caused. My gaze moved to anywhere but his eyes. That was when I noticed he was back in his suit, minus the tie.

“You left me,” I said.

His fingers dropped, his hand returning to his side. “Let me explain. Please? I need you.”

“Sorry, I don’t think I’m fit to help you out at the moment,” I sneered, turning to look up at him.

I was going to go into a rant, to dig into him more, but the expression he wore stopped me. The mask was once again gone, and I was astonished by the emotions emitting from the man in front of me. The pain he held was visible, etched into his perfect features.

“I’ll make it up to you. I promise,” he said in a low voice.

I didn’t respond. I couldn’t. There was no response. He’d never promised me anything before. The word had never slipped past his lips.

A throat cleared behind him, and I craned my head around to see his father standing next to a woman with dark brown hair speckled with grey and a soft, sad smile. Another woman with the same dark hair was also with them, and Andrew made up the rear.

“It’s getting late, Nathan. We need to get you home,” George said.

I felt a tugging at my waist and glanced down to find Nathan’s hand fisted in the thin hospital blanket and my wonderful hospital gown.

“I…please?” Nathan begged.

Sadness washed over the older man’s face. “Visiting hours are over, and Lila needs to get some rest.”

Nathan stared back at his father, beseeching him.

While he did that, Caroline stood from the chair and leaned forward, placing a kiss on my forehead. “I’ll be back tomorrow, okay?” Her hands smoothed the hair from my face. “I love you.”

I squeezed her hand. “Bye. Love you, too.”

She walked toward the door, glaring at Nathan as she went.

“I’ll be back around lunch to check on you,” she said upon parting through the crowd and exiting.

“Lila,” the older woman began, “I’m glad you’re okay.”

I stared at her for a moment before remembering my manners. Even if I didn’t know who she was, I still needed to be polite. Teresa would be disappointed otherwise. “Thank you.”

She gave a tight smile before exiting as well, George right behind her.

“I’ll be back in the morning,” Nathan said. I roamed my eyes back up to him, one of the few things that didn’t hurt to move. He leaned down and also placed a kiss on my forehead. My heart hammered in my chest at his closeness. I wanted to tilt my head up and capture his lips in mine. But I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.

He walked out the door and my chest seared, but for a different reason than the bruised ribs. Moisture filled my eyes before flooding down my cheeks.

From my periphery, Andrew’s tall, lanky form walked over to me.

“What do I do?”

He pursed his lips. “You should hear him out, let him explain. That way you can make a decision based on all the facts.”

“You know, then.” A statement, not a question.

“Yes. I made a call to an old friend in the D.A.’s office. You need to hear what he has to say. I don’t like what he did to you, but I have a better understanding of why he felt he needed to do it and…” he trailed off and sighed. “I can’t hate him for that.”

He took my right hand, my good hand, in his. His long fingers dwarfed mine as they always had. “We’ll all be in to see you at some point in the morning. We all love you and want you to get better.” He paused, his expression torn. “That includes him, you know.”

I nodded, and he squeezed my fingers before turning and walking to the door. “Hey Drew?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now get some rest. I know you haven’t been unconscious enough today,” he said with a wink and a wave goodbye as he disappeared.

It was quiet then, the beeping of the machines and the aching pain the meds didn’t dull down my only company.

I stared at the ceiling and contemplated Nathan’s request to hear him out and wondered if I could. I didn’t have anything else left to lose; he’d taken what little there was of me. So what harm would it be? Maybe then I could understand and begin getting over him. I still didn’t believe he wanted me. He felt guilty, was all.

Doubt crept into my mind as I replayed his frantic pleas in my head and the three words he had spoken most vehemently.

“I love you.”

The words swirled around in my head, and I didn’t even notice the nurse when she entered to take my vitals. I did, however, notice the new meds she slipped into the IV, because my eyelids grew heavy, and I drifted back into unconsciousness.

CHAPTER 2

I
t was a fun-filled morning in the driest sense.

I awoke in pain—something I knew was going to be my constant companion for the months to come. As soon as the nurses knew I was awake, they pumped me full of more pain meds. The drugs helped, but made me a little on the loopy side.

Not what I needed to be when my first guests of the day arrived: police officers. They’d come to take my statement in regards to the accident, and unfortunately I was unable to recall anything. The last thing I remembered was running out to my car in the rain and then waking to Nathan calling my name in the hospital halls.

They asked me where I was headed, did I see the van, was it still raining, what color was the light? Standard questions, but I was getting more and more annoyed with their attempts to get some answers out of me other than the only one I had:
I don’t remember anything
. They weren’t going to jog my memory.

Got in the car, woke in the hospital. End of story.

It surprised me when the officers questioned me about the call I had made to Nathan before the paramedics arrived. I had no recollection of it at all, but I remembered Caroline mentioning the previous night I had done so.

After a few minutes, they grew frustrated with my non answers and left, stating they would be in touch. I knew they would, but I still didn’t have any answers on how I ended up here besides what I’d been told.

An hour after the police left there was a light rapping at my door, and I looked up to find the older woman with the gray-streaked brown hair standing in the doorway.

“Good morning, Lila. Might I join you?”

I blinked up at her. “Who are you?”

“I’m sorry we haven’t been properly introduced. I’m Sarah Thorne, Nathan’s mother,” she said.

I was a little hesitant, but she had a sweet, infectious smile. My head tilted as I looked at her, taking her in before speaking. “It’s nice to meet you. I take it you already know who I am?”

She nodded. “And I must say, after George told me about you, I dreamed of meeting you. However, I never envisioned our first meetings to be with you in a hospital bed.”

“You dreamed about meeting me?” I asked in wonder.

“Of course! We’ve all been waiting for Nathan to return, and when I heard he was in a relationship, I couldn’t contain myself.” Her smile faded. “Though I never thought our first meeting would be while you were in a self-induced coma because of my son.”

I scrunched my brow and thought back to that time. There was a faint memory of an unknown voice. My eyes widened. “Oh! That was you?”

She blinked at me. “You remember me?”

“I remember a voice that spoke to me in a different emotion than the other unknowns."

“Well, when I heard you had no one and Nathan was there all of the time –”

I interrupted her. “Wait. What about Nathan?”

“You didn’t know?” she asked, genuine surprise in her expression.

“Know what?”

“He spent every free moment they would allow outside your hospital door.”

I was in shock from her revelation. Not only that, I was pissed. I had suspected he was there, and she had just confirmed it all.

“I know you’re upset with him, it’s written all over your face, but I want you to know and realize he didn’t abandon you,” she said, her tone urging and pleading with me. “Let him explain, let him tell his story. I hope when you hear all he has to say you’ll try to forgive him.”

“I can’t promise you anything.”

“I’m not asking you to. I’m imploring you to hear him out, before you write him off for good. He cares so much for you.”

“Okay.” I hoped she was right, but I had my doubts.  Nathan walked away, not me. Was I supposed to act like he hadn’t kicked me to the curb like garbage?

I felt confused.  I wanted to believe her so much – every fiber of my being begged for it – but my heart was still bleeding out over his rejection. Letting him talk to me might be tantamount to ripping the bandages back off my gushing, wounded heart. How would I survive?

I was already a step away from being completely obliterated by him the first time he ended things with me. Wasn’t being in the hospital proof enough for them? Yet, his mother sat in front of me, begging me to hear him out.

I closed my eyes and tried to calm my fraying soul.

Just listen to her, Lila.  She seems like a nice woman, and she’s a mother.  She wouldn’t do anything to hurt you…

That thought died as an image of my father, Steven, popped into my head. He was supposed to be the one to protect me and love me, but he’d hurt me the most.

No, she’s not him.  Stop thinking that way!

I took in a slow, even, measured breath, opened my eyes, and tried to silence my mind, focusing on what else she might want to say to me.  She took the time to visit me; the least I could do was listen to her.

She steered the conversation away from Nathan and me and into a more neutral territory by asking about me. I was grateful for that.

We’d been talking for a little while when I heard my name being called by a familiar voice. I turned as Teresa ran through the door.

She was frantic, her words reverting to Spanish. “Ay dios mio!” I only caught about every third or fourth word, but the overall gist of it was understood. “Mi niña!”

“Teresa, it’s okay. I’m okay, calm down,” I said, trying to soothe her.

Tears ran down her cheeks. “Oh, Lila, when Andrew finally got hold of me this morning and told me what happened…my sweet girl.” Her hands caressed my face and hair. “You look a mess!”

I grimaced. “I figured as much.”

“Andrew says you were hit by a reckless driver.”

“That’s what I hear.”

“You don’t remember?” she asked. I shook my head in response. “Well, I’m here now, so if you need anything, okay?”

“What about your newbie?”

“He’ll be fine. He’s in school today, and he has a cell phone. Kids in this day and age. Though, I would have felt a lot more secure knowing you had one. I always dreaded that he would come after you…” she trailed off, her gaze lifted from me, and she blinked. “Oh, hello.”

Sarah smiled back at her before leaning forward and presenting her hand. “Sarah Thorne.”

Teresa smiled back and took the offered hand. “Teresa Desanto. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Oh, no, no. I’m just here to keep Lila company and her mind off of her injuries as best I can.”

“How sweet of you,” Teresa said, a smile brightening her face. “I’m so happy to hear Lila has met such nice people.”

Teresa moved back and pulled over the other chair in the room to sit next to Sarah. There was some small talk, and more about my injuries revealed to Teresa, along with tales from Spain. Teresa let me know Armando sent his love, and he was coming home in the next week.

Most of the visit I spent listening. I was too tired to concentrate on conversing, and didn’t have anything of importance to add. I was pretty sure I drifted off once or twice. It made me happy Sarah and Teresa were getting along so well; I could hear in their tone their genuine interest in one another, and it set me at ease.

My head lolled to the side, and I looked out the doorway, watching the people walking back and forth. I stared in wonderment when Nathan entered through the door behind a nurse. I was shocked he’d come back. He was dressed in jeans and an old gray Harvard Law tee that clung to his body just right. I tried not to lick my lips at the sight, but it was no use. It was lucky I was able to pull it off that my lips were dry, and nothing more. My audience remained oblivious to my ogling him. Why did he have to look so good? Butterflies swirled in my stomach as I remembered the loving words he’d spoken to me, while my chest tightened over the memory of the pain he’d inflicted not long before that.

I once said he was a contradiction, and I was beginning to see I was becoming one myself, at least where he was concerned.

“Nathan!” Sarah said, smiling up at her son.

“Hi, Mom,” he greeted, bending down to kiss her cheek.

He straightened up and our eyes met. His façade was back on, but I watched it fall away as soon as he looked at me. Walking forward, he smiled; I was confused as to why he did that. Upon reaching me, he leaned down and pressed his lips to the top of my head, his hand cupping the side of my face.

“Good morning, beautiful.”

I quirked my good brow at him. I scoffed, “Yeah right.”

“Lila,” he said in a warning tone.

“Look, this isn’t one of my ‘down on Lila’ moments. I was hit by a fucking van. My eye is almost swollen shut. The left side of my face feels as big as a beach ball and hurts like hell. So that tells me I look like someone used half my face as a punching bag. Don’t think I’m very beautiful at the moment.” I knew I was pretty bad off; I didn’t need a mirror to tell me that.

He let out a frustrated sigh. “You are always beautiful, even when a van uses you as a punching bag.”

I stared up at him for a moment before looking down at the tube in my hand. Why did he have to be sweet right now? I needed to be mad at him, but he kept saying and doing things that were chipping away at my resolve.

“Oh!” My head popped up as I remembered we weren’t alone. “Teresa, this is Nathan. We…um…work together. Nathan, this is Teresa.”

I knew no more introduction was needed; he knew who she was. He had an excellent memory, and his eyes lit up with recognition.

“Teresa, it’s wonderful to meet you.” His hand reached out to grasp hers.

She stared up at him, looking mesmerized. Not that I blamed her; he had that effect on me quite often.

“It’s nice to meet you, as well,” she said in automatic response, still confused as to who he was. I hadn’t even had any time to mention him yet.

Nathan leaned against the bed near my head as the chairs were occupied by his mother and Teresa. His fingers, every once in a while, would run through my hair or touch my arm.

Teresa looked from me to Nathan and back. “So, Nathan, what brings you here today?”

The room went eerily quiet, and I found myself very interested in the dots on the ceiling tiles.

“I mean, that isn’t the greeting you give someone you work with,” she added. “And it isn’t customary the mother of someone you work with comes to keep you company while you’re cooped up in a hospital.”

Nathan let out a small, nervous laugh under her gaze. His hand rubbed at the back of his neck.

My stomach rumbled, and Sarah snapped up to her feet. “Lila’s hungry!” We all turned to look at her, but she didn’t seem to care that she sounded a bit psychotic in her outburst. “Come, Nathan, let’s go get her some good cuisine, not the yucky hospital food. You remember how bad that was. Let’s allow the two of them to get caught up without any interference from us.”

“But I just got here,” he protested.

“Now, Nathan.” It wasn’t a request; it was a demand from his mother. He couldn’t disobey that.

“I’ll be back,” he said, leaning down to kiss my forehead again before following Sarah out the door. I stared after them for a moment, then turned back to Teresa.

“All right, what in the world is going on between you two?”

I sighed as best I could, cringing a little before charging into our sordid tale. I began with him coming to work, the office romp, the growing feelings, and topped it off with the demise of “us” and ended with his declaration two days prior.

“Wow.” She sat back in awe once I was finished. “That’s quite a history you two have.” I nodded in agreement. “What now?”

“I…I don’t know. I just don’t know.” Even I could hear the sadness in my voice. I didn’t have a response. My heart still hurt so much, and I couldn’t trust him. I was angry with his declaration. Why couldn’t he have told me two weeks prior? Why did he now have a sudden epiphany and need to be with me?

“We’ve got Italian!” Nathan smiled as he walked back into the room carrying two bags, Sarah trailing behind with another bag, and Caroline bringing up the rear. “Oh, and we found Caroline.”

“Hi!” Her tone was bright as she walked over to give me a small hug. “Hi, sweetie. How are you feeling?”