Braydon (32 page)

BY THE TIME
Braydon crawled into work, it was nearly noon. He stopped in at the Walker Demo office first to make sure Jared knew Brendon needed to take a few hours off.

“And you’re his keeper now?” Jared asked, amused when Braydon informed him of the news.

“Someone has to be,” he muttered.

“We can’t baby him, Bray.”

“I know that.”

“Do you? Is that why you’re in my office, telling me to take it easy on him today?”

“That’s not what I’m saying.” Okay, it was what he was saying. Shit.

Braydon rubbed his eyes with his fingers and thumb, trying to urge away the headache he could feel coming on.

“Bray, you need to keep an eye on him, but you can’t hold his hand. This is something he needs to get through on his own.”

“I don’t know if he can,” Braydon admitted. “How the fuck did this get so damn complicated?” he growled, turning to walk toward the door.

To his surprise, Jared didn’t try to stop him, so he continued on his path. He was walking up to his truck when he heard the sound of tires on gravel from behind him. He turned in time to see Beau’s truck pulling up beside him.

Figuring Beau was there to talk to Jared—about what, he had no fucking idea—Braydon opened his door and started to climb in.

“Hold up, Bray,” Beau called out to him.

Braydon stopped, closing his eyes for a minute. This headache was really beginning to suck ass.

“How’s Brendon?” Beau asked when he moved closer.

“Better. They released him late last night. Probably more because he was starting to be an asshole and they didn’t want to deal with him than because he was actually better. But if you’re asking, yes, he’s home and he’s the same ol’ Brendon.”

Beau smiled, but it was halfhearted at best. “Is there anything we can do?”

Braydon stared at his brother’s husband for a moment. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Did this ever happen to you and Zane?”

Beau’s eyebrows furrowed as though he was trying to figure out the punchline.

“You know. The whole threesome thing. Did a woman ever come between the two of you?”

“No,” Beau answered easily. “But I was never fully invested.”

“Brendon isn’t, either,” Braydon told him. “Never has been.”

“Maybe not, but I don’t think it’s for the same reason,” Beau said with a full-fledged grin.

“No, I seriously don’t think Bren’s gay, but if he were, I wouldn’t give a shit,” Braydon retorted, pulling an even bigger smile from the big man standing beside him.

“No, I don’t think he’s gay, either,” Beau finally said. “But I do think he’s scared. Ethan told me that Brendon talked to him last night. I think he’s in a bad spot and he’s his own worst enemy at the moment.”

Braydon waited for Beau to continue.

“Brendon doesn’t want you to move out.”

“Why does he keep saying that?” Braydon growled. “I’ve never said I was moving out.”

“No, but he knows that will eventually come. I think he’s fixated on that. He knows how you feel about Jessie and he figures that’s a future step. Not that I’m an expert, Bray, but I think that’s what’s holding him back.”

“From?” Braydon asked stupidly.

“He’s never had a serious relationship, has he?” Beau said.

Although he phrased it as a question, it was more of a statement. Braydon answered him anyway, “Not really, no.”

“But you have.”

“Not until Jessie, no.”

“That’s not true and you know it,” Beau said, arguing. “Maybe you’ve never felt for a woman what you feel for her, but you’ve had relationships with women. You got to know them. Got close to them. At least a hell of a lot more than Brendon has.”

True. Braydon waited to see where Beau was going with this.

“He needs time. He’ll figure it out, Bray. So don’t be hard on yourself.”

Braydon nodded his head, unsure what to say.

“Anyway, I just wanted to see how he was. I’ve got to talk to Jared about something.” Beau clapped him on the shoulder and smiled. “I’ll catch you later.”

Braydon nodded and turned back to his truck.

“Wait, one more thing. You plannin’ to come to the house on Saturday?”

“For your party?” Braydon clarified.

“Yeah.”

“I’ll be there.”

“Bring Jess, too.”

Braydon nodded. He had intended to bring Jessie. If she actually wanted to have anything to do with him after this. It seemed that Braydon had to worry about either her or Brendon trying to shut him out these days, and at this point, his head was spinning so much that he was pretty sure he was going to be sick.

chapter
TWENTY

“H
ey, boy,” Curtis grumbled the moment Brendon walked through his parents’ back door.

It hadn’t been particularly easy to get himself dressed and out his own front door knowing he was going to have to face the firing squad that was his parents, but here he was and he was ready to hear what they had to say.

Or as ready as he’d ever be anyway.

His mother had actually called him twice that morning asking that he stop by. It wasn’t like he could really tell her no, although he had desperately wanted to. That was the selfish side of him talking though. Although Braydon said he was using the fact that he continued to fuck up as an excuse, it was still a fact. Now Brendon had to face the music, so to speak.

And he knew exactly what his parents were going to say.

“Hey, honey,” his mother greeted him when she walked into the kitchen. As usual, she came right up to him and hugged him fiercely. Brendon hugged her back, his attention still focused on his father. He could see the disappointment in his old man’s eyes, and his chest started to hurt. He had let down so many people lately.

Including his parents.

“Hey,” he returned the greeting, talking to both of them but not addressing either directly.

“Are you hungry?” Lorrie asked as she headed back toward the table, pulling out one of the chairs. “Sit and I’ll get you something to eat.”

“I’m good, Mom,” he told her. “Thanks for the offer, but I’m not hungry.”

“Nonsense,” she said sweetly, her bright blue eyes studying him intently. “My boys are always hungry. Now sit.”

A Walker did not disobey his mother’s command, so Brendon dropped into the chair she’d pulled out for him.

“How are you feelin’?” Curtis asked, folding the newspaper he’d been reading and placing it on the table in front of him before retrieving his coffee cup.

“Like death warmed over,” he admitted.

“Good,” his father replied, a small smirk on his mouth.

“I’ve got aspirin if you need it,” his mother offered.

“Took some already,” Brendon replied, staring down at the table. He was having a difficult time looking his dad in the eye, and even without looking at him, he could feel the old man’s glare piercing his soul.

“Do you wanna talk about what’s goin’ on?” Curtis asked after several moments of unbearable silence passed.

“Not really, no,” Brendon mumbled. “I screwed up.”

“Yeah? That seems to be a trend for you these days,” Curtis agreed.

“Curtis,” Lorrie admonished. “That is not why I asked him to come over.”

“Then why did you ask?” Brendon asked curiously, looking up at his mother.

“To talk, of course,” Lorrie answered easily, bringing a plate of sandwiches to the table. “I want to know what’s going on with you.”

“Not much. Working, sleeping . . .”

“Not what I meant,” Lorrie scolded him that time.

Brendon knew what she meant, and he knew he was just going to have to come out and say it. “I’m . . .” He swallowed as he glanced back and forth between his parents. He had to open up. He didn’t have anyone to talk to about this, so he figured it really couldn’t hurt.

“Is this about Jessie?” his mother asked softly when Brendon couldn’t seem to force any words out.

“What?” Brendon darted his gaze to hers. “No. It’s not about . . . Oh, crap.”

Curtis growled, that warning when one of them was stepping a little too far past their father’s comfort zone when it came to curse words in front of their mother. Brendon made a mental note to watch his mouth.

“No, Mom. It’s not about Jessie. Jessie and I . . . We were . . .”

“Friends with benefits?”

Brendon’s eyebrows nearly hit the ceiling as he stared disbelievingly at his mother. His father merely chuckled. Where the hell had she learned that term?

“What do you know about . . . ? Never mind, Mom. Don’t answer that. But okay, yes. That’s what we were. Now we’re just friends. Without the benefits. Or at least I want us to be friends. I kinda treated her like sh—”

“Watch it,” Curtis interjected, his voice unyielding.

“I messed up with her,” Brendon continued, glancing back and forth between his mother and father. “I want us to be friends. I know she loves Braydon and Braydon loves her. I’ve known that for a long time. But really,” he stated, putting his elbows on the table and dropping his head into his hands, “this isn’t about Jessie.”

“So it’s about Cheyenne?” Lorrie inquired.

Brendon peered out from between his fingers to stare at his mother. He had no idea how the woman knew everything that was going on with him. Hell, she knew everything that was going on with all of them.

“No, it really isn’t,” he admitted truthfully. He’d tried to make it about Cheyenne, but the woman was as innocent in all of this as Jessie was. He was the asshole who’d dragged both women through hell because he couldn’t come to terms with the fact that he and his twin were growing apart.

“So, if it doesn’t have to do with a woman, what does it have to do with?” Lorrie asked, her tone gentle and soothing.

Brendon hated that she could be so reasonable. He had expected them to lay into him for drinking and driving or ending up in the hospital. He hadn’t expected them to actually dig into his problems. Then again, these were his parents, that’s what they did, so he wasn’t sure why he was shocked.

“It’s me.” Brendon wasn’t fully prepared to divulge all his problems, but he found the words quickly rising to his tongue. “I feel lost. Like I’m in a tunnel and no matter which way I turn, it’s always a dead end. I know that there is a way out, but for the life of me, I can’t find it.”

Brendon didn’t bother looking at his parents. He didn’t want to see the sympathy in their eyes. He didn’t want anyone feeling sorry for him. He was a jackass. One who’d gone and hurt innocent people for no fucking reason, yet he somehow hoped they’d be able to forgive him.

“You and Braydon are going to eventually have to venture in separate directions, Bren. It’s inevitable. You’re gonna fall in love; he’s gonna fall in love. Life is gonna keep moving forward, and you can’t just sit back and watch it go by. You need to come to terms with what that means for you.”

Brendon heard every word his mother said. She made complete sense, but he was having a hard time grasping the fact that they would eventually go in separate directions. That was the sole reason he’d been so messed up. It was like a part of himself was dying and he didn’t know how to revive it.

He had no idea who might possibly understand the true extent of his connection with Braydon. Hell, he didn’t understand it all that much. But clearly it was stronger for him than it was for his twin. Because if Braydon had been going through what Brendon was, there was no way life would be this hard to deal with.

“I’m just not ready for him to move on. I . . .” Brendon looked up, fighting the emotion that was burning in his chest. “Braydon has found something that I can’t seem to find. I don’t know why.”

“Because you’re holding yourself back, boy,” Curtis informed him. “You think that all women should be willing to accept that there are two of you. But that ain’t the case, boy. You’re one person. Braydon’s one person. The two of you can’t expect to move through life as one. It doesn’t work that way.”

“Why?” Brendon retorted angrily. “Why can’t I, Dad? I’ve lived my whole life with him. Why do I have to let him go now?”

“You don’t have to let him go, Bren,” Lorrie corrected. “He’s still here.”

“For now,” Brendon barked sharply. “What happens when he wants to run off again? Or hell, when he decides to get married and move away?”

“Has he said he’s planning to do that?” Curtis asked, sounding concerned.

“No,” Brendon admitted. “He hasn’t. But it’s only a matter of time.”

“Not true,” Lorrie said. “I’ve talked to your brother. He has no intention of leaving Coyote Ridge for good. He needed time away, but now he’s back. This is something you’ve conjured up, Bren. You need to realize that.”

“I do realize that!” Brendon yelled, pushing his chair back from the table and getting to his feet.

Before he could take a step toward the door, toward fresh air, away from the chaos that was strangling him, his father was right in his face. But when their eyes met, Brendon didn’t see an ounce of anger reflected there. What Brendon saw in his dad’s blue-gray eyes had those damn tears burning his eyelids.

And when Curtis pulled Brendon against him, fiercely wrapping his arms around him, Brendon broke down and bawled like a fucking girl.

“MOM? WHAT’S WRONG?”
Braydon asked his mother when he answered his phone. It was the middle of the afternoon, and he’d just arrived at a job site that he had to check on. His headache was looming and getting worse by the minute, but he damn sure didn’t want to sit at home and worry about his brother or pine away for Jessie while she was at work, so he did the only thing he knew to do. He had immersed himself in work.