BoysLikeYou.indd (8 page)

heading back to Trevor’s room. “I’m going to let this one slide,

but if I see you up here again, I won’t be so accommodating.”

Taylor joined her parents, and I watched until they disap-

peared into Trevor’s room. Suddenly my insides twisted so much

that I bent over, hands on my knees, eyes closed. If I didn’t get my shit together, I was going to be sick or I was gonna pass out.

A minute passed. Maybe more. And when I finally opened

my eyes again, I saw mint- green toes.

“Okay, you win.”

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Slowly I straightened, my stomach recoiling but strong

enough that I knew I wasn’t going to puke. “Yeah?”

Monroe nodded and grabbed my hand, forcing me toward

the elevators.

“Yep,” she said as she pressed the lobby button. “You’re offi-

cially the most pathetic person I know.”

“Great. Thanks for that,” I retorted sarcastically. Who the

heck was she to talk like she knew what I was going through?

As if she knew what it felt like to nearly die from regret and

remorse and guilt?

“Just so you know, all it takes is one mistake to claim the

crown, so watch out,” I snapped.

The doors slid open and we stepped inside. Once they were

closed, Monroe glanced up at me, her eyes huge and glassy.

Her chest rose and fell, her lips were parted, and I smelled that summer scent again.

She held my gaze until the elevator doors slid open again and

then she whispered, so softly that I barely heard, “At least your mistake is still alive.”

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I couldn’t believe I’d opened my mouth and let something like

that slip out. What the hell was wrong with me?

“At least your mistake is still alive.”

Was I crazy? Why the heck would I say something like that?

My heart pounded, so hard that I felt each beat pulse at the

base of my neck, and I blew out a long breath as I slid into the

car and waited for Nate to do the same. It was a few minutes

after eight, and the sun was just starting to get real low in the sky. Red and gold streaked across the horizon, and I supposed it

was pretty, but at the moment, I didn’t give a shit about pretty.

At the moment, I was afraid that Nate would ask me what

I meant, and if he did, I wasn’t sure what I was going to say. I

didn’t talk about Malcolm. Ever.

I squeezed my eyes shut when I heard the passenger door

squeak open. In an hour, it would be dark, but the darkness

couldn’t come soon enough for me because it was so much easier

to hide.

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I wanted to disappear. I wanted to melt into a puddle of

nothing and pretend that I hadn’t just opened my mouth and

said what I’d said.

Nate slid in beside me and I cranked the Foos, wincing when

Dave Grohl’s voice cut through the silence.

Why
you’d have to go and let it die.
Pretty much perfect song right about now.

I pretended that everything was fine and normal. I pretended

that I hadn’t just seen Trevor’s father rip Nate a new one. I

pretended that I hadn’t felt something when I’d looked into

Nate’s eyes.

But mostly I pretended that I hadn’t just opened up my

mouth and shared something with a boy I barely knew.
At
least
your
mistake
didn’t die…
Shit.

It was hard though— to act like everything was cool. To kinda

sorta smile through the lump that clogged my throat. But I did

it. I did it because I had to. Because I didn’t know how to be any other way.

How
the
hell
had
Nate
managed
to
get
that
out
of
me
when
it
had
taken
my
therapist
nearly
five
months
to
get
me
to
say
a
single
freaking
word?

Maybe Nate hadn’t heard. Maybe my brain was so screwed

up that I thought I said something when, in fact, it was just the ghost of a whisper in my ear.

I turned the key all the way and revved Matlock a bit as I

glanced into the rearview mirror and then into the side mirror.

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I looked everywhere but at the guy beside me, because inside, I

was counting. I was counting and trying like hell to focus.

One. Two. Three. Over and over again.

It was a good minute or so before I felt calm enough to glance

his way, but when I did, my heart nearly popped out of my chest.

His dark eyes were on me. And they knew.
They
knew.
They knew something bad had happened. Something worse than bad.

Something unforgivable.

We stared at each other for a long time, so long that my eyes

began to burn and I was afraid I was going to cry.

Wow. That would be epic.

“I can’t talk about it,” I said, grateful that the lump in my

throat loosened.

Nate’s eyes never left mine, and I shivered when he spoke,

so soft and low that I don’t think I actually heard him— I think

that I read his lips. “Okay.”

A long shuddering breath escaped me, and I put the car

into gear.

“I don’t want to go home yet,” I said, staring ahead. My palms

were sweaty, and even though it was hot as sin, I was shivering.

“Just drive.”

I pulled out into the road and asked, “Where?”

Nate didn’t answer. He pointed when he wanted me to turn

right or left, and within ten minutes, we were on the outskirts

of town. I didn’t say anything because I honestly didn’t care

where we went as long as I didn’t have to go back to Twin Oaks

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Plantation. I couldn’t explain the feeling that pressed into my

chest any more than I could explain the need to be with Nate.

And that’s what this was, wasn’t it? I didn’t want to be

alone. Not now. Not tonight. Already images and sounds were

crowding my brain, and it was all I could do to keep the stupid

car on the road.

I didn’t want to remember. Jesus, I didn’t want to go back there.

“Take this right,” Nate said, leaning closer as he gazed into

the distance.

The sun was starting to set over the trees that lined the road,

and for a moment, my eyes were blind as I navigated the turn.

When the sun disappeared momentarily, I noticed a huge sign

that looked like it was a hundred years old or something. Faded

letters spread across it, broken in places. Damaged and worn.

Kind of like me.

Twin
Oaks
Drive- In.

“Keep going,” Nate urged.

A rusted gate was off to the side, and I snuck a look at him as

I slowly drove up a large hill. His eyes were focused ahead, and I couldn’t tell if he was nervous or pissed off or…or just nothing.

We crested the hill, and I saw a large screen, or rather the

shell of what used to be a large screen, across a huge field littered with broken electrical or stereo hook- ups. This was an ancient

drive- in, kind of like the one from that movie my mom liked to

watch,
Grease
.

And it was deserted.

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With the sun falling behind the tops of the trees that seemed

to be everywhere, it was also kind of creepy.

“So why are we here?” I asked.

“Just keep driving. Take the path to the right.”

He should know by now that I didn’t like being told what to

do, but considering the shitty night he’d had so far, I was willing to let this slide. “We aren’t doing anything illegal, are we? Like is this trespassing or something?”

Nate shook his head and pointed. Trees surrounded the

entire area like a blanket, and what used to be a food stand was

missing its roof and all of its windows. Chipped paint dressed

the doors and crumbling façade, and the shadows were long

near the entrance.

I followed the path, noticing the worn grooves from tires,

and didn’t stop even when we entered the woods, though I did

slow down.

“Up there,” Nate said.

I glanced ahead and saw that the trees thinned. I also saw

what looked like fire throwing shadows through the branches,

and as we drove into a clearing, I spied several vehicles.

My heart thudded.

I saw about twenty kids hanging around the fire, drinking,

laughing, jostling around. They looked like they were having a

good time. Like nothing was wrong and everything was right.

I pulled in beside a huge, mud- splattered SUV because there

was nowhere else to park and then cut the engine.

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“Are those your friends?”

Nate nodded but didn’t say anything. I didn’t really want to

be here, but I wasn’t sure how to tell him.

“Is your girlfriend there?” I asked instead.

“No.”

The tightness in my chest eased a bit, but it only managed

to irritate me. Why was I so concerned about his girlfriend? It’s not like this— us— was anything. This was just…I rapped my

fingers along the top of the steering wheel, frustrated and pissed off and not really knowing why.

This was nothing. Nate was nothing. I was nothing.

We were caught up in nothing. Together.

“Come on, let’s go.”

Nate had his door open and was out of the car before I could

say anything, and for a second, I thought of driving away. Of

leaving him here and just driving into the night. Going some-

where far where I didn’t have to think about Nathan or Trevor

or Malcolm, or any of the mistakes we’d made to get to where

we were.

“Are you coming?”

He poked his head inside the car, and though there was still

this sort of sadness around his eyes, there was also something

else. I thought that maybe that something else looked good on

him. Maybe I was the reason that something else was there.

My mouth was dry and I tried to swallow. “Why are we

here?” I managed to say.

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He stared at me for so long without speaking that I felt my

cheeks flush hot, and I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t.

That something else in his eyes touched me inside, and for

just this one moment, it felt better than the nothing that was

usually there.

He closed his door, and I watched him walk around the front

of the car until he was beside mine. Carefully he yanked it open

and moved aside so that I had room to move.

“You said you didn’t want to go home yet.” He paused. “I

don’t want to go home yet either.”

Nate offered me his hand, and before I could stop myself, I

took it. His warmth seeped into my cold fingers and his thumb

pressed against the inside of my wrist.

My breath caught as I stared down at his hands.

His fingers were long and tapered, and I noticed a cool leather

bracelet around his wrist. It looked old and weathered, as if he’d worn it for a long time. It meant something to him. Was it a gift from his girlfriend?

His thumb moved once more, his pad a little rough against

my skin. The world tipped a little off center, and for one crazy

second, time seemed to stop.

“Let’s go,” he said roughly, his thumb circling around until

eventually he let go and turned toward the fire. “We won’t stay

late. Only until…”

“Until what?” I asked, taking the few steps needed until I was

beside him.

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Nate glanced down at me, his expression unreadable, but I

saw the way his pulse pounded at the base of his neck. I saw it

and felt it.

“Nate?”

“Maybe, for a little while, we can both forget.”

Okay.

That was good enough for me.

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I didn’t know if bringing Monroe out here was a good idea—

heck, I didn’t know if
me
being here was a good idea— but it sure felt right.

Though I suppose if my parents or uncle or even Mrs.

Blackwell knew that I’d brought Monroe to a bush party, they

wouldn’t exactly be thrilled. But the party was low key and none

of the hardcore guys were out yet. It was way too early. They

didn’t usually hit a party until after midnight, and I planned to be long gone by then.

I just wanted to…shit, I didn’t know what I wanted to do.

I only knew that I didn’t want to be alone and I didn’t know

where else to go.

“Come on,” I said again, and this time when I grabbed her

hand, I didn’t let go.

We started forward, and I nodded at a few guys tapping the

keg over by an old tree stump. They shoved their red cups in the