Boys & Girls Together (45 page)

“Aren’t you?”

“No.” Aaron slid along the bed toward the door. “I’m not. Not. I know I’m not ... see once ... there was some possibility ... it crossed my mind that I might be. But I’m not! I faced the possibility. I researched it. I did. And the conclusions I reached were that ... I’m not. And I’m sorry for you being what you are, but I’m not what you are. I may be a lot of things ... but I’m not what you are. It has been proven. I proved beyond the least doubt—I’m not! I’m not and you leave me alone!”

“You’re protesting a bit too much,” Terry said, smiling again.

“I’m getting out of here.” Go.

Aaron stood in the doorway.” I will.”

“
Run!
” Terry shouted. “Run, then.”

Aaron ran. He ran out of the room and along the hall and halfway down the stairs. Halfway down. Then he stopped. “Sergeant Terry,” he called.

No answer.

Aaron pressed his head against the wall, closing his eyes. His legs ached from running and the burning in his throat made it hard to breathe. He leaned against the cool wall, gasping. “Sergeant Terry,” he called again, weaker this time.

No answer.

“Please,” Aaron called. Slumping down, he sat huddled on the stairs. Above him he heard footsteps, then the snap of a wall switch, then more footsteps. A mattress creaked. Then nothing. Aaron dug his fingers into his eyes. He was aware his entire body was twitching but he was helpless to stop it.

“Please,” he murmured. “Please.”

There was no sound in the entire barracks save his own uneven breathing. He tried holding his breath but he could not. He could do nothing. Nothing. Then, with a last desperate effort, he stood, holding to the wall for support. At last his legs began to move.

Up the stairs.

His legs were moving slowly up the stairs. They carried him along. He was helpless to stop them as they raised themselves and brought themselves down, each time on a higher stair. Finally he reached the top. His legs continued to move, turning him, dragging the upper half of him along. When they reached the doorway, the legs stopped. Aaron put a hand on the door-frame and paused, looking in. The room was dark now, the light gone. In the far corner, something moved.

“You’re back, I see.”

“Yes,” Aaron admitted. “But not for what you think.”

“Why then?”

“I just ... I just wanted to tell you ...” Damn the gasping. Goddamn the gasping. “That I won’t tell anybody.”

“Won’t tell anybody what?”

“What you tried to do.”

“And what was that?”

“You know.”

“Tell me anyway, Aaron. Say it.”

Aaron was silent.

“The word, Aaron. Say the word.” Terry’s voice was without a body. It came, almost mystically, from the dark room.

“It’s like an oracle,” Aaron muttered.

“Say the word.”

“Don’t you get it? I can’t see you. Just hear. That’s all. Like an oracle.”

“The word.”

“Seduction. Seduction. I said it.”

“There’s no such thing, Aaron.” The voice was quiet now, coiled. “Nobody seduces anybody. Seductions must be mutual. Like ours.”

“That’s not true.”

The voice laughed. “You want your pride, don’t you? All right. I’ll let you keep your pride. The responsibility belongs to me, Aaron. You’re free and clear. Now come in the room.”

“No.”

“Come in the room, Aaron.”

Aaron entered the room.

“Now close the door.”

Aaron closed the door.

“Now we’re both oracles, Aaron. You can’t see me. I can’t see you.”

“Yes,” Aaron said.

“I’m holding my hand out to you, Aaron. You can’t see it, but it’s there. Take it.”

Aaron did not move.

“Take it.”

There was a silence.

Then Terry’s voice exploded. “The hand!” Aaron listened to the sound. It was wild. Wild and rough. “The hand!” Rough and, familiar. Commanding.

Aaron obeyed.

“Thank God you could type,” Sergeant Terry said. He was lying sprawled on one of the cots, shirt open, smoking. “It sure made things a hell of a lot simpler.” Terry laughed, flicking a stubby finger across the burning end of his cigarette, knocking specks of ash onto the floor. Obviously in good humor, he slapped his other hand flat against his chest. “Thank God.”

Aaron sat across from him, watching. “It was all planned, then?”

“You might say that.”

“Why me?”

Terry laughed. “I like ’em skinny. That a good enough reason?”

Aaron shrugged.

Terry slapped his chest again, harder.

“Don’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“You look enough like an ape. Don’t push the resemblance.”

Terry laughed.

“And button your shirt.”

“If it pleases you.” Slowly, he began closing his shirt front. “Aaron?”

“What?”

“You were ...” Terry paused.

“I was what?”

“I’m looking for the right word.”

“Well, find it.”

Terry finished with his shirt and lay back. “Inexperienced,” he said then.

Aaron said nothing.

“Weren’t you?”

“I’ve slept with a woman.”

“Really?” Terry said. “That must have been fun for you.”

“It was!” Aaron snapped. “Damn right it was.”

Terry sat up quickly. “Easy,” he said. “Easy, Aaron.”

Aaron took a deep drag on his cigarette.

“You all right?”

“I’m fine.”

“I mean it. You all right?”

“I said I was fine.”

Terry nodded.

“I’m getting the hell out of here a while, if that’s all right with you.” He stood, starting for the doorway.

“Sure. Sure. Take the afternoon off if you want.”

Aaron whirled on him. “Thanks, Sarge.”

Terry smiled. “I’m known far and wide for my leniency.”

Aaron moved to the doorway, then stopped and turned again. “Just tell me one thing.”

“Ask.”

“What’s your first name?”

“Oh,” Terry murmured, slowly shaking his head. “I’m sorry. It’s Philip. Phil.”

“See you around campus, Phil,” Aaron said, and he left the room, walking down the stairs. When he reached the front door of the barracks he pushed it. It was locked from the inside. Caution, Aaron thought as he turned the lock, shoving the door open. He stopped for a moment on the landing, looking around. Quiet. No one in sight. Aimlessly he began to move, scuffing his shoes in the dust. The wind was stronger now and far, far in the distance storm clouds scudded toward each other. I’m a homosexual, Aaron thought. Me. I am a homosexual. He said the word aloud.

“Homosexual.”

Shoving his hands deep into his pockets, he ambled on. He felt curiously empty. No, not curiously. It was what he always felt. Emptiness. Nothing. Neither rage nor joy nor shimmering pain. Nothing. He felt nothing. He was moving now toward the center of the great field across from the company, dust kicking up all around him, stinging his face. Aaron closed his eyes and walked in darkness for a while.

Look on the bright side, faggot. Goodbye to self-delusion. You can run for office with a slogan like that: goodbye to self-delusion. Hell, you can be a king with a slogan like that. Maybe not a king. A queen, then. Eyes closed, Aaron howled. All the lying he had done, all the perverting of truth and fact, all in the desperate attempt to prove without question to himself that he wasn’t what he so obviously was.

“I’m a fáy-reeee,” Aaron shouted at the wind.

Homosexual was an ugly word, five ugly syllables, ho-mo-sex-u-al, but the synonyms were just as ugly. Ugly. Why didn’t they have a prettier word for it? Like wisp. That was a pretty word. Aaron Fire is a wisp. That wasn’t nearly so bad. Aaron opened his eyes a moment. Dust broke across his vision in great sheets now as the wind grew stronger. Closing his eyes quickly, he wrapped his bony arms around his bony body and threw his head back. Aaron began to shout.

“Kuh-weeeeer. I’m kuh-weeer.”

“A perrr-verrt.”

“Suh-wisssh.”

“Faaaaaaaaag.”

The wind picked up. In the center of the great field, Aaron began turning around and around, disappearing, dry dust spotting his eyelids, caking his tongue.

He reported to the orderly room on time the next morning. Sergeant Terry was already at work, going over some papers. Aaron hung up his cap and sat down. Terry glanced over at him.

“Good day, Firestone.”

Aaron nodded. “Sergeant Terry.”

“I’m afraid I’ve got a lot of work for you this morning.” He handed some papers to Aaron. “Original and five. Think you can handle it?”

“I imagine.”

“A gold star for you, Firestone,” Sergeant Terry said. He stretched, yawning. Then he moved to the door. “I’m off to do battle with the nuts.” Walking outside, Terry took a whistle from his pocket and blew on it sharply three times. Eventually the troops began straggling out of their barracks, slowly moving into the company street, forming three uneven rows. Terry stood on the sidewalk watching them, shaking his head sadly. “Ye gods, gentlemen,” he said, “you’re killing me.”

Aaron watched through the orderly-room window. Terry was walking in front of the troops now, scolding them, his long arms hanging limp at his sides, his stubby legs carrying him jerkily forward. All you need is a banana, Aaron thought. Terry the ape.

That night they went to a motel. Terry was waiting for him in his car when he finished supper. Aaron got in quietly and they drove off post for a while. The motel was some fifteen miles distant, small and dirty, a series of peeling gray cubicles with a hand-painted “Vacancy” sign in front. Their cabin was filthy. Aaron found a cockroach scuttling down one side of the bathtub.

He killed it slowly.

The next day Aaron was eating lunch in the mess hall when Scudder jiggled up to him.

“I’m getting my car,” Scudder said.

Aaron went on eating.

“They allow us cars in this company,” Scudder explained. “And I’m getting mine. I’m having it sent down. It’s a convertible.”

Aaron continued to eat, staring at his tin tray. “What are you telling me for?”

“Well ... uh ... whenever you want to ... uh ... use it, you can. Feel free.”

Aaron looked up at the other boy. “You ought to know better than to go lending your car to anybody who wants it.”

“Oh, I don’t lend it to just anybody. Only special friends.”

“Scudder, you and I are not special friends.”

“We could be.”

“Not bloody likely.” Aaron resumed eating. “You’re a slob, Scudder.”

Branch laughed. “If you ever want to go anyplace,” he finished, “feel free.”

“Thanks. Now will you let me finish eating?”

“You don’t want me to stay and talk to you? I can.” Aaron glared at the other boy. Branch smiled. “See you, Aaron,” he said. Then, for no reason at all—there was only four feet between them—he waved.

Again, that night, Aaron accompanied Terry to a motel. A different motel this time, a few miles farther from post. “Caution,” Terry explained it. This motel was older than the previous one, but just as badly kept. As they walked to their cabin Aaron lit a cigarette.

Terry opened the door to the cabin. “Come on,” he said.

“I’m smoking.”

“You can smoke in here.”

“I know that.”

“I’m waiting, Aaron.”

“Do you good,” Aaron told him. He finished his cigarette, grinding it out in the dust. Then he went inside.

Later, when they were going back to the car, Terry touched him. It was dark and Terry reached out, putting a thick hand on Aaron’s shoulder.

Aaron spun around, throwing the hand off. “Don’t ever do that!”

“Do what?”

“Lay a hand on me in the open.”

Terry shrugged, looking around. The motel was quiet. “You see anybody?”

“I won’t warn you again,” Aaron said.

Terry smiled at him. “I don’t get you.”

“That’s right. And you never will.”

The following night, Thursday, as Aaron was washing up in the latrine, getting ready for bed, Branch came in.

Aaron groaned. “What is it this time, Scudder?”

“Nothing. I just wanted to ask you a question, that’s all.”

“Do I have to answer?”

Branch smoothed his thinning hair. “I was just ... uh ... wondering if ... uh ... if you liked movies?”

Aaron dried his hands and face. “I love movies. I’m a movie nut. I plan to write some if I ever have the time.” He slung his towel over his shoulder and left the latrine, walking toward his bunk.

Branch followed him. “The reason I asked was that there’s this terrific movie playing in Capital City on Saturday night.”

“There is, huh?”

“Yes. A revival of
Bicycle Thief
. It’s an Italian movie. De Sica directed it.”

“I know who directed it.”

“Have you seen it?”

“No.”

“Let’s go, then. Saturday night.”

“It’s fifty miles to Capital City.”

“I’ve got a car. Remember?” He was speaking quickly now. “We can just go on in and see it. The two of us. I think it’ll be fun. Hey. You know what? We can have dinner in Capital City. They’ve got some good restaurants in there. I’ve been told that.”

“I’m a little low on funds right now, Scudder.”

“Oh, I’ll pay. I’ll pay for everything. Dinner and the movie. Everything. It’ll be worth it to me. We can get good and acquainted. I’m looking forward to it already.”

“You rich?”

Branch laughed. “Not so much rich as spoiled. I’m spoiled. Rosie gives me pretty much whatever I want.”

“Rosie?”

“My mother. Rosie, I call her.”

“Cute,” Aaron said.

“How about it? You want to go?”

“Will you quit pestering me if I do?”

“Maybe.”

Aaron did not hesitate. “Sure, Scudder. As long as you’re paying for it, I’ll tag along.”

“Good,” Branch said. “You just leave everything to me. I’ll take care of everything. Good.” He turned and hurried out of the barracks.

Fifteen minutes later he was back.

“Scudder, old buddy,” Aaron said. “What a pleasant surprise.”

“I was just thinking,” Branch began.

“I find that highly doubtful.”

“It’s a long drive back at night after the movie.”

“You’re right. Let’s forget the whole thing.”

“No, no. That’s not what I meant. What I meant was ... uh ... that ... well ... uh ... Regency House is in Capital City and that’s one of the best hotels in the whole country. It is. I know that for a fact. They’ve got gorgeous suites in Regency House. Big and spacious. With a view of the river. Some of them even have terraces.”