Box Set: The ArringtonTrilogy (33 page)

Eugenia placed the letter down on the small
table and said, “You are the death of everyone, including this
family.”

“How is this my fault?” I cried.

“You have managed to send every man away! I
needed Warren Stone here in your father’s absence!”

Eugenia lashed out at me. I held my hands out
to shield myself from being struck. Eugenia’s fury became violent.
She held me responsible for everything that had ever gone wrong in
her life.

“You are an evil presence. You are the devil
in disguise. I have asked God to help me, begged him to take you
away, yet here you are, instead of my girls. How can this be?”

She hit me several times, striking my face
with her large hands, sending me down to the floor. Then she
proceeded to kick me in my back.

“Please, Eugenia, please stop!” I cried. “In
whom we have redemption through his blood, even then forgiveness of
sins!”

Out of breath she panted, clutching her
chest.

“It’s too late,” she muttered. “Your sins
will never be forgiven. Not even God can save you now.”

Eugenia quoted from the letter. The last line
she had purposely left out before.

“. . . and lastly, with my parting words, I
divulge to you that Amelia is with child.”

Warren betrayed me! Not only did he disclose
my condition, but knew she would believe it was Patrick’s baby.

“Undress.”

I began to sob.

“Take off your clothes!”

Between sobs I couldn’t contain, I undressed
and stood before Eugenia. There was no fooling Eugenia as I had
Warren. Any woman could tell how far along I was.

I had never seen Eugenia at a loss for words.
She just shook her head in incredulity, almost unable to comprehend
what she was seeing.

“How did I allow this to happen?” she finally
asked. “This is the biggest disgrace, the most shameful act yet.
You are carrying your brother’s child. This creature will be born
with horns and a tail. It will be a deformed, hideous beast!”

“No, no. It’s Warren’s child. I swear it!” I
lied. “Patrick and I never consummated our love. Warren took me,
more than once! He has been lying to you, Eugenia. His hasn’t had
amnesia all these months. He told me so. And he has been stealing
from you and Daddy!”

“You stifle your mouth! I don’t believe you!
I can’t listen to this anymore. I have to do something. If Thomas
returns and learns of this disgrace, he will be mortified. I can’t
allow this devil child to be born!”

She didn’t believe for one moment that it
could be Warren’s baby. I grabbed hold of Eugenia, begging for
mercy, crying and pleading for her not to harm my unborn baby.

“Let go of me!” she barked and slapped me
away.

“I will marry Warren!” I shouted as reached
for the door. “He will take me away. He believes it is his baby. He
came to me, forced himself on me. He didn’t realize I was already
with child. This way you will never have to see me again. You won’t
be shamed. Please Eugenia! I will do anything.”

I could see I was getting through to her as
she stood in deep thought.

“Perhaps that is the solution to this
appalling dilemma. I will have Hamilton search him out. Hopefully
it’s not too late; hopefully he hasn’t gone off to war. For your
own sake, you’d better hope not.”

Over the period of searching high and low for
Warren Stone throughout the entire state of Georgia, Eugenia did
all she could to try to end the life of my unborn baby .

She made dangerous concoctions of different
herbs, all supposedly a remedy for ending an unwanted pregnancy.
She also had me drink brewer’s yeast and pennyroyal tea day after
day, yet nothing happened. Eugenia was becoming frustrated.
Hamilton had not returned with Warren, and my baby inside me grew
and began to flutter around. To keep Eugenia from demanding a more
brutal method of ending my condition, I lied to her and told her
the baby had stopped moving, and I was having terrible cramping
pains.

A slow smirk appeared when I convinced her
the baby was dying. “Good. My prayers have been answered after all.
It will be only a matter of time now. That thing inside you should
come out dead soon. Hamilton will return with Warren and you will
marry him.”

“Why would I marry him if I am no longer
carrying a baby?” I groaned.

“Because I don’t want the likes of you here
anymore. I want you gone for good. Then when Thomas returns, we can
start our lives over, without you to taint the prospect of a good
future. The South shall win the war, we will be freed from the
Union and thrive. We will acquire new slaves and rebuild what took
years to attain. The plantation will prosper, and all our riches
will be replenished.”

Eugenia took a breath and smiled. I was
sitting in my chair, my hands covering my belly, hoping she
wouldn’t examine me again as she did every day, now that she
believed the baby was dead.

“As soon as the bleeding commences, call for
Abigail. Have her take it to the woods and dig a deep grave. Then
the devil can come get it.”

Her words gave me chills, and I was thankful
when she left. Now I only had to come up with a plan with Mammy. We
had to conspire and make Eugenia believe I was no longer carrying
the child of Patrick Arrington.

~ ~ ~

“I ain’t doing it, Miss Amelia,” Mammy said.
“It ain’t right.”

“Please, Mammy, there is no other way.
Eugenia will resort to extreme measures to kill this baby. Even if
that means killing me,” I cried.

Mammy knew I was right and reluctantly
agreed. For my own safety.

“Tonight, Mammy. Bring cloths and a knife.
And don’t tell a soul about this, not even Hattie. Promise me.”

I made Mammy swear.

“I don’t like this. Don’t like this one
bit.”

“Just go. Come back when you hear my pretend
screams of agony. I’ll begin just before Eugenia retires for the
night.”

“What you gonna do after that? Your baby
still be on the way,” she asked, full of worry.

“The dresses will hide me until I figure out
what to do. I have no other choice.”

I nervously paced the room for hours, able to
think of nothing else but the propaganda Mammy and I were soon to
undertake. I then pulled out my journal and began to write to pass
the time. I made up the story of my child’s conception, for when I
died, the fabrication would live on, just the way I devised.

The story told of how after Patrick ran off,
Warren couldn’t help himself any longer, which in part was the
dreadful truth. He’d lusted after me all along, and he was obsessed
with my beauty and enthralled with my voluptuous body. I had Warren
take me out of the attic, promising me an innocent walk in the
fresh night air. I didn’t want anyone to know I had been slipped
sleeping powders and that he took me as I slept. I thought nothing
untoward of his request, and I accepted. I was grateful for the
reprieve from my prison cell of a room.

At first Warren was kind and talked of sweet
nothings. He revealed that he loved me and wanted to marry me. It
was only when I refused that, without warning, he grabbed me and
threw me down. He took my innocence by the river’s edge, under the
willow, in the darkness of the night. He muted my screams with his
lips pressed onto mine, and he held my arms down while he finished
his sinful deed. Once he learned of my condition, that I was
carrying his baby, Warren ran off, knowing what he had done was
wrong and vile and regretting it.

I placed the cap on the inkwell, making that
the last entry in my journal, for soon enough I would begin a new
life. No doubt Warren would be found and brought back to me. Then,
in only a short time, I would be dead. Then all my troubles and my
anguished life would finally be over.

My screams of terror and cries for Mammy to
come help me were all too real. I dropped to the floor, seizing my
stomach.

“Mammy! Hurry!”

I slit both my thighs under my dress two
inches long with a letter opener, allowing blood to flow down my
ankles and into a puddle onto the floor.

The door was quickly unlocked, and it burst
open.

“Get Mammy,” I screeched.

Eugenia turned pale when she saw all the
blood, and she flew out to find Mammy. Mammy came in moments later
and told Eugenia to go. “This sure is gonna to be gruesome, Mrs.
Arrington. You ain’t gonna want to see this.”

Eugenia nodded, ran out, and slammed the door
shut. I stayed down on the floor while Mammy stood over me as I let
out angst-ridden howls, begged God to take me away now and end my
torture, knowing Eugenia was right outside the door listening to
every bit of it.

I tugged onto Mammy’s skirt, indicating that
she needed to add something.

“Miss Amelia, you need to push.”

“I can’t. It hurts too much!”

I thought back to the night Mammy brought
Jacob Thomas into the world and pretended I was her. She was in so
much pain then, it was all too scary for me to witness.

“The baby is coming!” Mammy said aloud. I
nodded, and whispered for her to continue. “Push down harder. It’s
almost here!”

I let out a long, primitive, ear-piercing
scream, and then went silent. Mammy quickly took one of my small
old rag dolls and wrapped it in a blood-tinged cloth, then opened
the door.

“I need to get this buried right away!”

Eugenia appeared sickened, just looking at
the cloth.

“What was it?” she warily asked.

Mammy looked over to me, then back at Eugenia
and replied in a dry, tight voice, “A monster child. Born
dead.”

I pretended to moan in pain as I lay feebly
on the floor in my own blood.

Eugenia struggled for breath and covered her
mouth, trying to hold back her sickness, but to no avail. She ran
off to heave, leaving me to hurry and bandage up my self-inflicted
wounds. Later Mammy came back from the woods and stitched my legs
up.

“Did you really bury the doll?” I asked
between winces.

“I did,” she replied, concentrating on her
sewing. “Don’t know how long Mrs. Arrington’s gonna believe
it.”

“As soon as Warren returns, I will run off
with him and stay far from Eugenia.”

Mammy began to work on my other leg. I lay as
still as possible. The night grew hot; the room was uncomfortable
and stuffy. Mammy was drizzled in sweat, exhausted from the ordeal,
yet she carried on with only concern for my welfare. I watched her
long fingers thread the needle and puncture my skin.

“Ouch!”

“I’m sorry, Miss Amelia. I’m gonna get done
trying not to give you too much pain.”

“I wish things were different. I wish we
could go back in time and have our family back. Just like it used
to be when it was only you, Daddy, Hattie, and I. And when
Cordelia, Abraham, and Helen were still alive. I miss those days,
Mammy.”

“Those days are long gone now. No sense in
wishing for things that never gonna happen. You gone and grown up,
got a baby of your own on the way. Life ain’t never gonna be the
same.” She signed heavily.

A lump formed in my tight throat. Mammy was
right. I was grown up enough to have been married and conceive a
baby. I had experienced different kinds of love. I shared a
virtuous love with Perry, shared an immoral love with Patrick, and
fought off the irreverent love of Warren. Nothing about my life
could ever be the same. There were no longer going to be anymore
wistful, youthful days playing by the woods with the other
plantation children or cooling off by the shallow edge of the river
in the sweltering Georgia summers. I no longer daydreamed about my
life ending like in fairytales. Reality was a slap in the face. I
hadn’t anything to look forward to any longer. Not even the
fluttering of the baby inside me, the child that was created out of
my love for Perry, was enough to give me any happiness.

I began to fall into a depression. There was
little to encourage me to rise out of bed and face the day. Since
the supposed death of the baby I was carrying, Eugenia had my
belongings moved back to my room, announcing that my punishment was
concluded. “You have done your duty and flushed that evil spawn
from you. You are free to leave the attic. However, since Hamilton
had no luck finding Warren, I will allow you a few more weeks
before I ban you from this mansion. Decide what you will do, where
you will go, for you are no longer welcome at Sutton Hall.”

I didn’t care to respond and remained curled
up in my bed, falling back asleep. It didn’t matter that I belonged
to Sutton Hall just as much as she did, or that I believed that
Daddy would never want me to be forsaken.

Mammy tried to look after me and tend to my
needs; however, I shunned her efforts.

“Come outside and get some fresh air. Mrs.
Arrington is going into Savannah today. It will be safe to get
up.”

“I don’t care to. I only want to sleep,” I
insisted.

* * *

Violent storms, by both Mother Nature and
man, raged in the South, yet I remained undaunted. Mammy tried to
tell me how close the Union was getting, how Eugenia was frantic
with worry, but all I could do was lie in bed, contemplating my own
demise. What happened to the South didn’t matter to me. Why would
it? I was only going to be alive another four months. My days were
counting down, and I became more and aware of my ill-fated future
as my belly grew and grew.

Mammy was becoming perturbed with me as I
refused to care for myself. I hardly bathed or brushed my hair, and
I practically starved myself.

“You got to eat now. You looking peaked. Now
open your mouth and take in some soup. Got good vegetables in
it.”

“I’m not hungry,” I snapped.

“You got to feed that baby inside you!”