Bouquet Toss (17 page)

“I know,” I say, trying my best to reassure him, “But, at least once you purchase the ring, I can relax.  I’m so excited right now I can hardly stand it.”

“Oh good. I was worried this would be awkward for you.  Because of, well, you know...”

Hesitating briefly before speaking, I take a deep breath, trying my best not to cry.  “It is a little awkward after seeing Mayson’s ring.  But, my happiness for Morgan means so much more.  Just bear with me if I start to cry in the jewelry stores, okay?” 

Matt cringes and I laugh nervously, “I promise it won’t last long.  My emotions seem to get the better of me whenever I think of him.”

“Look, Daphne. I know I only met the guy once, but I have to say I wasn’t that impressed.  He seemed, I don’t know...” Matt’s brow furrows and he breaks our eye contact, clearly conflicted.

“What?  How did he seem, Matt?  I’m interested to hear a male perspective.” 

“I don’t know, Daph.”  Matt’s frown deepens, “He just didn’t seem good enough for you.  You seemed kind of ill at ease around him.  I’m so used to seeing you as such a jokester with Morgan and all of your friends.  You weren’t like that around him.  He was kind of a buzz kill.”

Wow, struck by Matt’s words, I feel stunned.  Matt is normally the laid back, never-has-strong opinions about stuff, kind of guy.  But, clearly he had a strong impression of Mayson, and quite an undesirable one at that.

“I’m sorry, Daphne.  Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.  But, I know how much Morgan wants you to be happy with someone who really loves you.”

“And Morgan doesn’t think Mayson loved me?” Tears are forming and beginning to stream down my face.  Matt looks like he’s ready to run as far away from me as possible.

“I don’t know how to answer that, Daphne.  I think we just agreed that something was off with the guy.  That’s all.  I’m really sorry that I brought it up.  You’re doing me such a favor and I feel awful that I brought you back to that nightmare.”

“To be honest, it would’ve happened the second they pulled the first ring out of the case.  At least, this way, I can try to get my crying over with instead of freaking out the salespeople.”  Matt and I share an uncomfortable laugh.  “Look, this day is not about Mayson.  It’s about you, Morgan and your future together.  Let’s not go backwards anymore tonight.  Instead, let’s move forward.”

“Alright, let’s do this,” Matt says, taking a deep breath and offering me his arm.  I wipe the last few tears off my cheeks and smile up at him.

The jewelry store Matt has selected is intimidating.  Several salespeople are standing nearby and each of them turn their attention quickly towards us as we enter the store.  We find ourselves seated in front of a large case of platinum engagement rings.  I share Morgan’s preferences with a saleswoman named Lisa who immediately begins pulling ring after ring out of the case.  Matt’s face becomes increasingly pale as several rings sit before him.

“Take a deep breath, Matt.  We’re going to find the right one.”  I reassure him, patting his arm softly.

“So, tell me about your girlfriend,” Lisa says, “Sometimes it helps me to find the right ring.”

“Well, she’s awesome...so, so awesome,” Matt says, color returning to his cheeks as he thinks of Morgan.  Lisa winks at me.  “She’s sweet and beautiful and the sassiest chick on the planet.  She’s really loyal and fun and I’m incredibly lucky.”

“That’s wonderful,” Lisa replies.

“I’ve been planning to do this for a while. In fact, I should’ve done it months ago and I’m not sure what was holding me back.  But, I don’t want to let any more time go by.”  Looking at Matt with true admiration, I notice his eyes are slowly glossing over as he thinks about Morgan and his commitment to her.  I wish I could record this moment in time for Morgan as I know she’d love to see it.

After two hours looking at rings from three different shops, we find ourselves back at the first shop with Lisa our saleswoman.  Matt keeps focusing his attention back to two similar bands.  Both have large solitaire diamonds on platinum settings, but one is a true solitaire with sculpting in the band.  The other has a gorgeous, unique border around the diamond which reminds me so much of Morgan.  It’s striking yet whimsical, not your average engagement ring.   My gut tells me that Morgan will fall in love instantly when Matt places this exquisite band on her finger.

“This is the ring, Matt,” I say with complete confidence.

“I was hoping you would say that. I couldn’t agree more.  Both of these rings are really nice, Lisa. But, this is the one.  This is the one that I can see on her finger.”  Matt is beaming with pride as he hands the band to Lisa.

“Congratulations. We can have it ready for you in the next week if you’d like to purchase it now.”

“Absolutely, I stole one of her rings from her apartment so that you could size it properly.”  Matt says proudly.

“Excellent,” Lisa nods as she proceeds with the sale.  Matt breathes a sigh of relief and I bask in his excitement, pushing down my feelings of sadness. Several of the rings we viewed looked so much like the ring Cece gave to me.  But, now that the shopping is complete, I feel drained and need to retreat to the comforts of home in order to find solace.  Tonight was a reminder of how wounded I still am.

Dancing

“I don’t understand why you won’t give the guy a chance.  He’s been interested in you for so long.  Give him a break!” Morgan yells at me.

“Morgan, I’m embarrassed.  That morning, when I found Evan in my bed, I regretted it instantly.  All I wanted to do was be with Mayson again.  I practically pushed him out the door.  How on earth could I possibly start dating him now? He’ll think I’m only with him because Mayson is, well, no longer in the picture.” I still can’t articulate the words.  I still can’t acknowledge verbally that Mayson has died.

“Well, when you say it like that, yes, it does sound pretty bad.  But, he knows all of this and yet he’s
still
interested in you.  He asked about calling you, but he wants to give you time to grieve.”

“That’s really nice,” I say, pursing my lips together, grateful for Evan’s obvious forgiveness.

“I don’t get it, Daphne. That night at the bar, you were open to the possibility that Evan was your soul mate, that he was the one Kim told you about.  But, the moment you woke up, you went right back to Mayson.”

“It was just the alcohol, Morgan.  I was being ridiculous.”

“Maybe,” she shrugs.  “But, then again, maybe you’re afraid, Daphne.”

“Afraid? Of Evan?  That’s ridiculous.”

“No, afraid of something that might actually work out.  He likes you and you like him.  It’s easy, it works and it could lead somewhere.  Mayson was difficult. Perhaps you were drawn to that.”

“You think I liked being treated poorly?  You think I liked the crazy ups and downs?” I ask incredulously, bordering on tears.

“Don’t get upset, Daphne.  I’m not saying you liked it.  I’m saying you might be afraid of actually finding your soul mate, of actually finding the right guy. Maybe you’re not ready for the next step.”

“Are you?” I ask, “Are you ready for the next step with Matt?”

“Yes, I am.  If you asked me that same question six months ago, my answer may have been different.  Am I saying that Evan is definitely the one for you?  No. I have no idea.  But, I do know that you two were drawn to each other that night and there’s no harm in seeing if there is something there.  I’m asking you to give it one date, just one little date.  Forgive yourself for the one night stand and let the man take you out to dinner.”

“Alright, give me his number and I’ll call him.”

“Good girl,” Morgan smiles, writing his number down on a post-it note.
             

That night, I pull out the bright pink post-it, take a deep breath and dial Evan’s number.  He picks up right away.

“Hello?” he says expectantly.

“Hi, Evan, it’s Daphne Harper.”

“Hey, Daphne.  How are you?”

“I’m fine, thanks for asking.  I got your number from Morgan.  I hope that’s alright.”

“Oh yeah, sure that’s okay.  I’m glad to hear from you.  I was hoping you would call sometime.  But, I know you’ve had a rough go of it lately.  I’m sorry about everything that happened to you.” 

“Wow, thanks.  I wasn’t sure if it would be alright to call, you know, after how I behaved.  I’m sorry, Evan.  I’m not normally like that.”

“I know. I’ve paid attention since I first met you.  You’re a nice girl, Daphne. I know you were dealing with the hand you’d been dealt.  No worries.”  He’s so carefree, so quick to forgive.  It’s nice.

“Well, I was wondering if we could start fresh.  Maybe grab dinner sometime?”

“I’d like that, Daphne.  In fact, I have an extra ticket for the House of Blues this Saturday night.  My buddy blew me off and left me hanging.  I’d hate to go alone. Do you like the Black Keys?  They’re one of my favorites!”

“That sounds awesome.  I could use a fun night out.”

“It’s settled then.  I’ll pick you up at 7:00 and we’ll head down for the show.”  I hang up the phone and smile.  I’m definitely looking forward to my evening with the laid back, understanding Evan.

Evan arrives right on time, looking just as I remember him, trimmed short brown hair, hazel eyes, a chiseled chin and defined features.  He really is attractive and the idea of another shot with him is becoming more and more desirable by the minute.

“You look great, Daphne. It’s really good to see you again.”

“Thanks, right back ‘atcha! Shall we go?”

Evan and I have no trouble making small talk as we drive downtown to the House of Blues.  He smiles frequently at me and I notice an exceptionally cute little dimple on his left cheek.  He’s so confident, so attractive and easy to be around. Still, as attractive as I find Evan, I’m not feeling any sort of electricity.  Perhaps it’s all of the inept feelings that have surrounded me since that morning we said goodbye at my back door.  Deep down I wonder if it could be more but, I worry we are just incompatible and no amount of drunken sexual attraction can fix that.

We arrive at the House of Blues right as The Black Keys take the stage. 

“Come on, Daphne. Let’s do what we do best.  Dance with me,” Evan says, with a sly smile.  My heart skips a beat.  I’m sober and not feeling attracted to him like I did the last time we joined each other on a dance floor. 

Evan studies my face and sighs, “No, I didn’t mean that.  We did actually do some dancing the last time we were together. Come on, dance with me!”  He teases and extends his hand to me.  I relax and join him on the dance floor.

We laugh and dance as we listen to the music.  He sings many of the lyrics aloud as he twirls me around, his strong hands making only chaste movements toward me.  I can tell he’s trying to prove a point.  He isn’t looking for a dance floor make out session.  Knowing this, my body language changes and I’m free to be myself, to relax with him, swaying my hips to the music and singing along to the lyrics as I learn them.  Evan raises my arms above me, swaying from side to side and I find myself laughing harder than I have in months. I’m having fun for the first time in so long.  I wish I could bottle up this feeling and keep it forever.  Endorphins stream through my body as we dance to song after song.

Hours later, Evan suggests stopping for a drink on our way back to the suburbs.

“It was so loud in there, Daphne.  We didn’t really get a chance to hang out and chat.  Plus, I’m thirsty as hell. How about it?  You up for a nightcap?”

“Definitely,” I nod, not ready for our night to be over, the buzz of the club still lingering in my limbs.  Even if I tried to go home and go to sleep, I wouldn’t be able to. One more drink won’t hurt.

Shortly after sitting down at the bar and ordering our drinks, Evan surprises me by bringing up the one topic I had thought he’d avoid.

“So, tell me about him,” he says, giving me a knowing smile.

Taken aback, I reply, “Who?” But, I know exactly to whom he is referring.

“You know…the guy.” Evan smiles warmly, attempting to ease my obvious anxiety over the topic at hand.

“Mayson?”  He nods in reply.  “Well, I’m not really sure what to tell you.  He was very important to me, but he also hurt me quite a bit, left a lot of mental scars.  I’m trying my best to move on, but it’s complicated.”

“I understand.  I’ve been burned before, too.” He nods as the bartender sets our drinks in front of us.  Evan passes my sangria to me and clutches his bottle of
Corona
.

“Really, who was she?” I ask before taking a sip of the fruity wine.

“Her name was Kate.  God, I was so in love with that girl.  We dated for about three years and I was working up the nerve to look at rings.”  Evan spins his beer bottle, pursing his lips.  “But, then she got really weird on me.  She started to avoid me and was always making excuses not to stay over or spend time together.  I’m sure you can probably guess what happened next.”

“Was she cheating on you?”  I ask, hoping I’m wrong.

“You guessed it.”  Evan says with a bit of an edge.  He looks slightly uncomfortable as he continues to whirl his drink. His eyes are locked on mine.