Bound Together (37 page)
Authors: Marie Coulson
Irritated at his
assumptions I snarled at him furiously. “How dare you accuse him of
being deceitful! You have no idea what he’s going through. I’ve
seen for myself firsthand and it’s not something he could or would
have made up just to get to me. Besides it was me who urged him to
talk about it. He was more than happy to go along living in his
hell alone. He’s my friend Jared and he needs people around him who
care. I will not just abandon him like everyone else in his life
has. You need to accept that or this, me and you, is never going to
work. I told you before, you don’t have to like him and you don’t
even have to trust him but you have to trust me! I would never
cheat on you Jared and I thought you knew me well enough to know
how I feel about you, that I want you and only you!”
“
Oh come on Layla you
really think he won’t use this sudden crisis to his advantage? Take
that opportunity to get closer to you? He’s a guy Layla, he doesn’t
think like you do. And how can you think I’d know how you feel when
you never tell me how you feel. You say you love me but those three
words begin to feel really numb sometimes. It’s like I never know
what you’re really thinking or feeling when you say them. I’m
totally devoted to you Layla. I think about you constantly and
can’t imagine my life without you. You’re the air in my lungs, the
blood in my veins and the constant beat of my heart. I love you so
much, I can’t think straight. As long as you walk this earth, no
other woman even exists to me. That’s how I feel Layla, every
minute of every damn day since I first laid eyes on you. But how
you feel about me is a total fucking mystery and I get the feeling
you’re holding back on me. If this, us, isn’t what you want then
just cut the fucking cord already. Don’t keep torturing
me.”
Fury was coursing through
my body as I yelled into the cell phone I held in my now shaky
hand. “Just because I find it hard to express my feelings, it
doesn’t mean that I don’t feel anything! I’m not some ice queen
with a heart of stone. I feel exactly the same about you and I
can’t understand how you could ever doubt that. I love you with
every breath in my body. I have never felt so totally out of
control in my entire life and it scares the hell out of me. I’m
terrified by this awesome power you have over me. With one look,
one word, one spine tingling touch, you can bring me to my knees
and at the same time lift me so high I feel like I can fly. I’ve
never felt this way before about anyone and knowing that you
actually question my feelings about you, about us, breaks my
fucking heart. I don’t want us to be over and if you ever really
knew me you’d know I love you Jared. I didn’t realize I had to say
it every damn minute for you to know that. You say you love me
Jared but you clearly don’t trust me.” Breathless and shaking with
anger I dropped the phone onto the floor and launched myself onto
my bed in a fit of rage. Growling in frustration I lay staring at
the ceiling. I could hear his yelling coming from the phone which
lay abandoned on the floor but I didn’t care. I wasn’t willing to
speak to him while I felt so utterly outraged. I wasn’t going to
cry over Jared Garrett and his stupid jealousy. It wasn’t worth the
energy.
A key turned in the door
and glancing over, I saw Amy come in. Seeing me on the bed and my
phone on the floor she rushed over to pick it up and moved away
from me. She spoke in hushed tones and I knew Jared must have been
frantic on the other end because she repeatedly asked him to calm
down and let me have some space to cool off. Hanging up, she
hurried to my side and slid behind me on the bed, draping a
protective arm over me. The emotional exhaustion of the day was
catching up with me and I felt so tired I could hardly keep my eyes
open. But I still had a shift at the coffee shop to get through, a
thought that made me feel completely drained.
“
Oh honey, I don’t know
what happened between you two but he sounded completely devastated
when you wouldn’t talk to him. Is it really that bad?”
Turning to face her I
nodded. “It’s this whole Ollie thing and the fact that apparently,
I can’t express how I feel properly. I never wanted to hurt him but
I’m scared of letting myself get so consumed by what we have. What
happens if it all ends? I don’t think I’d survive it Amy. I spent a
long time building a wall around myself when Josh broke my heart
and now Jared has taken a sledge hammer and brought it crumbling
down around me. He doubts everything I say and is constantly
accusing Ollie of being some kind of woman stealing ass-hole. Ollie
was in a bad mood earlier and I offered him a shoulder to cry on
and some support. Is that so wrong?” She shook her head but
remained silent, allowing me to continue.
“
Jared hated it when I
told him about it and accused Ollie of making it all up to get
close to me. We had a fight and he said he never knows what I’m
thinking or how I feel because I never tell him. But I show him all
the time Amy. How can he doubt me?”
Pulling me to her
tightly, she stroked my hair. “Oh sweetie, you two are so crazy
about each other and you’re both such passionate people you’re
bound to get this way sometimes. Maybe Jared is just scared of
losing you and this is the only way he knows how to deal with it?
He’s a business man Layla; they’re used to people being underhanded
and sneaky, trying to get what they want and he probably thinks
Ollie is the same. Try and cut him some slack honey. He’s miles
away, missing you like crazy and here you are in the arms of
another man. Ok so it’s only Ollie, but still, how would you feel
if it were reversed?”
My heart ached at the
thought of him in the arms of another woman, stroking her face and
their lips touching. Pushing it from my mind, I lifted my head and
looked at her. “You’re right. I’d hate it. But I would never
question how he feels about me.”
“
No but you question
everything else he does.” I raised my eyebrow at her and rolled my
eyes. She was right but it didn’t excuse his jealous
outburst.
“
Look sweetie, you know
he loves you because he tells you constantly how he feels and
showers you with his affection. Maybe you need to find a way to
show him you adore him too? In fact I think I have an idea, but you
have to be totally open-minded. Alright?” Intrigued, I nodded and
listened intently to her plan.
shop had dragged out and felt endless. Although it was only for
five hours, it felt like a lifetime when I couldn’t get Jared off
my mind. He called relentlessly, ringing every hour but I ignored
and diverted his calls. He texted but I couldn’t bring myself to
read them as yet; I was still so heartbroken over his questioning
my emotions and his assumptions about my relationship with Ollie.
When he resorted to calling the shop, Kate had taken every call,
begging him to leave me alone and let me breathe. He wasn’t giving
up easily and I felt a slight pang of guilt, knowing what he must
have been going through every time I refused to speak to
him.
Finishing up my shift, I
cleaned the tables and glanced at the door. Waving at me as she
crossed the street was Amy. I smiled at her and felt a rush of
relief as just seeing her face made me feel comforted and more at
ease. She’d been my lifeline through the whole episode that day and
between her and Kate, I was well and truly covered on the girl
support front. I thought about calling Mel so many times but with
her college work and making new friends, I didn’t want her to feel
bad for being so far from me when I needed help. We were more like
sisters than friends and no matter how long we went without
speaking, I knew I could always count on her to be there for me.
But I had made this mess and I was going to have to clean it up
like the adult I continuously told myself that I was. Even if there
were times when I wasn’t sure I believed it.
After letting Amy in,
Kate locked the doors and poured us all some coffee. Lounging on
the sofa, I ripped off my apron and stared at the swirling foam of
my cappuccino. Kate and Amy slouched on either side of me and each
draped a supportive arm around my shoulders. Pulling my coffee
towards me, Kate nudged it, encouraging me to take a
drink.
“
Layla honey I’m sure
things will work out. “ Kate said.
“
He was really upset when
you wouldn’t talk to him and every time I told him you wouldn’t
take his call, it was like I was kicking him in the crotch. I think
he’s scared that the two of you might be over.” Snapping me out of
my melancholy, I stared at her in horror. “No, it’s not over. I
wouldn’t end it like that. Oh god what a mess. Why do I constantly
make everything so complicated? First Ollie and now Jared. What am
I supposed to do though? He doesn’t trust Ollie around me and no
matter how much I tell him we’re just friends, he doesn’t seem to
understand that I would never cheat on him. Even if Ollie did feel
that way about me.” Ok, so I’d neglected to tell them that Jared
was totally right on the money and that Ollie was definitely
attracted to me. And I was certainly attracted to him but it was
just a physical and sexual allure, nothing more, so surely it
wasn’t important enough to mess up my relationship
over?
“
And then to doubt and
question how I feel about him? How could he?” I continued. “I have
given him everything. I’m in this relationship a hundred per cent.
Isn’t it obvious how I feel? I told him I love him. I’ve told him
how much he means to me. I thought that was enough. I really don’t
know if this is going to work anymore. If he can’t get past this
Ollie thing and we don’t have trust then honestly, what do we
have?”
Simultaneously the two
girls practically shouted the word “love” at me. Amy gripped my
hand with both of hers and smiled widely. “Oh Layla, he loves you.
You love him right back and you’re both insanely passionate about
each other. The rest comes with time and patience. You need to sit
down and talk to him without the whole world getting in the way.
Away from his work, away from yours, away from college and away
from Ollie. How much time have you guys actually spent talking to
each other?”
I sighed knowing she was
fully aware that Jared and I spent very little time conversing and
most of our time roaming our hands all over each other.
“
That’s what I thought.
Stop doing this to yourself sweetie. You always take things to
heart and cause tragedies out of hiccups. This is a hiccup and I
bet he’s frantic right now and sick with worry. I know you want to
talk to him really so why don’t you call him? Or at least read his
messages.” Giving me a reassuring pat on the back Kate stood up and
winked at Amy to follow her, giving me some privacy.
They disappeared into the
back room as I was pulling my cell phone from my pocket. I stared
at the screen and sighed. Thirty four missed calls and five text
messages. Ignoring the list of calls I scrolled through my messages
and began to read them.
Layla please pick up.
This is ridiculous. You can’t ignore me forever. We need to talk
about this.
Received:
15.35
From: Jared
Layla please, for the
love of god, pick up your phone. I just want to talk and work this
out. Please call me.
Received:
15.48
From: Jared
Ok. I get it. You’re mad
but ignoring my calls and messages won’t make this better. I’m in
hell here baby, please talk to me.
Received:
16.08
From: Jared
What can I do to get you
to talk to me? Amy says to leave you alone, Kate says to give you
space. The only one not telling me what you want is you. I need to
talk to you, please, just answer my calls.
Received:
16.29
From: Jared
I do trust you Layla. I’m
just terrified you’ll wake up one day and be over me, over us. I
love you and I just want to know you’re alright. Pick up. Jared.
xxxx
Received:
16.55
From: Jared
Holding my head in my
hands I sighed. His last message tore my heart and anger to pieces.
Holding my breath, I dialed his number but it diverted straight to
voicemail. Hanging up, I dropped the cell onto the couch and
groaned into my hands. Amy and Kate were at my side within moments
and I was enveloped in a comforting hug from both of them as I
fought to hold back my frustrated and anguished tears.
“
I tried to call but he’s
switched off his cell. I think it’s over. I should have called him
or answered his messages but I was too fucking stubborn for my own
good. It’s like I wanted to actually punish him or something. I
hate myself and he has every reason to hate me too. He’s right. I
am a child.”
Struggling out of their
arms, I snatched my purse from the couch and hurried to the door.
Unlocking it, Kate gave me a sympathetic look and let Amy and I
out.
We walked back to the
dorm in silence. I had nothing left in me. I was completely
shattered physically, mentally and emotionally. When we got back I
saw Amy glancing at the clock almost every five minutes and it
never occurred to me she might have plans that she was putting off
to be my shoulder to cry on. Sitting on my bed I questioned her
jittery demeanor. “Amy, do you have plans tonight? Because you
either have plans or you’re developing some kind of weird clock
fetish. Every time you see the time you seem to get a little
agitated. So what’s it to be?” Biting her bottom lip she smiled.
“Actually, I do have a date. Remember James from the opera? He’s
supposed to be taking me to his restaurant for dinner. But I can
totally cancel and stay here with you.”
assumptions I snarled at him furiously. “How dare you accuse him of
being deceitful! You have no idea what he’s going through. I’ve
seen for myself firsthand and it’s not something he could or would
have made up just to get to me. Besides it was me who urged him to
talk about it. He was more than happy to go along living in his
hell alone. He’s my friend Jared and he needs people around him who
care. I will not just abandon him like everyone else in his life
has. You need to accept that or this, me and you, is never going to
work. I told you before, you don’t have to like him and you don’t
even have to trust him but you have to trust me! I would never
cheat on you Jared and I thought you knew me well enough to know
how I feel about you, that I want you and only you!”
“
Oh come on Layla you
really think he won’t use this sudden crisis to his advantage? Take
that opportunity to get closer to you? He’s a guy Layla, he doesn’t
think like you do. And how can you think I’d know how you feel when
you never tell me how you feel. You say you love me but those three
words begin to feel really numb sometimes. It’s like I never know
what you’re really thinking or feeling when you say them. I’m
totally devoted to you Layla. I think about you constantly and
can’t imagine my life without you. You’re the air in my lungs, the
blood in my veins and the constant beat of my heart. I love you so
much, I can’t think straight. As long as you walk this earth, no
other woman even exists to me. That’s how I feel Layla, every
minute of every damn day since I first laid eyes on you. But how
you feel about me is a total fucking mystery and I get the feeling
you’re holding back on me. If this, us, isn’t what you want then
just cut the fucking cord already. Don’t keep torturing
me.”
Fury was coursing through
my body as I yelled into the cell phone I held in my now shaky
hand. “Just because I find it hard to express my feelings, it
doesn’t mean that I don’t feel anything! I’m not some ice queen
with a heart of stone. I feel exactly the same about you and I
can’t understand how you could ever doubt that. I love you with
every breath in my body. I have never felt so totally out of
control in my entire life and it scares the hell out of me. I’m
terrified by this awesome power you have over me. With one look,
one word, one spine tingling touch, you can bring me to my knees
and at the same time lift me so high I feel like I can fly. I’ve
never felt this way before about anyone and knowing that you
actually question my feelings about you, about us, breaks my
fucking heart. I don’t want us to be over and if you ever really
knew me you’d know I love you Jared. I didn’t realize I had to say
it every damn minute for you to know that. You say you love me
Jared but you clearly don’t trust me.” Breathless and shaking with
anger I dropped the phone onto the floor and launched myself onto
my bed in a fit of rage. Growling in frustration I lay staring at
the ceiling. I could hear his yelling coming from the phone which
lay abandoned on the floor but I didn’t care. I wasn’t willing to
speak to him while I felt so utterly outraged. I wasn’t going to
cry over Jared Garrett and his stupid jealousy. It wasn’t worth the
energy.
A key turned in the door
and glancing over, I saw Amy come in. Seeing me on the bed and my
phone on the floor she rushed over to pick it up and moved away
from me. She spoke in hushed tones and I knew Jared must have been
frantic on the other end because she repeatedly asked him to calm
down and let me have some space to cool off. Hanging up, she
hurried to my side and slid behind me on the bed, draping a
protective arm over me. The emotional exhaustion of the day was
catching up with me and I felt so tired I could hardly keep my eyes
open. But I still had a shift at the coffee shop to get through, a
thought that made me feel completely drained.
“
Oh honey, I don’t know
what happened between you two but he sounded completely devastated
when you wouldn’t talk to him. Is it really that bad?”
Turning to face her I
nodded. “It’s this whole Ollie thing and the fact that apparently,
I can’t express how I feel properly. I never wanted to hurt him but
I’m scared of letting myself get so consumed by what we have. What
happens if it all ends? I don’t think I’d survive it Amy. I spent a
long time building a wall around myself when Josh broke my heart
and now Jared has taken a sledge hammer and brought it crumbling
down around me. He doubts everything I say and is constantly
accusing Ollie of being some kind of woman stealing ass-hole. Ollie
was in a bad mood earlier and I offered him a shoulder to cry on
and some support. Is that so wrong?” She shook her head but
remained silent, allowing me to continue.
“
Jared hated it when I
told him about it and accused Ollie of making it all up to get
close to me. We had a fight and he said he never knows what I’m
thinking or how I feel because I never tell him. But I show him all
the time Amy. How can he doubt me?”
Pulling me to her
tightly, she stroked my hair. “Oh sweetie, you two are so crazy
about each other and you’re both such passionate people you’re
bound to get this way sometimes. Maybe Jared is just scared of
losing you and this is the only way he knows how to deal with it?
He’s a business man Layla; they’re used to people being underhanded
and sneaky, trying to get what they want and he probably thinks
Ollie is the same. Try and cut him some slack honey. He’s miles
away, missing you like crazy and here you are in the arms of
another man. Ok so it’s only Ollie, but still, how would you feel
if it were reversed?”
My heart ached at the
thought of him in the arms of another woman, stroking her face and
their lips touching. Pushing it from my mind, I lifted my head and
looked at her. “You’re right. I’d hate it. But I would never
question how he feels about me.”
“
No but you question
everything else he does.” I raised my eyebrow at her and rolled my
eyes. She was right but it didn’t excuse his jealous
outburst.
“
Look sweetie, you know
he loves you because he tells you constantly how he feels and
showers you with his affection. Maybe you need to find a way to
show him you adore him too? In fact I think I have an idea, but you
have to be totally open-minded. Alright?” Intrigued, I nodded and
listened intently to her plan.
Chapter
29
In The Still Of The
Night
shop had dragged out and felt endless. Although it was only for
five hours, it felt like a lifetime when I couldn’t get Jared off
my mind. He called relentlessly, ringing every hour but I ignored
and diverted his calls. He texted but I couldn’t bring myself to
read them as yet; I was still so heartbroken over his questioning
my emotions and his assumptions about my relationship with Ollie.
When he resorted to calling the shop, Kate had taken every call,
begging him to leave me alone and let me breathe. He wasn’t giving
up easily and I felt a slight pang of guilt, knowing what he must
have been going through every time I refused to speak to
him.
Finishing up my shift, I
cleaned the tables and glanced at the door. Waving at me as she
crossed the street was Amy. I smiled at her and felt a rush of
relief as just seeing her face made me feel comforted and more at
ease. She’d been my lifeline through the whole episode that day and
between her and Kate, I was well and truly covered on the girl
support front. I thought about calling Mel so many times but with
her college work and making new friends, I didn’t want her to feel
bad for being so far from me when I needed help. We were more like
sisters than friends and no matter how long we went without
speaking, I knew I could always count on her to be there for me.
But I had made this mess and I was going to have to clean it up
like the adult I continuously told myself that I was. Even if there
were times when I wasn’t sure I believed it.
After letting Amy in,
Kate locked the doors and poured us all some coffee. Lounging on
the sofa, I ripped off my apron and stared at the swirling foam of
my cappuccino. Kate and Amy slouched on either side of me and each
draped a supportive arm around my shoulders. Pulling my coffee
towards me, Kate nudged it, encouraging me to take a
drink.
“
Layla honey I’m sure
things will work out. “ Kate said.
“
He was really upset when
you wouldn’t talk to him and every time I told him you wouldn’t
take his call, it was like I was kicking him in the crotch. I think
he’s scared that the two of you might be over.” Snapping me out of
my melancholy, I stared at her in horror. “No, it’s not over. I
wouldn’t end it like that. Oh god what a mess. Why do I constantly
make everything so complicated? First Ollie and now Jared. What am
I supposed to do though? He doesn’t trust Ollie around me and no
matter how much I tell him we’re just friends, he doesn’t seem to
understand that I would never cheat on him. Even if Ollie did feel
that way about me.” Ok, so I’d neglected to tell them that Jared
was totally right on the money and that Ollie was definitely
attracted to me. And I was certainly attracted to him but it was
just a physical and sexual allure, nothing more, so surely it
wasn’t important enough to mess up my relationship
over?
“
And then to doubt and
question how I feel about him? How could he?” I continued. “I have
given him everything. I’m in this relationship a hundred per cent.
Isn’t it obvious how I feel? I told him I love him. I’ve told him
how much he means to me. I thought that was enough. I really don’t
know if this is going to work anymore. If he can’t get past this
Ollie thing and we don’t have trust then honestly, what do we
have?”
Simultaneously the two
girls practically shouted the word “love” at me. Amy gripped my
hand with both of hers and smiled widely. “Oh Layla, he loves you.
You love him right back and you’re both insanely passionate about
each other. The rest comes with time and patience. You need to sit
down and talk to him without the whole world getting in the way.
Away from his work, away from yours, away from college and away
from Ollie. How much time have you guys actually spent talking to
each other?”
I sighed knowing she was
fully aware that Jared and I spent very little time conversing and
most of our time roaming our hands all over each other.
“
That’s what I thought.
Stop doing this to yourself sweetie. You always take things to
heart and cause tragedies out of hiccups. This is a hiccup and I
bet he’s frantic right now and sick with worry. I know you want to
talk to him really so why don’t you call him? Or at least read his
messages.” Giving me a reassuring pat on the back Kate stood up and
winked at Amy to follow her, giving me some privacy.
They disappeared into the
back room as I was pulling my cell phone from my pocket. I stared
at the screen and sighed. Thirty four missed calls and five text
messages. Ignoring the list of calls I scrolled through my messages
and began to read them.
Layla please pick up.
This is ridiculous. You can’t ignore me forever. We need to talk
about this.
Received:
15.35
From: Jared
Layla please, for the
love of god, pick up your phone. I just want to talk and work this
out. Please call me.
Received:
15.48
From: Jared
Ok. I get it. You’re mad
but ignoring my calls and messages won’t make this better. I’m in
hell here baby, please talk to me.
Received:
16.08
From: Jared
What can I do to get you
to talk to me? Amy says to leave you alone, Kate says to give you
space. The only one not telling me what you want is you. I need to
talk to you, please, just answer my calls.
Received:
16.29
From: Jared
I do trust you Layla. I’m
just terrified you’ll wake up one day and be over me, over us. I
love you and I just want to know you’re alright. Pick up. Jared.
xxxx
Received:
16.55
From: Jared
Holding my head in my
hands I sighed. His last message tore my heart and anger to pieces.
Holding my breath, I dialed his number but it diverted straight to
voicemail. Hanging up, I dropped the cell onto the couch and
groaned into my hands. Amy and Kate were at my side within moments
and I was enveloped in a comforting hug from both of them as I
fought to hold back my frustrated and anguished tears.
“
I tried to call but he’s
switched off his cell. I think it’s over. I should have called him
or answered his messages but I was too fucking stubborn for my own
good. It’s like I wanted to actually punish him or something. I
hate myself and he has every reason to hate me too. He’s right. I
am a child.”
Struggling out of their
arms, I snatched my purse from the couch and hurried to the door.
Unlocking it, Kate gave me a sympathetic look and let Amy and I
out.
We walked back to the
dorm in silence. I had nothing left in me. I was completely
shattered physically, mentally and emotionally. When we got back I
saw Amy glancing at the clock almost every five minutes and it
never occurred to me she might have plans that she was putting off
to be my shoulder to cry on. Sitting on my bed I questioned her
jittery demeanor. “Amy, do you have plans tonight? Because you
either have plans or you’re developing some kind of weird clock
fetish. Every time you see the time you seem to get a little
agitated. So what’s it to be?” Biting her bottom lip she smiled.
“Actually, I do have a date. Remember James from the opera? He’s
supposed to be taking me to his restaurant for dinner. But I can
totally cancel and stay here with you.”
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