Bound to the Past (Starville Series Book 1) (45 page)

Carson smiled back at her. “Hi. Iʼm Carson.”

“Tracy.” She happily took the hand heʼd extended to her, then took out her notepad, but her gaze remained fixed on him even as she took his order. When she was done, she placed a hand on his shoulder and leaned over him. “Donʼt go anywhere. Iʼll be right back.”

Sara couldnʼt help grinning as she watched her sashay toward the kitchen. “How does it feel, Cars?”

“What?”

“Sweeping a woman off her feet with a simple look.”

He lifted one shoulder. “The only one I care about is completely immune to me.”

There was so much sadness in his murmured words and so much pain in his blue eyes that Sara and Nicky could only exchange a silent look, not sure what to say.

Nicky cleared her throat. “How long are you staying in town, Carson?”

“Not long at all. Jamie and I will be driving back to the ranch tonight after I pick him up at the airport.” A real smile finally lit up his eyes at the mention of his son. Then he turned back to Sara. “I almost forgot, kid. I donʼt mean to ruin your day, but I heard somebody else just got back to town.”

Nicky huffed, her eyes tapered with anger. “Who? Mr. Jackass?”

“Yep. I met Brent outside, and he asked me to give you the heads-up: Turner called and said heʼs going to pick up his bike this afternoon,” he confirmed contritely.

Sara swallowed hard. Her heart was pounding in her throat, but she shook her head with a faint smile. “Itʼs okay. Iʼll have to meet Jack again sooner or later, and the sooner the better, right?” Besides, just because he was back in town it didnʼt mean sheʼd meet him. …Right?

Carson gave her a long look, and she knew exactly what he was thinking—if she did see Jack again, she would have no more excuses not to tell him about the baby. That thought made her want to wrap herself back in the cocoon-like security of Carsonʼs ranch.

***

Jack slowed his motorcycle to a stop and scanned the area, observing the bare trees, the brown leaves that the sharp gusts of wind kept scattering everywhere. The place was the same as he remembered, yet everything looked different from the last time he was here.

Almost as different as he felt.

His mind drifted to a distant time, a time he hadnʼt allowed himself to think about before now. With a sigh, he slid off the bike and slowly walked to the tall, rusty gate in front of him. His right hand automatically slipped up, his fingertips softly tracing the letters engraved on the black iron.
J.T.
This was the first contact with his ranch since the night his life had changed forever.

Funny
. He had envisioned this moment a million times, imagining it in all its exciting details. He had anticipated the thrill heʼd feel knowing he was only mere feet away from achieving what had been his reason to live for the last ten years.
Revenge
. Somewhere on the other side of that gate was the missing piece of the puzzle, the evidence he needed to finally find the answers to all of his questions. The key to open that gate was in his pocket.

So why was he hesitating?

Why wasnʼt the prospect of revenge nearly as sweet as heʼd expected? Here he was now, so close to obtaining everything heʼd worked so hard for…and he felt nothing. Nothing but the same numbness that had overtaken his mind and body in the last two months. There was no thrill, no exhilaration. He didnʼt care anymore.

Not without Sara.

Sheʼd been his drive for the last six months. Not his anger, not his resentment, not his bitterness. Only Sara. With her warmth, her care, her love, she had cracked something inside him that he hadn’t thought could be reached. And he would never be whole again without her.

Because he loved her
.

Jack leaned his forehead against the cold iron gate, his eyes closed. Yes, heʼd run away. Yes, heʼd hurt her. But heʼd done it for her, so that sheʼd be safe.

Bullshit
. Heʼd done it for himself, too.

You always want to protect everyone, Jack―except for yourself
.

Yeah, well, Frank was wrong. Jack had also been protecting himself. Keeping his heart from getting too attached, from loving too much and breaking into shards once that love was taken away from him. Because it always was, in the end. He had loved J.T. more than life. He had loved his brother. And they were both dead. Ripped away from him. From his heart. If Sara was taken away, too…

He shook his head hard. He wouldnʼt let himself think that way. Sara was safe, because heʼd let her go. She was doing well. Hell, she was happy, Frank said.

Without him.

With another man
.

The sudden realization all but knocked the breath out of him. Jack stumbled back, crashing into a tree behind him. He barely felt himself slide to the ground, his face buried in his hands. Sara didnʼt need him anymore. She probably never had. Sheʼd thought she loved him at some point, but really, what was to love? He was ruined. Broken. Exhausted. But, dammit, he loved her.
No other man will ever love her like I do
.

But now sheʼd moved on with her life, and she’d never even know how he felt about her―how lonely and miserable his existence had been, and always would be, without her.

His heart slammed painfully against his ribs. His mind raced. She hated him now. Sheʼd probably never forgive him for what heʼd done to her.

If anything, though, she deserved to know the truth. He owed it to her.

Jack rose to his feet, determination back in his eyes. He knew now what he had to do.

He could only hope it wasnʼt too late.

***

Jamieʼs blue eyes, so incredibly identical to Carsonʼs, glittered with so much enthusiasm that Sara couldnʼt help smiling as she watched the boy playing with Lance in her front yard. “Doesnʼt he make you wish you were five again?”

Standing beside her, Carson gave a laugh. “God, no. Never again, please.” He glanced at his watch and sighed. “Time to go. Are you sure you donʼt want to come to the ranch with us?”

“Positive.” She turned to him and took his hand. “Staying at the ranch was wonderful, Cars, and Iʼll never thank you enough for everything youʼve done for me. But itʼs time I get back to my life and take full control of it. Iʼm ready to do it now. Iʼm not scared anymore.”

His eyes scanned her face. He sighed again. “Fine. But I still think itʼs dumb to leave right before Thanksgiving. You know Mariaʼs planning to make her usual feast.”

“One more reason not to come. If I keep eating Mariaʼs feasts, Iʼll look like a whale by the time the baby comes! Besides, itʼs not like Iʼll be alone. Brentʼs parents have invited me, Nicky, and Layla to their place, remember?”

“Yeah, yeah―try telling Jamie that.” He shook his head and turned to his son. “Hey, champ, ready to go?”

The boy ran toward them, Lance at his heels. “Youʼre coming with us, Sara, right?”

Carson cuffed his sonʼs shoulder and shot her an
I told you so
look. She rolled her eyes at him before turning to Jamie. “Not today, hon. Iʼll be visiting soon, though.”

“Will you bring Lance, too?”

“Absolutely. Now, get over here and give me a big hug.” Jamie threw his arms around her waist, and Sara leaned over him, her eyes already tearing up.

“Hey, Iʼm feeling neglected here,” Carson protested, bear-hugging both of them and making them laugh. A few minutes later, father and son were sitting in Carsonʼs pickup, ready to leave. Carson turned the key in the ignition and rolled his window down. “Now, Sara, donʼt forget to use that ginger ale in your fridge. I remember it used to help Grace a lot when she…
wasnʼt feeling very well
,” he said with a wink.

She chuckled. “Thank you. I promise Iʼll take care of myself.”

“I know you will.” He extended an arm to flick the tip of her nose. “Come see us soon, kid.”

“Bye, Sara!” Jamie shouted as Carson drove off, honking the horn playfully a couple of times. Sara waved at them with a smile, her thoughts on the precious creature she was carrying inside. Her heart ached knowing that her baby would never have a daddy like Carson, but she found comfort in the fact that there would still be amazing father figures in her life, between Carson and Brent….

“Well, wasnʼt that a charming little scene.”

Sara froze as the deep, unmistakable voice jerked her violently back to reality. Her heart jumped to her throat and pounded wildly in her ears as she slowly turned around. “Jack,” she whispered, a hand instinctively covering her stomach in turmoil.

For a few, endless moments, she couldnʼt bring herself to do anything but stare at him, almost in a trance, as he walked up the driveway with Lance jumping excitedly around his heels. Her dazed mind registered that he was as handsome as ever in dark jeans, a dark-green T-shirt that stretched over his chest, and the usual leather jacket. He did appear different, though… Strange. He looked even taller, probably because heʼd lost some weight. There were hollows under his cheekbones that had not been there before, and his face was drawn, as if heʼd been ill. He was stunning, anyway, and the dark circles around his eyes only seemed to intensify his dark-and-damned, sexy-as-sin look.

Sara shook her head, forcing her mind to slay those lovesick thoughts. Good God, how dumb could she possibly be? Jack didnʼt deserve her love―and didnʼt want it, anyway. Heaven knew heʼd made it clear enough. She needed to remember that; she needed to stay focused. And, for pityʼs sake, she needed to concentrate on not running straight into his arms.

“What are you doing here?” she finally asked him, amazed by how calm her voice could sound when she was a total mess inside.

“I came to town to pick up my bike and…take care of a few things,” he said with that damn husky, sexy voice of his. Without tearing his gaze from hers, he took another few steps forward, and she couldnʼt help but notice that he wasnʼt limping at all anymore. Not that it was any of her business. Her gaze darted around the empty street. “How did you get here?”

“I rode the Harley to the lake but left it there. I wanted to walk a little.”

Heʼd needed time to think about what to do and how to do it, but he couldnʼt tell her that yet. He was lucky enough that she was talking to him. Honestly, he hadnʼt known what to expect. But, God, she was beautiful. The black, formfitting pants she wore outlined her lean legs perfectly; the light beige blouse and the long, black wool jacket only seemed to emphasize her generous curves. Her hair was shorter, and soft black waves now barely touched her shoulders, framing her sweet face and brushing her cheeks with her every movement. Jack swallowed hard, finding himself longing to slide his fingers through them to see if they were as soft as he remembered. His hand instinctively slipped to his aching heart as he looked at her. Too bad Sara chose that moment to back away.

“Good for you. Hope you enjoy your stay. Now, if youʼll excuse me, I have to get back inside. Good-bye.” She whirled around and started walking toward the porch, only to stop abruptly when she realized Jack was following her. She sighed as she turned around again. “What do you want, Jack?”

“I―would like to talk to you, if you donʼt mind.”

Sara frowned. Was it just her impression, or did he really look more and more uneasy by the minute? He just seemed so…uncomfortable. Off-balance. Almost insecure.
Yeah, right.
The arrogant Jack Turner was never off-balance and insecure, and certainly not around her. She drew a long, steadying breath before looking him straight in the eye. “Thank you for your kind offer, but no.”

“Itʼs just an innocent talk, Sara.”

Thereʼs nothing innocent about you!
But she did need to tell him about their baby, after all. Maybe this was the chance to get it all done and over with. She had no doubt that he would run away as if chased by fire upon learning that she was pregnant. “All right, letʼs talk.”

“Not here. Letʼs go inside.”

Sara hesitated again, her teeth working at her lower lip. It was one thing to talk there in the driveway, but to have Jack back inside her house? That sounded a little too dangerous for her heart.

“Please, Sara. Itʼs important.”

She looked up at his face. Sighed again. “Okay. I do need to talk to you about something, too.”

Jack stepped forward, his eyes fixed on hers. “Are you sure?”

“Nope. In fact, weʼd better go before I change my mind,” she admitted with a rueful smile. He relaxed his nervous pose a bit and nodded.

Sara drew a deep breath as they headed toward the house, trying hard not to let her heart succumb to the torture of being close to him for the first time in so long. It felt strange walking beside him as she’d done so many times before, without being able to touch him. It felt wrong.

As they stepped through the front door, Sara saw his eyes fix on the suitcases resting against the wall. “I, uh, have been out of town for a while,” she said, not sure why she was bothering to explain. He hadnʼt asked anything, nor did he deserve any explanations from her.

Jackʼs intense gaze moved back to her, pinning her to the spot. “So I heard.”

Hating her insecurity, she clasped her hands together and looked away. “Would you like something to drink?” she offered, eager to put some distance between them. “Iʼm afraid I donʼt have much, but―”

“Whatever you have is fine, thank you.”

With a relieved nod, Sara started toward the kitchen―but nearly screamed her frustration when he followed her again. With another deep intake of breath, she opened the fridge and peered inside as he leaned over the island. “Thereʼs a Coke.”

“Sounds great.”

She handed him the bottle and took out a bottle of ginger ale for herself. Jack shot a curious glance at it. “Iʼve never seen you drink that stuff before.”

“Iʼve started recently.” Sara dropped her eyes and ran her fingers through her hair.

His eyes followed her movement, hypnotized. “Your hair…”

She shrugged. “I cut it. I was tired of having it so long.”

“It fits you. You look beautiful.”

You too.
“Thank you.”

“Ginger ale, a new haircut. Who are you, and what did you do to my Sara?” he tried to joke. Sara, however, wasnʼt in the mood for jokes.