Bound to the Greek (23 page)

Jace’s face darkened, his mouth thinning. ‘What are you saying?’

‘I can’t have children.’ She saw the shock slice across his features, his mouth dropping open before he snapped it shut.

‘What—how—?’

‘It’s not a fertility issue. I mean, I can
have
children, but—’ She closed her eyes. In her mind she saw the ominous, silent screen of the ultrasound. Saw her baby’s heart stilled for ever. ‘Our daughter had a heart defect. She was never going to develop properly, never going to live. After?afterwards I had some testing done.’ She opened her eyes. ‘It’s genetic, Jace. A genetic defect. A fluke, inexplicable, but there it is. And the doctors said it’s seventy-five per cent likely that the same thing will happen again—with any pregnancy of mine.’ She swallowed past the aching tightness in her throat. She couldn’t bear to look at Jace now, so she gazed into the distance, in the darkness. ‘I can’t live with those odds. I can’t—I can’t go through it again. Not ever.’

Jace was silent for a long moment. Too long. Eleanor had no idea what he was thinking, feeling. She didn’t think she could bear to know. She stared down at her feet, her vision blurring. Somewhere she found her voice. ‘I should have told you, I know. I felt like you weren’t being honest with me, but I was the one who was hiding something. I’m sorry.’ Jace still didn’t say anything, and it was the second time in her life that silence had been such an endless agony. She drew a long, shuddering breath and turned towards the plane. ‘I… I guess I’ll go now.’

‘Eleanor.’
Before she could even move, Eleanor found herself surrounded by Jace, his arms around her, pulling her towards his chest. She was enveloped so her cheek rested against the warmth of his neck, her body tucked wonderfully into his. ‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered. ‘I’m so sorry that you had to go through that.’

‘I’m sorry I can’t—’

‘I’m sorry too,’ Jace whispered against her hair. ‘I won’t pretend that I’m not, or that it doesn’t hurt.’ Eleanor swallowed a sob, and she felt Jace’s fingers brush at the tears that were sliding coldly down her cheeks. ‘But, Eleanor,
Ellie,
when I told you I wanted us to be a family… I wasn’t—it’s more to me than just having a biological child. Yes, I expected
that, because I didn’t know it was any different for you. But do I want a biological child—an
heir
—more than I want you? No. Never.’ His arms tightened around her, drawing her closer to himself. ‘God knows, my father drilled into me the utter importance of an heir, and it wrecked a good part of my life. Do you think I want to make that mistake again?’

Stunned, Eleanor couldn’t answer. Couldn’t think. She only hoped. Jace brushed the tangled curls away and cupped her face in his hands in a gesture so tender and achingly sweet that she couldn’t keep the tears from slipping down her cheeks. He brushed at them with his thumbs.

‘I was telling you I love you, Eleanor.
You.
All of you. Neither of us is perfect or even whole. We have scars. Memories. Regrets. But that’s what love is. What it
does.
It takes everything?good and bad—and lives with it. Accepts it. Do you accept me with all
my
failings and mistakes?’ He smiled crookedly, and Eleanor let out a sound that was half-laugh, half-sob.

‘Yes:

‘And I accept you. I’m not walking away because of this. I’m not walking away at all.’ He brushed his lips softly across hers. ‘Not this time, and not ever.’

‘But I don’t want you to be disappointed,’ Eleanor whispered, her throat still so very tight.

‘Disappointed?’ Jace’s face seemed to crumple for a moment. He shook his head. ‘I always felt my father was disappointed in me for not giving him what he wanted, the ability to continue our precious bloodline. I lived with that shame for years, and I don’t think I ever escaped it until I met you. You made me feel whole. Happy. Like the man I was supposed to be, the man I wanted to be.’

‘But if you want—’

‘I want
you.
And I could never make any person—and especially you—feel that way. And I could never be disappointed in
you.
Yes, I’m disappointed that we won’t have a child that is part of both of us, but that’s something we can
deal with together. I love you, Eleanor. I love your strength and your courage and your humour and your smile—everything. I love that you have drawn out the best in me, made me the man I want to be. No matter what, you couldn’t disappoint me.’

Eleanor could hardly believe what he was saying. She wanted to trust it?with all her heart, she wanted to trust it—yet even so she still felt the lingering traces of fear.

‘You told me—you wanted children. That’s a big thing, Jace.’

‘I want a family. Our family. And there are more ways than one to have children. We could adopt—do you want children, Eleanor?’

‘I never—’She swallowed, nodded. ‘Yes.’

‘Then we’ll work it out. We’ll face it together. And whatever disappointments come our way, we’ll face
them
together.’ He drew her to his chest once more. ‘That’s what I want more than anything. No more running away, for either of us.’

Eleanor slipped her arms around Jace’s waist, felt the warmth and strength of him and knew she had it—him—to lean on for now, for ever. The thought was amazing. Humbling too. ‘No running away,’ she repeated softly. She leaned back so she could look up at Jace and see the love and tenderness turn his eyes to soft grey. ‘I love you, Jace. I’m sorry I panicked. I shouldn’t have run away. I just couldn’t think—’

‘I know how that feels. But from now on we think. We talk. And we do it together.’

She nodded, unbelievably happy, incredibly grateful.

Jace turned back to the track that led to the villa. ‘I’ll have to ring the pilot and tell him the flight is cancelled.’ He nodded to the house, glimmering with lights ahead. ‘I’m afraid we have a good deal of explaining to do. My sisters are going to be seething with questions.’

‘That’s okay.’

There was a lot ahead, Eleanor knew. A lot to figure out.
Work, children, family?even what continent they were going to live on. Yet as Jace led her back to his home she realised she wasn’t afraid any more. She was excited. Whatever lay ahead, they would face it—together.