Bound to Break: Men of Honor, Book 6 (6 page)

“I didn’t mean…Sawyer, it’s not…”

“Rex you can’t control your dreams. Saying you’re happy Josh’s alive isn’t anything to feel bad about.”

“You sound so logical, but I know you’re hurt.”

“Let it go. I’m sure, after you see him… I’m sure after you see him, you’ll be fine. You won’t need to dream about him. You’ll have him.”

Rex was staring at him like he could read his mind. “I’ll drop it for now.”

“Good. You’ve got a long couple of days ahead of you. Concentrate on that. Bring Josh home.”

“Just because he dreams about the guy doesn’t mean he’s still in love with him,” Jace told Sawyer as he spotted his bench presses at the weight bench later that afternoon in the gym Clint had set up in their house.

Jace was Sawyer’s best friend, and he and Clint had been living together for the past six months or so, ever since they’d realized that, despite their jobs, they would find a way to make being together work.

Part of that had been Clint leaving the CIA and going to work for his old CIA partner, who ran a cross between a PI business and a contracting service. Clint got to pick and choose his jobs, which meant he and Jace were able to spend more time together on Jace’s off-time.

Lately, their team hadn’t had much of that at all. It had been back-to-back missions, which was a big part of the reason Sawyer and Rex had been out of sorts to begin with. Add this in and…

“You would’ve crushed your fucking neck if I wasn’t here,” Jace informed him.

Sawyer snapped to and realized how close he’d come to pressing the weight back against his Adam’s apple, because he’d completely stopped paying attention. “Shit.”

Jace pulled the bar up and set it down safely. He stared down at Sawyer. “You’ve got to snap the hell out of this.”

“Yeah? Like you did?”

“My situation was completely different. And I did have someone come back from the dead,” Jace reminded him.

“Yeah, but I have my boyfriend’s ex coming back. And they were still together when he disappeared, remember? And Rex had some really bad nightmares.”

“Come on, the capture fucked him up, but if Josh comes back…”

“Then what, Jace?”

“Ah, fuck, Sawyer. I don’t know what the hell’s going to happen. But I do know that Rex loves you.”

“I believe that too.”

“Then hang on to it.”

“I’m trying but fuck, it’s still all new. And now…”

And now the guy Rex loves is back.

“You told me he said they weren’t perfect,” Jace pointed out, because it was obvious what—and who—Sawyer was referring to.

“Who is?”

Jace grunted a reply through his push-ups. “Dude, it’s been four years.”

“You would’ve loved Clint still after four years, right?”

That stopped Jace cold. He looked like he wanted to give Sawyer a different answer than, “Right,” but Jace wouldn’t lie to him. It’s why they were as close as they were. That, and the fact that they’d survived a near-death experience together.

Shit like that tended to bond guys.

“Four years is a long time, Sawyer, and shit, Clint and I, we were just in the beginning of things when he left. I don’t know what would’ve happened if he’d walked in after that long. Hell, I wanted to kill him for staying away from me and it hadn’t been nearly that long.”

“Yeah, yours was all love at first sight. Rex had a four-year relationship before being away from Josh for four years. And fuck it all, I don’t want to be a whiny bitch about it. I get it—all of it. It’s just that Rex is the worst, trying to pretend things are normal for us, and they’re so far from it.”

“Normal’s boring,” Jace said with a shrug, and Sawyer just stared at him. “What? Dude, I’m not Oprah.”

From the other room, they heard Clint howl with laughter.

“I’m glad you’re getting enjoyment from my pain, you asshole,” Sawyer yelled, then turned to Jace. “You watch Oprah?”

“She doesn’t have the daily talk show anymore.”

“And the fact that you know that proves my point.”

Sawyer continued through his workout, he and Jace focusing on the tasks at hand, which included mentally running through the following day’s maneuvers. This planning was where he excelled. He could provide a sniper’s plan at a moment’s notice, but he could also strategize long-range plans too. And, as Jace pointed out to him yesterday, others were starting to notice.

Yeah, Sawyer had always committed himself to his job, but since hooking up with Rex, he’d thrown himself into it even further. No one was going to ever accuse him of getting preferential treatment because of whom he slept with.

Not that anyone beyond Jace knew who he was sleeping with. But hell, when Sawyer committed to something, it was with his entire heart and soul. And there weren’t too many things—or people in his life—he could say that about.

And one of them was currently helping him deal with his shit. Or he had been, until he sat on a bench and stared into space for ten minutes.

Finally, Sawyer put his free weights down and asked, “Who’s on your couch today, Oprah?”

“Not funny. And she didn’t always use a couch.” Jace propped his chin on his hand. “I’m just thinking about Josh. I mean, fuck, if that was one of us…I just can’t get it out of my head.”

“I know. It’s like, what would it take to turn someone. We’re so trained but you can’t really train for shit like that. Like what happened to us,” Sawyer said.

“Couldn’t have predicted what we’d do. Couldn’t have predicted I wouldn’t have killed you and used your body as a floatation device,” Jace told him.

“Dude, you’re so lucky your secret’s already out or I’d be sharing it for you right now.”

“Right back at you, brother.”

Since both of their secrets revolved around the men they were currently with, it was all good. Six months ago, Sawyer didn’t have Rex. Now, he did. If Josh coming back was going to change that, well, then Rex had never really been his to begin with.

Which is pretty much what you’ve been worrying about.

“You almost killed yourself again. Think we’re done for the day,” Jace said.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“Done working. Not done drinking,” Jace added, and yes, that was what best friends were for.

Chapter Six

Dash wasn’t in bed with him when he woke up. Lucky’s head throbbed, and he just lay there for a long few moments, wishing someone would bring him coffee or aspirin or the like.

Something wasn’t right. Hadn’t been since Nate had shown up and, while Dash had been able to fuck away Lucky’s continuing anxiety yesterday, then last night and well into this morning, the tenseness was back.

Lucky hadn’t seen Nate again since the night before last, but he still couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched.

He forced himself up and into the living room, where there was still no sign of Dash. He went to the kitchen and drank the juice from the carton as he looked out the side window. Saw Dash standing there, talking to someone. He couldn’t see a face, and it could’ve been anyone. But it made Lucky pause and wait and watch…and finally, the other man moved and it
was
Nate.

Dash was talking to him and Nate was talking with his hands and Lucky had the strangest urge to go out and defend Dash, who didn’t look like he needed defending at all.

The first night they’d spent together, he’d told Dash the real story of his missing memories. Dash had listened, then fucked him again, and Lucky had slept better than he had in a long time. And then Dash had hung out with him and Emme—and Emme kept looking between the two of them and smiling—and then she’d given Lucky the afternoon and night off from the bar.

He hadn’t argued. It had gone by too damned fast, but he didn’t remember feeling that comfortable with anyone since…well, not since he could actually remember anything. He didn’t think he’d ever be capable of feeling something, and then Dash had walked in and blown him out of the water.

And now, Dash was talking with the man who could ruin Lucky’s pieced-together life.

Dash was your shield from Nate.

But he wouldn’t have been forever, though, and Lucky knew that.

Instead of calling down to Dash, he went into the shower, heard the knocking after he turned the water off. He didn’t think Dash would continue to knock now that he was staying here, and because they’d fucked, but Lucky didn’t know the guy at all.

With the towel wrapped around his waist, he opened the door saying, “After all, you’d think you’d have keys,” but for the second time in as many days, a man stood staring at him like he was looking at a ghost.

Because he probably was.

“Sorry. Not who I was expecting.” Lucky kept his voice neutral but in his mind that was running a hundred miles an hour, he was packing and leaving. Had to. There wasn’t a choice.

“Jesus Christ. Josh.” The man’s voice broke a little and Lucky stared at him, wishing a memory would come. Because otherwise, he was just a dick standing here coldly, staring at a guy who was clearly emotional.

“I’m Lucky,” he said automatically.

“Damned right you are. Shit.” A hand went over the guy’s shaved head. “I know you spoke to Nate.”

“I’m not the guy you want me to be.”

“Yeah, you are. Always were. Look, I’ve got pictures. Please…can I just come in and show them to you? I just need to you know that Nate and I are telling the truth. We lost you for four years. You have no idea…”

He trailed off and Lucky opened the door wider.

“I’m just going to get dressed.”

The man nodded. Stuck out his hand. “I’m Rex.”

Lucky took it in his and stared for a long second, then let go. He turned and left Rex to walk in, and he went into his room and pulled on jeans and a shirt. Thought about making a break for it. But at the very least, he owed Emme and her parents more than that.

Probably owed himself too.

Finally, he went back out to the living room. It was barely noon but he slid into the kitchen and came back with a couple of beers.

Rex took a long pull on his. The guy was handsome. Nervous as Lucky, or maybe more so.

There was a folder on the coffee table.

“What’s in there?”

“Our past,” Rex said and something in his voice made Lucky start.

“We… Nate said we were in the military together.”

Rex looked relieved that Lucky was acquiescing. “That too.”

Unable to stop his hands from trembling—there wasn’t enough beer in the world for that—Lucky slid the pictures out of the manila envelope.

The first were four men, dressed like soldiers. When he noted that, Rex corrected, “Sailors, not soldiers. Navy SEALs, specifically.”

“Guess I was a good swimmer.”

“The best.”

There he was, in between Nate and Rex. Wearing the uniforms. Dog tags. Smiling.

“That’s Uncle. Terry Bast. We call him Uncle.”

“He’s…?”

“Alive, yes.”

The next picture was far more surprising. Him with Rex. Dressed in casual clothes. Smiling. Rex’s arm slung around him easily. Possessively.

The next photo was almost the same pose, except Lucky was facing Rex.

The next, they were kissing.

“We were…”

“Together. For four years.”

“Not me. You were with Josh. I’m not Josh anymore. Maybe I was, but he’s long gone. And judging by what I went through, why the hell would I want him to come back?”

The way Rex looked at him was sadness mixed with anger. Maybe pity too. “You don’t remember. You really don’t.”

Lucky shook his head. “You should just go, okay? I’m sorry. And I hope you’re happy. That you found someone else, but…”

“You’ve got to come back with us,” Rex said gently. There was a calm command in his voice that made Lucky still.

“Back?”

“The Navy…you’re still a part of the Navy. Technically, you’d be up on Desertion charges, but if you really don’t have your memories, you’d be considered UA—Unauthorized Absence. I spoke to a JAG who’s a friend and he said—”

“Back to the Navy? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

“I’m not.” Rex stared at him. “I’m not giving you a chance to run. I owe that to you. Maybe you don’t see it now, but…”

“Fuck you.” He shuddered the words out because he was afraid he’d sob if he didn’t curse. He swallowed the tears and asked, “Did it ever occur to you that I might not be Josh?”

“Yes. But Dash ran your prints.”

“Dash did that?”

The betrayal must’ve shown clearly on Lucky’s face, and he could barely stand the look of pity on Rex’s. “I don’t understand. Did he know I was there or something?”

“He was following Nate.”

“Why’s that?”

“That’s what you’ll find out eventually. But we’re not allowed to talk about that. It was the only way the Navy would agree to let me come in here in the first place, or let us escort you home. To the States. Virginia, to be exact.”