Bound to be Tested: Emergence, Book 3 (22 page)

He didn’t know how long he held himself above her, unwilling to blink or look away, but finally he was aware of Stanton beside him, pulling his arm and speaking. The first words he heard since he’d entered the room were from his commanding officer. “You have to pull yourself together, Jude. Now,” he insisted. “If you don’t, you will have to leave, and I don’t want that to happen.”

Jude looked at the man he’d known for twenty years and blinked. He tried to focus on his face. But all he could see was Lori’s.

He wanted to relax and do as the man said, but he couldn’t. He knew rationally he was exhausted and confused, but he couldn’t fully focus now, and he felt his knees buckling a moment before Stanton reached for him. That was the last thing he remembered before the nightmare ended.

Chapter Twenty-Two

When Jude opened his eyes, he was confused. He blinked several times and turned his head to one side. He had the headache from hell and his mouth felt like it was full of cotton.

Jason stood looking out the window to his side.

Jude tried to swallow but only managed to croak.

Jason swiveled around quickly and rushed to Jude’s side. He smiled, but it was strained. Where the hell was he?

Jude looked around. A hospital. He must have been in an accident. He couldn’t remember the details.

He closed his eyes and searched his brain. He pulled in bits and pieces. Abdul Sharik. Jude had killed him. He’d had a hostage. Lori. No, it hadn’t been Lori. It had been someone who looked like Lori. And then Lori had been missing.

Jude bolted upright and Jason tried to calm him with both hands on his shoulders. “Relax. You’re in the emergency room. You hit your head hard. You have a nasty goose egg and a concussion.”

“Where is she?” Jude looked around.

“They moved her to a regular room.”

“How long have I been out?”

“Six hours. They gave you a shot to help you sleep.”

“Bastards.”

Jason chuckled. “Apparently you were out of your mind.” Jason released him slowly and reached for the cup of water on the side table. He handed it to Jude and swiveled the straw around.

Jude sucked the contents down in one long sip, his body thanking him for every swallow. When he finished, he turned and tried to stand. The room spun and he sat back, or fell rather, onto the mattress.

“Easy there, dude. You’re going to be dizzy for a while.”

“Take me to her, Jason. Now.”

“Okay. Okay. But you have to listen to me first. There are things you need to know before you go in there. And if you don’t lie back down and calm yourself, you’ll only delay the process.” Jason waited, his lips pursed.

Jude leaned back and lifted his legs onto the gurney again. One thing was for sure: he wasn’t ready to stand. Even if he insisted, he’d never make it ten feet out the door of his own accord. He needed help, and Jason seemed to be the man in charge here.

“Where is Stanton?”

“He’ll be here.”

“So you were elected my guardian?”

“Yes.” Jason shook his head and chuckled. “Not quite the face you like to wake up to?”

“Not even close, dickwad. What happened? Let me guess. Lori was so mad at me she decided to drive here, hunt me down and give me a piece of her mind. Only problem is she got into a terrible accident and they had to put her in the base hospital.”

Jason furrowed his brow and pinched his lips together before he spoke. “Where the hell did you get all that?”

“Made it up. It was the only thing my brain could process that made logical sense.”

Now Jason raised his brows and tipped his head to one side. “Two points for the glorified version, but I hate to tell you nothing as wonderful as all that happened to Lori.”

“Wonderful?” What part of what Jude described was the good part?

Jason pulled up a chair and sat close to Jude. “Apparently your terrorist did some research before he lured you out to the warehouse yesterday.”

Jude lifted up on one elbow as Stanton walked into the room. “Cavanaugh.” He nodded and stepped up beside Jason. “You’re awake.”

“What happened?” Nerves made Jude’s hands shake as he set his head back down. Every time he lifted it, he got nauseous.

Stanton leaned on the edge of the bed. “Sharik’s been following your movements for weeks, even before our intelligence told us he was alive. We found that damn cell phone that has been calling you. One of the dead men had it in his pocket. Must have been keeping tabs on you. Sharik had men on this end trailing you and Ms. Polluck.”

Jude cringed at the mention of Lori. Flashes of all the times his skin had crawled in the last few weeks made him squeeze his eyes shut. He hadn’t been crazy after all. People had been watching him. Why hadn’t he heeded the gut feeling and looked into it?

Jason picked up the story. “Yesterday when you left Lori with me, his men followed you. They must have grabbed her almost as soon as I left her sleeping. I never knew.” Jason’s brows were furrowed in pain. He shook his head and lowered his gaze. “I’m so sorry, man.”

“It’s my fault, not yours. I never should have tempted fate like I did after I found out Sharik was alive and coming after me. It was idiotic.”

“Let’s stop playing the blame game before the US Army has to take up a role,” Stanton said.

Jude turned his gaze to his commanding officer. “So who was the woman in the warehouse? I don’t get it.”

“Apparently Sharik took a liking to Lori. He had a file on her, which we confiscated.” Stanton paused. “He had nude photos of her.”

Jude cringed.
The hot tub
… “Fuck.”

“Yeah. He intended to use her as bait and kill you both, but changed his mind and told his men to keep her alive for him unless he was killed. He was one fucked-up bastard. The woman in the warehouse was one of his own. He’d put a wig on her and made her up to look like Lori to stage the entire thing. Probably with the intention of driving you crazy under the assumption she was Lori. But his plan didn’t pan out so well.

“While you were involved in the shootout, Lori was held in a shed outside the warehouse by two men. They beat her and left her for dead when all hell broke loose.”

Jude fought back his rage. There was no one left to kill. “What happened to those two assholes?”

“They entered the warehouse during the battle and were killed. Some of our men stationed outside saw them come from the shed and enter the warehouse.”

“How did you piece all this together? We didn’t leave anyone alive.”

“Ah, but we did.”

“Who?”

“The woman.”

“Shit.” The lookalike.

“Yeah. She won’t see the light of day again in this lifetime, but she was most helpful putting the story together for us. We might have had her under a bit of duress.” Stanton smiled. “Anyway, when we found Ms. Polluck beaten and unconscious as we canvassed the entire area, we brought her in. We had no idea who she was. When she woke up briefly and told us, we called you.”

“I want to see her.” Jude turned to Jason and fought the dizziness that accompanied the movement. “Now, Jason.”

Jason nodded. He stood and left the room.

“Sorry, Jude. Jason has told me the gist of your story. I’m so sorry, man.”

“What’s the prognosis?”

“Good. The doctors are monitoring her closely. They’ve run every test they can. She doesn’t appear to have any life-threatening injuries or internal bleeding. They moved her to a regular room while you were out cold.”

Jude tried to shake the dizziness from his head, but it only worsened. He flopped back down, aggravation eating him from the inside.

Stanton leaned in closer. “Jason is getting the doctor. I’m sure they can get you to Ms. Polluck soon. But you have a pretty bad concussion yourself. Take it easy.”

A man in a lab coat came around the corner. Jude tracked him with his gaze. Jason followed on his heels.

The man smiled. “Sergeant Cavanaugh. How are you feeling? I’m Doctor Fuller.”

“Like I fell and hit my head,” he gritted out. “But I need you to get me out of here or my head is going to explode.”

The doctor smiled again. “I know. I’m going to move you. Give me a second to get a wheelchair in here. The nurse is coming.” While he spoke, he took Jude’s pulse and then listened to his chest. “You’re going to live, but your head is going to hurt like hell for several days. And you need to stay still. No unnecessary movements. No driving. No alcohol.”

Jude stared at him. Driving? Alcohol? Where did the doctor think he was going? To a party?

A male nurse came in then, pushing a wheelchair. He sidled it up to Jude’s bed.

“Take it easy sitting up. You’re going to be light-headed,” Dr. Fuller said.

No shit
.

Jude ignored the throbbing and the dizziness and dragged himself into the chair.

The nurse said little as he helped him get settled, and Jason led the way from the room. After an elevator ride and a trip down one hall and up another, the nurse wheeled him into a private room and left.

Jason scooted Jude closer.

Jude held his breath as he leaned over Lori’s bed and took her hand, the only thing he could see that wasn’t beaten black and blue. She was barely recognizable. And her face looked worse than he remembered last night.

He set his cheek on her bed and cried, barely noticing as Jason stepped out of the room and shut the door behind him.

It seemed like forever before he moved again to lift his tired head. He must have fallen asleep because a nurse was working on the other side of the bed, checking Lori’s vitals. He hadn’t heard her come in.

She smiled and nodded at him. “Sorry, sir,” she whispered. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”

He looked at Lori and cringed. No change in her appearance. “Why is she unconscious?”

“Her body is fighting. It’s not unusual. Don’t worry. She’ll wake up when she’s ready.” The nurse patted his hand and left the room.

Jude stared down at Lori. He held her hand gently, trying not to cause her further pain. She looked horrible. And it was his fault. If he hadn’t been so selfish and returned to her, this never would have happened.

Tears welled up in his eyes. Anyone close to him would never be safe. He’d seen too much, killed too many people. What if other missions he’d been on had ended similarly? There could be a host of assholes with a hit on him. Men he thought he’d killed or their protégées could be after him. He couldn’t expose another human being to that kind of insecurity. Especially not someone he loved as much as Lori.

She’d never be safe with him. He could do nothing to ensure her protection.

Jude jerked his gaze toward the door as Jason sauntered in. “You okay?”

Jude’s head felt clearer, but it throbbed. “Yeah, fine.”

“She’s going to be fine too, you know.”

Jude stared at her. She’d never be fine. Not mentally. And she had him to thank for it. “I shouldn’t have come back here.”

“Stop it. You couldn’t have predicted this.”

Jude stared at the love of his life and swallowed back bile. Everyone involved in her pain was dead now. Lori would live, but what about the scars?

His chest hurt. He still held her hand and caressed it with one finger. She didn’t stir.

He had to get out of there before she woke up. He couldn’t bear to face her. She would be better off without him.
You can’t keep her safe. Ever
.

He sat up straighter. His resolve strengthened. He turned to Jason. “Will you stay here with her? I need to do some things.”

“Of course.” Jason nodded. He pulled up a chair on Lori’s other side and sat.

Jude stood. He felt weak and unstable, but he didn’t mention any of that. Jason watched him for signs of distress, but he seemed satisfied.

Jude held his breath as he left the room. He glanced down, glad to find he was dressed in the same street clothes he’d been wearing when he first arrived. At least he didn’t have to deal with that issue. He reached into his pocket. His keys were still there.

He walked right out the front door of the hospital in no time, and no one questioned him. In ten minutes, he was in his car and headed for the house he’d rented just weeks ago. Fuck the doctors and their orders not to drive. He had to get away.

Had it only been weeks? It seemed like a lifetime. His head pounded, but he would live. What he needed now was to put as much space as possible between him and the people he’d hurt. Leave them to live their lives. He could never make up for the damage he’d done to Lori, Margaret, even Jason. And every person he loved would be a target for anyone he’d ever attacked over the years.

He’d turned their worlds upside down and almost killed the most important person in his life. She might hate him for all he’d done to her. And he preferred to remember her the way she’d been when he’d held her all night Friday night. He’d erase the look on her face when he’d left her at Jason’s the next morning. No way could he stand to add another expression of hers to his memory by hanging around to add her anger to his list.

It would be easier this way—for her and for him. Maybe it was selfish, a cop-out, to leave and not face her. But he couldn’t do it.

Jason would take care of her and she’d go on to live a full life. Safer. Happier. Whole. Alive.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Lori stood at the kitchen sink, staring out the window. She held a mug of coffee that had long ago gone cold. She didn’t care. She did that a lot lately. Ever since she’d woken up in that military hospital ten days ago, she’d been fighting long bouts of distraction.

Jason had filled in all the holes and been gracious enough to let her stay with him while she pulled herself together. He’d been there to rock her as she cried. He’d been there to bring her books and snacks. He’d been there to drive her back to his place when she was released.

Where was Jude?

She moved through the stages of grief rapidly. Denial. Anger. And now depression. She knew she shouldn’t give Jude so much energy, but she couldn’t help it.

At first she thought he would come through the door at any moment. She’d watched the entrance to her hospital room like a hawk until her eyes wouldn’t stay open. He had to come. He would.

He didn’t.

And then she’d gotten so mad she’d thrown things, screamed at Jason as though it were his fault. He’d taken her wrath and held her through her tears.

Now she was at his house, taking up space. She couldn’t go back to work for several more days. The bruises had faded to yellow, but the mark on her soul was purple.

She needed to pull herself together and find an apartment. Margaret was in the process of downsizing. Moving back in with her wasn’t an option. The woman deserved her space to find herself. What they’d had was over. Even without Jude, there was no way to repair her relationship with Margaret.

Her sister, Stephanie, had come by several times, but Lori hadn’t been up to talking at length with anyone. She knew Jason would have filled Stephanie in on the details. That was all that mattered. Her sister would understand. One day Lori would give her the rundown.

Jason insisted she could stay as long as she needed. And thank God, because Lori didn’t have the energy to do much more than stare into space and think about the “what ifs”.

She’d gone by the house she’d shared with Jude for seven days that felt like a lifetime now. He was long gone, no evidence he’d ever been there. The place had a “For Rent” sign once again out front.

She’d called his cell several times, but it had been disconnected. He’d erased his life here and left town. Again.

Lori set her full cup of cold coffee in the sink and wandered back to the guest room. She glanced at the window before climbing into the bed. No one would come through that window and kidnap her this time. She knew that, but still it niggled in her mind.

In moments she was asleep, like she was most of the day every day.

Jason sat at his desk at Emergence, his hands on the top, his fingers splayed. He did nothing but stare at the spot on the wall now twice repaired. It wasn’t noticeable to anyone else, but he knew it was there, the exact location.

His cell rang and he flinched at the noise. Without looking he picked it up and answered. “Hello.”

“Jason.”

Jason sat up straighter and came alert. “Jude.” He tried to gather himself and not scream at the man. He took a deep breath.

“Sorry. I… I just need to know if she’s okay.”

Jason stood and ran a hand through his hair. “Where are you?”

Silence.

“You can’t do this. She needs you. You’re killing her. What the hell were you thinking?” He knew. Oh, he wasn’t stupid. He’d seen the look on Jude’s face before his friend had left the hospital room that day. He shouldn’t have let him go. He should have stopped him. Instead he’d hoped he’d been wrong and watched him walk away.

Jude was still on the other end of the line. Jason could hear him breathing. But he didn’t answer.

“Tell me where you are. Let’s meet. We can talk.”
Don’t hang up
.

“It’s best this way.”

“For whom? For you?”
Don’t start yelling. Keep him on the phone
.

“For her,” Jude whispered.

“Why? Who gets to decide that?”

Silence.

“Tell me where you are, Jude. Let’s have lunch.” He’d go to Alaska if it meant looking Jude in the eye and talking some sense into him. He intentionally didn’t mention Lori’s condition.

“Take care of her for me…please.” Jude hesitated.

Jason listened closely. A dull roar in the background had accompanied the entire conversation. What was it? And then he heard a bird squawk.

The line went dead.

Jason dropped the phone on his desk and slumped back into his chair.

Fuck
.