Bound by Light (31 page)

"Your phrasing concerns me,
agapitos
." Mother Anemone’s voice was as sharp as her gaze, piercing Merilee’s dizzy consciousness even as her words seemed to pierce Jake’s soul. "For all the good it did you . . . what do you mean by that? Did something go wrong with your demon essence today?"

Jake turned away from Merilee to stare at nothing again—and he didn’t answer Mother Anemone’s question.

The shock of that reality finally brought Merilee all the way back from whatever happened to her in that accursed basement.

"Jake?" She willed him to look at her, and it took every scintilla of her self-control not to press her palm against his talisman and force the issue. "What is she talking about?"

Freeman’s face turned an unpleasant shade of red. He put his hands on the conference table and leaned toward Jake. "What aren’t you telling me, Jake? Every borough is on the brink of rioting over this, and our ass is hanging in the wind. By God, you
better
not be holding anything back at this point."

Creed and Nick walked past Riana, Cynda, and Merilee, and they went to stand closer to Jake, partially blocking Merilee’s view of him. "Whatever it is, you can tell us," Creed said. "Nick and I have been through some serious shit with our Curson demon aspects."

Jake stood, shoving his chair back with the same explosion of temper Merilee remembered from his outburst in Phila Gruyere’s apartment. The metal and plastic seat slammed against the wall behind him, cracked the unit blackboard up the middle, and broke into two pieces.

"It’s not the same." Jake’s voice shook with an emotion Merilee couldn’t identify. She started toward him, but Riana and Cynda each grabbed one of her arms, and Mother Anemone held up a hand, sending a steady wave of air energy directly into Merilee’s chest to hold her where she stood.

Jake crammed his fingers in his pocket and pulled out his shield, gripping it so tightly that Merilee was sure the metal would bend. "You change when you choose to change," Jake said to his brothers. "It’s never been the same for me. It’s not that simple. I have to be one or the other, Astaroth or human."

"We have discussed this." Mother Anemone lowered her arm and freed Merilee from the restraint of her directed wind. "The answer is to release the light inside you, to be all of what you are, both demon and human in equal measure. It may not be too late,
agapitos
."

"When I spend any time at all in demon form, I get less human, and I can’t tolerate that." Jake slammed his shield on the conference table beside his Glock. "Now I’ve stayed in human form, and I can’t use the demon powers when I need them. That much, you’re right about, Mother." He looked at her then, and Mother Anemone stepped back, clearly shocked by the force of Jake’s rage. "The rest, though, you’re wrong about the rest. I can’t be two things at once."

He glanced back at the shield he had more or less crushed into the tabletop. "And I suck at both."

He stormed around the table then, past Freeman and the two Sibyl Mothers, and straight toward the conference room door. Merilee struggled with Cynda and Riana, who wouldn’t let her go. If her triad sisters hadn’t been so pregnant, Merilee would have forced the issue, but as it was, she bit her lip and tears of frustration streamed down her cheeks.

"Want I should stop him?" Mother Keara murmured to Mother Anemone.

Mother Anemone shook her head with a sad look on her regal face. She pushed a strand of her ash blond hair behind her ear. "I think it’s essential that he sort this out for himself." Her gaze traveled to Merilee. "Jake has much to reconcile. Many decisions to make."

As if rendering his opinion on the subject, Jake slammed the conference room door so hard the walls shook.

Almost at the same moment, three Astaroths materialized at the back of the conference room—Darian, Quince, and Jared, the demons Jake had been training. They glared at the closed door, then at the conference table—and specifically at Freeman and Merilee.

Shit.

Freeman echoed her thoughts aloud with another, "Shit."

Merilee stared at them, at their confused, angry expressions, and realized the Astaroths believed Jake had been betrayed.

"Look," Freeman was saying. "It’s not as simple as you’re thinking. Not as clear-cut. If you’ll wait a minute, we’ll try to explain."

Betrayed
. Merilee closed her eyes. That was right, yet wrong, too, yet—
shit, shit! We can’t afford to lose these Astaroths now
.

The demons vanished.

The door opened, then slammed again.

"Too late," Merilee said aloud, and she wanted to scream.

Cynda and Riana kept hold of Merilee’s forearms as Creed and Nick both turned to Freeman and said at the same time, "Jake didn’t kill anybody."

"Goddamnit, I know that." Freeman rubbed the side of his face like his jaw was hurting. "Demon or no, he’s—he’s my friend, and he’s
not
a killer. Ah, for Chrissake."

Freeman rubbed his jaw again, the look on his face growing more miserable by the second. "Look, I’ve got to stay here and wait for Mother Yana to get back. Whatever she can find for us, it’s Jake’s best and fastest shot at being cleared."

He locked eyes with Nick, then Creed. "Go after him. Make him tell you what did happen with his demon powers. I’ve got to put something in my report, and for fuck’s sake, it’ll probably make the national news—but I want to shield him if I can, so I’ve got to know the truth of it."

Nick and Creed nodded.

"Oh, and get those Astaroths back, too," Freeman added. "I mean, the
other
Astaroths, if you can, okay?"

Creed led the way as he and Nick went after their younger brother and his disappeared demon friends. Merilee watched the men go and wished she could make them move faster, or get hold of their talismans and force them to bring Jake straight back to her so she could reason with him. Comfort him. Hold him. Do
something
.

"Let me go," she told Riana and Cynda.

They turned her arms loose as Mother Anemone said, "I believe I can shed some light on what Jake meant about not being good at being both Astaroth and human."

Everyone stared at Mother Anemone, even Mother Keara, and waited.

Mother Anemone gazed at each of them in turn, until her eyes rested on Merilee. "It’s very simple, and something I warned him of many times. He has remained so long in human form that he couldn’t shift to his full demon essence when he chose to do so."

"He shifted easily enough when he was with me." The words were out before Merilee could censor herself. She felt her face flush. "I mean, well, yeah. He could shift. During sex."

Nobody seemed greatly surprised about the sex part, least of all Mother Anemone. "But was he in control? Did he
wish
to shift?"

Merilee thought about it, remembered the wild blaze of Jake’s eyes as they mixed from gold to gray-blue and back again. She balled one fist as her body remembered the rest. "I—I don’t know. Maybe not?"

Mother Anemone gave her a sad look. "Likely not. If he has shifted recently, it would have been in moments of great emotional excitement or duress, a last gasp, if you will, of his ability to control himself."

Merilee thought about the times Jake had shifted. At the Windermere apartments, when they almost died, and during the battle with the god. Then again, when he took Devin Allard home to Greece for burial—but that was only partial, wasn’t it? When he made love to Merilee, he shifted a lot, but no, he absolutely hadn’t been in control of it.

That’s why he gave me the talisman.

She raised her fingers to touch the necklace, checked herself, then lowered her hand again.

"He is very stubborn, your Jake." Mother Anemone’s smile seemed kind even as Mother Keara laughed in her agreement with that statement.

"Oh, really," Merilee muttered as Cynda choked out a laugh, then covered her mouth and smoked with embarrassment. "Jake, stubborn. You think?"

"He
is
a Lowell." Riana patted Cynda’s shoulder, then waved away more smoke.

"Jake may be able to heal from his foolhardy disregard of his true nature, but it will be a difficult process." Mother Anemone’s expression grew grave. "There is . . . more, I fear."

"Okay, I don’t like the sound of that," Merilee said, feeling her voice choke off at the last word. She definitely didn’t enjoy the worried look on Mother Anemone’s face, either.

"It is possible that if Jake does manage to shift to his Astaroth form," Mother Anemone said slowly, carefully, as if to be sure every word was understood, "he might never be able to take human shape again."

Merilee fumbled for the nearest chair and sat down hard, not quite able to accept what she had just heard. She was too stunned to scream or cry, though both responses seemed reasonable, completely logical, and absolutely appropriate for the gut-stabbing despair that attacked her. She stared down at the table, rubbing her throat to ease a sudden choking sensation.

"Shit," Cynda said, giving voice to a fraction of Merilee’s shock as Riana leaned down, put her arm around Merilee’s shoulders, and gave her a brief hug before standing beside her like a guard, arms folded.

"Are you serious?" Freeman sounded uncertain and upset. "Somebody better warn him about that, don’t you think?"

The sound of Freeman’s voice startled Merilee into looking up, and she realized she had been ignoring him completely, willing him into nonexistence. Like Jake and most men, and it seemed fate itself, the bastard wouldn’t cooperate with her wishes at all.

"Very good idea, Captain Freeman." Mother Keara’s usually rough voice flowed as smooth and hot as Irish whiskey. She gestured toward the door as a fine sheen of smoke rose from her skin. "Why don’t you go use your phones or radios to reach Nick and Creed, and have them do just that?"

Freeman frowned at her. "But Mother Yana will be back any minute. I need to hear what she has to say."

Mother Anemone turned her most winning smile in the captain’s direction, along with enough wind to blow his thick black hair into his face. "After
we
hear it, of course. Could you find Andrea Myles—sorry, I mean your Andy—and send her to us?"

Freeman, Merilee realized, might be as stubborn as Jake, but the man was certainly not a fool. He could read the invisible sign in the air flashing
Sibyl business, Sibyl business
. Freeman pushed his hair out of his eyes, mumbled a few more apologies, then made his way straight out of the conference room without looking back.

Merilee hoped he would spend a few minutes alone with Andy before he sent her to the conference room. The two of them needed a little time, more than ever now. They seemed to steady each other.

As soon as he was gone, Mother Anemone came to the other end of the table and knelt in front of Merilee. She gripped both of Merilee’s wrists, lifted her hands, and kissed them gently. "Do not lose hope, my dear. We
will
find our way through this. We’ll find a way to help Jake."

(24)

We’ll find a way to help Jake.

Merilee replayed the words in her mind two or three times as she studied Mother Anemone’s open, sincere face. With all her heart, Merilee wanted to believe the Mother who raised her, who trained her, wasn’t offering empty comfort.

"We could lose him, Mother. You said that."

Mother Anemone’s gaze moved to Merilee’s neck, to the bit of gold chain visible through the open part of her jumpsuit’s zipper. "You’re wearing his talisman, aren’t you?"

Merilee nodded, still not able to swallow properly or think in a straight line.

"Good, good." Mother Anemone let go of Merilee’s wrists and patted the backs of her hands. "Protect it with your life and do
not
use it. Do not force him, under any circumstances, or we could lose him to his demon essence forever."

"I would never force Jake to do anything he didn’t want to do." Merilee sat up straighter and tried to ignore the pangs of guilt over how many times she had already considered using the damned thing for just that purpose.

She wouldn’t do that again. She wouldn’t even
think
it again.

Hecate’s torch, he might change to demon form and never be human again. . . .

"You understand that Jake is special." Mother Ane- mone stood and smoothed her blue robes. "We think he might be key in the coming fight against the Legion."

"So there is a big battle brewing," Riana said, distress lacing her overcontrolled tone. "Merilee’s been having dreams about that."

"We’re almost certain of it," Mother Anemone confirmed. "Many air Sibyls have been having vague, unpleasant premonitions—though most have not seen the detail Merilee has reported, and none have seen that menacing figure."